Mind Games
by Caskett1960
Summary: AU. Post-Season 6 after 'Heartbreak and Hope.' Kate is kidnapped by someone from her past who was never what he appeared to be. Rated M for first and future chapters. Entry for the 2013 Castle Ficathon.
1. Chapter 1--Honeymoon in Paradise

**Disclaimers: Things I own: hundreds of CD's, six seasons of 'Lost,' three seasons of '24,' among many other classic TV shows. Things I don't own: 'Castle.' **

**Title: Mind Games**

**Summary: Kate is kidnapped by someone from her past that isn't what he'd always seemed to be. Set Post-Season 6, after the events in 'Heartbreak and Hope.' Rated M for safety. **

**A/N: I have a group that helps me with story ideas. This came up as we were watching TV the other night. These conversations always seem to start with the words 'What if . . . ' **

**My plan is to get a huge multi-chapter story out of this, but we'll see what happens. If I can get as many chapters as I'm planning, it will be the longest story I've ever written. **

**A/N #2: The first couple of chapters will be fluffy, but after that . . . well, let's just say light and fluffy isn't my specialty. I like angst. I like it when my female characters have to be comforted. If angst isn't your forte, I'm sorry. My life is dark, so my writing has a tendency to lean in that direction.**

**A/N #3: I think that Rick and Kate would have a lot of songs. I think that one of them would be 'Amazed' by Lonestar. Like she told him, when you're in love all of the songs make sense. This is very true.**

Chapter 1: Honeymoon in Paradise

It was a wonderful way to wake up. To Kate Beckett, feather-like kisses down her spine was better than an alarm clock any day. Especially when those kisses came courtesy of her husband. It had been an idyllic week in Hawaii. They had three days left before they had to return to New York and real life. She wasn't looking forward to real life. Paradise had been wonderful.

Paradise took on a whole new meaning when you were married to a millionaire. She hadn't wanted for anything since the moment they'd arrived on the big island of Hawaii. When Rick Castle went out, he went all out. She'd never felt so spoiled in her life. She found the five-star lifestyle a little hard to get used to, but there were some aspects of it that she liked very much. The highlight of their trip had been getting a once in a lifetime chance to swim with the dolphins in the lagoon of their hotel. But, there had been luaus, romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, a helicopter ride over the islands, massages in the spa, and long nights spent in Castle's arms as they made love for hours.

Which brought her back to the here and now. She tried to feign sleep, but she sensed that her new husband was on to her tricks. He planted a soft kiss on her hip as he pulled her against him. "Castle, I'm trying to sleep," she protested as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"You've been awake for a long time," he kissed her shoulder.

"No, I haven't. You kept me up too long last night."

"Uh, I didn't exactly hear you protesting, detective. As a matter of fact, if I recall correctly, you were singing an entirely different tune. A tune that sounded suspiciously like my name being screamed out repeatedly. I'm surprised no one called security."

"They probably would have if we were staying in a one-star facility. If I didn't know better, I'd think that you were trying to get me pregnant before our honeymoon ends."

Castle didn't say anything as he rested his chin on her shoulder. She'd suffered a miscarriage just seven months before, and trying again had been something that neither of them had broached just yet. Losing the baby had been devastating to both of them, but especially for Kate, who felt that the loss had been her fault. "We'll try again when we're both ready," he stroked her hair from her shoulders as she rolled over toward him.

"I just need a little more time, Castle," she smiled as she kissed him.

He lightly traced her lower lip with his tongue as she opened her mouth for him. She couldn't contain the low moan that escaped her throat as he explored her mouth with his tongue as she followed suit. As they kissed, he let his hand roam down her bare skin, happy that she hadn't put her usual sleep attire back on after they'd finished making love the night before. There was just something so sexy, yet decadent about finding her already naked to his appreciative eyes and hands.

He rolled her over onto her back as he scooted down her body to her breasts. He lightly traced her scar the same way that he did every time he made love to her before focusing his attention on her breasts. Her breath hissed out as he flicked her nipple with his tongue before taking it into his mouth as he caressed her other breast, feeling the other nipple harden under his fingers. His eyes fell on her as he continued laving her nipple with his lips and tongue. Her eyes were closed, her breath coming out in short puffs while she let out an occasional groan.

Sensing that she was being watched, she forced her eyes opened as they met his, the wanton look in his dark blue eyes making her blush hotly. Her breath sped up as she reached her hands into his hair and pulled him tighter into her chest. The ache between her legs was building to an inferno. She moved her hand down to take his, attempting to guide it down to where she needed it the most. "What do you need, Kate?" He teased when he felt her take his hand and tug it down toward her pelvis.

"Touch me, Rick," she begged when she felt his hand resisting her directions. "Please!"

He moved up and captured her lips with his own, feeling her returning his kisses with a hunger that he could never get enough of. He moved down to kiss her neck, sucking on her pulse point as she groaned again, her nails lightly scoring his back as he once again began moving his way back down her body. Along the way, he stopped to trail kisses along the other scar before moving down still lower. He kissed the inside of each thigh, before lightly biting each one, feeling her quiver and wriggle beneath him.

Kate always involuntarily held her breath every time. The anticipation made it hard to breathe. They'd been sleeping together for two years and it never got old. Castle considered himself a wordsmith, but she'd discovered that wasn't the only talent that Castle could do with his mouth. From the very first time they'd slept together, he'd been able to read her like a book. He knew exactly what kind of touch she liked down there. He was never too rough or too soft. She could never remember telling him. He just seemed to _know_.

She raised her hips up to meet his mouth when she felt him clamp his lips over her, his tongue gently lapping at her clitoris. She whimpered when she felt him enter her, first with one finger and then a second one, all the while his tongue kept up a steady pressure on the swollen bundle of nerves.

Listening to her cries and paying attention to her body language, he could tell that she was close. He wanted to feel her come completely undone around him. He loved watching her when she came. It was one of the few times when she wasn't in control. He loved knowing that he was the one who could do that to her. She'd told him once that sex with him was better than John Coltrane, which was quite the compliment as far as he was concerned, especially considering her love for the blues musician.

He angled his fingers up as he felt her g-spot. "Fuck, Castle!" She growled, lifting her hips up even further as he fought to keep her still. "Close, so damn close."

He kept up the inside pressure with his fingers at the same time he applied more pressure to her clitoris. "Come on, Kate. Let go," he urged her. "Come for me."

With a loud, keening cry, she completely shattered around his quickly pumping fingers, while his tongue's rapid flicking diminished as he allowed her to ride out the aftershocks of her orgasm. She let out a loud whimper of disappointment when he removed his fingers and made his way back up her body. She kissed him deeply, while she let her fingers reach down to touch him, wrapping her fingers around his engorged arousal. He felt so good. So hot and hard. And all hers.

She longed to have him in her mouth, to drive him out of his mind like he'd just done to her. But, as much as she longed to feel him in her mouth, she longed to feel him inside of her even more. To have him hard and thrusting inside of her. She pushed him over onto his back as she straddled his thighs. She loved the look in his eyes when he looked up at her. The look that told her that in his eyes she was the most desirable woman on the planet. He reached up to fondle her breasts while she rubbed her wet folds against his hardness, smiling at the sounds that came out of his throat when she ground herself against him. After several minutes of teasing him mercilessly, she reached down and placed him at her entrance as she sank down onto him.

She moved with deliberate slowness, tossing her head back to enjoy the sensations of him deep inside of her. She'd raise herself almost all of the way off of him before gliding back down to take him inside of her. On the down stroke, she'd grind her swollen nub against his pelvic bone, gasping at the different sensations that she could produce. It didn't take long before she began to feel that familiar tension coiling deep in her belly.

Castle continued playing with her breasts, tweaking her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, all the while watching her taking her pleasure from him. But he knew that he wasn't going to last much longer. Watching her and feeling her around him was quickly taking its toll. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rolled them so that he was now on top. Bending down to take a swollen nipple into his mouth, he began to move faster and harder, feeling Kate wrap her ankles around him, urging her on with her cries and her matching thrusts.

He covered her mouth with his own, feeling her flutter around him. Feeling her muscles spasm around him was all that he needed to lose control. She screamed out his name when she felt him release deep inside of her.

He collapsed onto her shoulder, being careful not to crush her with his weight while she tenderly caressed his back, shoulders and ass. After several minutes, he rose up and kissed her tenderly. "I'll never get enough of you, Mrs. Castle," he whispered as he smiled down at her. "Not even when I'm a hundred."

"Me, either," she brought her hands to either side of his sweat-soaked face and kissed him once again.

She groaned when he slowly slipped out of her and moved to lay down beside her, pulling her into his embrace. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"I don't care, as long as you're with me," she smiled up at him.

"That was adorably cheesy. You must be married to a writer."

"I must be," she grinned. He planted a kiss on her nose. "We could rent a couple of Sea-Doo's," she suggested.

"Why do we have to rent two? One is much more romantic."

"Because you don't like the way that I drive. If we rent one, I won't get a turn," she complained.

"Okay," he agreed.

"Okay? Just like that? No argument? No disagreeing about what I said about you complaining about my driving? Richard Castle, I don't know whether to be shocked or impressed."

"Maybe married life is rubbing off on me."

"Yeah, right. Come on, let's take a shower and then we'll grab some breakfast. I seem to have worked up an appetite this morning," she threw back the sheet and strolled naked toward the bathroom.

***CCC***

After a long day spent on the beach, they returned to the hotel room at around four that afternoon. "That was so much fun," Kate exclaimed as she walked over and collapsed on the bed. "You should get a couple of Sea-Doo's for the Hamptons. I'll even let you beat me the next time."

"I used to have a couple," he fell on the bed beside her. "Alexis and I enjoyed them when she was small, but then she got older and started making friends. It wasn't any fun taking them out by myself, so I sold them. And you didn't beat me. I let you win."

"In your dreams, Castle," she rose up so that she was looking down at him. "You're just saying that because it's too humiliating to admit that you got your ass kicked by a girl."

Castle looked up into the brilliant green eyes of his gorgeous wife. Every time he thought of her in that context, his heart skipped several beats. She was dressed in a purple bikini that made the green in her eyes that much more vivid. A bikini that left very little to the imagination. He reached behind her and slowly untied the bottom tie of the top before reaching up for the top string. He tossed it toward the end of the bed when it fell into his hands. He then reached down and untied each side of the bottoms before pulling away the small scrap of material.

After that, Kate didn't think about anything except for the feel of Castle's hands and lips on her body.

It was almost an hour before they both fell onto their backs, their breaths slowly returning to normal. "Room service?" She glanced over at him.

"Actually, I have plans. We have to get ready."

"Ready for what?" She asked as she sat up.

"That's a surprise," he grinned.

She smiled at him. He'd already surprised her with so many things on this trip. She couldn't see how he could possibly surprise her more. "If you keep spoiling me, I'm going to be unbearable when we get back to New York."

"I spoil you because I love you," he knelt in front of her, his love for her evident in his eyes. "Get in the shower because the car is picking us up at seven."

***CCC***

Kate was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when Rick emerged from the bathroom at 6:30. "Can you fasten these for me?" He held out his wrists so that she could fasten the gold and sapphire cufflinks that he was wearing. They'd been a wedding gift from her and she loved that he was wearing them. "You look . . . exquisite."

She was wearing a floor-length lavender gown that exposed one golden brown shoulder. She had diamond tear-drop earrings in her ears and was getting ready to put the matching necklace around her neck when he stopped her. "What? I thought that you liked this necklace."

"I do," he said as he came up behind her. "But, I think that you might like this one a little bit more."

She looked in the mirror, watching while he put another necklace around her neck. This one was a locket on a platinum chain. "Rick, this is gorgeous," she could barely breathe when he clasped it around her neck. The locket landed just above her breasts.

"Look inside," he kissed her neck. "And then look at the back."

Tears filled her eyes when she opened the locket and saw one of her favorite pictures taken on their wedding day. The two of them had still been standing under the altar where they'd been married, their eyes only on each other with their hands clasped together. It was if they were the only two people who existed on earth. She slowly closed the locket before turning it to read the back. The engraving on the back read 'RC + KB. Always.' "Wow, Rick," she turned into his embrace.

"When we have a baby, we'll add the baby's first picture to the other side."

"I love it and I love you," she kissed him longingly.

"We'd better go," he glanced at his watch, watching while she went to gather a wrap for her dress.

When Castle had said that he had hired a car, he neglected to tell her that it was a limousine. He whispered something to the driver, who simply nodded as he assisted them into the car.

"Do I even get a hint as to where you're taking me?" She asked when he settled down beside her and took her hand in his.

"There'll be food and dancing," he grinned.

"I like dancing with you."

"I know. I like dancing with you, too."

When they entered the restaurant a short time later, he told the hostess that he had reservations and they were led immediately to a table in an intimate corner of the restaurant. Kate couldn't help looking around in fascination as Castle talked to the sommelier. While she'd grown up in an upper middle class home, she'd never in her wildest dreams imagined anything like she was experiencing with Castle. There were times when she felt like she didn't deserve this life with him.

"Let me order for you," he smiled at her, once again taking her hand.

"Okay," she smiled back.

"So, what're you thinking about?"

"Do you remember the first time that I ever visited your loft?"

"You said that you felt like Alfred entering the Bat Cave for the first time. Kate, I never want you to feel like you don't deserve this," he caressed her fingers. "You were meant for a life like this. I'm more than happy to give it to you."

She never had been able to understand how he always read her mind so perfectly. They'd been in such perfect synch, almost from the very first case they'd worked together. She usually didn't have to tell him what she was thinking because he already knew. "I've traveled and I grew up with some money, but this . . . " she once again looked at her surroundings. "This is just so . . . surreal. I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and find that it's all been a dream."

The sommelier came over with the bottle of wine that Castle had requested. He poured a small amount into his glass as he tasted it, nodding that it was fine. He then poured some into both of their glasses before leaving the bottle on the table. "You're going to love this wine," he told her.

"Oh, wow," she smiled after she'd taken a sip.

They laughed and chatted all through dinner, all the while exchanging loving looks and kisses. At nine o'clock, the band stepped up to the bandstand and began tuning up their instruments. "I'll be right back," he kissed her before excusing himself from the table. She watched him walk over to the singer who was adjusting his microphone. The two men chatted for several minutes as Rick kept glancing over toward the table where Kate was watching them with increasing curiosity. Finally, after about five minutes, he made his way back over to the table.

"What was that all about?"

"I was just checking to see if they know a song that I liked."

"Most bands have a pretty extensive repertoire, Castle," she reminded him.

"You were taking a bath the other day and you had your iPod in the docking station. You had a song on there that I didn't recognize, so I Googled it."

"What song?" She asked.

"You'll see in a few minutes," he looked toward the bandstand as the singer gave a slight nod of his head. "Dance with me."

He took her hand and led her out to the small dance floor where a few other couple had begun to congregate as well. The lead singer stepped up to the microphone. "Good evening. For our first number tonight, we'd like to dedicate this to Rick and his lovely bride Kate who are here on their honeymoon from New York City."

"You're such a romantic, Castle," she whispered with a huge smile as he placed his hands on her back and drew her closer to him.

_Every time our eyes meet_

_This feeling inside me_

_Is almost more than I can take_

_Baby, when you touch me_

_I can feel how much you love me_

_And it just blows me away_

_I've never been this close to anyone_

_Or anything_

_I can hear your thoughts_

_I can see your dreams_

_I don't know how you do what you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I want to spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you_

She pulled back to share a tender kiss with him as she noticed the tears on his face. "I love you," she whispered as he pulled her back into his arms.

"I love you, too."

_The smell of your skin_

_The taste of your kiss_

_The way you whisper in the dark_

_Your hair all around me_

_Baby, you surround me_

_You touch every place in my heart_

_Oh, it feels like the first time_

_Every time_

_I want to spend my whole life_

_In your eyes_

_I don't know how you do what you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I want to spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you_

_Every little thing that you do_

_I'm so in love with you_

_It just keeps getting better_

_I want to spend the rest of my life_

_With you by my side_

_Forever and ever_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Every little thing that you do_

_Baby, I'm amazed by you_

"You were right," he brushed his lips against hers.

"About what?"

"About how all of the songs make sense when you're in love. Now, I don't know about you, but I want to take you back to our hotel, slowly remove your clothes and make love to you the rest of the night."

"I like that idea very much," she pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss.

***CCC***

The man found himself staring at the almost two-week old picture in the Sunday _New York Times _for what had to have been the thousandth time. "I can't believe that you actually did it, Kate," he said to the picture. "After everything that he did, you went and married him anyway. Well, we'll see who gets the last laugh."

He got up and opened the door before walking downstairs. He turned on the light as he surveyed the room. Everything was in place and had been for weeks. He knew that he could make Kate see things his way. She just needed a little convincing. Satisfied with what he saw, he turned off the light and made his way back upstairs. It was only a matter of time now before he could put his plan into action. He'd been patient for more than three years, a few more days wasn't going to make much of a difference.

**A/N #4: It shouldn't be too hard to figure out who my protagonist is going to be. This all came out of a seed that was planted. A simple 'what if' questioned that hopefully will blossom into something much bigger. Please read and review. My ego needs the boosting.**


	2. Chapter 2--Return to Real Life

**Disclaimers: Still not mine and never will be, unfortunately.**

**Summary: Kate and Rick return to New York following their honeymoon. Kate receives a call from someone which puts her life in extreme danger.**

**A/N #1: To the guest reviewer who guessed my protagonist. Your review had me laughing hysterically for at least five minutes. Thank you. I had two choices in my head and this one just made the most sense. I mean, we all hate him already, right?**

Chapter 2: Return to Real Life

Kate was finishing their packing while Castle made sure that they weren't leaving anything behind. The car was picking them up in less than an hour to take them to the airport to catch their flight back to New York. She glanced at him when his cell phone rang. He looked at her and rolled his eyes when he answered it. "Castle," he answered in a short voice.

"Hi, Ricky," his ex-wife Gina's voice cooed over the line.

"Really, Gina? You're calling me on my honeymoon?"

"Oh come on, Ricky. I talked to Martha last night. She said that you're due back in town today."

"_Tonight_, Gina. I'm due back _tonight_. Is there a specific reason why you're annoying me right now? Wasn't being married to you enough?"

"You have a meeting tomorrow afternoon at five o'clock. I just thought that I'd give you a heads up."

"You could have emailed me the information, Gina."

"I know, but it's so much fun to rattle you. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Ricky."

"Sometimes I really don't like that woman," he said when he ended the call.

"Yet, you married her," she reminded him.

"A moment of temporary insanity on my part. Do we have everything?"

"Yes, we do. I have had the most wonderful time," she slipped her arms around his waist, snuggling closer to him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he couldn't hold back his huge grin as he bent down to kiss her. "Now we have to go back to the real world. Are you sure that you have to go back to work tomorrow?"

"Afraid so. And from what I just heard, so do you."

They were both quiet on the ride to the airport, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Kate thought over the final three days of their trip. They'd explored the volcanoes, had visited the USS Arizona, and had attended another luau. But yesterday they'd both stayed in bed. She felt that there were times when she couldn't get enough of him and she knew that he felt the same way. Those were the times when she just wanted to hide away with him and keep him all to herself. When she didn't want to think about body drops, and paperwork, and having to go to court.

Looking at Kate sitting beside him, her hand entwined with his made Castle's heart swell. The thought of her getting up in the morning and returning to being a homicide detective almost made him feel sick inside. He just wanted to keep her safe for always. "What're you thinking about?" She smiled at him.

"I was just thinking about how I always want to keep you safe."

"Castle, you've seen me do my job for over five years now. Espo and Ryan have my back when you're not around. You know that."

"It's not going to stop me from worrying when I'm not around."

"I know that. I love that you worry about me. But, I'm not made of glass," she reminded him. "I don't want you to change because we're married."

"I just hate having to share you," he squeezed her fingers.

"You've always had to share me," she smiled at him. "You didn't really think that things were going to change just because you slipped a ring on my finger, did you?"

"Just promise me that if you have to put that vest on tomorrow when you go out, that you'll remember how much I love you," his eyes were dark and serious.

"Always," she stroked his cheek tenderly. "What's got you so worried?"

He sat back against the seat as he kept his fingers wrapped around her. He didn't know how to explain to her that he'd had horrible dreams the night before. Dreams where she'd been wrenched from him and he didn't know how to find her. She was calling for him and he couldn't get to her. Just like what she'd described to him two years before after Maddox had almost killed her.

***CCC***

When they sat down in their first-class seats, the flight attendant immediately brought them champagne. "How about dinner at Drago tomorrow night?" He suggested as the pilot made his announcements.

"Can you get reservations on such short notice?"

"I'll work it out," he smiled as the plane began to taxi down the runway.

"Are you excited to see your mother and Alexis?"

"Sometimes I worry about Alexis," he suddenly admitted. "Does she talk to you about Paris?"

"No, the only thing she ever told me was how her big strong daddy came to her rescue," she smiled at him.

"You just never want your kids to see how bad the world can really be. You never think that you can have your child safe at home one minute and the next you learn that she's thousands of miles away with no way to come home."

Kate didn't understand where this was coming from. Alexis' ordeal had ended a year before. She was safe at home and getting ready to enter her second year at Colombia. She knew that Rick still had nightmares about his daughter's kidnapping. It had been the first time since they'd first met that she hadn't had his back when he needed her. "She's safe, Rick," she rubbed his neck, willing him to relax. "Alexis is safe and so am I. You're not going to lose either of us."

"How'd you know that's what I was thinking?"

"Because I can read you like a book. It's your eyes, Castle. Your eyes give everything away. You're the sweetest, most overprotective man I've ever met," she smiled.

"I told you that I'll do anything for the people that I love."

"So will I."

"Do you really mean that?" He asked, feeling her lean her head on his shoulder.

"Of course. Do you even have to ask?"

"Then can we do something when we get home?"

"Like what?"

"Can we make a baby?" He looked down at her with that familiar Rick Castle grin. The grin that was so infectious that she could never help but return it.

"Yeah, I think that I can handle that request," she touched his lips with her own as she smiled against him.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure. I'm more than ready to try again."

***CCC***

It was after eight when they walked into the loft that night. Castle had barely gotten his key in the lock when the door burst open and a vision with flowing red hair flew into his and Kate's arms. "Dad! Kate! I'm so glad that you're home! Did you have a good time? You have to tell me everything! Well, not _everything_, but I want to hear about everything that you saw!" Alexis' words were spilling out of her mouth a mile a minute.

"Can we come in first?" Castle asked with a bemused expression on his face when Alexis finally freed her dad and stepmother from her grasp.

"Richard, Katherine, welcome home," Martha greeted them both with exuberant hugs. "You must be tired after your long flight."

"Actually, we both managed to sleep a little on the plane," Kate admitted as Rick took the handle of her rolling suitcase and pulled them back to their bedroom.

"You look wonderful," Martha gushed as Kate couldn't help but grin.

"Mother, why did you tell Gina that I was coming back into town tonight?" Rick asked as he came back out of the bedroom. "She called me at the hotel this morning to tell me that I have a meeting tomorrow at Black Pawn. A message that easily could've been sent by email."

"I'm sorry, kiddo. She called last night and I might've let it slip that you were due back tonight. Alexis made a wonderful chef's salad if either of you two is hungry."

"Oh, that does sound great," Kate went into the kitchen while Alexis followed her.

"So, did you take lots of pictures?" Alexis asked eagerly, watching while Kate filled a bowl with salad.

"Hundreds," Kate smiled.

"Did my dad like the bikini?" Alexis had helped Kate pick out her swim wear for the trip, and she'd spotted the purple bikini that Castle had been so fond of during their honeymoon.

"Yeah, he actually let me keep it on a few times."

"Ewww! Really, Kate! You're as bad as my dad!"

"What did I do now?" Castle asked when he heard the word 'dad' mentioned.

"I'll tell you later."

"I'm glad that you're back. I want to hear about every single place that you visited."

Kate looked across the counter and saw Rick checking his emails, so she thought that now was as good a time as any to hopefully ease some of his fears. "Come on, I'll eat this up in your room."

She knew that when Castle was on his computer, he was completely oblivious to the world around him. She followed Alexis up to her room as both women settled comfortably on the bed. "So, did you get to see everything that we explored on the Internet?"

For the next hour, Kate kept Alexis enthralled with all of the wonders of Hawaii. "I had such a great time. I almost hated the thought of having to come home."

"Your tan looks great. You've got a huge head start on me."

"Alexis, can I talk to you about something?" Kate got up and closed her bedroom door all of the way. "Your dad was acting really strange this morning. He wanted to know if you've ever talked to me about what happened to you in Paris. I don't understand why he'd be bringing it up now."

"He was probably dreaming. He gets really strange after he has bad dreams. He gets . . . melancholy. It happened a lot that summer after you got shot. He'd mope around for days sometimes. He just really worries about all of us and it makes him get too much inside of his head. As for Paris, they didn't do anything to me, if that's what he's worried about. They kept me locked in a cage, but they didn't hurt me."

"If they had done anything . . . "

"If I couldn't have told my dad, I definitely would've come to you."

"Well, as much as I'd love to sit up here talking all night, I'm really tired. I'm not even going to try to unpack until I get home tomorrow. Good night," she kissed Alexis on the cheek when she got up off of the bed.

When she walked into their bedroom, she could hear the sound of the shower running. She smiled while walking toward the bathroom, stripping off her clothes as she approached the shower. Castle jumped in surprise when she opened the shower door, wearing nothing but a smile. "Hey," he grinned at her.

"Is there room for two in there, Castle?"

"This shower's big enough for 50. Join me," he reached for her hand, pulling her in with him. His mouth came down on hers while he pressed her against the wall of the shower stall.

Kate had never been a fan of shower or bath tub sex before she met Castle. But, he'd quickly made a convert out of her. After they finished, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist before grabbing another towel and wrapping Kate up in it before he scooped her up into his arms and carried her into their bedroom before depositing her on the bed. "Alexis is fine," she said as he began drying her off.

"You talked to her?"

"She told me that except for them keeping her locked in a huge cage, they didn't harm her in any way, shape, or form. She said that if they had, she would've told one of us. Castle, have you been having bad dreams about something happening to one of us?"

He sat back on his haunches watching as she sat up, her movements sleek and cat-like. He could never get enough of watching the way that she moved. She was so graceful. "I dreamed last night that you were calling for me, but I couldn't get to you. I couldn't even find you."

"It was just a dream, Rick," she reached up to gently caress his face, loving the stubble under her fingers. "I have dreams all of the time. They don't mean anything."

"What do you dream about?"

"I have dreams about when my dad and I came home that night and found Raglan waiting for us. I have dreams of the cemetery, only you tackle me in time and . . . you get shot instead of me. That's the most horrible dream of them all," her eyes filled. "I dream about hanging from that rooftop, only there's no one there when my other hand lets go. That one's pretty awful, too."

"You and Alexis are my whole world," he rested his forehead against hers. "I'd die if I were to lose either of you. I thought that it was going to destroy me when Alexis got kidnapped. I never want to feel that way again."

"We're fine, Rick," she cupped his face with her palms. "When you're not around the precinct, the boys will take care of me. If they don't, you have my permission to kick their asses."

"Really?" He grinned, pulling her into his embrace, thus missing the eye roll that she gave him.

***CCC***

Kevin Ryan looked up from his desk the next morning when the elevator doors opened and Kate stepped off. "Well, look whose back," he leaned back in his chair and smiled. "Mrs. Castle, back from her honeymoon. Did you bring us anything?"

"Yeah, serious attitude from having to haul my ass out of bed this morning," she walked over to her desk. "And, I'm _not _Mrs. Castle at work. I thought I told you boys that."

"Beckett's definitely back, bro," Esposito grinned at his partner. "So, you and dad seriously didn't bring us anything back?"

"No son, we didn't," she glared at him.

"Speaking of dad, where is Castle this morning?" Ryan asked.

"At home, doing almost two weeks worth of vacation laundry. Anyway, he has meetings at Black Pawn later this afternoon. Did I miss anything new and exciting while I was away?"

"Just more New Yorkers coming up with ever more creative ways of killing each other," Ryan informed her. "Ask Espo about the dude who got killed with the jack hammer."

"A jack hammer, huh? It doesn't get much more creative than that," she made a face.

"That one even had Karpowki tossing her cookies and you know that nothing fazes her," Espo told his boss.

"Det. Beckett!" Kate turned to find Capt. Gates standing in her doorway. "A word, please?"

"Yo, Beckett!" She turned toward Esposito. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Even if you didn't bring us anything," he continued to grumble as she rolled her eyes.

Kate walked into the captain's office and closed the door behind her. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Welcome back," the captain greeted her. "I trust that you had a wonderful honeymoon."

"Yes, we did. Thank you, sir."

"Where's your shadow this morning?"

"At home, being domestic," she answered, watching Gates smile.

Very few things amused Capt. Gates, but seeing Kate tame Castle was one of those amusing things. There wasn't a lot of love between Gates and Castle, although she had mellowed slightly in the three years that she'd been the captain. "Well, your team missed you and so did I."

"Thank you, sir. It was wonderful being away, but it's always nice to be back home."

"Yes, it is," the captain agreed. "I'll let you get to work."

***CCC***

"Why did we pack so much stuff?" Castle grumbled as he began emptying out their two large suitcases in the laundry room. Alexis was leaning against the door, looking amused.

"Why didn't you have the hotel do your laundry? Isn't that what you normally do?"

"We were having far too much fun doing things that you don't need to be hearing about to worry about laundry. I think that yours' and your gram's souvenirs are in here somewhere."

"Do you want me to take care of laundry? Because if you mess up Det . . . Kate's clothes, she's liable to kill you."

"You're probably right. After all, she does carry a gun," Castle shot his daughter a slightly worried expression.

"Okay, take out the stuff for the dry cleaners and I'll handle the rest," Alexis volunteered, walking over and helping her father go through the suitcases.

Castle's cell phone rang while they were sorting the clothes. He smiled when he looked at the caller id. "Are you calling because you miss me?"

"Sort of," Kate admitted. "It doesn't feel right without you sitting in your chair staring at me. What're you doing?"

"Alexis and I are sorting clothes."

"Castle, you told me that you were going to handle the laundry. You said nothing about enlisting your daughter's help."

"Well, as Alexis pointed out to me, if I ruin your clothes, you could easily kill me. After all, you carry a gun."

"I could also just use a pillow," she rolled her eyes. "But, she has a point. Tell Alexis thank you and I owe her one. You probably just saved me a fortune buying a whole new wardrobe."

"Oh, I managed to get us eight o'clock reservations at Drago. Will you be home in time?"

"I should be. Nobody's killed anybody so far today. Espo and Ryan told me that we missed a really cool one with a jack hammer. They said it even had Karpowki throwing up."

"A jack hammer murder and we were . . . " he stopped as he glanced over at Alexis, who just rolled her eyes and went back to putting clothes in the machine. "Ask Lanie if she has autopsy photos."

"Castle, are you serious?"

"Too grizzly?"

"A tad. Anyway, I'll talk to you later this afternoon. Please try not to kill your publisher," she begged him.

"Okay," he could sense that she was getting ready to hang up. "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Yeah. Me, too. I'll talk to you later."

"You know, dad, you don't have to censor your phone conversations like I'm a six-year-old. I do know what goes on during a honeymoon," Alexis turned on the washer and faced her father.

"But, I'm your father," he made a face.

"I also know that I didn't get here by osmosis," she kissed him before leaving the laundry room.

***CCC***

Kate was on her way down to the morgue when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the number, instantly recognizing it, although she hadn't seen that number pop up on her phone in three years. She'd removed his name from her contacts after she'd started seeing Castle, since he had such a tendency to get jealous, even more so than she did. "Hello?" She answered the phone tentatively, privately wondering why he was calling her now.

"Kate, it's Josh."

"I know. I recognized your number."

"I saw your wedding picture in the _Times___and I thought that I'd call to congratulate you."

"Thank you, Josh. That's really nice of you."

"I got you something. Well, I got something for you _and _Castle, I should say. I was wondering if maybe you could come by my house this afternoon to get it."

"I don't know, Josh. Castle and I made plans for this evening . . . "

"Kate, it'll take five minutes. I know that I acted badly when we broke up. It would mean a lot if you'd let me make it up to you. I only wanted for you to be happy. Please?"

Her gut was telling her not to do it. But, he was right. It would only take a few minutes and she could still get home in time to get ready for dinner with Castle. "Okay," she relented. "I'll come by at around five or 5:30."

"I'll see you then."

She immediately dialed Castle's phone, but it instantly went to voice mail. "Rick, it's me. Please don't blow a gasket, but Josh just called me. He saw our picture in the newspaper and he's gotten us a gift. I'm going to drop by his place to pick up the gift and then I'll be home. I'll see you when I get home." Then knowing how much the words meant to him, she left one final message. "I love you."

She hung up and walked through the double doors of the morgue where Lanie greeted her enthusiastically. "Girl, you look great! So, is there any Castle babies that we need to talk about?"

"No, but we've agreed to try again," she grinned as Lanie squealed in delight.

"I've been waiting all day for you to get your skinny ass down here so that I could give you this," she walked into her office, returning seconds later with a blue bag. "In here are all the ingredients that you'll need to spice up those baby making nights."

Kate took the bag and slowly removed the contents, staring at her friend with eyebrows that were arched in amusement. Inside of the bag were massage oil, scented candles, a gorgeous blue nightgown, robe and panties and finally the item that had Kate laughing hysterically. "A Barry White CD? Really, Lanie?"

"I'm just trying to help things along."

"Not to burst your bubble, but me and Castle don't need much help in that department."

"Uh-huh. Believe me, girl, everybody needs a little help occasionally."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"So, how is Writer-Boy . . . excuse me, Writer-Man?" Lanie corrected herself before Kate slapped her up the side of her head.

"Oh, he's just fine," Kate bit her lip as a blush crept up her face.

"You're thinking about doing him right now, aren't you?"

"Lately that's all that I think about. You'll have to come over and look at the pictures from our trip," she told her friend as she put the items back into the bag. "I've gotta get back."

"Laters."

"Lanie, you've got to stop reading '50 Shades of Gray.' Christian Gray is the only person who can get away with saying 'Laters.'"

"Why are you reading it when you've got the real thing waiting for you at home?"

"Research!" She called out as she left the morgue.

***CCC***

Kate parked her Crown Victoria in front of the familiar brownstone that belonged to her ex-boyfriend. She took a deep breath as she walked up the stairs and rang the doorbell. It was opened seconds later by Josh. He looked just the same as she'd remembered, except that his hair was a little shorter. "Kate, hi. Please, come in," he stepped aside to let her into the house.

The inside looked the same way that she remembered. Italian leather furniture, bookcases everywhere you looked and a huge stone fireplace where she remembered making love with him on more than one occasion. She shook her head slightly to clear the memories. "I can't stay long, Josh."

"Oh, of course. You were a beautiful bride," he looked at her carefully.

"Thank you."

"I was surprised when a co-worker called and told me that she'd seen your picture in the paper. I never look at the wedding section. So, after I saw it, I tried to think of what would be the perfect gift. I finally figured that you probably had hundreds of pictures taken, so what better gift than a digital picture frame," he held it out toward her. "You can upload 100 photos to it and they always change."

"This is nice, Josh. It's really very sweet. Thank you," she glanced at her father's watch on her wrist. "I hate to sound ungrateful, but I really have to go."

"Sure, I understand. Could I have a hug before you go?"

"Of course," she moved into his embrace.

Holding her with one arm, Josh reached into his jeans pocket and carefully removed the hypodermic syringe that he'd stashed there earlier. Flicking the cap off of the needle with his thumb, he plunged it into Kate's back as she gasped and tried to pull away from him.

"Don't fight it," he whispered as she stared at him in stunned disbelief, fear in her green eyes.

Her vision doubled and blurred before she finally fell into his arms like a rag doll.

***CCC***

It was after six o'clock and Castle was frantic with worry. He listened to Kate's voice mail message for the tenth time. She didn't sound alarmed or frightened. He knew that if she had, she never would've agreed to see Josh. While he'd considered Dr. Motorcycle Boy a first-class asshole, he'd never thought of him as a threat to Kate's safety.

He dialed Kate's number again, fear setting in when it once again went to voice mail. As a homicide detective, it was rare for her not to be near her phone. "Kate, it's me. Please pick up. Call me and tell me that you're all right. I love you."

"Daddy, maybe you should call the precinct," Alexis suggested, her own fear as palpable as his. "She told me once that he was angry when she broke up with him."

"Did she say that she thought that he was angry enough to hurt her?"

"I don't think so. Call them, daddy. Maybe they can go to his house and see if she's been there."

Castle took a deep breath before dialing Esposito's number. "Espo, have you seen Beckett?"

"No, bro. Not since this afternoon. Why?"

"She left me a message saying that she was meeting Josh to pick up a gift that he'd gotten us. She hasn't come home and I can't reach her on her phone. It keeps going to voice mail."

"Do you know where he lives?" Espo asked.

"No, but Kate might have it in her phone directory. Let me check and I'll call you right back."

Castle hung up and walked over to his desk where Kate had placed her phone directory when she'd moved in. He opened it and immediately located Josh's address. He called Espo back. "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, he lives at 2300 Central Park South."

"We'll meet you there."

"Sweetie, I'm going to meet Ryan and Espo. If you hear from Kate, call me immediately."

"I will," Alexis' eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sure that she's there and she just lost track of time. She's probably telling him all about Hawaii," he assured his daughter, as he hugged her as tightly as he could.

When Castle got out of his Ferrari in front of Josh's brownstone, all he saw was the lights flashing on the grilled of Ryan and Esposito's Crown Victoria. He saw his friends standing next to Kate's car. "She was here. Her car's locked up. But, no one's inside the house."

"Can't you bust in there?" Castle asked, his voice high pitched and frantic.

"Not without a warrant, bro."

"Then get one, _bro_."

"Castle, we don't have probable cause," Ryan reminded him.

"Her car is parked right here," Castle couldn't help pointing out the obvious.

"Which just means that she parked here," Espo told him. "She could've gone to a coffee shop with him."

"What about the fact that she's not picking up her phone?"

"She might not hear it," Ryan said as Castle pulled out his cell. "What're you doing?"

Castle walked up the steps and dialed Kate's number. The three men looked at each other when they heard the sound of Kate's phone from inside of the house. "Now, do you have probable cause?"

"I'll call Judge Markway," Ryan told the two men.

"I'll call Capt. Gates and CSU," Espo took out his phone and dialed.

Castle walked down the steps to Kate's car and pounded his fists on the top of the car in frustration. How could this possibly be happening again? He'd already been through this unspeakable fear a year before when Alexis had been kidnapped and whisked away to Paris, of all places. How much had any of them really known about Josh anyway? Who was he and where had had taken Kate?

**A/N #2: This seemed as good a place as any to leave things. To my reviewer who said that they couldn't see Josh being psychotic because he seemed 'so normal,' people snap all of the time. Like I said in my summary, he was never what he appeared to be.**

**A/N #3: We had an argument in my house about the cell phone. I told my boyfriend that Josh is playing mind games, not only with Kate, but with Castle, too. So he'd want him to find her phone.**


	3. Chapter 3--A Frantic Search

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own 'Castle.' My life would be a lot more cheerful if I did.**

**Summary: The search begins for Beckett. This chapter is M rated for language and sexual content.**

**A/N #1: Thank you for all of the reviews. To Cofkett: I didn't realize that there were dozens of Josh being an abusive jerk stories on . I only recently started reading stories on .net a few months ago after taking a long hiatus from the site. But, thank you for pointing it out to me. **

Chapter 3: A Frantic Search

Castle was still standing outside of the brownstone, itching to get inside. Ryan and Esposito had gone to get the search warrant from Judge Markway. His attention was drawn to the curb when Capt. Gates pulled up in her car. "Have we gotten a warrant, yet?" She asked when she exited her car and walked up to where Castle was standing.

"No, sir. Ryan and Esposito have gone to get it from Judge Markway. They should be back at any time."

"Tell me what happened, Castle. Esposito didn't make much sense on the phone. Who is this person that Beckett came to meet?"

"His name is Josh Davidson. He's a cardiac surgeon. Kate . . . Beckett dated him for almost a year. They ended things after she got shot."

"Had he exhibited any sort of violent behavior toward Beckett during their relationship?"

"No, sir. I don't think so. None of us really knew the guy."

Ryan and Esposito pulled up in their car. Ryan was holding the warrant in his hand when they approached the house. The CSU van screeched to the curb right behind them. "All right. Let's go in!" Gates ordered them as they walked up the steps.

Everybody stood to one side of the glass door as Esposito gave it a firm kick, sending the door opening hard and hitting the wall. "Beckett!" They called out as they searched the house, calling out 'clear' as they finished searching each room.

Castle found Kate's purse on the floor, where it looked as if it had been dropped. He removed her cell phone and looked at it, seeing all of the missed calls from him. "Does she have Josh's number on her phone?" Ryan asked.

"I think she removed him from her contacts, but if he called, his number should be on here," Castle searched her call directory and saw what he thought to be the number. When he hit 'redial,' they heard a phone ringing from the back of the house. They headed toward the sound. In the kitchen, they found Josh's cell on the dining room table. "He knew that we'd track his phone," Castle guessed.

"Which means that he's probably carrying a burner phone," Espo added.

"He's a doctor. He might have a phone that he carries for his patients. Ryan, Esposito, go talk to his co-workers. Find out everything that you can about Dr. Davidson. Castle, let's take a look at his financials," Gates suggested as Castle nodded. "What time did she leave you the message that she was coming over here?"

"Hold on," Castle pulled out his cell phone. "She called me a little after four this afternoon. She was going to come over after she got off of work."

"Did she sound distressed?"

"No, she sounded like she always does."

"Let me listen to her message," Gates ordered. After he replayed it, Gates looked at the three men. "She was worried. It's in her message."

"Sir?" Espo and Ryan exchanged glances.

"Mr. Castle, I haven't known you for as long as these two, but in the time that I have known you, I don't think I've ever heard Beckett call you by your first name."

"The captain's right, bro. Beckett almost always calls you 'Castle.' Something about Josh's call must've worried her," Esposito said.

"If she was worried, why'd she meet him alone?" Ryan asked.

"Because he was Josh," Castle told him. "She never had any reason to fear him."

"Dude, are we sure about that? I mean, none of us ever really _met _the guy. The longest conversation Espo and I ever had with him was after you and Beckett got rescued from the storage container during the bomb scare three years ago."

"I think that was the longest conversation that I ever had with him, too," Castle remembered.

"Esposito, Ryan, you have your assignment. Let's go, Mr. Castle," Gates urged.

Upon arriving at the precinct, Castle's first duty was to call Alexis. "Daddy?" His daughter's frightened voice answered on the first ring. "Is Kate all right? Did you find her?"

"No, sweetie. She wasn't at Josh's and we don't know where she is. I don't want you to worry. I'm sure that she's fine and she'll be home soon."

"What's going on?"

"Alexis, I'm going to be tied up here for a while. I don't want you to wait up. I'll be home when I can. I love you."

"I love you, too. Please be careful."

Castle walked over and sat down behind Kate's desk, feeling very much out of place among her elephant collection. He glanced up when Capt. Gates pulled his chair over and slid it beside him. "Let's get started on this, Castle. There are probably a ton of Joshua Davidson's in New York City, but I'm pretty sure there aren't too many who are heart surgeons."

Castle bit back a sigh as his fingers moved over Kate's keyboard. "I bet you didn't think you'd be helping me find another kidnapped family member, did you?"

"Mr. Castle, Det. Beckett is also a part of _my _family. Let's get her back, shall we?"

***CCC***

Kate had to blink several times to clear her blurry vision. Her head pounded with a pain worse than the worst hangover she'd ever had. She could see a figure in the corner of the room and found herself smiling. "Castle," she breathed. "I knew that you'd find me. Get me out of here, okay?" It was only when the figure got up and approached her, that she saw that it wasn't Castle. "Josh? What're you doing?" She tried to sit up but her arms were restrained above her head. She realized with a sick feeling that he'd handcuffed her hands over her head. "Unlock me and let me go!"

"I wouldn't shout if I were you," his voice was silky smooth. "I'm sure that your head feels as if it's about to explode right about now."

"What did you do to me?"

"I knew that you wouldn't listen to reason if I asked you to come up here with me. He's wrong for you, Kate. He's wrong for you on so many levels."

"Castle? No, Josh. You're wrong. Please let me go. We can talk about this."

"You must be hungry. I brought you some scrambled eggs and toast."

He'd brought her food? Was he out of his mind? Kate's mind was still reeling from whatever he'd injected her with. She tried to take in her surroundings, but her vision was still suffering from the effects of the shot. There were no windows so far as she could tell, so she guessed that she was in a basement. She was also sure that they were no longer at his brownstone. "Could I just get some water?"

"It's really better if you eat," he told her. "Food will help to get the sedative out of your system faster."

"Where are we?"

"You ask far too many questions," he put some eggs on a fork and moved as if to feed her, laughing when she attempted to jerk away from him. "Kate, I can't un-cuff you. I've seen you work out. You'll easily kick my ass."

"Josh, please let me have some water," she hated herself for begging, but she felt like she was dying of thirst.

"How about some orange juice instead?" He put a bendable straw into a glass and held her head up for her to sip. "You need to bring your blood sugar back up."

She took a few sips of the cold juice. Nothing had ever tasted so good. But within minutes, her head began spinning and she felt nauseous. "Josh, why are you doing this?"

"I told you, Kate. He's wrong for you. I saved you twice from him. The first time I probably would've left him in that container if your friends hadn't been there."

"Please unlock my wrists. If you leave me cuffed like this, you're going to cause nerve damage in my wrists. You're a doctor. You should know that."

"When I can trust you, I'll unlock you."

"You know Castle's going to find me," she vowed through clenched teeth as her stomach began to churn, making her wonder just what had been in that glass of orange juice.

"I took care of all of that. I left both of our phones at the brownstone, so they can't track us. The only property that I own in my name is the brownstone, and I'm pretty sure that they've already got evidence techs searching the place. I covered my tracks," he boasted with a sickening smile.

"You have no idea who you're fucking with," she hissed.

"Kate, I know exactly who I'm fucking with. How are you feeling?"

She was dizzy and sick to her stomach. "Are you trying to poison me?"

"No, I'm trying to make you listen to reason. Close your eyes and sleep, Kate."

She wanted to fight it, but it was impossible. Her last thought before losing consciousness was of willing Castle to please come and rescue her. She remembered watching 'Lethal Weapon 4' with Castle before their honeymoon.

"_Do you believe that?" She asked as she cuddled next to him on the couch._

"_Believe what?"_

"_That if something awful was to happen and the other one of us wasn't there, we could will each other to be there?"_

"_If you needed me and I wasn't there, I'd hear you and I'd come running," he kissed her head._

"_Promise, Castle?"_

"_Always."_

"I'm willing you, Castle," she whispered as she fell asleep.

***CCC***

Ryan and Esposito talked to several of Josh's co-workers, but were told the same thing by almost everybody. Dr. Davidson was an extremely dedicated cardiac surgeon, who also volunteered his time with 'Doctors without Borders.' "Does he have a mission coming up?" Espo asked.

"No, I don't think so," Dr. Bryant, one of his colleagues, checked the surgery calendar. "Hmmm."

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked.

"Dr. Davidson doesn't even have any surgeries scheduled for the next three weeks. Not until the first week of July."

"Did he schedule vacation time?" Espo asked.

"No. I thought that he was on call. Let me page Dr. Hunter. He's the head of the cardiology unit. He'd know more than I do."

"He's been planning this for a while," Ryan told his partner.

"Dr. Hunter will be down in about five minutes," Dr. Bryant told the two detectives.

"Do you happen to know what kind of vehicle Dr. Davidson drives?" Espo asked.

"The only thing I've ever seen him riding is a Harley. A big mother. I don't think he owns a car."

"He had to have rented a car to get Beckett out of the brownstone," Ryan pointed out.

"Let me call Gates," Espo dialed the familiar number. "Captain, it's Esposito. Check rental car agencies to see if Davidson rented a car. One of the doctors said that the only thing he's seen Davidson ride is a motorcycle. He needed a car to transport Beckett."

"We'll look into it, detective," Gates said as Espo hung up.

"Detectives?" They turned to find a tall, gray-haired man wearing a crisp white doctor's coat over his dress shirt. "I'm Dr. Reid Hunter."

"I'm Det. Ryan and this is Det. Esposito. We need to ask you some questions about Dr. Josh Davidson."

"Certainly. Let's talk in my office," they followed him into his office as the doctor closed the door behind them. "Is Dr. Davidson in some sort of trouble?"

"We just need to talk to him. When's the last time that you saw him?" Espo asked.

"Yesterday afternoon at around five o'clock."

"Dr. Bryant just told us that Dr. Davidson's not on the surgery rotation for the next few weeks. Is that normal?" Ryan asked.

"He told me about a month ago that he needed some time off. He said that there was something that he needed to take care of, so I didn't put him on the schedule."

"Do you know if he has any other property in the tri-state area?"

"I don't think so. He has a brownstone on Central Park South, but I don't even know if he ever goes anywhere else."

"What about family?"

"I think he mentioned being from upstate, but I really don't know where exactly. I don't sit and have long conversations with him."

"If you happen to hear from him, please let us know right away," Ryan placed his card on the doctor's desk.

***CCC***

With Gate's help, Castle called the different rental car agencies in the area and finally hit pay dirt with his 30th call. "Bingo!" He called out as he wrote down the information. "Tri-State Rentals rented a 2013 Toyota Prius to a Joshua Davidson last night. Here's the information," he handed the information to Gates.

"I'll get a BOLO out on this," Gates said just as Ryan and Esposito arrived back at the precinct. "We found his rental car. I'm putting a broadcast out on it right now."

"How'd it go at the hospital?" Castle asked.

"He's been planning this for a while, Castle," Ryan said as the two men pulled up chairs. "He told the head of cardiology a month ago that he had something that he needed to take care of."

"Did Beckett ever tell you anything negative about him?" Esposito asked.

"Just that he was never there for her. But she told Alexis that he was angry when she broke up with him."

"Did she tell Alexis anything else?" Ryan asked.

"There's only one way to find out," Castle said as he got up. "Let's go talk to my daughter."

Alexis had been crying off and on since her father had left to go to find Kate. In the six years that she'd known the detective, she'd become very fond of her. Very early on, she'd found that she could talk to her about anything. Things that she didn't feel comfortable talking to her father about. They'd laughed together, cried together, watched movies together, gone shopping, played pranks on her father to which he'd always exacted some sort of payback. She felt closer to Kate than she did her own mother. She wiped at her eyes when she heard her father's key in the front door. The sight of detectives Ryan and Esposito coming in with her filled her heart with terror. "Daddy? Is Kate okay?"

"Oh pumpkin, I'm so sorry," he instantly apologized, knowing that he should've warned her that he was bringing Kevin and Javi home with him. He walked over and wrapped his arms around his daughter as she buried her head into his chest and sobbed. "It's okay. We still haven't found her, but we've finally got a lead. Sit down for a second. You told me that Kate had told you that Josh was angry when she broke up with him," he pulled her from him as she nodded. "Did she tell you anything else about him? Things that she'd be too scared to tell me?"

"No," Alexis shook her head. "She told me that he didn't like you. But I figured that out when she got shot. She just said that he was always so busy that she sometimes felt like an afterthought. She said that she was really hurt when he couldn't even attend Capt. Montgomery's funeral with her."

The three men remembered that day all too well. It was a day none of them would ever forget. A day that they still didn't talk about. "She never said anything about him hurting her?" Ryan asked.

"No. She's always talking to me about boys and dating. She's made it very clear to me that abuse is a deal breaker. She told me if the guy that I'm with ever does anything, I'm to get out."

"Sound advice," Espo said.

"You don't think that he's hurt her, do you?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"CSU didn't find any evidence that she'd been hurt," Ryan was quick to assure her.

"Kate could kick his ass. I've gone to the gym with her. How did he get her to go anywhere with him?" Alexis asked.

"We don't know, Alexis, but we're sure as hell going to find out," Esposito vowed to the young woman. "Castle, stay with her. We'll call you if we find anything."

After the two detectives left the loft, Castle picked up a stuffed elephant that had taken up residence on one corner of his sofa. Kate loved elephants. He'd learned that very early. He didn't know the story behind this particular bedraggled looking stuffed animal, only that it was a favorite. "I'm surprised that she never told you the story behind that elephant," Alexis cuddled up against her father's shoulder.

"There's some things that she still doesn't open up to me about," he smiled as he squeezed the elephant, smiling when he heard a muffled roar.

"She told me that her mother gave that to her for her first birthday. She said that before she met you, when she was feeling really sad, she'd cuddle up with it and it would help her to sleep."

"Alexis, if he hurts her, so help me god—"

"How okay will she be when you get her back?" Alexis asked.

Castle knew what Alexis was asking about. When Kate had moved into the loft, he'd had to explain to his daughter about her PTSD. He didn't want her to become frightened if Kate screamed out in the middle of the night. While she hadn't had a serious episode in almost a year, he knew that whatever Josh was doing to her would probably trigger episodes. He made a mental note to call Dr. Burke in the morning to ask what he could do to help her when they got her back.

***CCC***

It was so loud. Kate wanted to put her hands over her ears to block out the noise, but she couldn't move her arms. She couldn't move anything. Her whole body felt as if it had been encased in cement. She opened her eyes and screamed. There was something on the ceiling and it was moving toward her, blood and ooze dripping from it. It was like a horror movie come to life. "Get away! Get away! Castle!"

"He can't help you, Kate. He's never going to help you again. I'm the only one who can help you now."

"No," she tried to move, but she was so weighted down. Why couldn't she move?

"He doesn't love you, Kate," Josh's face came down into her field of vision. "Do you see this?" He held her locket so that she could see it. "This is all bullshit."

"No."

"Yes, Kate. Don't you remember the pictures that you used to see in Page 6? Those women weren't you. They were blonde, with big tits. A different one every night."

"He changed because of me."

"No, that's what he wants you to believe. People don't change. He's been married and divorced twice. Neither marriage lasted more than two years. What's going to happen when he gets tired of you?"

"Stop talking! Why is it so loud in here?"

"It's called sensory overload, sweetheart. Soon you'll be agreeing with anything that I tell you just to get it to stop. Here, I brought you some more juice."

"I don't want it," she turned her head away from the advancing juice glass.

"Kate, you can do this one of two ways. Either you can drink or I'll start an IV."

She knew that he'd slipped more of whatever he was drugging her with into her juice glass. But she hated needles and always had. The glass seemed to be the lesser of the two evils. "Josh, my hands. Please release my hands."

"Soon, sweetheart. Real soon," he crooned as she drifted back to sleep.

His eyes skimmed over her body, now dressed only in a camisole and panties. He admired the dark all-over tan that she'd acquired during her honeymoon with her writer. Josh didn't even like to think his name. Richard Fucking Castle. He'd seen the looks that he'd give him when he dropped by the precinct to visit Kate. He'd seen the smoldering jealousy after they'd been released from the storage container and he'd gone over to wrap Kate into his arms. She'd been so happy to see him that night. She'd told him that he was her knight in shining armor.

But then she'd gotten shot and everything between them had changed. It had started with Castle visiting her in the hospital and then had come her self-imposed exile. She'd somehow learned that he'd taken a swing at Castle in the hospital and had gone ballistic.

He trailed a finger down the inside of one of her thighs as she sighed. "Castle," she whispered.

He grabbed the inside of her thigh and squeezed hard, knowing that she'd have a huge bruise there the next day. She'd told him when they were together how easily she bruised.

***CCC***

"I can't believe that this dude is a doctor and has nothing in his name," Ryan complained. "Not a timeshare, not a condo, not as much as a damn fishing boat."

"He couldn't have taken her out of the country. I just talked to Castle and he confirmed that Beckett's passport is locked up in his safe at home."

The phone rang on Espo's desk. "Esposito! Send her up." He hung up and looked at Ryan. "There's a woman by the name of Karen Whittaker on her way upstairs. She said she might have some information about Davidson."

"I'll let the captain know," Ryan got up and walked over to Capt. Gates office and gave her the information.

The elevator doors opened just as Gates stepped out of her office. The woman who stepped out of it was tall, with light brown hair and brown eyes. "Ms. Whittaker?" Esposito stepped forward. "I'm Det. Esposito. This is my partner, Det. Ryan and this is our captain, Capt. Gates."

"Let's go into my office, Ms. Whittaker," Capt. Gates suggested as the group walked into the captain's office and she closed the door. "You have some information about Dr. Davidson?"

"Six years ago, he dated my sister, Stacy. When it ended, she had to file a restraining order against him."

"How long were they together?" Gates asked.

"Almost two years. It was great for a while, but she got tired of having to put her life on hold while he flitted around the world, saving humanity. She was 30 and she wanted to settle down and start raising a family."

"How did you learn that we were asking about Dr. Davidson?" Ryan asked.

"One of my sister-in-laws is one of the OR nurses. She heard that you were asking questions about him and she called me."

"What happened to your sister, Ms. Whittaker?"

"She couldn't get away from him. Even after she filed the restraining order, he found ways around it. She moved a dozen times, but she could never get away from him. One night, she got into her car and drove it into the Hudson River."

"I'm very sorry. Do you know if Dr. Davidson has any property that he uses other than his house here in New York City?"

"Stacy said that he took her to a house that he had upstate. I don't remember where. I think she said it was on the New York/Canada border. He told her that it had belonged to his mother."

"New York/Canada border is the Niagara Falls area," Espo said.

"Ryan, notify the state police as well as the RCMP. I know that Castle said that he has Beckett's passport, but Davidson could've found another way to spirit her across the border. Ms. Whittaker, I want to thank you for coming in. You've been very helpful."

***CCC***

Castle had tried going to sleep, but it was impossible. Everywhere he looked, he could sense Kate's presence. Her stuff was all over his bathroom vanity, the closet was full of her clothes. Not knowing what else to do, he took out his digital camera and plugged it into the computer, where he uploaded the pictures from their honeymoon. He smiled as he examined the images that came up. Her smile could light up a room. He hoped that their children inherited her smile. "Kate, I don't know where you are, but I promise that I will find you. If he's hurt you, I will cut his heart out with a spoon."

The tears that he'd been holding back all afternoon finally began to flow. He put his head down on his desk and sobbed, feeling as terrified and helpless as he had a year before when he'd learned that his daughter was in Paris, scared out of her mind.

***CCC***

Kate bit back a sigh at the feeling of Castle's large hands on her body. She'd always thought there was something so erotic about being awakened in this fashion. She felt his head between her thighs while she moaned her pleasure. She could feel the tension coiling in her belly and cried out when Castle entered her with one long finger. But something was wrong. She knew the feeling of Castle's fingers inside of her. She screamed, trying to kick at whoever was between her legs. "Kate, you were almost there." She felt like throwing up.

"No!"

"You were always so beautiful when you'd let go."

"Get the fuck away from me!"

"You'll change your tune soon enough," he stood up and wiped at his face. He pulled out her handcuff key from his back pocket. "Come on, let me help you to the bathroom."

He unlocked her handcuffs and helped her to her feet. She was dizzy and unsteady on her feet. "Where are my clothes?"

"I'll redress you when you come back to bed. Come on," he slipped his arm around her waist and walked her to the small bathroom nearby. "If you're good, I'll give you a bath tomorrow."

"I can't wait," she said sarcastically.

Sitting on the toilet, feeling dizzy and slightly sick, she knew that she had to find a way to get out of this house and away from this crazy person who she realized that she'd never known, at all. She didn't know how long she'd been held captive. Time seemed to no longer have any meaning.

**A/N #2: The line about 'cutting his heart out with a spoon' comes from 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,' one of my favorite movies. **

**A/N #3: I have an elephant that roars when you squeeze it. I used it as the model for Kate's elephant.**

**Reviews make me warm and fuzzy, so do follows and favorites. Thank you, everybody.**


	4. Chapter 4--The Noose Begins to Tighten

**Disclaimers: Do I own 'Castle?' Yeah, in my dreams.**

**Summary: The detectives turn up more leads in the search for Beckett. Castle meets with Dr. Burke for assistance for how he can help Kate after she's found.**

**A/N #1: This chapter is going to deal more with the actual crime aspects. I'm also going to be bringing Martha and Lanie into this chapter since I was asked where they've been by one of my little minions. **

Chapter 4: The Noose Begins to Tighten

"Richard? Richard?" Castle struggled to wake up. He picked his head up off of his desk where he'd fallen asleep earlier that morning. "Has there been any word?"

"No," he rubbed his face wearily. It was the beginning of the third day and he was beginning to feel like Kate had just walked off of the face of the earth. "I talked to Ryan earlier this morning. He said that they gave Karpowski's team some leads to run down. They were going to crash for a few hours and get back on it this morning."

"I'll make you some coffee and something to eat. You must be starving."

"Mother, coffee's fine."

"Nonsense, Richard. You have to eat."

"I said that I'm fine!"

Martha knelt down beside her only son while he stared at his computer monitor. Facing his desk to see what it was that he was looking at, tears instantly filled her eyes. Image after image of Kate filled his computer screen. "You're going to get her back, Richard," she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, trying to pull him closer. "Please at least let me make you some scrambled eggs. You need to keep your strength up."

"Fine," he finally relented, pushing himself away from his desk and standing up. "I'm going to go and take a shower."

Martha was fixing scrambled eggs when Alexis came downstairs about 45 minutes later. "Has there been any news?" She asked, sitting at the counter to watch her grandmother.

"No. Your father's in the shower. I convinced him to try to eat something."

"I've never seen him like this. He's so—"

"He was like this when you were taken last year. But, at least he had Kate to bolster him."

"Gram, do you think that he'll hurt her?"

"I hope not, sweetheart. Would you like some eggs?"

"Sure," she said as she heard her father's cell phone ring. "Let me get that. It might be important." She ran into Castle's office and picked up the phone, noticing that it was the 12th precinct calling. "Hello?"

"Alexis, is your dad around?" Det. Esposito's voice came over the line.

"I think that he's getting dressed. Have you found anything?" She looked toward her father standing in the doorway, bleary eyed with his shirt unbuttoned. "Det. Esposito, hold on. He's right here."

"Esposito, have you found anything?"

"We're still running down leads. Castle, Capt. Gates said that we should go to the media with this. She released a short statement to them yesterday, but she said that we need to get Beckett out there. If she's being held upstate, our local outlets won't broadcast that far. She's got news affiliates from Albany and Buffalo arriving this morning. Bro, she wants you to give a statement."

"What time?"

"Nine o'clock."

"Okay, I'll be there. Esposito, did they find any papers in his house? Anything that might suggest where he's holding Kate?"

"No, he didn't have so much as a filing cabinet. Which is strange, but we're thinking that he might have his personal papers in a storage facility somewhere or on his computer."

"There wasn't a computer in his house," Castle reminded him.

"I know. He's covered his tracks, but he had to have slipped up somewhere. We just haven't discovered his Achilles heel yet. I'll talk to you in a couple of hours."

"What's going on?" Alexis asked.

"Gates has invited news stations down from upstate. She wants me to give a statement. Maybe someone will see it and we'll get something."

"Come on and eat something," she urged him.

***CCC***

"I remember that we were all so happy for her because she was dating a doctor," Ryan had managed to track down a few of Stacy Whittaker's friends. Right now, he was talking to April O'Hara. "Stacy was always so happy with him."

"When did things change?" Ryan asked.

"After about a year, she told me that she didn't think that it was going to work. She complained about him always being busy. I reminded her that he was a heart surgeon, so of course he was always going to be busy. But she said that when he was with her, he became so . . . obsessed with her. She joked that she couldn't go to the bathroom without him being right behind her."

"Did she ever say anything about him hurting her?"

"No, she never said anything about that. But Stacy started to become fearful anyway. He'd tell her that he had surgery and we'd make plans to go do something. He'd all of a sudden just show up, like he was checking up on her. At first I thought that it was cute, but then it just got really creepy. I told my husband that I thought he was a stalker."

Ryan remembered to the night they'd looked for Castle and Beckett after he'd received the call from Alexis. Supposedly Josh had been on his way to Haiti, but then all of a sudden he was there, playing Lone Ranger. Did his hatred of Castle involve stalking Beckett to make sure that she wasn't seeing him on the side? Ryan was no longer sure.

"Did Stacy ever say anything about some property that Dr. Davidson owned upstate?"

"Oh, yeah," April visibly brightened, happy to be able to help with something. "She said that he'd taken her to his childhood home. It was outside of Buffalo, but I don't remember the name of the town. It started with an 'L,' I think. She said that it was huge, like something out of a movie. It was on a lake and there were woods all around it."

"Are you sure that she said Buffalo?" Ryan asked, barely able to conceal his excitement.

"Positive. She said that it took them all morning to get there."

"Ms. O'Hara, I want to thank you for coming in. You've been extremely helpful," Ryan walked her out of the interrogation room and over to the elevator. "If you think of anything else, please feel free to give us a call."

"I will. Thank you, Det. Ryan," she gave him a bright smile before stepping into the elevator.

"Yo!" Ryan headed over to his desk where Esposito was looking through his computer. "April O'Hara said that Davidson took Stacy Whittaker to a house in upstate New York, outside of Buffalo. She said that the name of the town begins with an 'L.'"

"Well, a town helps. Knowing his mother's maiden name would help even more. The Bureau of Vital Statistics is dicking us around on Davidson's birth records. Gates is trying to get a warrant now," they looked behind them when they heard the elevator doors opened. "Bro, you look like shit," Espo commented as Castle approached them.

"Yeah, well my wife's been kidnapped by a motorcycle riding psychopath. How do you expect me to look?"

"Castle, we're going to find her," Ryan assured his friend.

"You know, I wish that everybody would stop telling me that!" Castle raged. "Yeah, I hope that we find her! But, what if we don't? What if he's hacked her up and scattered her all along the Canadian border?"

"Mr. Castle, a word please?" Castle sighed, walking across the bull pen floor to Gate's office. "The affiliates from Albany and Buffalo are going to be here in about 20 minutes to start setting up. I know that this can't be easy for you, but you have to keep your emotions under control. And another thing. I learned from a source that I don't wish to identify about how you gave Beckett a hundred thousand dollars to find her mother's killer. I'm warning you right now, Mr. Castle. _Do not _get in front of those television cameras and imitate Mel Gibson in 'Ransom.' The last thing we need is a bunch of money-hungry vigilantes out there hunting for Davidson. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"You were thinking about it though, weren't you?"

"I'll admit that the thought crossed my mind. At this point, I'll do whatever I have to do to get her back."

"I understand that, and I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing. But, if you offer a reward, then we get bombarded with crackpots. I want real leads to find Kate, not a bunch of weirdoes out for a quick buck."

When he went back to his desk, he took a slip of paper out of his pocket and quickly dialed the number that he'd written down before leaving the loft. "Dr. Burke, my name is Richard Castle."

"Mr. Castle, is there something that I can do for you? I was reading about Kate. Have you heard anything?"

"No, not yet. I was wondering if I could possibly swing by your office and talk to you later this morning or early this afternoon? I could use some advice."

"I'm free at two o'clock."

"Thank you, I'll be there at two."

***CCC***

Capt. Gates arranged for the news crews to set up in a conference room downstairs. "Remember what I told you, Mr. Castle. Leave your Mel Gibson imitation at home."

"Yes, sir."

"I'll give them the basic information on Beckett and then you can speak," she stepped up to the podium where at least a dozen television cameras were focused on her. "Good morning. I'm Capt. Victoria Gates of the New York Police Department. We desperately need the public's help in finding Det. Katherine Beckett. Det. Beckett was last seen at approximately 4:30 Monday afternoon leaving this precinct. Det. Beckett is 5'9, and 125 pounds. She has brown hair and hazel eyes. She might be with this man, Dr. Joshua Davidson. Dr. Davidson is 6'2, and 190 pounds. He might be driving a 2013 Toyota Prius, with New York plates C3I-G72. They could be anywhere in the tri-state area or along the Canadian border. Now, Det. Beckett's husband, Richard Castle, would like to address the media."

Castle had talked in front of cameras before. After all, as a best-selling novelist, he was no stranger to the talk show circuit. But this was different. He hadn't even done this when Alexis had been taken. When his daughter had been taken, he'd let the Police Information Officer handle everything. They'd decided that it would be a safer route. He cleared his throat as he stepped up to the podium. He could feel Gates watching him to make sure that he didn't do anything that he'd regret. "Kate, if you're out there and you can hear this, rest assured that I'm going to find you. Josh, please let her go. Don't let your hatred of me force you to do something that you'll regret for the rest of your life. However, I'm telling you right now that if you put so much as a scratch on her—"

"Don't do it, bro," Esposito whispered.

"—I will hunt you down and—"

"Get him away from that podium," Gates hissed as Ryan and Esposito leapt onto the small platform and pulled Castle off of it. She walked up to one of the cameramen. "_Do not _air that!"

Gates stormed into the elevator behind Castle and the two detectives, turning on him with fury the moment the doors closed. "Mr. Castle, I warned you! If you can't keep a lid on your emotions, then maybe you should go home and let _us _do our jobs!"

"If you were in my place, wouldn't you be angry, sir?" Castle shouted in the small box. "Wouldn't you want to take the person who did this and rip their throat out?"

"Yes, I probably would," she grudgingly admitted. "But, losing your temper isn't going to get her back any safer. What good are you going to do her if you end up in prison for killing her kidnapper? Think of that before you lose your temper again, Mr. Castle."

"Yes, sir," he said, stepping off of the elevator when it reached the fifth floor. Walking toward Kate's desk, he saw a blue bag sitting on it. "What's this?"

"Uh, when we brought Beckett's car back to the garage, we found that in the front seat," Ryan explained. "It's a wedding gift from Lanie."

"Has anybody talked to her?" Castle asked.

"Not since the night that Beckett disappeared. She's taking it pretty hard, bro," Espo said.

"I think I'm going to go down to the morgue," Castle turned and went back toward the elevator.

Lanie was in her office doing paperwork when she heard the double doors leading into the autopsy room opening. She stepped out to find Castle entering the room. "Hey, Castle," she said quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"Sweetie, I should be asking you that question," tears filled the medical examiner's eyes as she looked at her best friend's husband.

"Lanie, I'm so _not _okay," he admitted as tears rolled down his face. "Why did he do this to her? I can understand hating me. Believe me, I get that. But, why is he taking his hatred of me out on Kate?"

"Because she dumped him. I think that she'd been thinking about it for a while before she actually did it. He was just never there for her."

"I know. She told me. Besides her wall wouldn't let him get as close as he wanted to be."

"They're going to find her, Castle."

"I want to believe that, Lanie. I really do. But, it's been almost three full days and I just feel like we're running in slow motion."

Lanie didn't say anything more. She simply stepped up and wrapped her arms around Castle, as he hugged her back. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," he pulled back from her and gave her a small smile.

"I don't care what time it is, Castle. If you need to swap Kate stories, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Lanie."

***CCC***

Castle had never personally met Dr. Burke, but he'd heard so much about him that he felt like he knew him. Kate hadn't seen him since after losing the baby. He remembered when she'd told him about the PTSD. He'd suspected it when they were working the Lee Travis case. She'd seemed so frail, so vulnerable and some of her reactions were the total opposite of how she usually reacted to things. Shortly after they'd started sleeping together, she'd woke up screaming his name.

"_Kate, wake up," he whispered in the darkness as he tried to calm her frantic cries."You're safe now."_

"_I'm never safe, Castle. Not when I sleep. Sometimes not even when I'm awake."_

"_What're you talking about?"_

"_Do you remember when I told you that I was seeing a therapist?" She reminded him as he nodded. "Castle, he told me that I have PTSD. He said it's the reason why I react to some things the way that I do. It's why I flinch sometimes when people get too close to me. It's why I jump at sudden loud noises. It's why I have nightmares."_

"_I've suspected it for a while," she stared at him. "I suspected it when we were working the sniper case. Kate, I'm glad that you finally feel that you can trust me enough to tell me. I'll do whatever I can to help you through this."_

"_There's no cure, Castle. There's only controls. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't."_

In the last two years, he'd learned to read her, to tell what the triggers were, as they were called. He'd learned to shield her when they were in crowds. Watching fireworks was out of the question. The noise from them terrified her. The nightmares had dwindled from several times a week to just once in a while. But when she had them, they were awful. When his mother and Alexis were in the loft, they'd learned to let him handle the dreams.

"Mr. Castle?" The door opened and Castle stood up. "Please come in. I'm Dr. Burke. I've heard so much about you that I feel like I already know you."

"I feel the same."

"Has there been any news on Kate?"

"No, but we're working several strong leads. I wanted to talk to you about what happens when Kate comes home."

"Are you referring to her PTSD?"

"Yes."

"That's a difficult question to answer. A lot of it is going to depend on what has happened to her during her ordeal. On what kind of trauma she's undergone."

"How do I help her?"

"You might not be enough to help her. I want to know the moment that she's found. I'll make arrangements to talk to her. You've learned to read her signs. You know what to watch for. But, Mr. Castle, you're going to have to be even more vigilant. Depending on the outcome of this, she might try to hide things from you. That's just who she is."

"Yeah, I know."

"It took a long time to break that shell, but she has a tendency to try to hide back under it. You have to prevent that from happening."

"She calls it a wall, but it's the same thing."

"I hope that you find her soon, Mr. Castle."

"So do I," he got up and shook Dr. Burke's hand before leaving the office.

***CCC***

When he entered the loft after speaking to Dr. Burke, he was surprised to find himself alone. Out of habit, he dialed Kate's cell. Instead of hanging up when it went to voice mail, he decided to leave her a message. "Kate, it's Rick. It's Castle," he said instead. "When you get back home, I want you to listen to this message so that you know how much I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I promise that I'll erase every awful thing he's done to you. I love you so much, Kate."

He'd just ended the call when the door opened. "Richard, I wasn't expecting you home until later," Martha entered the apartment and closed the door behind her. "Has there been any news?"

"No. Where's Alexis?"

"I sent her out for a while. She had movie plans with Paige and Taylor. She was going to cancel, but I insisted that she go out and enjoy herself for a few hours. I promised her that you'd call her if you heard anything."

"I talked to the news stations from upstate this morning. That was the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life. Is it wrong to wish that Josh suffer a long, slow death?"

"I don't think so," she walked over and squeezed his shoulder. "What are you doing with Kate's phone?"

"Oh, I was leaving her a message."

"She's going to be back in this house before you know it, Richard," she continued consoling him.

***CCC***

Kate was zombie-like, sitting in the upstairs bathtub while Josh gently bathed her. She'd noticed the bruises on the insides of both legs, but she couldn't remember anything. She wasn't even sure any longer of how long she'd been here. Had it been a few days or had it been a few weeks? She kept hearing Castle's voice, but he was never there. "Did something happen?" She asked, her voice sounding like it was coming from far away.

"You don't remember?" He looked at her, a smile in his eyes. "I'd say that something happened. I have the scratches on my back to prove it."

"You raped me?" She tried to pull away from him while he continued washing her back with a sponge.

"Sweetheart, it wasn't rape. Not the way that you were screaming my name. No, you were definitely into it. Multiple times."

'No,' she thought to herself. 'No.' She had to find a way to get out of this house. He was messing with her mind. Her wrists were rubbed raw from the handcuffs and now she'd learned that he'd raped her while she was unconscious. What in the hell was he giving her? Ruffies? Special K? Tears began dripping down her face.

"Kate, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I care about you. You've been here for a long time, Kate. Don't you think that if your writer really cared, that he would've found you by now? I mean, I didn't make it that hard for him to find me."

"No, you told me that you covered your tracks," she argued.

"I never said that," he told her.

She was so confused. She knew that he'd told her that or had he? Nothing made any sense any longer. "Where are we?"

"Back at the brownstone," he lied. "I took you to a hotel until the heat died down and then I brought you back here. So, where is he, Kate? Where are Castle and your other little friends?"

"We weren't in a hotel."

"Kate, why would I lie to you? Did I ever lie to you? Come on, let's get you out of the tub and back downstairs."

"Why can't I stay upstairs?"

"Because you haven't earned it, yet. Come on, up you go," he helped her to her feet and wrapped a towel around her.

Walking her out of the bathroom, she looked around enough to know that they weren't in the brownstone. She was so confused. He guided her down the wooden steps leading into the basement and helped her into some clothes. A pair of boy shorts and a short sleeved shirt. She resisted when he reached for her wrists. "Please, Josh? They really hurt."

"I'll tell you what. I'll just cuff one wrist. You need to try to eat something. You haven't eaten anything in days."

"How many days?" She asked. "How long have I been here, Josh? Days? Weeks?"

"How about some soup?" He suggested, ignoring her question.

Josh cuffed her wrist to the bed rail before going upstairs to make her lunch. She sat on the edge of the bed, feeling dizzy and disoriented, but also heartbroken. She'd stopped taking the pill the night that she and Castle had returned from their honeymoon after he'd asked her to make a baby with him. She didn't have sex with him the night that they returned, both of them being far too exhausted from their plane ride. "Please," she silently prayed. "Please don't let me get pregnant. Please don't let me break Castle's heart again."

**A/N #2: Okay, so my minions are arguing with my again. They think that I'm rushing, so the next couple of chapters might get a little brutal. I'm apologizing in advance. And please trust me regarding the last paragraph. I know where I'm going.**

**A/N #3: In other 'Castle,' news, re-watched 'Under the Influence' Sunday night. Wasn't crazy about it. Much as I love Esposito, there just wasn't enough Caskett in it. **


	5. Chapter 5--Emotions

**Disclaimers: I wish.**

**Summary: The impact of Kate's disappearance begins to take its toll on everybody.**

**A/N #1: I'm going to jump ahead a few days, so bear with me.**

**A/N #2: For the reviewers who are concerned about the last paragraph of Chapter 4, please relax. Like I said, I know where I'm going. **

Chapter 5: Emotions

_The night of day five_

"Daddy!" Alexis' frantic screams rang out in the quiet darkness of the loft. "Daddy! Help me! Help me!"

Castle flipped on the light switch as he ran into his daughter's bedroom. "Alexis, it's okay," he sat on the bed and gathered her into his arms. "It's okay. I'm here, I'm here. Shh," he brushed her sweat soaked hair from her face as he held her tightly against him.

"Richard, is she okay?" He looked at his mother standing in the doorway.

"I don't think any of us are okay, mother."

"I'll go make her some cocoa," she offered as he nodded, continuing to rock Alexis in his arms as if she was still a little girl.

The nightmares had started two nights before. Alexis had awakened them screaming and it had taken her father and grandmother almost an hour to get her to go back to sleep. The night before had been even worse. Castle knew that the toll of Kate's disappearance coupled with what had happened to the young woman a year before were beginning to have an effect on her.

"Alexis, come on. Lay down," he gently untangled her arms from him as he helped her to get settled once again in her bed. "You're okay now. You're safe," he kept gently stroking her forehead until she finally began to relax. "Gram's making you some cocoa to help you relax and go back to sleep."

"I didn't think that you were going to find me," she sobbed.

"But I did," he smiled. "I would've searched till the ends of the earth to find you."

"It was all my fault."

"What're you talking about?"

"You warned me about the video blog. You tried to tell me what could happen, but I was too stubborn to listen. Why do I always think that I know everything?"

"Because you're a typical young person. I was the same way when I was your age. You learn from your mistakes, Alexis."

"Were you mad?"

"Mad about what?"

"When I didn't listen to you. When they took me because of that stupid blog."

He didn't have the heart to tell his daughter that her blog was only a part of why they'd taken her. "I was scared. I was never mad. I thought that I was going to lose you and the thought was terrifying. You're my daughter, my baby girl. We've grown up together."

"Daddy, do you think that you'll ever find her?" She asked as her eyes brimmed over with tears once again.

"I'll search for Kate like I searched for you. He's out there hiding under a rock. We just haven't turned over the right rock, yet."

"I remember how it felt to be that scared. Are you scared for her?"

"Sweetie, I'm beyond scared," he looked toward the doorway as Martha entered the room. "Drink this and try to go back to sleep."

"Will you stay with me until I do?"

"Now, where else would I go?" He forced himself to smile as he handed her the cup of hot cocoa.

After she finished the drink, he settled himself against her headboard, pulling her into his shoulder. Finally she drifted back to sleep.

After settling her back against her pillows, he got up and slipped out of her room, turning off the light switch as he did. Martha was downstairs in the kitchen when he came back down. "Did she go back to sleep?"

"Yeah," he rubbed his face.

"Richard, this is the third night in a row that she's done this."

"I should've made her see someone after I brought her back from Paris," he sat down at the counter beside his mother.

"Richard, this has nothing to do with Paris. I mean, I know that's what Alexis is dreaming about, but we both know what it really means."

"I don't understand where he could've taken her," he sighed, rubbing his face. "Do you have any idea how many small towns there are in the Niagara Falls/Buffalo area? I honestly think we've searched through every one."

"God Richard, Kate must be so scared."

"I try not to think about that. If I let myself think about that, I'm liable to go out and hurt somebody."

"If there's one thing that we've all learned about Kate Beckett over the years is she's nothing if not resourceful."

"Yeah, she is," Castle allowed himself a real smile. "Did I ever tell you about how we rescued Ryan and Esposito from Lockwood?"

"Only about a hundred times," Martha smiled indulgently at her son. "I'm also very familiar with how she saved you from Russian mobsters."

"I had no idea that she even spoke Russian."

"She's a brilliant young woman. I have no doubt that she will figure a way out of this."

"If he hasn't hurt her."

"Richard, you've got to let yourself stop thinking that. Negative thoughts aren't going to help. She's going to be fine. Between you and the officers from the 12th, you're going to find her. You're going to find her and you're going to put that scum of the earth Josh behind bars where he belongs."

_Lanie and Javier_

Lanie Parish felt as if she hadn't slept in days. Probably because she hadn't. She'd called Javier earlier in the evening. Now they were both lying in bed, both of them unable to sleep. She'd thought that maybe sex would help, but now she just felt more keyed up than ever. "I never liked Josh," she said in the darkness of her bedroom. "I never liked him, but I never figured him for a psycho."

"When he first took her, we started comparin' notes," Javi's voice sounded unusually loud in the quiet of the bedroom. "None of us could remember ever having a conversation with the guy. Did you ever talk to him? I mean, I know that you and Beckett went out for girls' night out. Did you ever talk to him?"

"Javi, girls' night out means _no boys_. I talked to him a couple of times, but not enough to get a read on him. I know that Kate liked him. I thought 'what's not to like?' He was tall, he was good looking, and he rode a Harley. He was a heart surgeon. But, I knew before she did that he wasn't the one."

"Because of Castle?"

"Uh-huh. You saw it, too?"

"I saw it when she was dating Demming."

"How is Castle? I haven't talked to him in a couple of days."

"He's tore up, but he'll be the last dude to admit it. I can't even imagine what he must be feeling. You just come home from your honeymoon and your wife gets taken by her crazy, jealous ex."

"I worry about what's going to happen when you find her."

"She's going to go back down that rabbit hole, for one thing. Just like she did with her mother."

"Find her, Javi," she curled up against him. "Find her before he really messes her up."

"Chica, he's already messed her up. All that we can do is try to bring her back."

_Kevin and Jenny_

Jenny Ryan woke up; noticing that Kevin's side of the bed was empty. She slipped out of bed and left their bedroom, creeping down the hall to the nursery. She stopped in the doorway, her heart melting at the sight of her tough Irishman husband sitting in her rocking chair, gently rocking their five-month-old daughter. "I didn't hear her," she came over and sat beside him on the floor.

"She wasn't awake," he whispered. "I just needed to—"

"I know."

She knew what was on Kevin's mind. The same thing that had been on all of their minds for almost six days now. Where was Kate? When Kevin had told her about his friend's disappearance, Jenny had been shocked. She hadn't known Josh, but Kate had never struck her as the type who'd date somebody even remotely dangerous. "Has there been any more news?"

"No. Gates was running something down. She said that hopefully she'll have something in the morning. She has more resources than we do."

"Poor Castle must be beside himself."

"I wouldn't even want to be in his shoes," Kevin's eyes filled with tears. "If something were to happen to you or Colleen, I'd want to put some hurt on the person responsible."

"Nothing's going to happen to us," she consoled him. "And, as for Kate, she has to be okay. After all, she's Colleen's godmother. We didn't name her after Beckett for nothing. Who's going to help pay for her education?" She smiled, trying to get Kevin to return her smile. "Please come back to bed."

"I'll be there soon," he kissed her while he continued rocking the baby in his arms.

Sitting and rocking his infant daughter, Kevin couldn't help thinking of all of the Irish curses that his grandmother used to tell him and his siblings growing up. He wished about a dozen of them on Dr. Josh Davidson right at this moment. But, at the same time he whispered the same number of Irish blessings on Beckett and Castle. "Please let her come through this all right," he whispered.

_Castle_

Castle sat in front of his laptop where he could usually be found these days, watching as image after image of Kate came up on his screen. He longed to reach out and touch her. To hold her and erase everything bad thing that had ever happened to her since the tragic death of her mother.

It had been so hard to win her smile at the beginning. He knew that he'd annoyed her and driven her crazy with his antics. But, when he finally got that smile, all of his childish antics had been worth it. Her smile could light up a room. Especially the smile that she saved for him when they were alone. Her eyes would light up and she'd shyly bite her bottom lip when she smiled at him.

His mind went back to that first night. She'd shown up at his door, soaking wet from sitting on their swings in the pouring rain. She'd told him that she'd sat there thinking about where she wanted her life to go.

"_I came to one inescapable conclusion," she'd told him after they'd made love for the third time._

"_And what was that?" He couldn't keep his hands off of her. It still felt like some kind of a dream that she was here in his bed._

"_That I don't have a life unless you're a part of it. Like I told you last night, I just want you."_

"Oh Kate," he sighed as he rubbed his face. "Where in the hell are you? Where has he taken you? I need you back here so badly. Whatever he's done to you, we'll fix it. I love you so much."

As he had for the past several nights, he placed his head down on his desk and sobbed, all of the fear and heartbreak coming out in wrenching cries.

He was jolted from his misery by the sound of his cell phone ringing. "Castle," he answered, his voice harsh and raw.

"Mr. Castle, it's Capt. Gates. I've already called Ryan and Esposito. I think I have a location."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes," he hung up as he fled from his office.

"Richard?" He heard his mother's voice from upstairs.

"I'm going to the precinct! Gates thinks that she has a location on Kate! Let Alexis know when she wakes up!"

_Kate_

"Katie? Katie?"

"Mom?"

"Your dad and I raised you up to be smarter than this. Think, Bug. Think hard."

"Mom? No, don't leave. Come back," Kate groaned as she tried to reach her hand out, feeling instead the resistance of her hand against the bed rail.

"You are so damn beautiful," she could hear Castle's voice right beside her. She smiled, moving her head toward the sound. "I remember when I held your heart in my hand. I literally held your heart in my hand."

She jerked awake to a continuing nightmare. It wasn't Castle sitting beside her. It was Josh, her former lover and now her tormentor. He was tracing his fingers down her bare side, tracing the long scar that ran down her rib cage. "Stop," she whimpered. "Please stop."

"Relax, Kate. You used to like it when I did this. Remember? Don't you remember all of the fun that we used to have? I love the sound of you screaming my name. I love everything about you. The way that you taste, the way that you smell, the little sounds—"

"Please stop talking!"

"Okay, sweetie. Get some sleep."

He got up and went upstairs to his computer. He brought up the slideshow that he'd saved of his life with Kate. His lively, beautiful Kate.

Downstairs, Kate cried out her frustration and her fear. Maybe Josh was telling the truth. Maybe Castle wasn't coming for her. Maybe he didn't love her as much as he was always telling her that he did. "No, that's not true," she whispered. "Castle," she groaned as tears ran down her face. "Please come and find me. I love you, Castle. I love you."

_Gates_

"Do you have any idea how many avenues I had to search to come up with something?" Gates complained when the three men assembled at the precinct. "Davidson's mothers' name was Irene Terhune. But, after searching state and county records for the past two days, I couldn't find any property in her name. That's because the property was in Davidson's great-grandfather's name. I had to go to , but I finally struck pay dirt."

"Where's she at?" Castle asked, wishing that the verbose captain would get to the point.

"Lake Erie, New York. Just outside of Buffalo. I brought the house up on Google Earth. I've got the state police sitting on it. If we leave now, we can be there right after sunrise."

"No, I'm not waiting that long," Castle pulled out his cell phone. "Come on, pick up," he whispered. Donald, Richard Castle. I'm sorry to be calling so late. How are Melania and Baron? Oh, that's great. Donald, I'm going to cut right to the chase. I need to borrow your plane. Yeah, it's about Kate."

"Is he seriously calling Donald Trump at two o'clock in the morning?" Gates asked the two detectives.

"He told us once that he has a guy everywhere," Ryan said. "This just confirms it."

"Terrific. I owe you one, Donald. Golf in a couple of weeks? Sure, just call me and let me know when," Castle hung up. "We've got a plane."

"Then, let's go," Gates ordered as the four people left the precinct.

**A/N #2: This was short, but I promise there will be a reunion in the next chapter. Again, please trust me and give me a little bit of credit about the Kate/Josh situation. I know where I'm going. Just building the tension, folks. That's all. Please keep reading and reviewing.**

**A/N #3: I'm not sure Castle would actually know Donald Trump, but he's a millionaire and Trump's a millionaire, so who knows? Like he told Beckett once, he has **_**guys **_**everywhere.**


	6. Chapter 6--Knight in Shining Armor

**Disclaimers: I don't own 'Castle.' I'm only responsible for the hell that I'm about to put Kate and Castle through.**

**Summary: Kate is rescued from Josh, but her hell is just beginning.**

Chapter 6: A Knight in Shining Armor

"The plane will get us to Buffalo in 40 minutes," Gates told Castle and the others. "The state police are going to meet us at the airstrip. According to them, the Terhune estate is about a half hour from the airstrip."

It had been a long five and a half days, but the thought that he'd soon have Kate back filled his heart with hope. He couldn't wait to hold her and tell her how much he loved her. He just hoped that the bastard hadn't hurt her.

When they arrived in Buffalo, they were met by a team from the state police. "We've got a team watching the house," the commander told them after they'd all introduced themselves. "They didn't see a vehicle, but it could be in the garage. However, they've seen lights, so they know that someone's in the house."

"How close is the nearest neighbor?" Gates asked.

"Three quarters of a mile."

"Can your team be seen from the house?"

"No."

"Then let's go."

***CCC***

"Josh, I have to pee," she complained. Her head was fuzzy, but she knew that she had to make her stand, much as Capt. Montgomery had told her on that fateful night three years before. She felt like she wouldn't get another chance.

He walked over and unlocked her cuff before helping her to her feet. She had to think fast. After going to the bathroom, he led her back to the bed. When he took her wrist to re-cuff her, she took her opportunity to strike. She lifted both feet and kicked out as hard as she could.

Not expecting the kick to his gut, Josh reeled backwards, slamming his head hard against the concrete floor. Kate jumped up and ran for the stairs. She was unsteady on her feet, but forced herself to focus. Just as she reached the doorknob, she felt a hand grab her ankle. Spinning around, she once again kicked out, causing Josh to lose his footing and fall backwards. The sound of his head sitting the stairs was sickening. Kate didn't wait to see if he was going to come after her again. She ran upstairs and searched for the front door. After turning the locks, she ran outside, looking around in confusion.

Where was she? There was a huge yard and woods in the distance. But she couldn't see a road. Maybe the woods would lead to something. She ran for them, knowing at least that they'd provide cover from Josh, if he started following her again.

In the car on the way to the house, the commander's phone rang. "Daugherty! Who came out of the house? Was it a man or a woman? We're five minutes away. Try to find her! They saw a woman running from the house. They're going to try to get to her."

"Was anybody following her?" Castle asked.

"They didn't say."

When they arrived at the house, it was eerily quiet. One of the state police kicked in the door as they all rushed inside. Calls of 'clear' were shouted as they searched the first three floors of the huge house. Castle walked over and noticed the screensaver scrolling on Josh's computer with pictures of Kate coming up. He felt sick at his stomach watching the images come up.

"Down here!" One of the state police shouted from the basement.

When they thundered down the steps, they found Josh at the bottom struggling to sit up, one arm at an awkward angle. "Beckett!" Esposito shouted.

They noticed the bed with the handcuffs dangling from one of the rails. But there was no sign of Kate. "She kicked me down the stairs," Josh mumbled groggily as one of the state police roughly jerked him to his feet. "Motherfucker! Watch my damn arm!"

"Josh Davidson, you have the right to remain silent," Capt. Gates walked up to him. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Get this sorry sack of shit upstairs," she said.

"Bro, we've got this. Go find Beckett," Esposito ordered Castle and Ryan.

***CCC***

Kate was running, but everything seemed to be closing in. Her legs and arms were being scratched by hanging tree limbs and her feet were cut and bleeding, as well. She could hear footsteps behind her, but she managed to stay one step ahead by constantly changing direction.

Castle and Ryan charged out of the house, running for the woods. "Kate!" Castle called as they entered the thick cover. "Kate!"

"Beckett!" Ryan added his voice. "Beckett!"

Kate could hear voices calling her name, but she kept running. Her brain was foggy. Branches slapped at her face as she ran further and further into the woods. Her lungs were burning as she fought for air. She was so dizzy and confused. Where was she and where was the road?

"Kate! Kate!" Castle's voice shouted.

It couldn't be Castle. It had to be a trick. Josh had told her that Castle and the boys wouldn't come looking for her. He'd told her that they didn't care. That wasn't true, was it? No, she knew that Castle would come for her. After all, he'd gone all the way to Paris to bring Alexis back, hadn't he? But, Alexis was his daughter. Of course he'd do anything for his daughter.

She once again changed direction, circling back to come up behind Josh. Maybe if she came up behind him, she could sneak up on him.

"Kate!"

"Beckett! Esposito and Gates have Josh in custody! You're safe now! Please come out and talk to us! Castle, tell her that she's safe. She needs to hear it from you."

"Kate, it's me. It's Castle," he called out. "You're safe, Kate. Come on so that I can take you home. Kate? Come on. Let's go home."

"Josh, please let me go," they turned and found Kate standing behind them. She was wearing a thin camisole and shorts, her feet bare. She was covered in bleeding cuts and scratches, her hair a scraggly mess.

"Beckett, it's me and Castle," Ryan gave her the once over while he quietly talked to her. Her eyes were huge, the pupils dilated as large as saucers in her pale face. "We found Josh. He's in handcuffs and on his way to jail."

"No, you're tricking me," she whispered. "I have to get away."

"Castle, talk to her," Ryan whispered. "But, keep your voice low."

"Kate, we're not tricking you," Castle slowly advanced toward her, stopping when she began to back up. "You kicked him down the stairs. He's not coming after you. "

"He took my things."

"We'll find your things. Come on, Kate," he held out his hand toward her. "Let's go home."

It looked like Castle's hand. In six years, she'd held those hands hundreds of times. Those hands had comforted her when she'd awakened from nightmares. Those hands had trailed over every inch of her body as he made love to her. "No, it's a trick. He told me that you didn't care."

What had he done to her? "Kate, I told Alexis that I'd turn over every rock that I could until I found you. I've been looking for you everywhere. So have the boys and Gates. Here," he continued holding out his hand. "Please let me take you home."

She tentatively stepped closer and put her hand in his. The moment that she felt his fingers close around hers, she knew. She knew those fingers, the warmth that radiated from his palm, the texture of his skin. "Castle?" She whispered his name. "You did come for me?"

"Yeah, I came for you," he smiled.

Tears fell from his eyes when he felt her wrap her arms tightly around his neck, holding on for dear life. He wrapped his arms around her just as tightly. "Take me home, Castle. Please take me home."

"Come on, Beckett," Ryan walked over to them, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. "Let's go and tell the others that you're safe."

He couldn't help but notice how she flinched away from him when he touched her. "We're right behind you," Castle assured him.

"How long have you been looking for me? Has it been days? Or weeks?"

"Today is the beginning of the sixth day," he told her.

"He had me for almost a week?"

"Not anymore. Come on, let's go home."

***CCC***

While searching the basement, Esposito found Beckett's jewelry. Her wedding and engagement rings, as well as her father's watch, and a necklace that he'd never seen that had one of the pictures from their wedding inside. He looked up when he heard footsteps on the stairs. "Castle and I found Beckett. He's bringing her back to the house now," Ryan said. "He kept her cuffed to the bed, huh?"

"Yeah," Espo said in a tight voice. "I found her jewelry."

"What else, bro?" Ryan asked, recognizing the look on his partner's face. "When we found Beckett, she was stoned. Her eyes were huge. She kept accusing us of tricking her. She told Castle that he didn't care enough to come looking for her."

"Look in the cooler over there," Espo nodded toward a corner of the room. "That's why she's stoned."

Ryan opened the small Igloo ice chest and removed one of the vials that he found inside. "Ketamine?" He stared at his partner. "Fuck."

"This is going to be bad, bro."

"Going to be? It already is. Fuck," he said one last time.

***CCC***

Kate's legs were unsteady as Castle began leading her out of the woods. Finally he scooped her into his arms and carried her out. "Please don't take me back into that house, Castle," she begged.

"It's okay. We're going to go home," he assured her.

Gates was talking to the commander with the state police when she saw Castle coming out of the woods with Beckett in his arms. "Excuse me," she said as she walked toward them. "Det. Beckett, thank god you're all right. I want a doctor to check you over before we take you home."

"Sir, I just want to go home," she whimpered.

"That wasn't a request, detective, that was an order. Because frankly, you look like hell. Commander!" She called out. "Can one of your men take Det. Beckett and Mr. Castle to the nearest ER?"

"Right away. Morgan, you heard the captain," he called to one of his men.

**CCC***

In a trauma room at the hospital in Buffalo, Kate flinched as a nurse removed her clothes and slipped a hospital gown around her. "Let's get these cuts and scratches cleaned up, okay?" The nurse told her.

"Det. Beckett, I'm Dr. Stevens. Your heart rate is a little fast, but that could be due to adrenaline. Do you know what you were given?"

"No," she shook her head. "I assume that it was Special K or ruffies. I don't remember anything."

"Det. Beckett, I'm going to get an IV started to get your blood sugar back up. You're somewhat dehydrated. Do you remember when you last ate?"

"No."

"There are bruises on the insides of your thighs. I'm going to order a rape kit."

"No!" She screamed.

"By law, I should do this. Surely you know this."

"I don't remember anything," she kept repeating as tears fell from her eyes. "I just want Castle. Please let me see Castle."

"I'll send your husband in as soon as we get you settled into your room," he told her in a quiet voice.

Castle was waiting outside of the trauma room when the boys and Gates got there. "How is she?" Gates asked.

"They're still checking her out. What did he give her?"

"Special K," Espo said as Castle took a deep breath. "She's probably not going to remember a whole lot about her ordeal."

"Which might be a good thing," Ryan said under his breath.

"What're you talking about?"

"Mr. Castle?" Castle looked up when the doctor spoke his name. "I want to keep Det. Beckett overnight. She's cut and scratched up, plus I'm not sure what she was given—"

"Ketamine," Capt. Gates confirmed. "She's probably been drugged with it for the better part of five days."

"Doctor, was she assaulted?" Castle asked, dreading the answer.

"She has bruises on the insides of both thighs. I ran a rape kit, which confirmed the presence of semen. She's in rough shape psychologically, Mr. Castle. She's very confused. I hope that you got the bastard who did this to her."

"Can I see her?"

"Certainly. Please try not to upset her."

"Uh, you guys go ahead and take the plane back to the city. I'll call my car service and arrange for a driver to take Kate and me back when she's released in the morning," Castle told his friends.

"Let us know if you need anything," Ryan said as Castle nodded.

"We'll take the plane back _together_ in the morning, Mr. Castle. Esposito, I want you and Ryan to escort Davidson back to the city in the morning. The state police will be only too happy to assist you in your endeavor."

"Yes, sir," Espo answered.

Kate had her eyes closed when Castle entered her room a little while later. There was an IV in one hand and bandages over the worst of her cuts, including strips of gauze around both wrists. Her eyes flickered opened when she heard his footsteps. "Hey, Castle," she whispered sleepily as she reached one hand toward him. "It is really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's really me," he sat down and took her hand in his. "They're going to keep you overnight. Trump let me borrow his jet, so we're going to go back with Gates in the morning."

"You borrowed Donald Trump's jet? Wow, you're not kidding when you said that you have a guy everywhere. Speaking of everywhere, where is here?"

"Buffalo."

"He brought me upstate?" She tried to sit up. "He told me that we never left the city! He gave me something. I can't remember anything. He kept telling me so many things."

"Shhh, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it now. I want you to rest."

"I just want to go home. I just want to be with you. Castle, why can't I remember anything? What did he give me?" Her eyes filled with tears.

"We'll talk about it later," he tried to soothe her. She looked so frail, so . . . damaged. "Sleep, baby."

"I really hate it when you use pet names," her words were slurred as her eyes closed.

"I know," he stood up and planted a soft kiss on her forehead before leaving her room. He was surprised to find Ryan and Esposito still standing there. "Did he say anything?"

"No, he was pretty out of it. He kept her cuffed to a bed in the basement. I guess that she got the drop on him when he un-cuffed her," Espo told him.

"She doesn't remember anything," Castle told them.

"That's one of the side effects of Ketamine. It causes amnesia. That's why it's the perfect rape drug," Ryan said.

Castle was about to say something when they heard screaming coming from Kate's room. All three men ran in to find Kate sitting up in bed, clawing at her hospital gown. "He has my things! He took my rings and my locket! He has my father's watch! He fucked with my mind, Castle! Why can't I remember anything that he did to me?"

"It's okay," he sat on the edge of the bed as he looked at the boys. "You're safe. Maybe its better that you don't remember."

"I want my things," she sobbed.

"We'll take care of it, Beckett," Ryan promised her. "Just give us an hour, okay?"

"You need to sleep, Kate," Castle brushed her hair from her shoulders.

"Get some rest and I'll bring you your stuff," Espo added.

"Castle, can you stay?" She asked as he settled down on the narrow bed and pulled her into his body, willing her to relax.

He lay beside her, softly stroking her arm until she finally fell into a fitful sleep. Listening to her breathing as she slept, he closed his eyes, and slept, keeping one hand on her at all times. He didn't think he'd ever let go of her again.

He woke up when he heard her moaning in her sleep. "Kate, it's okay. You're safe," he stroked her forehead and arm until she relaxed once again. He rolled onto his back, wondering how he was going to help her get past this.

He needed to get up to call home and also to place calls to Dr. Burke and Alexis. He quietly stepped out into the hall and pulled out his phone. Alexis answered on the first ring. "Pumpkin, I'm sorry that I haven't called sooner."

"Is Kate all right?"

"No pumpkin, she's not okay. But, we're going to take care of her. She's had a rough few days. I'll explain everything to you and gram when I bring her home tomorrow. Are you okay?"

"We're just worried about you and Kate. What time will you be home?"

"I don't know. We're going to fly out in the morning. I'll call you in the morning to let you know about what time we should be home."

After hanging up from talking to Alexis, he called Dr. Burke's number, only to reach his answering service. He left a message and the psychologist called him back within minutes. "How is Kate, Mr. Castle?"

"She's not doing real well. We're going to fly out in the morning. He was doping her with Ketamine, so she doesn't remember anything."

"The thing with a drug like Ketamine is while she has no conscious memory of what her attacker did to her, it's going to be very much in her subconscious. She's going to probably suffer from nightmares and flashbacks, much as she did when the PTSD first presented. I know that you're aware of her situation, but you might not be prepared for what you're going to be facing. There are two very important things that you need to remember, Mr. Castle. The first one is to give her space. If Kate feels that she's being crowded, she'll disappear inside of herself much as she did after her shooting."

"Okay. What's the second thing?"

"Don't ask her questions about her ordeal. Let her talk about it in her own way and in her own time. What happened to Josh?"

"He's upstairs in the prison ward. He's going to be taken back to New York City in the morning."

"I'll call her in a few days. Right now it's important for her to begin recovering at home with people who care about her. You have my number. If you need me for any reason, please call me. I'll come to her if I need to."

"Thank you, Dr. Burke," he ended the call just as Esposito and Ryan stepped off of the elevator.

"How is she?" Ryan asked.

"Still asleep. Did you get her things?"

"Yes," Esposito handed him a plastic evidence bag. Inside were her two rings and the platinum locket he'd given her on their honeymoon along with her father's watch. "The state police said that considering the circumstances, she could have them back."

"Thank you," he breathed as he clutched the baggie.

"Look, we're going to take off," Ryan told him. "We're leaving at the crack of dawn to take him back to the city. We'll call you after he's arraigned."

"I don't even know how to thank you two," Castle's voice was thick with emotion.

"Bro, she's our little sister. Take care of her, okay?" Espo clasped Castle's shoulder as he nodded. "We'll talk to you tomorrow."

Castle stood there and watched them get back on the elevator before he turned to go back into Kate's room. "Mr. Castle?" He turned and saw her doctor approaching with a nurse by his side. "Let me check on her before you go back inside. I can understand if you want to stay with her tonight. When we come out, I'll get you a blanket and pillow."

"Thank you," he smiled.

Kate was just waking up when she heard her door open. "Where's Castle?"

"Your husband is right outside. I just wanted to check you over one more time before my shift ends."

"When will the fuzziness go away?"

"That depends on how much of the drug that he gave you. It could take several days to completely clear out of your system. "

"I don't remember anything. And what I do remember doesn't feel real. I just want to go home and put this behind me."

"How's your mobility? Can you flex your hands and your wrists okay?" She demonstrated as he nodded his approval. "I'll remove your IV in just a second. How do you feel about eating something?"

"Could I have Chinese food or a pizza?"

"Do you remember when you last ate something?"

"I think it was the day that I was taken. I don't remember eating anything when I was with him."

"Chinese or pizza might be a little too heavy for you at this point. Why don't you wait a couple of days for that?"

"Then, can I have a milkshake or something sweet?"

"I think that can be arranged. Let me get that IV out and I'll let your husband come back in here. He's not too keen on letting you out of his sight, not that I blame him. I saw him on the news and he had to have been terrified."

"Castle was on the news? When?"

"This afternoon," the nurse spoke up. "He said that he was going to find you."

She winced when the doctor removed the IV from the back of her hand and placed a small bandage over the puncture. "I'll see about getting you that milkshake. What flavor?"

"Chocolate."

Castle looked up when the doctor and nurse exited Kate's room. "I'm going to get her a milkshake. You can go back in there. I'll have the shake delivered in a few minutes."

She reached her arms out for him, giving him a huge smile when he came back into the room. He walked over to her bed and sat down before pulling her into his arms. He couldn't believe how tightly she was holding onto him. "Hey, I brought you something," he reached up and gently disengaged her arms from his neck. He took out her engagement and wedding rings before slipping them back onto her finger. He then took out the locket and put it around her neck. Lastly, he put her father's watch back around her wrist and buckled the watchband.

"Thank you," she breathed, reaching up to touch his face. But she withdrew when he tried to kiss her.

"The doctor said you should be discharged by nine or so in the morning, so we should be back home by 11."

"Castle, I'm so scared. I'm scared of what I don't remember."

"Shh," he put a finger to her lips. "It's going to be okay."

"This is going to trigger so much crap. I'm so tired of having to live with this. And, now I've got one more trigger caused by something that I don't even remember."

"I want to shield you for a little while before you go home and get bombarded by mother and Alexis and everybody else."

"I'm okay, Castle," she caressed his cheek tenderly. "Could you please just hold me some more?"

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him as he felt her bury her face in his neck. They sat like that until they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Kate pulled back when her door opened and an orderly entered carrying a cup. "Dr. Stevens ordered me to bring this to you, Det. Beckett," he walked over and gave her the cup and a straw.

"Thank you," she whispered, waiting until he left the room. "Castle, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Can you taste this for me? I want to make sure that it's safe for me to drink it."

Castle didn't say anything. He took the cup, placed the straw in it and took a long drink. "It tastes like chocolate to me."

"The orange juice that I drank also tasted like orange juice, but it really wasn't."

"Kate, Josh—"

"Please don't say his name."

"He's locked up. He can't put anything else in your drinks. It's safe to drink. Here," he placed the cup in her hands.

She took a small sip of the shake, and waited several minutes before she took another. She drank about half of it before she had enough. She took Castle's hand when she lay back against her pillows. "You never did tell me what he gave me. Was it Special K?" He looked down at the bed, as he absently stroked her fingers. "I figured that it had to be that or Ruffies. He stuck a needle in my back that day at his house. That's the last thing that I remember that feels real."

"We figured that he injected you with something. CSU found a couple of blood drops on his living room floor. It matched your blood type."

"I should've listened to my gut," she looked at her husband. "When he called me that afternoon, my gut was telling me not to go."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He just sounded too . . . smooth. Too slick. Whose house was that?"

"His mother's. She left it to him when she died, but it was in his great-grandfather's name. That's why it was so hard for us to find you. The boys did most of the tracking. They worked night and day along with Capt. Gates to connect all of the dots."

"Are you sure that it was only six days?"

"Look," he pulled out his phone to show her the date. "You disappeared on the 22nd. Today is the 28th. You were gone five and a half days."

"I lost track of time."

"That was the drug, Kate."

A nurse stuck her head in the door, carrying a pillow and blanket for Castle. "Dr. Stevens told me to bring you these. He said that he'll check on Det. Beckett before she's discharged in the morning."

"Thank you," Castle took the blanket and pillow gratefully.

"You're going to stay?" Kate sounded shocked.

"Of course. No way am I letting you out of my sight any sooner than I have to."

Kate had noticed in the two years that they'd been a couple that Castle got particularly clingy when he was agitated. For weeks after he'd returned home from Paris with Alexis, he'd refused to let her return to her dorm. Instead, he'd insisted that she sleep in her room, where he'd stand in the doorway watching her sleep as if she was still a small child. But, for now she relished his clinginess. It was exactly what she needed to begin her healing.

"Did you bring me something to wear home in the morning?" She asked, smiling when he climbed into the bed next to her.

"Yes, I did. Do you want some space or am I okay?"

"No, this is exactly what I need," she whispered as he spooned himself around her, wrapping his arm around her stomach the way that he did at home. "Rick?"

"Hmmm?"

"Am I going to have to see him?"

He could hear the fear in her voice and it made his heart ache. "Not right away. Maybe he'll plead guilty and you won't have to face him, at all."

"I hope so. Goodnight," she whispered.

"Goodnight," he breathed against her neck.

The next morning, she became very upset when he attempted to help her to get dressed for the ride home. Her legs were covered in scratches from her run in the woods the day before. But she didn't want him seeing her thighs. "Please just let me do this, Castle!" She shouted at him. "I'm not a child!"

"I'm sorry," he conceded. "I'm going to step outside and call Alexis."

She felt so guilty watching him as he walked out of the room. She didn't want to hurt him. He'd done nothing to warrant being treated like this. It was just the flashes. Flashes that she didn't understand. Were they real or part of whatever seeds Josh had planted in her head? The bruises were huge and there was no mistaking what had caused them. The fingerprints were plain as day. She removed the hospital gown and slipped on her underwear. She then took out the yellow sundress Castle had thought to pack for her and slipped it over her head. The bottom of her feet were too badly cut up for shoes, so she'd have to leave the hospital in the slippers they'd provided for her the day before.

When she stepped out of her room, she saw Castle down the hall on his phone. She stopped right behind him as she heard him obviously talking to his daughter. "—We should be home later this morning. You and gram need to give Kate some space. And whatever you do, don't ask her anything about what happened. I love you, too. We'll see you in a few hours."

He turned and blanched when he saw Kate staring at him. "Castle, you can ask me anything that you want. You can ask until hell freezes over. I can't tell you about something that _I don't remember_!"

She turned and limped back toward her room while Castle rubbed his face and sighed wearily. How do you help somebody who didn't have a clue as to what happened to them? He didn't think that there were enough medical professionals on the planet to help with this one.

**A/N: Things are going to get worse before they get better. I do promise light and fluffy down the road. I'm just not sure when it's going to happen. Keep the great reviews coming. At last count I was up to 70 followers just for the first three chapters. **


	7. Chapter 7--Homecoming

**Disclaimer: I only own the story, not the show.**

**Summary: Castle brings Kate home while she begins to struggle with the aftereffects of her nearly six days of captivity.**

Chapter 7: Homecoming

Castle and Kate arrived at the small private airstrip where Trump's private jet had landed the afternoon before. Capt. Gates was already on the plane when Castle assisted Kate up the steps leading onto the plane. Her feet were more tender than they'd been the day before when she'd been found, making walking difficult. She'd been given two prescriptions; one for a painkiller and the other for an antibiotic.

Capt. Gates looked up when they stepped on the plane, watching while Castle helped Kate get settled into her seat before sitting down next to her. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He asked.

"I'm okay," she leaned her head against the window while she waited for the plane to take off.

The night before and earlier that morning had been rough. She'd thought that being in Castle's arms would make her feel warm and safe once again. Instead, the exact opposite was true. The feel of his arms around her made her feel claustrophobic. But she didn't have the heart to move away from him. He was so overjoyed at having her back. It was written all over his face every time that he looked at her. That pure joy that radiated off of him. That joy that was going to vanish if she ever remembered everything that Josh had done to her. That joy was going to vanish the first time that he saw the bruises.

Her doctor had come in to see her with her discharge papers earlier that morning. Castle had stayed in the hall to give her a moment to speak to the doctor.

"_Can you possibly give me the morning after pill?" She asked, as her eyes filled with tears._

"_Are you on the pill?" He asked._

"_I quit taking it when we came back from our honeymoon."_

"_You should be safe. I can't give you the morning after pill becomes it loses effectiveness with every day that passes after intercourse."_

"_It wasn't intercourse! He raped me!"_

"_I realize that, Det. Beckett. I'm just saying that the morning after pill would probably be ineffective at this point."_

She knew that he'd raped her. She just couldn't remember any of the details. The doctor had told her the afternoon before that maybe it was better that she didn't remember. But the not remembering was torturing her. Not remembering meant not being in control. Being in control had always been important to Kate.

She continued resting her head against the window as the plane took off, headed for home. She was still so tired and her head was still feeling fuzzy from the Ketamine. She longed to go home to her own bed, to things that were familiar again.

After a little more than half an hour, the plane began to make its descent Kate was never happier in her life to see the New York skyline as they began to land. She gripped the armrest as the plane landed on the runway. "We're home," she turned to find Castle smiling at her. "You're finally home."

Castle had called his car service to take them home. They dropped Capt. Gates off at her home before finally making their way home to the loft. She took a deep breath when the car pulled up at the curb outside of their apartment building. The doorman stepped up to help them out of the car. "Thank you, Stan," Castle thanked him before he reached in and held his hand out for Kate.

She stared at his hand for a minute before she finally reached for it. He gently eased her from the car as she winced from the pain in her feet. Feeling Castle's hand clasp around hers, she let him lead her into the building and to the elevator.

Neither of them said a word as the elevator made its way up to their floor. It wasn't until they got off of the elevator that Kate spoke, the first words that she'd said since leaving Buffalo a little over an hour before. "What do I say to them? What do I say to your mother and Alexis?"

"You don't have to tell them anything that you don't want to tell them. They understand that you need space. I explained that to them last night."

"I just want to remember, Castle. The last thing I remember was Monday. Everything else . . . is—"

"Shh," he carefully put his arms around her, holding her against him. He could feel her shaking. "You're okay. You're safe now."

"Castle, can we leave the city? It's too crowded here."

"We were planning on leaving for the Hamptons this weekend, anyway. Can you wait a couple of days?"

"Yeah, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow anyway."

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah," she pulled back from him. "Thanks, Castle."

"Always," he gave her a gentle smile.

She took a deep breath when he put his key into the front door lock and turned it. "Richard! Oh, thank god you've brought Kate back home!" Martha rushed over and embraced her son before stopping in front of Kate. "Kate, are you all right?"

"I'm glad to be home," she smiled as Martha gently hugged her. "Where's Alexis?"

"Up in her room. She wanted to give you some room."

"Castle—"

"I know. Do you want to go up to her?"

"Of course. That's a stupid question," Kate limped past her husband and mother-in-law before slowly going up the stairs to Alexis' bedroom. She lightly rapped on the closed door. "Alexis, it's me. Can I come in?"

A moment later the door opened and Alexis stood there, her long red hair in a braid down her back. "Kate, are you okay?"

"I'm just glad to be home. Can I come in?"

"I would've met you downstairs, but daddy asked me last night to give you some room—"

"That didn't mean that I didn't want to see you. I could really use a hug."

Alexis smiled before reaching out and embracing Kate. "I'm so glad that you're home. Daddy was so scared and so worried about you."

As Kate listened to Alexis' words, she thought back to what Josh had told her over and over during the course of the past five days. 'He doesn't care for you, Kate. If he did, he would've found you by now.' She forcibly pushed away from Alexis, instantly feeling guilty when she saw the look of concern come across the young woman's face. "I'm sorry. I'm just sore."

"So, how are my girls?" They turned to find Castle standing in the doorway.

"Better now that Kate's back home," Alexis beamed as her father came over to the bed and pulled them both into his arms.

"Me too, pumpkin. Me, too."

Once again Kate began to feel like she was suffocating. As gently as she could, she managed to pull out of his grasp. She wondered if Josh was in jail yet. She found herself hoping that somebody would make him his prison bitch. She wondered how he'd like the one being on the other end of being raped. Just the thought of it made her start hyperventilating.

"Kate?" Castle pulled away from Alexis when he heard Kate's breath speeding up.

"No," she put her hands over her ears.

"Flashback?" Alexis looked at her father.

"Kate?" He put his hands on her shoulders. "Kate, look at me. Come on, focus. You're safe. He can't hurt you anymore."

She opened her eyes and focused on Castle's bright blue gaze as the feeling of terror began to pass. "Okay," she let out her breath.

"Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

"Starving," she smiled for the first time all day.

"Well, it's almost lunchtime," he glanced at his watch. "It's ladies choice. Do you ladies want Chinese food or pizza?"

"Chinese?" Alexis looked at Kate, who nodded in agreement.

"Then Chinese, it is. I'll go call it in."

Alexis noticed Kate wincing in pain when she got up to follow her father out of the bedroom. "Kate, are you okay?"

"My feet," she explained. "I cut them yesterday. But they're really hurting today."

"They didn't bandage them up for you?"

"They did, but the slippers wouldn't fit over the bandages."

"Stay here. I'll be right back," Alexis ran from her room.

"It looks like you've got your very own Florence Nightingale," Castle smiled at her.

"Castle, it's going to be rough."

"I know," he walked back into the room and knelt down in front of her. "You're going to be okay, Kate. _We're _going to be okay."

Alexis re-entered the room carrying gauze bandages and antiseptic ointment. Kate felt a little strange letting her doctor her feet, but she couldn't tell her no. After she'd finished, Alexis went to one of her drawers and came back with a pair of knitted slippers. "These should be comfortable enough to go over the bandages. Hopefully it'll make it easier and less painful for you to walk. What did you step on, anyway?"

"I don't know. I was trying to get away," Kate quickly explained as she pulled one of the slippers over her foot. "Alexis, these are perfect. Thank you."

***CCC***

In a car heading back to New York City, Ryan and Esposito took turns assessing their prisoner. Josh was sporting a cast on his broken left arm, along with a huge black eye from landing face first at the bottom of the stairs. As he stared at him, Esposito longed for the state trooper who was escorting them to pull the car over so that he could administer a good, old-fashioned blanket party. So far, their prisoner hadn't uttered a word. He was due to be arraigned later that afternoon.

"You know something? You're a real low-life piece of shit," Espo muttered in Josh's ear.

"He can probably only get it up when he's got the girl helpless and handcuffed to his bed," Ryan added.

"No wonder Beckett dumped you," Espo continued his taunts.

"So, how'd you guys finally find me?" He couldn't help asking.

"Good old-fashioned police work, douche bag," Ryan snarled.

"You guys should probably stop talking to me. I don't want to have to tell my lawyer that you were threatening me."

"Threatening you? You haven't seen threatening yet," Espo warned.

"Espo, don't," Ryan told his partner.

"I hope they throw him in a cell with the biggest, baddest mother there is."

"Yeah, I'm sure the good doctor here is going to make all sorts of new friends," Ryan added.

***CCC***

After eating lunch, Kate took a pain pill and went to lay down on hers' and Castle's bed. She reached up to the locket hanging around her neck. Her brain was still so foggy. She wondered if the fogginess would ever go away. She knew that she couldn't do this alone. She got up and reached for her cell phone, which was on the night stand. Castle had told her the night before that they'd found it in Josh's house the night she'd been taken.

She was about to dial the number for her psychologist's when she noticed that she had voicemail messages. She pressed the button to listen to her messages. The one from Rick made her start sobbing. How was he going to erase the awful things that Josh had done? She wasn't even sure he was even going to want to be with her if she ever remembered. She had flashes of hands being on her. She could her herself crying out, but was it from pain or something else? All she knew was that she felt like garbage.

After crying for several minutes, she went into her contact list and hit Dr. Burke's number. His receptionist put her straight through. From the sound of it, that was what she'd been instructed to do. "Kate?"

"I need to see you."

"I figured that you might. I have an opening in the morning at nine o'clock."

"No," she whimpered. "I can't wait that long."

"How about if I come to you this afternoon at four o'clock?"

"Wow, I must really sound desperate if you're willing to make a house call."

"You just told me that you can't wait for the morning. I'll see you this afternoon."

She ended the call, feeling slightly better. At least the overwhelming feeling of panic had eased up. She hadn't felt like this after the shooting. This time she felt like a 10-ton wall of bricks was about to fall on top of her.

"Hey, I thought you were resting," Castle came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?" He wiped her tears from her face.

"I listened . . . I listened to your message. Castle, I'm so fucking scared."

"How can I help?"

"I don't know if you can."

About that time, Castle's phone rang, causing Kate to jump in terror. "It's Espo," he told her as he answered it. "Castle!"

"Castle, how's Beckett?"

"She's trying to settle in. What's up?"

"Davidson was just arraigned. He's pleading not guilty. The preliminary hearing is scheduled for July 28th. Do you think that Ryan and I can swing by to see Beckett?"

"Uh, why don't you wait a day or two?" Castle suggested. "I'm going to get her out of the city sometime this weekend and take her to the Hamptons for a little while."

"Bro, she's going to have to give a statement," Esposito reminded him.

"We're aware of that. I'll call you tomorrow," he said as he ended the call.

"He's in jail?" She asked.

"They just came from his arraignment. He's pleading not guilty. He goes back to court on the 28th of July."

"He's going to bail out," she told him.

"We'll get an order of protection against him."

"Castle, it's a piece of paper! It's not going to stop him from grabbing me again! It's not going to stop him from drugging me or doing whatever other unspeakable things he did to me! He's never going to stop!"

"Shhh!" He reached for her, holding her when she buried her face into his chest.

"You can't save me from him, Castle. He's like the monster who lives under the bed. Do you really think that I'm better off not remembering?"

"Whatever he did to you is probably so traumatic that you're better off not remembering."

"I just don't want you to hate me if I do remember."

"Kate," he pulled her away from him so that he could look at her. "Nothing that he did was your fault. He drugged you, he filled your head full of lies, and he hurt you in ways that I don't even want to imagine. But, it wasn't your fault."

"Why did it take so long to find me?"

"Because he tried to hide his paper trail. He left your phone and his phone at the brownstone so that we couldn't track them. He rented a car, but the house where he took you was in his great-grandfather's name. The only way that Gates discovered that was by going on one of those genealogy websites. I'm so sorry that we didn't find you sooner."

"I called Dr. Burke. He's coming over this afternoon."

"I talked to him," he admitted. "He told me that he'd come over if I needed him to. I'm glad that you're reaching out to him."

"I really wish that you could be enough, but I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff right now."

"Why don't you lay down and I'll stay with you until you go to sleep?"

"Just don't hold me tight, Castle," she said as she rolled over onto her side of the bed as he lay down next to her and placed a hand lightly on her hip.

"How's that?"

"Good," she mumbled as sleep overtook her.

***CCC***

Kevin Ryan walked into his and Jenny's apartment that afternoon, feeling absolutely exhausted. "Kevin!" Jenny came out to greet him, balancing baby Colleen on her hip.

"Hi, baby," he kissed her.

"How's Kate? Is she okay?"

"She's not in great shape at the moment," he admitted as he reached for the baby. "He messed her up bad, Jenny. It's going to be hard for her to bounce back from this."

"Did he-?" She asked, unable to say the words.

"Yeah. I missed my girls," he kissed her once again before planting soft kisses on the baby's soft cheeks as she gurgled happily.

"Colleen missed her daddy," Jenny smiled. "I missed you, too. Does she or Castle need anything?"

"Right now, they just need space. I'm going to go and take a shower."

He gave the baby back to Jenny before walking toward the bathroom. Standing under the hot needles of the shower, he couldn't erase the look in Kate's eyes when he and Castle had found her in the woods. He didn't think he'd ever forget that wild-eyed look of terror in her eyes. It was obvious that she didn't believe anything that they were telling her. This wasn't something that was going to fade away in a few days. This was probably going to take months and a lot of patience.

***CCC***

"How'd she get away from him?" Lanie asked over dinner with Javi that afternoon.

"We don't know all of the details. Beckett doesn't remember and Dr. Douche Bag wasn't exactly revealing how he got his ass kicked. From what we were able to piece together, she kicked him down the stairs."

"Too bad she didn't kill the son of a bitch."

"Well, she gave him a concussion and a broken arm. So, she put a hurting on him."

"As bad as what he put on her?" Lanie asked.

"No," Javi shook his head. "She's probably going to have her damn therapist living with her and Castle. He was giving her Special K, Lanie. Beckett is one of the toughest women I've ever met in my life and that asshole turned her into a frightened little girl. Castle's got his work cut out for him trying to help her with the nightmares and the flashbacks."

"Maybe its better that she doesn't have any memory. It's too bad that he didn't resist arrest."

"When we were coming back, I almost wanted to ask the trooper to pull over so that Ryan and I could throw Davidson a blanket party. Beckett's always been like my sister, Chica. You fuck with my family, that's like fucking with me. You know what I'm sayin'?"

Lanie didn't say anything. She just reached for him as he fell into her arms and clung to her. There weren't enough words to try to ease either of their pain.

***CCC***

"Hi, sweetheart," Henry Gates greeted his wife when she walked in the door that afternoon. "I just heard that you arrested the guy that kidnapped Det. Beckett. How is she?"

"Do you remember when I told you about meeting her for the first time? She came to introduce herself while she was still on leave after her shooting. I wasn't sure what to expect, but when she came in, I met this young woman who was determined and resolved to do her job. I was impressed with that first meeting with her. This morning when Mr. Castle brought her onto the plane to come back home, she looked shell-shocked. Broken."

"She probably is shell-shocked."

"And now I've got Internal Affairs breathing down my neck wanting her statement. I dread having to call her to tell her that she needs to give it to them."

"Your job sucks sometimes, Vic. And this is one of those times. She knows the rules of her job. I'm sure that she'll show you that determination and resolve that you saw during that first meeting with her."

"I'm sure that she will. I'm going to go take a shower."

***CCC***

Castle opened the door at four o'clock and let Dr. Burke into the loft. Martha and Alexis had made themselves scarce to allow Kate some private time with her psychologist. "Kate will be out in a few minutes. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you," he answered as Kate came out of the bedroom, wearing slacks and a white short sleeved knit shirt. "Hello, Kate."

"You can use my office. I think I'll go for a walk," Castle told the two of them.

"Is the office okay, Kate, or would you rather chat out here?" Dr. Burke asked her.

"The office is too small," she said as she went and sat down on the sofa.

"I'll be back in about an hour," Castle told her as he left the loft.

"Castle called me last night and filled me in on some of what you went through. He told me about the Ketamine. Let's talk about why you called me this afternoon."

"How do I deal with the not remembering? I know that Castle has questions. I know that everybody has questions. What do I tell them?"

"The truth. You simply tell them that you don't remember anything. Are you having flashbacks? Is that why you called me?"

"I think that he assaulted me."

"You think so or you know it for a fact?"

"I have bruises . . . on the insides of my legs. Fingerprint bruises. I have flashes of someone touching me. I think that I was in a bathtub. Nothing makes any sense." She got up and began to pace around the large living room.

"Kate, I told Castle last night that while you have no conscious memory of what happened to you due to the drugs, your subconscious has plenty of memories. Things are probably going to be much harder on you this time than they were after you got shot. In many ways, what you suffered is much more traumatic. This man kidnapped you, he drugged you, and he probably sexually assaulted you on multiple occasions."

"I need to know how to talk to Castle. I know that he wants to hold me and comfort me."

"But you don't want him touching you," he guessed.

"I feel like something's been stolen from us."

"Something has been stolen from you, Kate. He stole your freedom, your comfort zone, and your joy. You can get all of those things back, but it's going to take time and it's going to take hard work."

"Can't you hypnotize me so that I can remember?"

"Kate, you're going to remember. It's not good to rush those memories. They need to come in their own time. I want you to do something for me."

"What?"

"When they start surfacing, it's going to be frightening to you. You need to share with Castle. He's willing to stand with you, Kate. He came to me days ago wanting to know how he could help you after you were found. He was being proactive."

She sat down and put her feet up on the sofa. She noticed the doctor staring at her slippers. "Alexis loaned them to me. I cut my feet yesterday when I was running. It hurts to walk."

"Is that how your arms got scratched up?"

"Yeah."

"Let's talk about what you do remember."

"The last clear memory I have was going to his house. Everything after that is disjointed. I'm not sure if those memories are real or figments of my imagination."

"I take it that he said things to you."

"I remember him telling me that Castle didn't care. He told me that he wasn't going to come looking for me. He told me . . . " tears began falling down her face. " . . . he told me that Castle wasn't going to ever touch me again after he found out what I'd done."

"Kate, you didn't _do _anything."

"I don't remember fighting back! Why didn't I fight back?"

"Because that's what Ketamine does. It erases your memory, but it also makes you incapable of fighting off whatever's happening."

"I'm going to see my OB/GYN tomorrow," she wiped her face. "I have to be sure."

"Kate, what's going to happen if you are pregnant?"

"What's going to happen? There's only one thing that can happen. I _won't _have his baby. I _won't _put Castle through that."

***CCC***

Castle left the apartment building and went to buy a cup of coffee before walking across the street to their swings. His mind was full of thoughts that weren't making a lot of sense. He put his coffee on the ground at his feet and pulled out his cell phone, doing a Google search for Ketamine. He wanted to try to understand what it was that Kate was going through. What he read made him feel slightly nauseous. 'Severe hallucinations, visual distortions, loss of sensation, loss of identity that can last 30 minutes to three hours, delirium, amnesia, impaired motor function, high blood pressure, depression, flashbacks.' Kate was suffering from most of those side effects.

He scrolled through his contacts and dialed. "Castle, what's going on?" Lanie's familiar voice came over the line.

"I just needed to talk to someone. I need to try to understand what Kate's going through from a woman's perspective."

"Sweetie, I may be a woman, but I've never been where Kate's at right now. How is she?"

"She's bad, Lanie. She called Burke. She's in the loft talking to him right now. Yesterday, she didn't want me to let go of her and today—"

"She doesn't want you touching her?" Lanie guessed. "I think that's to be expected, Castle."

"What do you know about Ketamine? I did an online search, but it doesn't tell me a whole lot."

"It's becoming the new Rohypnol. It's a big deal in the clubs right now. Have you talked to the boys?"

"I talked to Espo earlier after the arraignment."

"I don't know about Kevin, but Javi's having a rough time, too. Maybe you boys could go to The Old Haunt and talk."

"Yeah, we could do that, but I need to focus on Kate right now. She wants me to take her to the Hamptons. I was thinking that we'd leave Sunday. She has to go tomorrow or the next day to give her statement to IA. How in the hell did you give a statement when you don't remember anything?"

"Castle, there's a very good possibility that she will start remembering and when she does, just let me say that it isn't going to be pretty."

"Thanks for talking to me, Lanie."

"Take care of her, Castle. I'll try to come and see her before you leave. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I think that she'd like that."

***CCC***

Kate was standing at their bedroom window staring down on the ant-sized people walking on the street below. She startled when she heard footsteps behind her. "Castle," she breathed out his name when he stepped behind her.

"So, do you feel better after talking to Burke?"

"No, not really. When can we get out of here?"

"How does Sunday morning sound?" She sighed. "Kate, you have to go and give a statement to IA. You can't avoid it."

"I know that, Castle. I've gone down this road before, remember? I'm sorry; I don't mean to get angry at you. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I'll go after I'm done at the doctor."

"What time is your appointment?"

"Eleven. Look Castle, I don't need for you to go with me and hold my hand. I'll just be gone for a few hours."

"At least let me call a car for you."

"You don't have to do that. I'll get a cab."

"Kate—"

"Castle, would you please stop! Please let me do some things for myself."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I," she stepped up to him and slipped her arms around his waist. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."

Kate woke up later that night. When she rolled over toward her husband, his side of the bed was empty. She sat up and noticed the light on in his office, but she didn't hear the usual sound of his fingers on his laptop. She climbed out of bed and walked through the bedroom, into his office. Castle was sitting at his desk, just staring at his laptop. "Castle?" She whispered.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you up," he smiled at her.

"You didn't. I woke up and you weren't in bed," she walked behind his chair to see what he was looking at. Tears came to her eyes when she saw the pictures of their honeymoon coming up on the screen. It was hard to believe that just a week ago she'd felt on top of the world. "I see you uploaded our pictures."

"Yeah."

Something caught her eye. She looked to the floor beside his desk and saw the blue bag that Lanie had given her the day that she'd been taken by Josh. "Castle, where did you get that?" She pointed to the bag.

"Oh, Ryan and Espo found it in your car when they had it taken to impound. They said that it was a wedding gift from Lanie."

"Please get rid of it," she whispered. "I don't want to see it."

"Kate—"

"No! Get rid of it!"

She fled the room in tears. He got up from his chair and followed her, finding her on the cold bathroom floor. "I'll get rid of it," he sat down beside her.

"Just hide it so that I don't have to look at it. I was so happy when Lanie gave that to me. She told me that the items in that bag were to help us in the baby making department. Castle, what if I never remember how to be happy again?"

"You're going to get your happiness back, Kate," he couldn't help seeing the huge bruises on the inside of her leg as he sat beside her.

Seeing where his eyes had gone, she struggled to pull her nightshirt down. "I didn't want you to see them."

"I know," he carefully slid one arm around her as she settled into his shoulder.

***CCC***

"So, what brings you to me this morning, Kate?" Dr. Caldwell asked when she walked into her examining room the next morning. "You sounded desperate."

"I have a question. How soon after sex can you get a positive for pregnancy?"

"In this day and age, a matter of days. Why? Are you and your handsome writer trying again?"

"We want to, but that's not why I'm asking."

"Kate, I saw the news and I read the newspaper. I am so sorry. You believe that Dr. . . . "

"Please don't say his name."

"I'm sorry. You believe that he assaulted you?"

"I know that he assaulted me. I'm just not sure how many times. He drugged me."

"And you want me to do a pregnancy test?" She confirmed as Kate nodded.

"Okay. Let me check you over first," she told her patient.

After doing a pelvic, the doctor handed Kate a cup. After peeing in the cup, she returned it to the doctor. "How soon will you know?"

"Knowing how anxious you are, if you give me about 45 minutes, you'll have your answer."

"Is it possible to get a false negative?"

"Yes. If it comes up negative, come back in a couple of weeks and I'll run another one. That one will be definitive. If it comes up negative, you'll be in the clear, provided that you haven't had sex with your husband in the interim."

"I don't think that's going to be an issue," she said under her breath.

An hour later, Kate left her doctor's office and went to hail a cab to head for the precinct to give her statement. For right now, she felt a little better. The first test had been negative. If the second one proved negative, as well, she'd relax a little more. There was no way she'd ever give birth to Josh's baby. Though she knew that it wasn't the fault of the child, she couldn't put herself and Castle through that.

**A/N: Okay, I promise that things will get better eventually. As we all know, Castle has always had to scratch and claw where Kate is concerned. Please read and review.**


	8. Chapter 8--The Fear Intensifies

**Disclaimers: Nope, still not mine.**

**Summary: Kate gives her statement to Internal Affairs. The boys go to The Old Haunt to commiserate together while Lanie and Kate share a girl's night together, where Kate shares some of her fears with her friend.**

**A/N #1: I apologize for the angst-ridden content. But, like I've said, I don't write about fluffy bunnies. I promise that if you continue the ride with me, things will get better.**

Chapter 8: The Fear Intensifies

"Det. Beckett, I'm Russell Cash. I'm your union rep," he shook her hand when she walked into the precinct. "Let's go and give your statement."

Kate winced as she followed her rep upstairs to Internal Affairs. While she didn't wear heels this morning, she was wearing a pair of flats that were killing her cut feet. She walked to the closed door and rapped on it. "Come in!" She heard a voice call out from inside.

She walked in to find a man and a woman dressed in dark clothes waiting for her. "Det. Beckett?" The woman looked at Kate as she nodded. "Please have a seat. I'm Lt. Bridges and this is Capt. Paulson. How are you feeling?"

"Sore. Still confused." She sat down.

"We just need your statement about what happened with Dr. Joshua Davidson."

"Dr. Davidson called me on the 22nd of May. He'd seen my wedding picture in the newspaper and told me that he had a wedding gift for me and my husband. I arrived at his house at around 5:15 in the afternoon. We talked for a few minutes, and he gave me a picture frame that he'd gotten us as a gift. I told him that I had to leave. He asked me for a hug. When he hugged me, he stuck something in my back. And, that's really all that I clearly remember," she finished her statement.

"Det. Beckett, were you aware that a former girlfriend of Dr. Davidson's filed a restraining order against him?"

"No, I never knew that. Who is this girlfriend?"

"She drove her car into the Hudson River four years ago."

"Great," Kate sighed. "Am I done here? Because I'm in a lot of pain and I want to go home."

"Of course, detective. Thank you for coming in."

After giving her statement to IA, she placed a call to Castle. He answered on the first ring. "I was just wondering if you'd like to take your wife to lunch," she said into the phone.

"I would love to take my wife to lunch," she could almost hear his grin over the phone. "How about Remy's in 45 minutes?"

"That sounds great. I'll see you there."

Knowing that she had a little time to kill, she went to the bullpen to talk to the boys. Ryan spotted her getting off of the elevator first. "Beckett!" He got up to go greet her, stopping when he saw her freeze up. "What brings you here?"

"I was giving my statement to IA. I just thought that I'd stop by before I go to meet Castle for lunch in a few minutes."

"How are you?" Espo hadn't seen her since before her disappearance. She looked thinner than she usually did; her eyes still huge in her face.

"It's been rough," she shakily admitted as she faced her friends. "Castle's going to take me out of the city for a few days. And, I'm probably going to be seeing a lot of my therapist."

"Chica, we're just glad to have you back," Esposito told her, watching as she fought back tears. "So, where are you meeting Castle?"

"Remy's," she managed to smile. "Would you guys like to join us?"

"We've got a ton of paperwork, but we'll give you a lift," Ryan offered as she smiled gratefully.

Castle smiled a short time later when he saw the familiar Crown Vic pull up to the curb. Kate returned his smile when she got out of the backseat. "I'll get us a table," she smiled at him before walking into the popular hamburger joint.

"She's heading down the rabbit hole again, bro," Espo observed. "It's written all over her."

"Can we get together at The Old Haunt tonight?" Castle asked the two men. "We can drown our sorrows over aged Scotch."

"That actually sounds . . . yeah," Ryan agreed as Espo also nodded.

"Espo, can you call Lanie? Tell her to call Kate. Maybe they could plan something. I don't want her being alone and my mother and Alexis can't handle it when Kate has PTSD episodes."

"You've got it," Espo agreed. "We'll see you tonight, bro."

Castle turned and went into Remy's, smiling at Kate before walking up to the counter and placing their orders. He then came over and sat down across from her. "Were you boys exchanging your life stories?"

"We were thinking of going to The Old Haunt tonight and shooting darts. Want to come with?" He looked at her.

"I don't think so," she made a face. "I think I'm going to curl up with a good book or maybe some TV."

A server brought their food over and they began to eat. He was happy to see that she seemed to have more appetite today than she'd had the day before when he'd brought her home. "How'd it go with IA?"

"Piece of cake. Did you know that he had a girlfriend who killed herself? Drove her car straight into the Hudson."

"Yeah, Ryan told me about that."

"I would've found that out if I'd bothered to check him out," she looked up from her burger.

"You didn't have any reason to check him out. Please don't do this."

"I just don't understand how I didn't see it."

"You didn't see it because he didn't want you to see it. He fooled everybody."

"Can we please just change the subject?"

For the rest of their meal they talked about other stuff: new books, movies, where Castle was heading with Heat and Rook. It helped take Kate's mind off of herself. It almost felt like it had before. Before that night. Before she hadn't listened to her intuition. Castle could see her biting her lip, and fighting tears. "What's wrong?"

"Can you take me home, Castle?"

"Come on," he got up and walked over to help her from her chair. He tentatively slipped his arm around her as they began walking to the Ferrari. He was glad when she leaned into him, willingly allowing him to hold her to him. He made sure that she was settled in the car before he walked over to the driver's side and got in.

When they walked in, the loft was quiet. Martha was at her acting school while Alexis had left a note explaining that she was staying with her friends Taylor and Paige before leaving for the beach house the next morning. "She never wants to ride to the Hamptons with her dad, anymore," he mock pouted when he read her note.

"She's an independent young woman, Castle," Kate tried to cheer him up, although secretly she wondered if Alexis was staying away because of her. Maybe being around her was too painful for Alexis. "I'm going to take my medications and go lay down for a little while."

"Okay."

Kate had just gone back to the bedroom when her cell phone rang. Her heart began to pound when she saw the caller id. It was the D.A.'s office. "Hello?" She answered in a shaky voice.

"Det. Beckett, this is ADA Sam Roberts. I wanted to call to let you know that Dr. Joshua Davidson posted bail about an hour ago. He's been warned to stay away from you and Mr. Castle. Det. Beckett, are you there?"

Kate could feel her heart rate and respiration speeding up. "I have to go," she managed to say before she hit the 'end' button on her phone. She took several deep breaths to calm down, but it wasn't working this time. "Castle!" She managed to scream out before bursting into tears.

"Kate? What's wrong?"

"He's out," was all she managed to get say before he was on the bed next to her, holding her against him.

"Shhh," he crooned to her as he moved against the headboard and pulling her onto his lap. "I'll make sure that the doormen know to be on the lookout for him. We'll leave for the Hamptons in the morning, okay?"

"I knew that you'd come looking for me, Castle," she clutched his shirt. "I knew that if you went all the way to Paris for Alexis, that you'd come to wherever I was to look for me. Thank you for not giving up."

"I was never going to give up," he kissed the top of her head. "Everything that he told you about me was bullshit, Kate. Every single word."

They sat in silence for a long time until her phone broke the silence, causing her to jump in his arms. He reached over and grabbed her phone, showing her that it was Lanie. "Hello?" She sat up as Castle placed a steadying hand on her back.

"Hey, girl," Lanie's voice always made Kate smile. "I was wondering if you felt up to having a little girl time tonight. I understand if you're not—"

"Actually, that sounds okay. Castle's going to go and shoot darts with the boys. I can't drink, but I'd love the company."

"Is seven okay?"

"Seven's great. Thanks, Lanie." She hung up before turning to face her husband. "Did you put Espo up to calling Lanie?"

"Well, I didn't want you being by yourself tonight," he hung his head down as she couldn't help but laugh at him. "You're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad. That was actually very sweet."

He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her toward his chest. Feeling him hold her like he was now made her feel safe for the first time in ages. She could stay in his arms forever. Thinking those thoughts, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

When she awoke a little over an hour later, she could still feel Castle's arms lightly wrapped around her. She sat up and smiled, seeing that he'd fallen asleep too, his head back against the headboard. Something told her that he hadn't been sleeping well, either. She settled back against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart thudding in her ear. Her mind drifted back to the summer before, after she'd lost the baby. She'd spent many mornings, afternoons and nights in his arms just like she was right now. She'd never been much of a cuddler before she met her husband. But, after she'd started sleeping with him, she'd learned that Castle was a first-class cuddler.

For several months after the miscarriage, he could sense when she needed to be in his arms and just be held. No words were ever needed. It was one of the few times when he actually seemed to relish the silence.

She felt him stir before he opened his eyes. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she whispered back before she climbed off of him and curled up at his side. "What time are you meeting the boys?"

"Six thirty," he smiled down at her. "What time is it?"

"Almost three," she glanced at her watch.

"I don't want to get up. I like being with you just like this."

She sat up and rubbed her face before getting out of bed. "I need to take a shower."

"A shower? Not a hot bubble bath?"

"No," she answered a little too quickly. "I'll be out in a little bit."

Castle frowned as she walked into the bathroom. He knew that it had only been a few days, but he kept hoping that she'd relax and let him in.

***CCC***

"I'll try not to be too late," Castle told her as she walked him to the door. "If you need me, call or text me."

"Castle, I'll be fine. Lanie's going to be here and if I know her, she'll stay until you get home. Have fun."

"You, too," he longed to kiss her, but he knew that she'd only pull away from him.

Kate sighed, closing the door behind him. Her brief nap earlier that afternoon had been nice. But, now she felt like they were circling around each other again. She could see the questions in his eyes. The questions that he both wanted and yet dreaded the answers to. He'd told her that they'd leave for the Hamptons house by seven in the morning. He'd moved things up due to Josh bailing out earlier that afternoon. While he'd been warned to stay away from them, she knew that wasn't guaranteeing that he'd actually do it.

Lanie showed up shortly after Castle left. "Since you can't have alcohol, I brought chocolate," she walked over to the counter carrying a huge bag. "We have M&M's, kisses, chocolate chip cookies, and those cupcakes that you like so much."

"Lanie, what're you trying to do? Get me fat?"

"You could stand to gain a pound or two," Lanie looked at her friend. "I know that this is a stupid question, but how are you holding up?"

"Sometimes I'm okay and other times—"She broke off. "He bailed out, Lanie. The ADA called me right after we got home this afternoon."

"Oh sweetie," Lanie breathed as she tentatively reached out for her.

Kate tried not to cry as she felt her best friend's arms around her. "Castle's taking me out of here tomorrow. I can't be in the city knowing that he can show up again."

"That's understandable. Come on, let's indulge," Lanie smiled, watching Kate go into the kitchen, and taking down two saucers. "I just thought that maybe you'd want to talk to me since I'm a woman."

"I can see the questions in Castle's eyes, but my mind is so jumbled up. Dr. Burke thinks I'm going to start remembering, but right now I just get flashes."

"Did the doctor talk to you about the—"

"The rape kit? Yeah. But, I kind of suspected it. I remember him taunting me."

"Taunting you how?"

They walked into the living room and settled down, Lanie in an arm chair and Kate on the sofa with her long legs tucked under her. "Lanie, I'm so ashamed," she choked back a sob.

"Ashamed of what? Kate, you didn't do anything wrong," Lanie got up and came over to the sofa. "What have you done to feel ashamed?"

'_Yeah, I'll say something happened. You were totally into it from the number of times that you screamed my name.' _She took a deep breath, trying to clear the images of him sitting by the tub that night. She didn't know why that was the only thing that she clearly remembered. "He was sitting by the tub. I don't remember how I got there. That was when I saw the bruises for the first time. I think I asked him if he'd done something to me. When I accused him of raping me, he told me that I'd been into it."

"Kate, you were drugged!" Lanie reminded her. "He was playing mind games with you."

"My mind . . . in my mind, I kept seeing Castle there. I kept hearing his voice. But, then he'd disappear and Josh would be there. Just the thought that he could've made me . . . come is repugnant to me."

"Sweetie, it doesn't mean that it still wasn't rape. You didn't give him consent."

"His lawyer is going to get me on the stand and I can already hear the questions that he's going to ask me. I'm not going to be able to face Castle again if that happens."

"Kate, what you experienced is a normal physiological reaction to stimuli."

"Then why does it make me feel so filthy? And so ashamed? I went to my OB/GYN this morning and had her run a pregnancy test. It was negative, but I'm going to go in two weeks and have another one. She said if that one's negative, as well, then I'm in the clear. I _can't _and I _won't _have the child of my rapist!"

Both women were in tears as Lanie took Kate into his arms, both of them sobbing while they held one another.

***CCC***

"So, how's Beckett, really?" Ryan asked as the three men sat in a booth at The Old Haunt, drinks and a huge plate of Buffalo wings in front of them.

"She's not great," Castle admitted. "And, it got worse this afternoon when she found out that Davidson's bailed out."

"Great," Espo sighed. "What're you going to do?"

"We're leaving in the morning for the Hamptons. I'll keep her there for a little while. Probably until after the pre-lim next month."

"Has she told you anything?" Ryan asked as he took a wing from the plate.

"She doesn't remember most of it and what she does remember she's not exactly sharing. That's why I thought that Lanie might be a good idea. But the things that I'm discovering just by her sheer body language is terrifying."

He thought back to that afternoon when he'd asked her why she wasn't taking a long bubble bath. The Kate Beckett he knew loved nothing more than soaking in a hot bubble bath, especially the huge tub in the loft. She'd spent many happy hours in that tub, both alone and with him on many occasions. She'd almost freaked when he'd asked her about the tub early that afternoon. "Castle?" He glanced up to find Espo watching him. "What's up? You looked a thousand miles away."

"I was just thinking about Beckett. I've helped her out of that rabbit hole before, but she's going to go deep inside this time. I have no idea how to help her."

"What did her therapist say?" Ryan asked.

"To give her space. Not to ask any questions. That she'll talk to me when she's ready."

"Sounds like good advice to me, bro," Espo told him.

"When I got home, I just wanted to hold onto Jenny and the baby," Ryan told his friends. "I don't even want to imagine what you're going through."

"Well, the good news is Davidson is kinda pretty," Espo said as the other two men glared at him. "I have a feeling he's going to get a pretty good idea of how it feels to be in Beckett's shoes before too very long."

"Did you put feelers out?" Ryan glanced at his partner.

"You mean, did I ask for volunteers? I'm not going to have to. I'm telling you that he's going to be somebody's prison bitch before the month's out. Castle, seriously. If you need to get drunk or whatever, just call."

"Thanks, Espo."

***CCC***

Kate was asleep when she felt the other side of the bed dip. "Castle?" She whispered in the dark.

"Go back to sleep," he sounded slightly drunk. "I thought Lanie was going to stay."

"I told her that she didn't have to."

He moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her like he usually did. "I love you," he whispered.

"Her heart began to pound when she felt his arm go around her. "Castle, please let go of me," she took his hand and shoved it away.

She felt him roll over, but she didn't see the tears that came to his eyes as he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He so wanted to help her, but he was powerless as to how to do it.

**A/N #2: Okay, I promise that things are going to start gradually improving with the next chapter. There's something wonderfully restorative about the sand and the sea. **


	9. Chapter 9--The Sand and the Sea

**Disclaimers: Nope, don't own 'Castle.'**

**Summary: Time spent in the Hamptons a year after the miscarriage find Kate trying to work her way back to Rick while continuing to battle the flashbacks and nightmares associated with her kidnapping. She begins remembering some of the events and shares her memories with Castle. This chapter is M rated, just to be on the safe side.**

Chapter 9: The Sand and the Sea

It was a beautiful late June morning. Kate was walking along the water's edge as the cold sea water lapped at her bare feet. For the past three weeks, she and Castle had been dividing their time between the loft in the city and the house in the Hamptons. While the physical wounds of her ordeal had faded, the psychological ones were very much a part of their everyday lives. Dr. Burke had recommended someone in South Hampton for her to talk to when they were out at the house. She'd met with the new doctor a few times and liked her. She was a woman and extremely easy to talk to, although she could sense that Kate was holding herself back.

She turned and glanced toward the house in the far distance. Walking along the beach was her morning routine. Sometimes Castle joined her, but usually she walked alone. By the time she arrived home, the rest of the house was awake and ready for their day. Alexis and Martha usually spent their day visiting various friends, which left her and Castle by themselves.

She couldn't help but smile when she thought of her handsome writer husband. He'd been so gentle and so sweet; sensing when she needed space to work things out or when she needed to curl up in his arms. He held her through nightmares, and he was able to re-focus her attention when the flashbacks tried to reclaim her, as they often did.

There was just something wonderfully restorative about the beach early in the morning. She had a spot where she loved to sit and just watch the waves roll in. She sat down and placed her chin on her knees right at the water's edge, ignoring the fact that her shorts were quickly getting soaked. The sky was so many different colors that it never failed to take her breath away.

She re-entered the house half an hour later and crept up the stairs to the master bedroom to change clothes. She smiled at the sight of Castle still sleeping on his side of the bed, although she couldn't help noticing that he'd spread out a bit, occupying part of her side, as well. She quickly changed clothes and climbed back into bed next to him, pressing into his side.

They still hadn't resumed an intimate relationship, but in the last couple of weeks there had been some extremely intense make-out sessions. She wasn't sure when she was going to be ready again, and so far Castle was willing to follow her lead. "Kate," he groaned, wrapping his arms around her. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven," she kissed his chin and jaw.

"How long have you been up?"

"About an hour and a half. If you get up, I'll make you breakfast," she trailed kisses down his neckline before cuddling closer to him.

He opened his eyes and smiled down at her, happy to see that she appeared to be in a good mood this morning. He'd missed the playful side of her during the past month. While she was willing to let him kiss her and touch her to a certain extent, she froze when he attempted to move things to the next level. He could sense that she was almost ready, but she just needed a little more time. He was hoping that this weekend would restore things to the way they'd been before coming back from their honeymoon. He had plans to help with that goal.

"Breakfast, huh?" He looked at her as she nodded. "Are you going to see Dr. Tillman later this morning?"

"This afternoon. What do you want for breakfast?"

"You," he grinned.

"Not yet, Castle," she sat up.

"Hey, it's okay," he rubbed her back. "We'll get there."

"How about a Spanish omelet?"

"That sounds great. I'll be down in a few minutes."

Kate was downstairs dicing ingredients for a Spanish omelet when Martha entered the kitchen. "Good morning, Katherine."

"Good morning, Martha. I'm making omelets. Can I make you one?"

"That sounds wonderful. I saw you coming back from your morning walk. Isn't the beach beautiful in the morning?"

"It's my favorite time to walk along the beach. I try to get Castle up to join me, but your son is _not _a morning person."

"He never has been," Martha said, walking over to fix a cup of coffee.

"Has Alexis already gone out this morning?"

"She stayed at Taylor's last night," Castle came down the stairs. "She sent me a text after you'd gone to sleep."

Kate frowned as she began to beat eggs into a bowl. Since her return home a month before, Alexis' behavior had been getting stranger and stranger. Kate couldn't help thinking that Alexis was avoiding her, but she didn't understand why.

"So, are you going to stay through until after the Fourth?" Martha asked when they sat down to breakfast.

"No," Kate looked across the table at Castle. "Not this year, anyway. Too many memories."

"Oh kiddo, I'm so sorry. It's been almost a year. You two should talk about trying again."

"Excuse me," Kate got up and quickly left the table before going outside.

"I'm sorry, Richard. I didn't mean to upset her. I know this is hard for her, for both of you."

"It isn't as much about the baby as it is about what happened to her with _him_."

"That's got to be the worst thing imaginable for a woman to endure. I hope that he rots in hell."

"We all do," he got up and walked out to the pool, where Kate was staring out into the distance. She leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "She means well," he said, referring to his mother, "it's just sometimes she speaks before she thinks."

"I want to make Castle babies," she turned into his embrace. "I want to make _a lot _of Castle babies. I want for us to be completely together. I just have to get _him _out of my consciousness for that to happen."

"I'm so fucking sorry that he hurt you. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to give you back your smile again."

"You must be a writer," she stood up on her tip toes to kiss him softly.

"That's what people tell me," he returned her kiss, his lips feather soft against hers.

***CCC***

"My mother-in-law is anxious for me and her son to give her another grandchild," Kate sat in a chair in the office of Dr. Beverly Tillman.

"I take it that you're not quite as anxious for that to happen," the doctor surmised while she watched her patient.

"No, I want to have a baby. I want to have Castle's baby. Actually, I want to have a lot of Castle's babies," she managed to smile. "But, I'm having trouble getting what _he _did to me out of my head."

Dr. Tillman didn't have to ask who the _he _was that her patient was referring to. When Dr. Burke had called her earlier in the month asking her to see his patient while she was in the Hamptons, he'd warned her that Kate Beckett was a tough nut to crack, but even tougher than ever due to her ordeal. "Have you told your husband what you've been remembering?"

"No," she shook her head. "I feel like I've betrayed him, like my body has betrayed him, betrayed me."

"Kate, you have to remember that this particular memory comes from something that he told you, You don't know for sure that you actually had an orgasm. We've already established that he lied to you about almost every aspect of what you went through. He wanted to get inside of your head. And, even if you did climax, what he did was still rape. You didn't betray your husband and you certainly didn't betray yourself."

"I know that in my head, but it's hard to convince my heart of that. Castle's kind of had to claw his way to where we are now."

"Can I ask you something? Why do you call him 'Castle?' Why not Rick or Richard? After all, that's his first name," she asked, trying to steer her patient toward fonder memories.

"Richard's reserved for his mother or when I'm really pissed off at him," she couldn't help smiling. "I do call him Rick on occasion. But, I've called him Castle from the very beginning and it's just what I like calling him."

***CCC***

When she got back home after her doctor's appointment, she was pleased to see that Alexis was home. "Hi, Alexis," she greeted her.

"Hi," Alexis answered, looking up from her e-reader. "Dad went to the fish market in East Hampton. He said something about grilling swordfish for dinner."

"Alexis, can we talk?" Kate walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"About what?" Alexis asked warily, watching Kate come over to sit on the sofa beside her.

"I just get the feeling that you've been avoiding me since I came home after . . . after what happened. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me."

"I just didn't want to say something that would upset you. Dad told me and gram not to ask you any questions about what he did to you."

"Alexis, if I could remember what he did to me, I'd gladly answer your questions. Your dad shouldn't have told you that."

"Did dad tell you about my nightmares?"

"Yeah, he did," she remembered Castle telling her about the nightmares right after her homecoming. "Do you want to talk about what you were dreaming about?"

"They're always the same," Alexis remembered. "I call dad and then I start running. Only this time when he grabs me, he throws me off of the roof. I always wake up before I hit the ground. Did you know that my dad was going to come for you?"

"That person kept telling me that your dad didn't care. I kept telling myself that wasn't true. But he kept telling me the same thing over and over. When Castle showed up with Det. Ryan, I thought it was a trick. That was the effects of the drug that he'd given me."

Standing just outside, Castle waited a few minutes before making his presence known. "Hello, my girls," he greeted them, walking inside and closing the door behind him.

"So, Alexis said you were grilling swordfish for dinner," Kate got up and followed him into the kitchen.

"How was your appointment?"

"Okay," she shrugged. "Can we walk on the beach after dinner?" She lowered her voice.

"I'd love to," he kissed her. "I have a feeling that we'll feel the need to walk off dinner, anyway."

After dinner, Castle and Kate walked along the stretch of beach in front of the house. He kept her hand firmly grasped in his while they walked. "I love it here so much," she sighed. "I almost hate to have to go back."

"We'll come back after the holiday." They'd both agreed that it was just too painful to stay in the house for that first anniversary of losing their baby. It was a loss that still affected both of them to different degrees. Castle could close his eyes and still her Kate's terrified screams for him, while Kate remembered the gut wrenching pain that wracked her body.

"Let's sit," she decided on a spot before tugging him down to sit beside her on the sand.

"Kate, I overheard you and Alexis talking this afternoon," he confessed while he stroked her fingers. "I can't believe that he filled your head with so much garbage."

"Castle, there's one thing that I do remember. For some reason it's the only thing that I remember clearly. And I hate remembering it. He told me one night that I . . . that I liked what he was doing to me."

"Kate, Dr. Burke told me that the Ketamine would make you easily suggestible. He was feeding you full of lies because he knew that you'd believe him. He was trying to drive a wedge between us."

"I get flashes of him touching me and doing things to me. I just want to get the flashes out of my head. What if he wasn't lying?"

"It doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you."

"I love you, too," she leaned against his shoulder as they watched the sun sink on the horizon. "Can we erase one of those awful flashes?"

"Sure," he whispered into her hair.

"Share the bathtub with me," she stared up at him.

He knew that this was a huge breakthrough. Since coming home, she'd avoided the bathtub in the loft and at the house in the Hamptons like they contained the plague. And even sharing the shower with him had been out of the question. "I think that can be arranged."

"I can't let him win, Castle. By staying away from the tubs, I'm letting him win. I have to take some of the power back."

"Yes, you do," he agreed. "Come on, let's go home."

That evening, Castle made a huge bowl of popcorn while he, Kate, and Alexis decided to have a Harry Potter movie night. They made it through two movies before Alexis called it a night, leaving just her dad and Kate to watch the movies. Finally Kate stood up and grabbed her husband by his hand. "Come on, Castle. Take a bath with me."

They went upstairs where Kate went to fill the huge bathtub in the en suite bathroom. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She didn't remember being this nervous the night that she'd shown up at his doorstep in a rainstorm. While they'd been making out over the course of the past couple of weeks, tonight would be the first time that he'd seen her naked since the night they'd returned from Hawaii. She pinned her hair up on her head before testing the temperature of the bath water.

She smiled when she felt strong arms wrap around her, pulling her close. "Are you sure that you want to do this?" He whispered in her ear.

"I have to take some of the power back, Rick," she repeated, turning to face him. "I refuse to let him destroy us."

He dropped the robe that he was wearing and stepped into the tub before reaching up to assist her into the warm water. She sat down in the 'v' of his legs, taking a deep breath to calm herself when she felt him reach his arms around to pull her against his chest. "I've missed this," he breathed in her ear.

"So have I," she placed her hands over his.

Castle had learned over the past couple of weeks to let her take the lead. He knew that if he made any sudden moves, she'd freeze up and likely also freak out. He knew how important it was for her to take back some of the power that Josh had stolen from her over those almost six days.

She caned her head around so that they could share a long, tender kiss. After they broke apart, she turned so that she was sitting on her knees in front of him. Her eyes met his for several seconds before she leaned toward him and kissed him once again, her tongue tracing his bottom lip before he opened his mouth to her. She groaned into the kiss, moving down so that she was pressed against his chest. She could feel his growing arousal against her stomach as she reached down to touch him, liking the low growl that rumbled in his chest when she stroked him the way that he liked. She untangled his arms from around her waist, taking one of his hands in hers and guiding it up to her breasts. "Kate," he murmured into her mouth as his hand caressed her breasts lightly, feeling her nipples harden under his fingers. She stroked him a little harder, mimicking the motions of his fingers on her breasts. "Fuck," he growled as he felt himself beginning to come undone under her ministrations.

"Stand up," she instructed him as she got up to allow him to comply with her instructions. "Sit on the edge of the tub."

Dazed and incredibly aroused, he moved up until he was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. He couldn't help but notice the sly smile that came across Kate's face when she once again took him in her hand and started to move her hand slowly up and down his hard shaft, before moving down and taking him into her mouth. "Fuck!" He gripped the sides of the bathtub, as he felt her lips close down on him, her tongue swirling around him. "Kate, I'm going to come!"

"I know," she continued giving him that sly smile, all the while continuing to drive him toward the edge of the precipice.

She moved her mouth up and down on him, listening to the sounds that were coming from him. She knew that he was close, which was exactly what she wanted. She wanted, no, she needed to regain some sort of control over her life once again and she knew that this was one area in which she could regain it. His hand wrapped in her hair, guiding her as she worked him closer and closer to orgasm. "Let go, Rick," she gently squeezed his balls in her hand, smiling at his loud moan.

"Kate—"

"Rick, let go. It's not like you haven't done it before," she went back to work on him. Suddenly, he held her tightly to him as he came, shouting her name as she tightened her lips around him.

His legs felt like rubber as he slowly came down from his orgasm. Kate was smiling up at him like the cat that had eaten the canary, or something else. "Maybe I should've brought the ice bucket in here."

"You never last long when I use the ice," she pulled him back into the tub. "We'll save the ice for another night."

"Let's get out of here," he got out and helped her out of the tub before drying them both off.

Kate found herself feeling slightly uneasy as he dried them both off. She'd gone down on him for a reason. She wasn't sure if she was ready for him to return the favor. "Rick, I'm really tired," she told him, stopping his hands as they continued drying her.

"Kate, I know that you're scared—"

"I just can't do this, yet."

She felt like kicking herself when she saw how hurt he looked. From the very first time that they'd ever slept together, he had always been about making sure that her needs were met before his own. While she'd taken the lead before, he'd always been able to reciprocate in the past. "Do you have any idea how much I miss you?" He wrapped the towel around her and pulled her close. "What happened just now was . . . fantastic."

"I love you," she smiled at him. "That's why I wanted to do it."

"Are you sure that's the only reason?"

"What're you talking about?"

"Are you sure that you didn't just _blow _me because you figured that if I got my rocks off, that I'd leave you alone?"

"Rick—"

"Kate, it was your idea to use the tub tonight. We both know from our past times together that eight out of ten times, bathing together leads to some pretty intense lovemaking. If you didn't want me to share the tub with you, then you should've said so."

"I asked you to share the tub, remember? Are you seriously pissed off because I won't let you return the favor?"

"No, Kate! I'm pissed off because I want to make love to my wife and she's standing behind a fucking brick wall!"

"You don't get it!"

"You're right, I don't. But, I want to. Sit down and talk to me. You told me some of it on the beach this evening. Kate, you have to let me in. We can't keep doing this dance. I thought that we were way past that."

"What do you want to know?"

"Tell me why the bathtub."

"Let's go in there," she nodded toward their bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed while he got in the bed next to her. "It's about that one thing that I told you that I remembered. I was in the bathtub and he was sitting there, bathing me," she shuddered at the memory. "I saw these huge bruises on the insides of my thighs. Fingerprint bruises. He told me that he had scratches on his back from me. He told me that I kept screaming his name. I don't remember any of that. But, the thought of that sick son of a bitch sitting there bathing me with this self-satisfied _smirk _on his face makes my skin crawl. When you brought me home and I saw the tub, it just brought all of that back. The bathtub has always been my sanctuary, Castle. Even when I was a little girl. And then, when you and I got together and I found out that you liked being in the tub, it just made me . . . happy. I didn't do what I did a while ago to keep you from touching me. I want you so badly sometimes. I just have to get my brain and my body on the same page. Does that make sense?"

"You have to trust me," he reached out and lightly touched her face with the back of his hand.

"I trust you, Castle," she reached for his hand. "I'm just scared to let go."

He reached for her and pulled her close, fighting back tears when he felt her wrap her arms tightly around him. He didn't think it would be so hard. He'd literally walked through fire for her, but he no longer knew how to make this better. It seemed that for every step forward that they took, they always ended up taking three steps back.

They got up and got dressed for bed before climbing into bed. She settled into his shoulder, braiding her legs between his like she usually did. It had always been her favorite way to sleep next to him. "Are you scared to face him in court?" Castle's voice was loud in the quiet of the bedroom.

"Terrified," she admitted. "Are you?"

"I'm scared that I'm going to jump over the railing and beat the shit out of him. Other than that, I just want to be there for you."

"Castle, it might be tough to hear."

"I'm not letting you go through that alone."

"Okay," she relented, knowing that he was right. While she wanted him there, the thought of what he was going to hear scared her to death. She knew in cases like this, the defense always put the victim on trial.

**A/N: So I'm gradually bringing them back together. Nobody said it was going to be an easy process. For those of you who complain that the story's dragging, I apologize. The next chapter should be the last really angst-ridden one. And then I will start putting Kate and Castle back together. **


	10. Chapter 10--Showdown

**Disclaimers: They still aren't mine, unfortunately.**

**Summary: Kate finally faces Josh in court while she continues to make strides in overcoming her ordeal. This one gets seriously M, folks.**

**A/N #1: As promised, this will be the last truly angst-ridden chapter. And it's not truly that until toward the end.**

Chapter 10: Showdown

_Mid-July_

"So, I've got my writer buddies coming over tomorrow night to play poker. You're more than welcome to join us," Castle said as he sat on the edge of his desk watching Kate erase the murder board.

"Castle, as tempting as it is to make your friends cry like a little girls again, I think I'm going to pass. I think while you have your boys' night out, I'll see if Lanie wants to get together."

"Can I ask you a question?" He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What exactly goes on during these girls' night's out of yours? Do you watch chick flicks and paint each others' nails?"

"Castle, do I look 15 to you?" She made a face. "Well, we used to get drunk and talk about our sex lives. Come to think of it, we still get drunk and talk about our sex lives."

Castle almost made a sarcastic comment about their lack of a sex life, but he decided that it was best to let it go. Especially considering where they were at the moment. Since returning to the loft, they were once again at a sexual ground zero. Lately they weren't even making out, anymore. "Can I buy you dinner?"

"Yeah," she smiled at him.

He returned her smile, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Guilt was consuming her, eating her up inside. Castle was trying so hard, but as per her habit, she was doing everything in her power to push him away. As the date for the preliminary hearing approached, her nightmares had become more frequent, but so had his. They hadn't been able to return to the Hamptons because Kate was constantly meeting with the ADA regarding her testimony at the pre-lim and Castle didn't want to go to the house alone. Plus, she hadn't been able to get time off from work to go up there for a weekend. Throwing herself back into her work was giving her back that sense of control that she craved. "So, what're you in the mood for?" He asked, breaking through her thoughts.

"How about Indian?" She suggested. "Or Greek?"

"We could try that new Indian place near the loft," he said as she nodded. "Then, Indian it is."

It was nice to do something as normal as trying out a new restaurant. "I called my dad," she said as they began to eat. "I told him that I don't want him coming to the hearing. I also don't want your mother or Alexis there."

"How'd he take it?"

"He didn't like it," she sighed. "He wants to be there to support me. But, there are just some things that a woman doesn't want her father hearing the details of."

Since her rescue, Kate had only seen her father a few times. Right now, it was uncomfortable for her to face him and it was painfully obvious that he was at a loss as to what to say to her. "How have your meetings with the ADA been going?"

"Awful. He keeps warning me to keep my emotions under control. Not to get weepy or hysterical. It's just going to be different when I have to hear questions from his lawyer. I can't say how I'm going to react."

"Me, either," he took her hand. "I have nightmares where I strangle him with my bare hands."

"Rick, please promise me that you won't do anything stupid. I need you. You're not going to do me any good if you do something and they throw you in jail. If you can't keep it together, then I don't want you in there. I'll take one of the boys or Lanie instead. Promise me," she looked at him.

"I promise," he whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it.

***CCC***

"Doesn't he realize that if he does something stupid in court, then Josh is going to win?" Kate was sitting in Lanie's living room the next night.

"He's angry, Kate. I don't exactly blame him, do you?"

"No, I don't blame him. But, if he has an outburst, the judge is going to throw him out. I need him there, Lanie. At first, I didn't. I didn't want him to hear all of the details. Or, I should say, Josh's version of the details, which is probably all bullshit. But, he kept saying that he wasn't going to let me go in there alone. It was just so sweet . . . so Castle."

"So, have things gotten any better since your last trip to the beach?" Lanie asked. Kate had told her all about the night in the bathtub.

"No. How long is it supposed to take, Lanie? I mean, I want him all of the time. But, when I think about . . . making love with him, it's like my body says 'no way.' I want things to be the way that they used to be. I see him looking at me, and I know that he's thinking that he made a huge mistake."

"Kate, he's not thinking that. Maybe once this all ends, things will get better. At least you'll have resolution and peace."

"What if he doesn't go to prison? What if they give him probation?"

"Is that even a possibility?" Lanie was shocked.

"Anything's possible. We've both been in this line of work long enough to know how the justice system works. Sometimes it's a joke."

"What are the charges?" Lanie asked her friend.

"Are you sure that you want to know?" Kate's eyes filled with tears.

"Sweetie, it's okay."

"Kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, forcible oral sodomy, possession of a controlled substance, and five counts of rape. The ADA told me that he was practically bragging about the things that he'd done, like he was proud of it. When he told me and Castle what the charges were, Rick got . . . he got physically ill."

"If he's actually admitted what he did, why didn't he plead guilty?"

"To torment me and Castle. That's the only reason. Lanie, I keep having flashbacks to his fingers. I thought that it was Castle, but his fingers were different. I can't tell Castle about that."

"Kate, it was the drug. You have to keep telling yourself that. You love Rick. You've told me that the two of you have an intense physical relationship. Josh was using all of that against you."

"He said something about holding my heart in his hands. Lanie, sometimes I wish that he'd let me die that day. If he'd just let me go, I wouldn't be putting Rick through all of this pain now."

"But, you're here and you're going to get through this. I think that we should get smashed."

"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea," Kate laughed, wiping at her face.

***CCC***

Castle was cleaning up the mess from his poker game when he heard Kate's key in the lock. He looked toward the door as his wife entered on unsteady feet. "Mrs. Castle, are you a little drunk?" He teased as he walked over to her.

"No, Mr. Castle. I'm _very _drunk," she corrected him, throwing her arms around his neck as she clung to him.

"Let's get you a couple of aspirin and some water," he led her over to the counter where he parked her on a bar stool. He fixed her a glass of water and brought it over to her along with two aspirin.

"How was your game?" She asked after downing the aspirin.

"We all discussed our latest book ideas. They all have giant crushes on you, you know?"

"I told you, Castle. One-writer girl, remember?" She slurred.

"They're jealous that I got to you first."

"Terrific. Remind me to send all of them thank you cards," she got off of the stool and walked into the kitchen where Castle was still standing. She walked up to him and kissed his neck. "Take me to bed, Castle," she whispered in his ear.

It was the alcohol, he told himself. If he followed through with her request, it wouldn't make him any better than Josh. He'd be taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. "Come on, you need to sleep it off," he took her hand and started guiding her toward their bedroom.

"No, Castle," she protested. "I want you." She took his hand and guided it under her shirt. "Please, Rick?"

"Kate, you're drunk. If you wake up in the morning and feel the same way, then I'll gladly make love to you. But, right now, I'm not about to take advantage of your inebriated state."

She staggered ahead of him into their room and fell across the bed. He began undressing her, unable to keep himself from admiring her body while he removed her clothes. He pulled her shoes off before reaching up to unbutton her jeans and tugging them down her legs. She truly had the most endless legs that'd he ever seen in his life. She stared up at him, glassy-eyed, while he undressed her. "Drunk or not, Castle, I still want you. Give me your hand."

He knew that if she took his hand and guided it to where he knew she was going to guide it that he was going to lose every ounce of restraint that he had. "Sit up," he instructed her. When she did, he lifted her shirt over her head before unclasping her bra and removing it. He then went and got her large pink number 44 nightshirt from her dresser drawer and brought it over before slipping it over her head. "Get in bed," he pulled back the covers on her side and helped her in. "I'm going to go and take a shower. I'll be back in a few minutes."

When he came back into the bedroom, Kate was passed out; her body sprawled across his side of the bed. He shook his head as he walked up to the bed. Kate was a bed hog, and always had been, but this was ridiculous. He edged under the covers and moved his wife over as carefully as he could without waking her. She sighed, moving closer to him as her leg went into its usual place between both of his. He couldn't help smiling as he snuggled closer to her and quickly fell asleep.

It was early when Kate woke up the next morning. She got up and went to the bathroom before brushing her teeth and crawling back into bed beside Castle, who was sleeping on his stomach, his face squashed into his pillow. She glanced down at the clothes that she was wearing. She couldn't remember coming home, much less changing clothes. "Castle?" She poked him on the shoulder.

"Ummm?" Came the muffled reply against his pillow.

"Did I say or do something extremely stupid last night?"

"You came home and wanted me," he mumbled. "But, you were drunk, so I passed."

She couldn't remember what they'd been drinking at Lanie's the night before, but whatever it was had knocked her on her ass. She remembered talking to Lanie about the flashback of Josh's fingers. Only she'd thought that it was Castle. But, it couldn't have been Castle. Castle's fingers were huge and rough. Josh had a surgeon's hands. His fingers were more slender and they were softer. She took several deep breaths, trying to quell the panic that she felt settling in. 'No,' she thought. It was too damn early in the morning for a fucking panic attack. 'Re-focus, Kate,' she whispered to herself, using one of the many tools that Dr. Burke had taught her on how to deal with her triggers.

Through his sleep-fogged brain, Castle could hear Kate taking several deep breaths. He instantly sat up, knowing that whatever she was thinking about was triggering an attack. "Kate, what's going on?" He put his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, look at me. Stay with me. You're okay. Come here," he sat against the headboard and pulled her into his legs. "Where do you want to be?"

"Our swings," she finally answered as he slowly stroked her shoulders.

"Okay, close your eyes," he instructed. "Okay, you're at the swings. Do you see them?"

"Yes."

"Do you see a couple on a picnic?"

"No, but I see that annoying guy with the Jack Russell Terrier," she smiled.

"Just sit on the swing and relax. Listen to me when I tell you that you're going to be okay. That you're safe now."

"Thank you, Castle," she settled into his arms while he continued softly stroking her shoulders, his touch firm, but gentle. "Did you say something last night about making love to me if I still wanted you this morning?"

"Yeah, I might've said something along that line," he whispered into her hair.

Kate reached for his hand, lacing her fingers with his much larger ones. She wanted him to touch her so badly, but at the same time she was so unsure. She hadn't been this unsure of herself sexually since the first time that she'd had sex. Of all of the men that she'd ever been with, Castle was by far the best with his hands. The feel of his fingers on her skin was one of the strongest flashbacks that she kept receiving from her time in that basement. Even though she knew that it had been Josh's fingers on her, the memory of Castle was what she returned to every time.

Taking a bath with Castle had eased some of those flashbacks. She had managed to regain that power. Now she had to start regaining power over their love life. Castle sure as hell didn't deserve this rejection of him. She took his hand and moved it so that it was under her shirt, on her bare stomach. "Right now, I just need for you to touch me. Just touch me until I tell you to stop."

"Guide me, Kate," he whispered in her ear.

Taking a deep breath, she took his hand and guided him up, first to the scar that ran down her side. One of the scars that she shared with Castle. Keeping her hand over his, she guided him as he lightly grazed the puckered flesh. For a long time there was no sensation there when he touched it, just a feeling of numbness. Now it tickled slightly when he touched it. Sometimes now when he ran his fingers over it, he could make her giggle from the feeling. Which always made him start giggling. She smiled at the memory of one night when they'd start giggling so hard that Castle rolled them off of the bed and onto the floor, which only made them laugh that much harder.

She then moved his hand up to cup her breast. She heard his breath catch when he gently rubbed her nipple with his thumb, feeling it harden instantly. She bit back a whimper when he moved to the other breast and teased that nipple to hardness, as well. She dropped her hand onto her lap, leaving him to continue his explorations on his own.

Castle removed his hand before reaching for the hem of Kate's nightshirt and lifting it over his head before letting it drop to the floor beside the bed. He then pulled her back against his chest as he used both hands to caress and tease her breasts. He planted soft kisses on her temple as he listened to her breathing speed up. "Keep guiding me," he told her. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes," she sighed.

Removing one hand from her breasts, he began stroking lower, feeling her stomach quiver under the palm of his hand. He could feel her tense up when he rested his hand on the top of her panties. "I'll stop if you want me to. You just have to say the word."

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want you to stop. Please, Rick."

Before taking the next step, he slid his hand down and caressed her through her panties, feeling how aroused she was through the thin cotton. She arched her back against his touch, giving him a whine of desire as he continued touching her. He hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and began easing them down her legs as she kicked them off of her legs and feet.

She knew that she was so close that the second Rick touched her she knew that she was going to explode. She felt him hook his hand under her thigh, opening her to his greedy, seeking fingers. The tension was coiled so tightly in her belly that it was all that she could do to keep from screaming when she finally felt him touch her.

Rick held her tightly to him as he felt her writhe and arch against him. He entered her with two fingers, slowly moving them in and out as his thumb made contact with her engorged clit. Her cries and movement in his arms told him that she was extremely close. "Kate, let go," he whispered in her ear as he began to pump faster, feeling her inner muscles tighten around him.

"Castle!" She screamed out his name as she came, her muscles pulsating around his fingers.

He slowed his movements inside of her, allowing her to come down slowly. He was as hard as a rock, but that was the least of his worries right now. He knew that he could take care of that later. He planted soft, gentle kisses along her jaw, neckline, and shoulder before claiming her mouth with his own, sharing a long, slow kiss. "Thank you," she breathed against his mouth as he smiled.

"I love the feeling of holding you when you let go like that," he kissed her once again, savoring the feel of her mouth against his. "Just think. If we'd done this last night, you wouldn't have remembered it."

"So, that's why you said no," she smiled.

"Kate, you were extremely drunk. When I make love to you, I'd like for us to _both _remember it."

"Have I ever told you, Mr. Castle, just how extremely talented you are with your hands?"

"I'm a man of _many _talents, Mrs. Castle. When you're ready, I'll demonstrate a few more."

She didn't say anything else. She just cuddled into his side, feeling sleepy, but very, very sated. She knew that she'd just taken another pound of control away from Josh.

***CCC***

_July 28_

"I wonder how it's going in there," Kate wondered for the tenth time as her and Castle sat outside of the courtroom where the preliminary hearing was taking place. At the moment they were relegated to the corridor since both of them were witnesses. Esposito had gone with Ryan to get coffee. At the moment, Capt. Gates was in the hot seat.

"Please state your name and occupation for the record," ADA Roberts walked toward the witness stand.

"Victoria Gates, I'm a police captain with the 12th precinct here in New York City."

"Capt. Gates, do you know Det. Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes, sir. She's one of my homicide detectives."

"Could you tell the court about the events of May 22nd of this year?"

"Yes, sir. I was at home when I received a phone call at around seven p.m. from Det. Javier Esposito."

"What did Det. Esposito tell you?"

"He said that Det. Beckett's husband had called him earlier that evening saying that Det. Beckett hadn't returned home from visiting an old friend. He said that when he and his partner arrived at the residence, they found Det. Beckett's car, but there was no answer at the residence."

"What happened after that?"

"He said something about hearing her phone from inside of the house. That was when I went to the scene."

"No further questions."

"Good morning, Capt. Gates," Davidson's attorney, Mr. Steel, approached the bench. "When Det. Esposito called you, did he refer to my client as 'a friend' or a former boyfriend?"

"He said a friend. I didn't—"

"Thank you. But you did learn that Det. Beckett had been romantically involved with my client for almost a year?"

"Yes, Mr. Castle told me."

"How was Mr. Castle's demeanor when he told you about his wife and Mr. Davidson?"

"He was worried about his wife being missing."

"He didn't make any threats against Mr. Davidson?"

"No."

"None at all?" The lawyer gave her an incredulous look. "Not even to the media?"

"Objection! Leading!"

"Overruled. Move on, Mr. Steel."

"Why did you tell the news affiliates from Buffalo not to air Mr. Castle's threats toward my client?"

"Because they didn't mean anything. They were the utterances of a grieving spouse."

"I'm done with this witness."

The boys, Castle, and Kate looked up when Capt. Gates stormed out of the courtroom, her face a mask of rage. "His lawyer is a fucking lunatic!"

Esposito and then Ryan were called next. Kate and Castle were horrified to see them looking just as outraged as the captain had been when they left the courtroom. "I'm up next in the executioner's chair," Castle whispered, looking over when the door opened and the bailiff popped his head out. "Just stay calm. It's going to be okay."

Castle walked in and strode to the witness stand, trying to feel far more confident than he did. He was dressed in a black suit, black shirt, and black tie. His usual attire for funerals and courtroom executions. He was sworn in before taking the stand, trying to look anywhere but at the scum sitting at the defense council's table.

"Please state your name and occupation for the record," Mr. Roberts instructed him.

"Richard Castle. I'm an author."

"You're married to Det. Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes, sir," he smiled.

"How long have you been married?"

"Almost three months."

"How did you learn that your wife had been taken by the defendant?"

"On the evening of May 22, I went to his residence where I met up with detectives Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan. Kate . . . Det. Beckett's car was in front of the residence. I called her cell phone and we heard it ringing inside the house."

"Did you find any sign of your wife when you were able to enter the house?"

"No. We found her purse and her phone, but nothing else."

"What was Det. Beckett's condition when you found her?"

"She was disoriented, suspicious, she was scratched up from trying to escape her captor. She didn't trust me or Det. Ryan."

"How'd you regain that trust?"

"I offered her my hand," he stated simply.

"May I ask how Det. Beckett's doing now?"

"It's been a long process, but she's doing better. She refers to it as regaining control," he made it a point to stare at Josh, who just looked back with a bored expression on his face.

"No further questions."

"Good morning, Mr. Castle. Would it be fair to say that you're a wealthy man?"

"I'm a best-selling author, so yes, I earn a comfortable living."

"Is it true that Det. Beckett dumped my client for you?"

"No, that's not true. I didn't start seeing Det. Beckett until almost a year after she broke up with Mr. Davidson."

"So, she left one wealthy man for another."

"Objection!"

"I'll rephrase. Is it true that you don't like my client?"

"I never knew him well enough to form an opinion."

"Well, would you, say, pay a hundred thousand dollars to have him killed?"

"Objection!"

"No, that's okay. I'll answer that," Castle said. "That was under another set of circumstances."

"Did Kate Beckett ever tell you that she was in love with Dr. Davidson?"

"She told me that she really liked him."

"Has she told you anything about her time away from you?"

"She doesn't remember most of it."

"How convenient."

"Objection!"

"Overruled. Watch yourself, Mr. Steel."

"I have no further questions for this witness."

"Court will recess for lunch. We'll resume at 1:30. Court is in recess!"

Kate couldn't eat a bite. She'd seen that look of rage on Castle's face before. One night when she'd stood outside of a closed door and allowed him to go inside and interrogate a man who'd taken part in kidnapping Alexis. "You know that you don't have to go in there with me," she reached across the table and took his hand. "I'll be fine. He doesn't have the control anymore. I do."

"He's going to rip you apart, Kate. It's written all over his face."

"Everybody keeps telling me that I didn't do anything wrong. You, Lanie, my therapists. He can bend me, but he's not going to break me."

"Just focus on me, okay? If it gets too tough, Mr. Roberts has already said that you can ask for a recess. But I don't want you looking at him. I want your eyes on me."

"Okay."

She was scared. He could see it written all over her face, but she had so much steely resolve that he had no doubt that she'd make it through this. "So, the beach this weekend?" He smiled at her.

"That sounds wonderful."

When they got to the courtroom, he squeezed her hand and kissed her lightly. "I'll be right behind Mr. Roberts' table. Look for me, okay?" He forced her to look at him as she nodded.

She took several deep breaths while waiting for the bailiff to call her to the stand. When she walked into the courtroom, she gave a sideways glance to Castle before stepping up to the stand where she was sworn in. Out of the corner of her eye, she could still see Josh, so she shifted in her chair to get him out of her field of sight. After asking her for her name and occupation, Mr. Roberts launched into his questions.

"How long were you in a relationship with Dr. Davidson?"

"Eleven months. From July of 2010 until June of 2011."

"Did he ever exhibit any violent behavior toward you during this time?"

"No."

"Please lead the court through the events of May 22, if you will."

"Dr. Davidson called me early that afternoon. He told me that he'd seen my wedding picture in the paper. He asked me if I could come by his residence to get a wedding gift that he'd gotten for me and Mr. Castle."

"What time did you arrive at his home?"

"It was a little after five."

"How did he appear to you?"

"The same as he always had. He congratulated me on my wedding."

"How long were you there?"

"I don't know."

"Let me rephrase. How long were you at Dr. Davidson's house before you tried to leave?"

"I'm not sure. Ten, maybe 15 minutes."

"What happened when you told Dr. Davidson that you had to leave?"

"He asked if I'd give him a hug."

"What happened next?"

"He stuck something sharp into my lower back. I don't remember anything after that."

"Det. Beckett, how did you escape from Dr. Davidson?"

"I don't remember how I got away from him," she looked toward Castle, blinking away tears.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," she wiped at her face.

"What do you remember about the day that you escaped?"

"Being in the woods. I heard my name being called, but I thought that it was Dr. Davidson trying to find me."

"Was it?"

"No," she looked at Castle and gave him a tremulous smile.

"Who was calling for you in the woods?"

"Det. Ryan and Rick," she wiped at her eyes once again.

Castle glanced over to see Davidson whispering something to his attorney before nodding toward Kate. "No further questions," Mr. Roberts walked over to the table and sat down.

"You were with my client for 11 months. Isn't that what you said, Det. Beckett?"

"Yes."

"Your honor, could you instruct the witness to please make eye contact with me?"

"Objection!" Roberts jumped to his feet. "There's no rule that says that the witness has to look toward her accuser!"

"Is that even grounds for an objection?"

"No, but being a dumb ass sure as hell is!"

"Order!" The judge slammed his gavel down. "Mr. Steel, if you want eye contact, then I suggest you move. Det. Beckett is not required to have to look at the defendant. Mr. Roberts, watch your tone or you'll be enjoying 30 days of county hospitality. Please continue."

"Is it fair to say that you had an active sex life?"

Kate closed her eyes and counted to 10. She'd known that it was coming, but hearing the words didn't make it any easier. "Yes," she finally answered.

"Could your sex life with Dr. Davidson be classified as 'adventurous?'"

"Objection! Relevance!"

"Sustained. But, get to the point, Mr. Steel. I'm quickly losing patience."

"I don't understand what you mean by adventurous," Kate finally answered, glaring at the attorney.

The whole line of questioning was making Castle's skin crawl, so he could just imagine how Kate must be feeling.

"I'll move on," he suddenly said as Kate's eyes met Castle's. She wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. "Did you enjoy anything that happened during your time with my client?"

"No."

"No further questions," he suddenly announced as he walked back to the table.

"Re-direct, your honor," Mr. Roberts jumped to his feet.

"Proceed."

"Det. Beckett, you said that you have no memory of escaping from Dr. Davidson. Did you learn the reason for your amnesia?"

"They found a cooler with several vials of Ketamine in the basement."

"Could you tell the court what Ketamine is?"

"It's an animal tranquilizer that's sometimes used as a party drug."

"Did you test positive for Ketamine?"

"Yes."

"What are some of the side effects of Ketamine?"

"Memory loss, loss of motor control, temporary paralysis."

"Thank you, Det. Beckett. The prosecution rests, your honor."

"You may step down, Det. Beckett," the judge looked at her with sorrow in his eyes. "Court is in recess for 20 minutes. When we resume, the defense will present its case."

Castle got to his feet as Kate stepped down. When she walked up to him, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as she clutched his suit jacket in her fists. "Come on, let's go get some air."

After walking up and down the corridor for the entire recess, they re-entered the courtroom along with Javi, Kevin, and Capt. Gates. They all took seats behind Mr. Roberts table as they waited for Josh to be brought back into the courtroom. Kate was holding Castle's hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. "You don't think that he'll testify, do you?" Castle whispered to the boys.

"It's risky," Espo answered. "He puts himself at the mercy of the prosecutor."

Just then, Roberts entered the courtroom and walked up to where everybody was sitting. "Kate, I've offered him a deal. He's thinking it over right now. I've told him that he has about five minutes."

"What have you offered him?" She asked.

"Come on and I'll fill you and Mr. Castle in," he beckoned for them to follow him. They went into a nearby office and sat down. "If he's willing to plead guilty to the kidnapping, rape, and drug charges, I'm willing to drop the oral sodomy and unlawful imprisonment. He'll be sentenced to between 10 years and life in prison, but he'll have to serve at least 10 years before he's even considered for parole. And, if he's released, he'll have to register as a sex offender."

"Maximum security?" Kate asked.

"Absolutely. The balls in your court, Kate. If you're not okay with this, we'll continue with the pre-lim and see what happens when he gets in front of a jury."

"I just want for it to be over. I want my life . . . our life back."

"I'll let Mr. Steel know," he started to get up when Kate stopped him.

"Will I be able to make a statement when he's formally sentenced?"

"Yes."

"Will Castle?" She looked at Rick.

"Yes, Mr. Castle can also give a victim impact statement."

"Can you do one more thing for me, Sam?"

"What's that, Kate?"

"When you take him to Attica or Sing-Sing or wherever you send him, can you make sure that his cellmate is the biggest, most tattoo covered asshole in the joint?"

"Maybe not, but I'm sure that the guards might be more than accommodating," he gave her a wink before leaving the room.

Kate sat there for a few minutes before she turned to face her husband. He didn't say anything; he simply pulled her close and just held her. "You did it, baby," he told her, although he knew that she hated being called that. This time he just couldn't resist. "You took back all of the control."

"I feel so great right now, Castle. I just hope that he takes the deal."

"Well, let's go back and find out," he got up and took her hand.

The boys and Gates gave them questioning looks when they returned to the courtroom. But, none of them could help noticing that the Kate who took her seat beside them looked once again like the Beckett of old. The bailiff called court to order as the judge took the stand. "Please bring in the defendant," he ordered. "Will the defendant and his attorney please remain standing? Mr. Davidson, I understand that you're going to be changing your plea at this time."

"Yes, your honor," he said as the boys and Capt. Gates exchanged looks.

"What is your plea?"

"Guilty, your honor."

"Will you please describe your crimes to the court?"

"On the afternoon of May 22, I kidnapped Kate Beckett after injecting her with Ketamine. I then took her to my family home in Lake Erie, New York, where I held her against her will for five days. During that time, I repeatedly gave her the sedative Ketamine and sexually assaulted her on several occasions."

"Are the people satisfied?"

"We are, your honor."

"The defendant will be remanded to Riker's Island pending sentencing, which I will schedule for two weeks from today, August 12. Court is adjourned!"

Kate, Castle, and the others filed out of the courtroom after shaking hands with Mr. Roberts. "You did it, Chica," Espo hugged Kate before turning her over to Ryan and Capt. Gates, who also congratulated her. "You should be proud of yourself."

"I am," she wiped at the tears that were running down her face. "I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I feel so free right now."

"So, what're your plans?" Capt. Gates asked.

"Well, the Hamptons for one. But, right now I want to go to the playground," she smiled at her husband.

"It's a Castle-Beckett thing," he told the puzzled group.

When they arrived at the playground across from the loft, Castle couldn't get over how carefree Kate now seemed. The last time he'd seen her like this had been when they were in Hawaii. She held onto his hand as she practically danced around. "How about a snow cone?" He suggested, leading her over to a nearby stand. He bought them both snow cones before they walked over to their swings.

"Did you call Alexis?"

"I will when we get back home."

"I need to call my dad. I'm so happy, Castle."

"I know. I can tell."

"I want to go to the Hamptons and reclaim the rest of my life. But I won't truly celebrate until after I'm able to face him one last time. Then, we'll truly have everything back."

Castle smiled, thinking back to a blue gift bag that he'd hidden away almost a month before. He wondered if it was time to utilize what was inside of that bag.

**A/N #2: I'm sorry that this chapter ran on so long. I'm trying to achieve 50,000 words and I also wanted to get a lot of stuff into this chapter. **

**A/N #3: I couldn't resist having Castle call Kate 'baby' toward the end. In my other fan fiction universe that I write for, my male main character uses that pet name a lot. To me, it doesn't really fit Kate Beckett, but I couldn't resist.**

**A/N #4: The first part of the next chapter will be slightly angst-ridden, but everything after that will be fluffy Caskett goodness. We're going to open the blue gift bag, folks. Please keep reading and reviewing. **


	11. Chapter 11--Resolution and Reawakening

**Disclaimers: Nope, still not mine.**

**Summary: Kate and Castle get the last word where Josh is concerned. And, Lanie's wedding gift gets put to good use. M again, folks. Because this time, we're going to work on making a Castle baby.**

**A/N #1: There will be one more chapter after this one. I didn't get as many chapters as I was hoping, but I did achieve my 50,000 words, so I'm happy. I want to thank everybody for coming along for the ride. With each story, I get more followers and more reviews. I'd love to hug each and every one of you personally. **

Chapter 11: Resolution and Reawakening

_August 8_

It was a hot August morning. Kate had gotten up early to an empty bed. She got up and pulled on her robe before making her way downstairs to look for her husband. It wasn't hard to locate him. All she had to do was follow the sound of the crumpled paper and the groans. "What're you doing? Trying to kill a forest full of trees?" She teased, walking over to where Castle was sitting behind his desk, staring at his laptop.

"I'm trying to write my impact statement. Every time I start writing it, it just sounds stupid."

"Sometimes it's better not to write down what you want to say. You could just wing it," she stroked his neck tenderly.

"If I wing it, I'll be up there for three days. Did you write yours?"

"I wrote mine as soon as he pled guilty. Come on, let's take a walk," she reached down and tugged on his hand. "You're over thinking it."

The sand was hot beneath their feet as they walked down the beach. Castle looked out toward the waves before smiling at his wife. He suddenly had an urge to play. "Follow me," he pulled on her hand as he guided them toward the water.

"Castle, are you crazy? At least let's go put our suits on!"

"Come on, Beckett! Don't make me pick you up and throw you in," he challenged.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, wouldn't I?" He advanced on her as she tried to run from him. She squealed when she felt him grab her around the waist and spin her around.

She laughed when he picked her up and walked toward the water. It was so nice to be playful together once again. She was looking forward to the 12th, the day that she'd decided to give herself back to Castle totally. That was the day she'd finally be completely free. "Rick, put me down!" She kept laughing even as he walked into the water with her. She could see the waves coming toward them as he kept walking through the water. When he was waist deep, he let go of her. She came up spluttering sea water. She grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him under, but he was far too strong for her. Instead, she latched her hands around his neck and planted her lips to his.

He could taste the salt from the sea water on her lips when he kissed her. He picked up her legs and placed them around his waist as he moved deeper into the water. He jumped whenever a wave approached them. "I'm going to go under. And you're going to go with me. Are you ready?"

"At least you're warning me this time," she rolled her eyes.

"On three. One . . . two . . . three."

He dropped down, taking them both underwater. She was laughing when they resurfaced. "Do you feel a little better now?"

"You always make me feel better," he grinned.

"You're so sappy, Castle," she once again rolled her eyes as he began walking back toward shore. When the water got to his thighs, she lowered her legs and put her feet on the sand under her. "Let's go home and take a shower."

Walking back to the house, Castle was reminded of why it was never a good idea to get jeans wet. They felt like cement on his legs. They walked around the back of the house to use the shower by the pool. "Grab a couple of robes out of the closet," he instructed her as he began removing his wet clothes.

"It's a good thing that your mother and Alexis have gone back to the city. Neither of them need to be getting a peep show," she teased him.

She grabbed the robes and put them on a nearby patio table before removing her own wet clothes. He grinned when she stepped under the spray with him. Seeing her naked like she was now reminded him of the very first time he'd ever brought her to the Hamptons house. She'd come out to the pool and dropped her robe, revealing her gloriously naked body to him. And then the dead guy had fallen into his pool, almost ruining the weekend for them. "Do you remember the first time I ever brought you here?"

"How can I forget? A guy fell dead into your pool. Talk about a mood killer."

"As I recall, we recovered nicely," he pulled her to him.

"Yeah, we did recover nicely."

"So, four more days, huh?" He asked, referring to their agreed date.

"I think you can wait that long, stud," she grinned as she stepped out of the shower and walked over to grab her robe.

He couldn't wipe the grin from his face, watching her walk into the house. He felt like he was going to have her for the first time. He'd already spoken to Alexis and his mother to make sure that neither of them was going to be home that entire day. He had plans that involved scented candles, lingerie, and yes, even a Barry White CD. He intended to put Lanie's wedding gift to very good use. He turned the water to cold to cool down his raging libido before getting out and going to put on his own robe before going into the house.

***CCC***

_August 12_

It was incredibly muggy as Kate and Castle got into his Mercedes to drive to the courthouse. Both of them were tanned from their weekend in the Hamptons. But, they were both nervous, as well. "Just think, after today it'll be all over," Castle told her after he'd parked the car and they began walking to the courthouse.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to throw up?" She complained.

"It's just nerves, Kate."

The courtroom was almost empty when they walked in and took their seats. Shortly after nine, the bailiff called the courtroom to order and the judge entered. He then ordered Josh to be brought in. Kate couldn't help the self-satisfied smirk that came across her face at the sight of Josh coming into the courtroom wearing wrist and ankle shackles, dressed in an orange jumpsuit. "Orange is his color," she whispered to Castle. He simply put his finger to his lips, shushing her before they both got in trouble.

"Mr. Steel, before I pronounce sentence on your client, Det. Katherine Beckett and her husband, Mr. Richard Castle, wish to address the court. Mr. Castle, you may stand and address the court."

They'd both agreed to let Castle speak first, because Kate wanted the last words of freedom that Josh heard for a long time to come from her lips. She squeezed Rick's hand as he got up and walked to the lectern in the middle of the courtroom. He glanced briefly at the paper in his sweaty hands before turning to face Josh and his attorney. "Kate told me that you told her that I didn't care enough about her to come looking for her. A year ago I went to Paris on the sly to rescue my daughter. The one thing that you should remember is I'll do anything for the people that I love. When I went to Paris, I thought that those people who took my daughter were the biggest lowlifes I'd ever come across in my life. You proved me wrong. You're a decent looking guy. The kind of guy that dudes love in prison. While you're fighting off the next guy trying to make you his girlfriend, I want you to remember why you're there. You took out your jealousy on the most wonderful, decent, beautiful woman I've ever met. But, you know what? You didn't achieve your goal. She's still mine and we're stronger than ever. Think about that."

He went and sat back down beside Kate, who smiled and leaned into him. "I love you," she whispered in his ear.

"Det. Beckett?" She looked up when she heard her name. "It's your turn to address the court."

Taking a deep breath to calm her shaking nerves, she unfolded the two sheets of paper in her hands and smoothed them out. "Dr. Davidson, you took all of my vulnerabilities and you used them against me. You took my insecurities and twisted them for your benefit. You tried to destroy me. You did awful things to my mind and to my body. But, you didn't destroy my hopes. You didn't destroy my dreams. And you didn't destroy my marriage. When you come up for parole, I want you to know that I'll be telling that parole board all of the reasons why you shouldn't be getting out. And, I'll continue to be there for as long as it takes to make sure that you die behind bars, like the miserable creature that you are. I survived my mother's murder. And I survived this, too. I got the last laugh on you. Because now I'm completely free and you're going to be the one chained up in a tiny cell, wondering why you made the choices that you made. With this statement, I've reclaimed every last ounce of control that you thought that you had over me. I'm going to walk out of this courtroom today a free woman, while you go to wherever they decide to send scum of the earth like you."

Holding her head up high in triumph, she walked over and sat down next to Castle, smiling when she felt him place a tender kiss on her temple, making sure that Josh saw the gesture.

"Mr. Davidson, please rise," the judge ordered. "In accordance with the plea agreement reached by the District Attorney's office, I hereby sentence you to no less than 10 years, but no more than life in the New York State Penitentiary at Ossining. Do you have any final words before you're remanded into custody?"

"No, your honor," he glared at Kate and Castle.

"Get him out of here," the judge ordered.

Just like that, it was over. Kate was grateful that he'd pled guilty because with the court system being the way that it was, she knew that it could be months before he actually saw the inside of a courtroom. She hadn't been anxious to put hers' and Castle's lives on hold for that long. But now, after almost three months, she felt like she could breathe again.

It was quiet when they walked into the air conditioned coolness of the loft. New York in August was brutal, but at least it was cool in the apartment. "A long time ago, I bought several bottles of this champagne," Castle said as he walked over to his wine fridge. "I cracked opened the first bottle on the day that Alexis was born. I cracked opened bottle number two when _'Storm Warning' _became a best seller. Bottle number three was reserved for _'Heat Wave,'_" they shared a grin. "I have two bottles left." He opened the bottle and grabbed two champagne flutes before handing her one of them. "I would like to propose a toast. 'To the most maddening, challenging, frustrating, extraordinary woman that I've ever known. I thank god every day that you're in my life.' I love you very much."

"Thank you for not giving up on me, on us."

"Never," he smiled at her.

"So, if this is the fourth bottle and you have one bottle left, what's bottle number five for?"

"Our first child," his smile lit up his eyes. "And, I fully intend to launch that endeavor in about two hours."

"You've actually put the possible conception of our first child on a timeline, Castle?" Kate couldn't help but be amused. He was just so damn cute sometimes.

"It'll make for a great story."

"Castle, I do _not _want our first child to be a plotline for Nikki and Rook."

"No, I meant a story for our families. No, I have other plans for Nikki and Rook. I have something to show you. I'll be right back." He returned from his office a few minutes later, holding an all too familiar blue gift bag in his hands. He could see Kate's eyes widen as she watched him. "I know that Lanie gave this to you on one of the worst days of your life. But, it didn't start out that way. We can take the contents of this bag to create something wonderful and memorable from it. We can take what's in here and make our future. Make a baby with me, Kate."

She bit her lip, all the while watching his hopeful expression. She knew that he was right. When Lanie had given her that bag, she'd told her that it was to assist them in the baby making department. She remembered her friend Madison Keller telling her long before she'd started seeing Castle that Kate wanted to make Castle babies with the best-selling author. The chance had been stolen from them once, but she felt that this time, everything was going to be okay. She'd once told him that even on the worst days there was the possibility of joy. She had to take that worst day and turn it joyful. She put down her champagne glass and stepped up to him, taking the bag from him before reaching for his hand. She bit down on her lip a little harder before her lips curved into the breathtaking smile that he loved so much. The smile that was meant only for him. "Let's go make a baby, Castle," she leaned into him and kissed him, laughing when she felt his huge smile against her lips.

"So, what did Lanie pack in here, anyway?" He asked. She put the bag on the coffee table and began removing the contents.

"Let's see. We have one blue nightgown, one blue robe, one pair of matching blue panties, lilac scented candles, lilac bubble bath, and one Barry White CD."

"Let's go take a lilac scented bubble bath," he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

While she ran the water, Castle put the candles around the room, waiting to light them when they came to bed. But, he grabbed the CD player and the Barry White CD, bringing them both into the bathroom. Putting the volume at a comfortable level, he got into the foaming water before reaching up for Kate's hand and helping her in with him. She leaned back against his chest, sighing in the warm water and the intoxicating scent of lilacs. Even the baritone voice of Barry White was soothing in her ear. She moaned when Castle began placing soft kisses down her neck. She broke contact long enough to turn off the water before settling back against him once again.

He picked up her bath sponge and applied a liberal amount of her favorite body wash to it before he carefully began soaping her body, paying special attention to the areas where she desired it the most. "Castle," she sighed out his name when his hands began to lovingly caress her soapy breasts.

"Would you have any objections to naming our first child Barry?"

"Not going to happen, Castle," she sighed.

"Please tell me that you're not thinking of Richard Alexander, Jr.?"

"You don't want a junior?"

"Not really."

"Well, if we have a son, we could always name him for both grandfathers," Kate suggested.

"James Jackson," Castle paused his ministrations to consider it. "Not bad. We could call him J.J., for short."

"That was easy enough. Do you have a preference for a girls' name besides the fact that my mother's name has to be in there somewhere?"

"How about Beckett?"

"Johanna Beckett-Castle? Hyphenate my last name with yours?"

"No. I'm saying why couldn't we use your last name as our daughter's first name."

"Two reasons. One Beckett Johanna doesn't sound right and number two, every time somebody hollers 'Beckett,' we're both going to look to see who's being called. We'll work on that one. But, we need to conceive this imaginary kid first."

"I agree."

After getting out of the tub and drying off, they went into the bedroom where Castle lit the candles that he'd placed around their room. He then went over and turned back the bed before walking over and taking Kate by the hand, leading her over to the bed. "I love you," she cupped his face in her palms before kissing him, prying his lips open so that she could taste him. "Did you put Barry on a loop?" She asked, hearing the CD start again.

"I put it on auto-play. It'll play all night if we want it to."

Kate cried out when Castle placed his lips on the highly sensitive area just under her ear. She felt as if she'd been aroused for days, the buildup to this day almost more than she could bear. Castle's lips were smooth and hot as they ghosted over her skin. Every sense was on fire as he began slowly making his way down her body. Kate wrapped her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to her body when she felt him take one taut nipple in her mouth, lightly brushing it with his tongue as she whimpered under him. "More, Castle," she breathed, weaving her fingers through his hair.

He was more than happy to oblige her request. Moving to her other breast, he continued to lavish attention on her sensitive buds, as her cries became more fervent. He inhaled the scent of her, relishing the smell of lilacs, cherry body wash and her arousal. She smelled intoxicating. He moved back up so that he could kiss her, his tongue searching and arousing her to a fever pitch. She kissed him back just as hungrily as he was kissing her. She reached down to caress the hot, hard heat of him in her hand. "Kate," he growled out her name before gently removing her hand from him. "I've missed us," he kissed her once again.

"Me, too," she kissed his neck.

He gave her wide grin as he once again began moving his way down her body. Her stomach clenched in delicious anticipation when she felt him circling his tongue around her belly button. Moving to the end of the bed, he placed his hands on the insides of her thighs. She couldn't help giggling when she felt soft kisses on the backs of her knees. "Giggling during sex is so sexy," he whispered against her knees as she giggled again. Nibbling his way up each thigh, he could hear her breathing hitch in her throat and feel her trembling against his hands as he opened her up a little wider. "Kate, you are so wet," he lightly ran his fingers down her wet folds as she writhed and moaned at his touch.

"Castle, please!" She begged, wanting an end to the torment that he was inflicting on her. She grabbed a handful of hair at the first touch of his tongue on the bundle of nerves at her center. "Fuck, yes!" She arched against him as he held her down with both hands.

Orally ministering to her, Castle loved listening to her and the feeling of her quickly coming undone under his lips and tongue. He reached up and slowly entered one finger into her as she cried out even louder. He then inserted a second finger, feeling her clench around him. She pressed his head tighter into her core as he felt her approaching the point of no return. She cried out in disappointment when he removed his fingers before moving back up her body.

Lining his body up with hers perfectly, Castle entered her with a huge thrust that took her breath away. Kate wrapped her ankles around his thighs as she began matching him thrust for thrust, crying out ecstatically as she felt the tension building up in her body. She'd been so close earlier when he'd suddenly stopped what he was doing. "Harder, Castle. I'm so close," she scored his back with her nails, continuing to cry out when he began to move faster and harder.

Kate cried out his name against her neck as she came completely undone around him, feeling him get even bigger and harder before he emptied himself inside of her. Castle knew that his weight was probably crushing her, but he loved where he was at right now. She tightened her legs around him, holding him to her, wanting to make sure that she gave his little swimmers a fighting chance to meet up with her one lone egg. She cupped his face in her palms and kissed him. "I love you, Kate," he whispered, covering her mouth with his for a long, slow kiss.

He finally moved off of her and got up off of the bed, strolling out of the bedroom naked, returning a few minutes later with the bottle of champagne, their glasses, and some fruit. They shared the fruit before making love again.

Kate lay cuddled up against Castle later that afternoon, listening to his deep breathing as he slept at her side. There were times when she thought that she didn't deserve this sweet, wonderful man. But then she thought back to all of the adventures that they'd shared over the years. He'd walked through fire for her, spent an interesting night handcuffed to her as they faced off a tiger, faced possible Men in Black, and finally he'd searched for her for days after she'd been kidnapped by a crazy ex. Parenthood was another adventure that she couldn't wait to share with him. She just hoped that it had happened today.

She smiled when she felt Castle stir sleepily against her. "Hey, I just remembered something," he mumbled. "You forgot to put on the blue lingerie. Go put it on now, so that I can take it off of you," he grinned.

"You're not worn out, yet?" She teased.

"I'm making up for lost time," he grinned.

"You just want something else to do with your hands."

"Oh, believe me, I can think of plenty of things that I can do with my hands besides removing that delectable blue nightgown from your body," he reached for her.

"Fuck the nightgown, Castle," she said against his mouth. "Putting on the gown involves leaving this bed and I have no intention of doing that until tomorrow morning. So, start putting those writer's hands to good use."

**A/N #2: One more short chapter and we'll be all wrapped up. The last chapter is going to be fluffy bunnies, rainbows, and unicorns. I promise. Keep the reviews coming.**


	12. Chapter 12--A Welcome Surprise

**Disclaimers: Nope, not mine**

**A/N: I've decided to keep things going to have things come full circle for Castle and Beckett. I want to have them fully returned to what they were before Josh tried to ruin their lives. So, I'm going to include the birth of their first child together. I promise there will be no angst. There will be a routine, problem-free pregnancy.**

Chapter 12: A Welcome Surprise

_October_

Cooler fall temperatures had finally begun to arrive in New York City. Kate and Castle were walking around their park hand in hand, enjoying the changing leaves and cooler weather. Castle was discussing their upcoming Halloween party. "I was thinking," he said as their feet crunched through the fallen leaves. "I think that we should dress up as Sonny and Cher."

"Sonny and Cher? Seriously, Castle?" She stopped walking, her head spinning.

"Kate? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just got dizzy for a second. Castle, I don't want to dress up as Sonny and Cher."

"Okay, how about this? Pierre and Marie Curie," his face lit up as Kate rolled her eyes. "Too scientific? Cagney and Lacey? Nah, too 80's."

"Castle, can we sit for a few minutes?"

He led them over to a nearby picnic table where they both sat down. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just so dizzy. Maybe I'm coming down with something." Rick took her hand as she leaned into his shoulder. "Give me some more ideas for Halloween," she just wanted to lose this feeling that she was on a merry-go-round.

"Hmmm," he smiled, warming up to the challenge. "Cheech and Chong? Napoleon and Josephine?"

"F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda?" She smiled at him. "A writer and his muse."

"Zelda wasn't exactly his muse, but she was the love of his life. You're the love of my life."

"You're so sweet, Castle. Take me home and feed me."

"Your wish is my command," he helped her up from the picnic table as they walked across the street toward home.

After dinner, Castle brought his laptop into the living room, sitting on the couch while Kate curled up against him. This was their usual routine. Castle would get lost in the world of Nikki and Rook while enjoying the warm presence of his beautiful wife at his side. To him, life just didn't get much better than this. He rolled his shoulder, trying to loosen it up. "Kate, change spots. You're putting my shoulder to sleep. Kate?" He glanced down and smiled at Kate sleeping against his arm. Saving his document, he closed his laptop and set it down next to him before stepping up and lifting Kate into his arms as he carried her off to bed.

Kate woke up the next morning with no memory of how she'd gotten into bed. She could hear the shower running. Glancing at her cell phone, she jumped out of bed. "Shit!" She shouted, running over to the closet to grab her clothes. "Shit, Castle! Why didn't you wake me up?" She ran into the bathroom and turned on the water, ignoring the shout that came from inside the shower. "Castle, hurry up! We're going to be late!"

"I have meetings this morning!" He called over the sound of the running water.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I did," he stuck his head out of the shower door. "You hit me and told me, and I quote, 'to leave me the fuck alone,' end quote."

"You're such an asshole sometimes, Castle," she brushed her teeth before leaving the room.

He couldn't understand why she was so pissed off. He'd only done what she'd asked him to do. "Again, I was only doing what you _asked _me to do," he muttered to himself before reaching over and turning off the shower.

***CCC***

It was stifling hot in the bullpen. Kate had removed her jacket, but the atmosphere was still oppressive. "Beckett, are you okay?" Espo asked when he saw her suddenly grab the edge of her desk.

"Yeah. It's just hot in here. Do you have anything?"

Esposito glanced down at the file in his hands. "Yeah, the wife's alibi checks out. She was with her personal trainer from eight until shortly after 10, within our kill zone."

"Okay, go ahead and cut her loose." She turned and walked toward the break room to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine. Her head felt like it was buzzing and the break room felt like it was miles away and just getting further away by the second.

She walked into the break room and put some coins into the vending machine. Bending down to grab her bottle of water, the room began to spin like she was on some crazy merry-go-round. Her last memory before the world went black was thinking about how sleepy she felt. She just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.

Esposito and Ryan were chatting when they heard a crash coming from the break room. Both men raced into the room to find Kate unconscious on the floor between the vending machine and one of the tables, blood trickling from a cut on her forehead. "Beckett!" Ryan shouted as other officers came running to see what was going on. "Espo, get Gates and call 911! Beckett! Come on, Kate. Wake up!"

Esposito left the room, returning moments later on the phone with 911 and Capt. Gates right behind him. "What happened?" Gates asked.

"I don't know," Ryan said. "Beckett!"

Kate could hear voices coming from far away, much as the voices that she'd heard after being shot. Everybody seemed to be talking at once. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up to see the concerned faces of her co-workers hovering over her. "What happened?" She asked, struggling to sit up.

"Beckett, take it easy," Gates pressed a hand to her shoulder. "There's a bus on the way. Keep this pressed on your head," she placed Kate's hand up to a paper towel pressed to her temple. "Do you know what happened? Did you slip?"

"I came to get some water. I don't know what happened. I got so dizzy," she moaned, bending down to put her head between her knees.

Gates was about to say something further, but she was interrupted by two ambulance attendants. "What seems to be the problem?" The first one asked.

"I don't know," Kate was still so confused. "I must've passed out."

"Do you think that you can stand up so that we can check you out?" The attendant asked as he helped her to her feet with assistance from Ryan and Gates. "Just sit on the edge of the table. What's your name?"

"Kate. Kate Beckett. Did somebody call Rick?"

"I'll call him as soon as we get you checked out," Gates told her.

"How old are you, Kate?" The attendant asked.

'Thirty-four. I'm okay. I just got a little dizzy."

"Well, your blood pressure's a little low and your heart rate's a little high. I think we should get you checked out," the attendant said as Kate bit back a groan. "Besides I think that cut on your head might need a couple of stitches."

"You heard the man, Beckett. Let them take care of you. I'll call Castle and tell him to meet you at the hospital."

***CCC***

Castle felt his phone buzzing on his hip as he sat in meetings at Black Pawn. When he came out, he checked his voice mail and his blood froze in his veins. 'Mr. Castle, this is Capt. Gates. Beckett passed out here at the precinct. She regained consciousness, but she's been taken to Lenox Hill Hospital as a precaution.'

"Shit!" Castle ran out of his publisher's building and reclaimed his car. He was surprised that he didn't get pulled over or kill somebody as he raced to his wife's side. She'd been feeling badly the day before. He should've made her stay home in bed. What if she was sick? What if she was dying? He couldn't face a life without her. He blinked back tears as he raced into the emergency entrance of the hospital, thanking God for valet parking.

He ran up to the information desk. "I'm looking for a Kate Castle! She was brought here by ambulance about an hour ago. I'm her husband. She might also be under the name of Beckett."

"Down the hall, trauma room four," the receptionist answered in a dispassionate voice.

Castle ran down the hall, only to be stopped by a stern looking nurse when he tried to enter the room. "You can't go in there, sir," the nurse told him.

"My wife's in there," Castle sputtered.

"She's in with the doctor right now. He'll be out to talk to you in a few minutes."

Inside of the trauma room, Kate was staring up at the doctor in disbelief, trying not to grin so much that her face would split apart. "Are you sure?"

"According to what I was taught in med school, yeah, I'm sure."

"So, that's why I fainted?"

"That's probably why you fainted," he nodded as he finished ministering to the cut on her forehead.

"Doctor," a nurse stuck her head in. "Mr. Castle's out here and if you don't let him in here, I'm going to have to call security on him."

"Let's give him the news, shall we?" The doctor suggested, smiling at his patient, who looked to be completely over the moon.

Seconds later, Castle burst into the room and rushed over to the hard hospital bed. "Kate, are you okay? I just got Gates' message. What happened? Ooh, how many stitches?" He asked, noticing the bandage on her forehead.

"Three. Castle, I have something to tell you," tears came into her eyes as she reached up and touched his face with her hands. "Castle, we're pregnant."

At first, the words didn't register. But, then she saw the light dawn in his blue eyes and his face broke out in the world's biggest smile. His eyes then filled with tears, but he continued grinning as she grinned back, feeling giddy with happiness. "We're pregnant?" He repeated her words back at her as she nodded. "How pregnant?"

"About eight weeks. I think that we got pregnant on that afternoon in August. Lanie's baby making gift got us pregnant."

He was laughing and crying as he pulled her to him and smothered her face with kisses, finally covering her mouth with his own and kissing her tenderly. The doctor smiled and discreetly left the room, leaving the couple to share their joy in private.

"So, that means an anniversary baby?" He rubbed her stomach slowly.

"The doctor says it'll be sometime in early to mid May," she confirmed. "It's going to be perfect this time, Castle. I promise."

After giving her some after care instructions, as well as instructions to follow up with her own OB/GYN, Kate was allowed to go home. "We're having a baby," he continued grinning as she was wheeled out of the hospital.

"We're having a baby," she repeated, squeezing his hand while they waited for the valet to bring the car around. "I want to tell everybody right away, Castle. It just feels right this time."

"We'll call everybody when we get home," he smiled, looking toward the curb when the valet brought the car up. He helped her in and made sure that she was settled before walking around to the driver's side and getting behind the wheel.

***CCC***

"Does it hurt?" Alexis asked, referring to the bandage-covered cut on Kate's head.

"It stings a little, but it's not too bad. I don't even know what I hit my head on."

"Well, at least you didn't get hurt worse," Jim Beckett smiled at his daughter. "Do we need to guess the reason for why you passed out at work?"

Kate bit her lip and smiled, looking down toward her feet before shooting a glance Castle's way. "Let's just say that it's all Castle's fault."

All three of their family members exchanged knowing looks before everyone erupted at once. "Congratulations, kiddo!" Martha embraced her son and Kate. "How do you feel?"

"I feel great," Castle deadpanned as his mother rolled her eyes. "Oh, you were talking to Kate."

"I feel good, except for the whole fainting at work thing," Kate smiled.

Jim Beckett walked over and pulled his daughter into his arms. "It's going to be so much better this time, Bug. I can feel it."

"So can I, dad," she melted into his embrace. "That's why I didn't want to wait before we told all of you guys."

When Kate moved out of her father's arms, she couldn't help but notice how frightened Alexis seemed. Kate knew how she'd consoled her father when she'd miscarried a year before. "It's going to be okay, Alexis," Kate walked over to the young woman. "Your dad and I planned everything so carefully this time. We both want this so badly. I feel so hopeful this time. Please be happy for us."

Alexis looked up at her father, as he gave her a reassuring smile. "It's going to be okay."

"Can I help decorate both nurseries?" She asked in excitement. Rick and Kate grinned at each other before throwing their arms around her.

"Yes, you can help decorate the nurseries!" Kate promised her.

***CCC***

"_Castle, we're pregnant."_

Lying in bed, waiting for Kate to get out of the shower, those words kept replaying in Castle's head over and over. Not "I'm pregnant,' but "we're pregnant." And she was right. The two of them were in this journey together. He hadn't gotten that reaction from Meredith. With his ex-wife, he had heard nothing but complaints about what he'd done to her. He knew that he was going to get complaints from Kate. After all, pregnancy hormones were a bitch. But, at least he knew this time to take things in stride.

He grinned when the bathroom door opened and Kate stepped out, emitting a huge cloud of steam as she walked over to the bed. "People are going to think we're crazy if we don't stop grinning like a couple of idiots," she smiled, crawling into bed beside him.

"I can't help it. We're having a baby, Beckett," he kissed her.

"Are you going to keep saying that for the next seven months?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Well, at least you've warned me." She started giggling when he raised her nightshirt. "Castle, what're you doing?"

He scooted down the bed until his chin was resting on Kate's bare abdomen. "Hello, new baby Castle," he whispered as Kate kept giggling. "Ignore your mother. She's crazy at the moment. Anyway, this is your daddy. Your mommy and I can't wait to see you and hold you. We've been waiting so long for you. We both love you so much," he planted kisses all over her stomach as Kate continued giggling. "Are you that ticklish?"

"Yes!" He moved back up and pulled her into his arms. "Are you going to come to all of my appointments?"

"I'm going to be with you every step of the way."

"I'm a little scared, Castle," she admitted.

"I know," he rubbed her back. "So am I. But, after the bad that you've been through over the last five months, you deserve happiness. _We _deserve happiness. In seven months, we're going to be rewarded with a healthy, happy baby. That Castle baby that you've been wanting for three years."

Melting into his embrace, Kate found herself thinking that seven months felt like a lifetime away. She couldn't wait to bring this new life into the world and share the adventure with her husband. While at times he was still her nine-year-old on a sugar rush, there were so many other layers to the Castle onion, as well. He was a man who'd do anything for his family, as he'd demonstrated so many times now. But, most of all he was a man who loved her deeply and unconditionally.

**A/N #2: I don't have any children of my own, but I've been around a lot of pregnant women. I want to create a great pregnancy adventure for Kate and Rick.**


	13. Chapter 13--The Witching Hour

**Disclaimers: Yeah, I wish. Just trying to kill time waiting for September 23.**

**A/N: The adventure begins.**

Chapter 13: The Witching Hour

_October_

Castle awoke to the sound of Kate retching in the bathroom. In the week since her news, that sound had become very familiar. But unlike the last time, she'd so far only been sick in the mornings. He was excited because today was her first appointment with Dr. Caldwell, her regular OB/GYN.

The bathroom door opened and Kate emerged, looking pale as she walked over and took clothes from the closet for her appointment. "I think our kid hates me, Castle," she complained.

"Our kid doesn't hate you," he got out of bed and walked over to enfold her into his arms. "Hopefully the morning sickness will ease up in a few weeks."

"It's just funny that I didn't start getting sick until I got the news."

"It happens that way sometimes."

"Can I ask questions about how Meredith was?" He made a face. "Castle, you've been through this before. I haven't. Was she horribly sick? Did she get outrageously fat?"

"She didn't have horrible morning sickness, but she did get huge. And she hated it. Alexis was a mid-summer baby, and so I got blamed for everything."

"Well, you were responsible," she reminded him. "Did she have a long labor?"

"Yeah," he pulled back from her. He didn't want to start scaring her with details about his ex-wife's labor and delivery.

"Rick?"

"I need to take a shower," he kissed her. "Your appointment's at nine."

An hour later, they were sitting in Dr. Caldwell's waiting room, surrounded by several other women in different stages of pregnancy. "I can't wait until I look like that," she nudged Castle as they looked at one of the women who'd waddled in, looking like she was going to deliver any second.

"You say that now," he grinned. "You'll have a different reaction when you actually do look like that."

"Mrs. Castle?" The nurse popped her head out of the door.

Castle couldn't help grinning as he put his magazine aside to follow Kate. He loved it when she actually used her married name. The nurse showed them to a room and left them after telling them that the doctor would be with them soon. "Castle, would you please leave things alone?" Kate admonished her husband who was amusing himself with various items in the room.

"Good morning, Kate. I see that you brought your husband with you. Good morning, Mr. Castle," Dr. Caldwell greeted Rick with a handshake. "So, tell me what happened a week ago."

"I got dizzy at work and fainted. I was taken to the ER and they ran a pregnancy test. Which turned out positive."

"How do you feel about trying again? How long has it been since the miscarriage?"

"Fourteen months. I feel great. We planned this," she smiled at Castle, who nodded in agreement.

"That's good. I always encourage couples who lose a child to try again as soon as possible. Most of them take my advice. I'm glad to see that you were one of them. Okay, I'm going to get some blood and urine from you, and then I'll do a pap test, and finally I'll do an ultrasound. I'll give you and Mr. Castle your first pictures of that new baby. Mr. Castle, I'm going to ask you to step out for just a little while and then I'll have the nurse bring you back in."

Kate hated having blood taken. She hated needles. It was a phobia that she'd shared with her mother. Something about needles turned her into a little girl again. But, the nurse who came in to take the blood was so good that she didn't even feel the needle going in. "You'd better be working every time I have to give blood," Kate told her after the nurse had placed a tourniquet around her vein.

After giving a urine sample, the doctor prepped Kate for the pap test. "Why are you doing one? Didn't I just have one a few months ago?"

"Yes, you did," the doctor confirmed. "But, it's always a good idea to have one when you discover that you're pregnant. We want to make sure that your cervix can support a pregnancy."

"What if it can't? Is that what happened before?" Kate felt herself beginning to panic.

"Kate, relax. It's a precaution. I perform one on all of my pregnant patients. Believe me, this won't be the only time during your pregnancy that I'm going to be down here, so you might as well start getting used to it. Okay, all done. Lucy, you can go and get Mr. Castle," Dr. Caldwell pulled off her gloves and walked over to wash her hands. "I'm going to go get the ultrasound and I'll be right back."

Kate was still flat on her back when the door opened and Rick stepped in. "Hi," he whispered, walking over to the table and kissing her. He gently caressed the arm that the blood had been drawn from. "Did it hurt?" He knew how she hated needles.

"No, Lucy's very good at her job," Kate smiled at the young nurse.

"Okay, Kate," Dr. Caldwell re-entered the room, pushing the small ultrasound machine. "Let's see if we can get a good picture of that baby."

As the doctor set up the machine, Kate and Rick couldn't wipe the silly grins off of their faces. "Tell me about the first time that you saw Alexis."

"Uh, I wasn't actually _with _Meredith. She showed me the pictures and was showing me where everything was, but I just took her word for it."

"Rick, I promise that I will share _everything _with you," she reached up and rubbed her fingers along his cheek.

The doctor smiled watching them. "You're going to need to raise your gown, Kate," the doctor instructed her. "This gel's going to be cold."

"Ouch!" Kate screeched. "You weren't kidding!"

The doctor placed the transducer on Kate's still very flat tummy and slowly moved it back and forth while everybody in the room kept their eyes glued to the monitor. It was Castle who noticed it first. "Oh, wow," he could barely breathe while he kept watching the monitor.

To Kate, if it hadn't been for the very obvious rapidly beating heart on the screen, she wouldn't have been able to even tell that it was a baby. To her, it reminded her of the blip that they'd seen while working the MiB case a few years before. "Castle, if I didn't know better, I'd say that we were having an alien."

The doctor laughed, but she was the expert, so she pointed out to Kate where the features of their unborn child were. "From the looks of things, I'd say that you're about nine or 10 weeks along. That will put your due date around the second week of May."

"This is the point where I was the first time," she couldn't help but remember.

"Yes, you are. In fact, you're the majority of the way through that critical stage. I'm going to give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. It's important for you to eat well and get plenty of rest. Keep your stress at a minimum."

They walked out of the doctor's office a short time later, with pictures of the baby, a prescription for vitamins, and Kate's appointment for November. They stopped at the pharmacy near the loft to fill the prescription, walking around hand in hand while they waited. Naturally they found themselves in the baby aisle. Kate's mind was boggled by the amount of stuff that the store sold for babies. "Are we really going to need all of this stuff?"

"Babies are big business," Castle told her. "I remember when Alexis came home from the hospital and I saw the newborn diapers for the first time. They were so tiny and so . . . cute. But man, what came out of them when you changed them . . . let's just say, not so cute." He shuddered at the memory as Kate laughed.

"Castle, I've never changed a diaper in my life. I wouldn't even know how to start."

"You never babysat?" He asked as she shook her head. "Maybe Jenny will let you practice with Colleen. Actually that's perfect. Because you get a baby who's at the squirming, 'I'm going to crawl away from you the minute your back is turned' stage. But, speaking of them, when are you going to deliver the news?"

"Soon, I guess," she picked up a jar of baby food and made a face. "Our kid's actually going to eat this stuff?"

"Yeah. Just take my advice and don't buy any baby food that's orange or green. For obvious reasons," he looked at her as she rolled her eyes.

When they walked into the loft an hour later, she was exhausted. "Lay with me, Castle," she took his hand and led him toward their bedroom.

Lying in his arms, she pulled out the ultrasounds pictures from her purse. "I see that ultrasound pictures haven't improved much in 19 years," he said, his voice a low rumble against her shoulder.

"I still say that it looks like an alien."

"Believe me, that alien is going to look like a human being soon enough," he traced his fingers over her stomach.

"I still want you there," she murmured sleepily. "You're a huge part of this."

***CCC***

Castle wasn't even aware that he'd gone to sleep until he heard the doorbell persistently ringing. He got out of bed and stumbled toward the front door. He was shocked to find Capt. Gates standing there when he opened the door. "Sir?" He stared at her bleary-eyed.

"I've been trying to call Beckett all morning. And then I started trying to call you. Don't you two ever turn your phones on?" She asked, walking past Castle into the loft.

"Please come in," he said sarcastically. "Kate had an appointment this morning and I went with her. I guess we forgot to turn our ringers back on."

"Sir?" Kate stared at her boss, hating the way that she looked. She had bed-hair and her clothes were wrinkled from having gone to sleep in them. "What're you doing here?"

"I came to check on one of my detectives. Have you had any more fainting spells?"

"Yeah, I've fainted a couple of times, but at least now I have a reason why."

Capt. Gates found herself watching Beckett, and then allowed a small smile to come to her lips. She'd suspected it that day at the precinct, but she'd wanted her detective to confirm it. "So, when are you due?"

"Sir?"

"Come on, detective, I have three children of my own. So, when are you due?" She asked again.

"May," Kate answered. "It was definitively confirmed by my OB/GYN this morning. I'm about 10 weeks along."

"Congratulations," the captain smiled. "To you too, Mr. Castle."

"Sir, you're not going to pull me out of the field, are you?"

"We'll talk about curtailing your activities, but I have no intention of chaining you to a desk just yet. That'll come soon enough. So, when are you coming back to work?"

"Monday?" Kate suggested as the captain nodded.

"Do you want me to tell your team or do you want to do it?"

"No, we'll take care of it," she smiled at Castle.

After Gates left, Kate walked over and slipped her arms around Castle. "Let's get everybody together at The Old Haunt. I have a craving for fried dill pickles."

***CCC***

Kate and Rick were already at a table where Kate was busily working her way through a huge platter of deep-fried dill pickles when her team and Lanie arrived. "Are you really going to eat that whole platter?" Rick asked in amusement.

"I'm starving," she said with her mouth full.

"I'll go get another order as well some other munchies," he said, getting up from the table.

"So, where's the fire?" Espo asked as he and Lanie slid into the booth, followed by Ryan and Jenny, who'd gotten a babysitter for Colleen.

"We'll tell you when Castle comes back," she continued eating as her four friends watched her in amusement.

"Uh Beckett, I'm almost sure that they'll still be serving food tomorrow," Ryan told her.

"Okay, I placed another order of pickles and some wings. They'll be out soon," Castle took his seat beside his wife. "I also got us a round of drinks."

"You didn't order me anything alcoholic, did you, Rick? I'm breastfeeding," Jenny reminded him.

"No, I ordered virgin drinks for you and Kate," he assured her.

"Chica, you're not drinking?" Espo looked at Kate as a sly smile came over his face. "Is that why you fainted last week?"

"Girl, that's fabulous!" Lanie squealed while everybody started talking at once. "How do you feel?"

"Hungry," she complained, glaring at Castle. "Are you going to get me some food or what?"

"It's coming. What do you want me to do? Go back there and cook it myself?" She raised her eyebrow. "Okay, dumb question."

"Dude, welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy hormones," Ryan grinned.

"I know. I remember some of this from the last time and from my first round with my ex."

"Castle, _do not _bring up your ex," she warned him.

Castle was about to say something more when the waiter came over with the food and drinks. "I'd like to propose a toast," Ryan raised his glass. "To Beckett and Castle. Here's to a happy, healthy baby. You guys deserve it."

They all clinked their glasses together. After eating, the boys got up to go shoot some darts, leaving the three women at the table. "So, are you okay, Kate?" Jenny asked.

"I'm perfect. Except for the morning sickness and passing out."

"How often has that happened?" Lanie asked in concern.

"Twice since that first time. Luckily, Castle was there both times. But, it scares me to be by myself. The websites I've looked at say that it should pass by the end of the first trimester."

"Listen Kate. Don't buy any books or anything. I've got a ton of stuff that I will gladly pass on to you. Just do me a favor and don't put Ryan in the position of having to deliver your baby." The three women laughed at the memory of Kate delivering Jenny in the front seat of her Crown Vic.

The three men were at the dart board, taking turns throwing darts. "Dude, I totally meant what I said in my toast," Ryan told him. "After all the shit Beckett's been through over the past several months, the two of you totally deserve this."

"Thanks, Kevin."

"We won't let her do anything stupid, bro," Espo promised.

***CCC***

It was a little after one when they walked back into the loft that night. Kate stripped off her clothes and changed into her sleep attire before going into the bathroom where Castle was brushing his teeth. "I love you," she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his back.

"I love you, too," he turned into her embrace, kissing her softly. "You do realize that all of that sodium that you consumed tonight probably wasn't good for you or the baby."

"Great, Castle," she pulled away from him. "Accuse me of trying to hurt our kid."

She turned and stomped back into the bedroom. Rick sighed, before turning to rinse off his toothbrush before leaving the bathroom. "I wasn't accusing you of anything," he got into bed next to her. "I'm just saying that there are some foods that you might want to start avoiding."

"Rick, the last time I did everything right. _Everything_. And it still ended up going badly."

"Kate . . . sweetie, come on. What happened wasn't your fault. It just happened," he looked over to the sonogram pictures that were still on his nightstand where she'd left them that afternoon when they'd taken a nap. "Look how cute our little resident alien is," he said, trying to get her to smile.

"I still can't tell where anything is," she leaned into his shoulder as they carefully studied the four pictures they'd been given.

"I'll be right back," he jumped out of bed, returning moments later with a photo album. "In a few months, this is what your sonogram pictures should look like."

He removed a picture from the album and placed it in Kate's hands. "Alexis?" She smiled up at him. "Oh wow, Castle. Now, this looks like a baby. Were you happy knowing that she was a girl?" Kate smiled at the very obvious indicators that the baby in the grainy picture was a little girl.

"I was thrilled," he kissed her forehead. "I was so young at the time. I wanted to party and have a good time. But then I saw this picture and I knew that the party was over."

"Well, not completely," she rolled her eyes.

"No, not completely. But I always made sure that Alexis' needs came before mine."

"I just wish . . . I wish that I felt more pregnant. Does that make sense?"

"Don't worry. You will very soon," he kissed her once again. "Get some sleep."

***CCC***

Castle's annual Halloween party was in full swing. As planned, he and Kate dressed up as F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda. Ryan and Jenny brought baby Colleen. Dressed as the Cone Heads from _Saturday Night Live_, they'd made their small daughter part of their costume. Now almost ten months old, the baby was the best of both parents and she was having a blast being passed from one party guest to another. "The nice thing about bringing a baby to a party," Jenny shouted to Kate after Alexis had commandeered the baby, "is you never have to hold it. Somebody will always take the baby from you."

"Until her diaper needs to be changed," Ryan added as his wife nodded.

"Or she needs to be fed."

Kate was having a good time, but she was still so tired and the music was giving her a headache. She took the baby from Alexis and went to sit on the sofa. After Colleen bounced on Kate's knee and played with the string of beads around her neck, she got drowsy and fell asleep, her head against Kate's breast. Kate shifted her until she was lying in her arms, enjoying the warm baby smell of her. She blinked when a camera flash went off in her eyes. She glanced up to find Castle watching the two of them, pure love written all over his face. He sat down and slipped his arm around her. "You make a beautiful picture holding this baby," he kissed her.

"Oh, and I think I've got the whole diaper thing down," she told him. "Jenny let me change her a while ago. She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is. We'll have ours before you know it. Believe me; the time goes by faster than you think it will."

The party wrapped up after midnight. Kate started to help Castle clean up the worst of the mess, but her energy tanked a third of the way through, which left Castle and Alexis to clean up. "Dad, maybe you should put her to bed," Alexis nodded toward the sofa and Kate, who was crashed in one corner. "I've got this."

"Thanks, pumpkin," he kissed his daughter.

Castle carried Kate to their bedroom and placed her on the bed before he started removing her clothes. "Wait, Castle. I have to pee," she complained.

He helped her to her feet and into the bathroom. Worried that she would fall asleep on the toilet, he went to check on her, only to find her passed out on the bathroom floor. "Shit!" He called out. "Kate! Come on, Kate! Wake up!"

She opened her eyes and stared into the deeply concerned eyes of her husband. "What happened?"

"I think you passed out again," he gently helped her to her feet. "Did you hit your head?"

"I don't think I passed out. I think I just fell asleep on the toilet and fell off." She looked at Castle, who couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Come on, Castle. It's funny."

"No, it's not. You gave me a heart attack," he led her back to their bed.

"Dad! Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, false alarm!" He called back.

"You have to admit that it's a _little _funny," she said as he helped her into bed and pulled the comforter over her.

"Okay, it was a _little _funny," he grudgingly admitted, before Kate's face erupted into a huge grin and they both started laughing hysterically. "You are the most maddening, challenging, frustrating, _pregnant _woman that I've ever met. I love you, Katherine Castle."

"Happy Halloween, Castle. I love you, too."

**Please read and review. I have a goal in mind.**


	14. Chapter 14--Bonding

**Disclaimers: No, I still don't own it.**

**Summary: Castle's out of town on a book tour, which leaves Kate alone with her pregnancy hormones, while Alexis, Lanie and Martha try to cheer her up. This one's going to be M rated, because, well, Castle's out of town, which means he has to come back home.**

Chapter 14: Bonding

_November_

"This was such a great idea, Alexis," Kate sighed over a spoonful of ice cream. "I'm so glad that you called me to suggest it."

"Well, I figured with dad being out of town, you were probably a little lonely. Besides, ice cream makes everything better," the red-head smiled.

"Yes, it does," Kate agreed. "Well, almost everything."

Alexis knew that Kate was missing her dad. He'd been gone for a week on a book tour to promote the latest Nikki Heat book and he wasn't due home until a few days before Thanksgiving. "At least you can still talk to him on Skype every night."

"Yeah, but he's going to miss my next doctor's appointment," Kate sighed, placing her spoon in her empty ice cream bowl.

"I'm so glad that you and my dad planned all of this," Alexis smiled. "I can't wait to be a big sister."

"I take it that you've wanted to be a big sister for a long time."

"As long as I can remember. My mom made it pretty clear that she wasn't about to have another kid, so that left my dad. When he married Gina, I thought that maybe they'd have a baby. But, they weren't together long enough to be a decent couple, let alone have a baby."

Kate felt so bad for Alexis at times. It had to be hell to grow up with a mother who didn't show a lot of interest in you. At times, Johanna Beckett had shown too much interest in her daughter, but at least Kate realized that she was loved. "Alexis, did your mother ever tell you anything about your birth?"

"Yeah. She told me that she was in labor for 36 hours and then they had to do an emergency c-section."

That was why Rick wouldn't talk about his daughter's birth. He didn't want to scare Kate. "That must've been scary for her."

"She said that when she came out of the anesthetic, she told my dad that _no way _was she ever doing that again. Kate, since my dad's not here, I could go to your doctor's appointment with you," Alexis offered.

"Alexis, that's very sweet, but you don't have to ditch class just to come and hold my hand. Besides, she's probably just going to weigh me and stuff anyway."

"Have you thought about how you want to decorate the nursery?"

"Not really. I like Disney characters and fairies."

"Are you going to find out the baby's sex?" Alexis was just full of questions, much like her father often was.

"Your dad and I are still discussing that. He said that he was very excited when he found out that you were a girl," she smiled.

"I know. I've heard that story about a billion times. Kate?" Alexis smiled shyly at her stepmother.

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you," Alexis continued when Kate gave her a puzzled look. "Thank you for letting my dad be a part of this."

"Alexis, we're married and having a baby together. So, of course I'm going to let him be a part of our child."

"No, you don't understand. My mother wouldn't let him go with her to the doctor; he wasn't able to be in the operating room when I was born. He told me that he felt so left out. Plus, from what I understand from both of them, she was pretty horrible to him when she was pregnant with me."

"Your dad annoyed me so much when I first met him," she remembered, biting her lip as she smiled. "But the thing that first attracted me was what a wonderful father he is to you. When he showed me your sonogram picture, he told me that seeing you that first time told him that the party was over."

"We had so much fun growing up," Alexis remembered. "He'd just sold his first book, but he was determined that I was going to be raised differently than he was. No nannies, no endless string of stepmothers. Just him and me. He loved taking me to the zoo, to museums, he loves playgrounds."

"I know," Kate smiled, remembering all of their times spent on the swings.

"All of my friends love him. He's always been the cool dad. But, when he gets overprotective, he goes way off the grid."

"I know. I've witnessed a lot of his overprotective behavior where you're concerned over the years. You have no idea how many times I've actually come to your defense. But Alexis, he means well. It's not easy being a single parent raising a child, especially a father raising a daughter."

"You guys are going to be great together with this baby. He loves being a father and you love him."

"Alexis, I do think at one time that your parents loved each other very much. I don't think that they'd still be on such good terms if they hadn't."

"You know what we should do while my dad's out of town?" Alexis got very excited. "We should go and see a Broadway show! I want to see _Wicked_. We could make an evening of it."

"Alexis, I'd love to, but my energy taps out so early these days. We could catch one of the matinees," Kate suggested instead.

"That sounds great!"

Kate put Alexis in a car to return to her dorm shortly after eight. After going upstairs, she took a long bubble bath and then got ready for her nightly video chat with Castle. She booted up her computer and waited for him to come on. She didn't have long to wait. "Hi, gorgeous," he greeted her with a huge smile. "I miss you."

"Hi, Castle. I miss you, too."

"I see that you're all scrubbed down and ready for bed. So, what did you do tonight?"

"Alexis came over and we had ice cream sundaes for dinner."

"Kate . . . " he groaned.

She knew that he hated it when she didn't eat healthy. But, she craved sugary foods and there was nothing that she would do to deny their baby what her body craved. "Come on, Castle. It was one bowl of ice cream. I didn't eat the whole carton. How's the book tour?"

"Boring," he grumbled. "I can't sleep at night. I miss cuddling up with you."

"I miss that, too. The bed's too cold," she complained. "You'll be home soon."

"Not soon enough. How have you been feeling? How's the resident alien?"

"The resident alien is doing fine. Mom's a little tired though."

"Be careful, please. I'm going to let you get some sleep. I'll see you at the end of next week. And, I'll talk to you tomorrow night."

"Okay. I love you, Rick."

"I love you, too," he reached his hand toward his monitor as she did the same thing.

***CCC***

The next morning, Kate was running financials while snacking on gummy bears at her desk when Capt. Gates came over and sat down in Castle's chair. "When is Mr. Castle due back?" She asked, taking some gummy bears from the ever-present stash on Kate's desk.

"Next Thursday."

"So, how have you been feeling?"

"I'm still a little tired, but the morning sickness has eased up and I haven't passed out since before Castle left on his tour."

"You're going to be heading into the best time of your pregnancy. I loved the second trimester," the captain remembered while Kate couldn't help staring at her. Who was this woman and what had she done with the captain? "I wasn't huge, yet. I had energy to spare. And the pregnancy hormones seriously kicked in."

"Uh sir, Castle's already living with my mood swings."

"Oh, but that's not what I'm talking about," the captain gave Kate a conspiratorial grin before getting up and returning to her office.

_Two hours later_

"I'm telling you, Lanie, the woman has seriously flipped," Kate said between bites of cheeseburger. "Castle is well aware of my mood swings. He knows that I cry at the drop of a hat. He knows that I come unhinged when he leaves his dirty underwear scattered all over the bedroom. What else is there to know about pregnancy hormones?"

"Just this," Lanie handed her phone over to her friend.

Kate took the phone and noticed that her friend had brought up a pregnancy website and hit the link for hormones. "Hormones may cause an increase in the sex drive. Oh, that'll make Castle very happy."

"Yeah, like you two aren't already doing it like rabbits," Lanie scoffed.

"And this happens in the second trimester?" Kate read the information. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything. I mean, of course I know where babies come from, but I had no idea all of the information that's out there. Do you have any idea how many different ways there are just to give birth?"

"Kate, you've got six months to figure all of that out. Castle's been through it. Let him be your guide."

"That would be great, but I found out from Alexis that Meredith had an emergency c-section, so he wasn't even with her when she gave birth."

"I've watched enough of those birthing shows to know that even if you have to have a c-section, Castle can still be with you."

"Terrific. They'll be cutting me open and my husband will be passed out on the floor."

"Girl, if you don't relax, I'm going to smack you. I have an idea. Why don't you come by my place tonight? We'll pop some popcorn and watch 'Dirty Dancing.' I know that a dose of Patrick Swayze will snap you out of whatever is going through that pregnant head of yours right now."

"Okay, but come by the loft instead. I talk to Castle by Skype at nine."

"You really miss him, don't you?"

"More and more every day," she wiped at her eyes.

That night, Skype wasn't enough. After she crawled into bed and pulled Castle's pillows to her chest, she called his cell. "Kate? What's wrong?" His low rumbling voice came over the line.

"I just really miss you, Rick. I want to hold you and touch you. I want to kiss you. I want to feel your hands on me."

On the other end of the line, Castle sighed. This was the worst book tour ever. The weather sucked, he was miserable, and his pregnant wife was at home missing him terribly. "Kate, I'll be home in six days. Why don't you have my mother stay at the loft with you until I get back? She's great at cheering you up."

Martha had gotten her own apartment after Rick and Kate had returned from their honeymoon, but she was still a fixture in their lives and neither of them would have it any other way.

"I guess that I could do that. Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about Alexis. Tell me about the first time you ever got to hold her."

Rick smiled. "Meredith was still in recovery . . . never mind about that. Anyway, Alexis was about half an hour old, I guess. They asked me if I wanted to see her and hold her. So, I went back to the nursery and one of the nurses handed me this pink-blanket wrapped bundle with the reddest hair I'd ever seen. I just stared at her and then she looked at me with these huge blue eyes and I was a goner. Kate, I look forward to feeling that same way when I hold our baby for the first time."

"Me, too. I love you, Rick," she mumbled sleepily.

"I love you, too. Goodnight, Kate."

***CCC***

Martha gladly agreed to stay at the loft until Rick came home. But, she wasn't prepared for the blubbering mess of a young woman who answered the door. "Katherine, whatever's the matter?" Martha came in and put her arms around Kate, pulling her close to her.

"I was . . . Animal Planet," Kate just sobbed harder.

Martha walked over toward the TV and saw that it was on a show featuring puppies and kittens. "This is what you're watching? This is what's making you cry?"

"They're just so . . . cute!"

"Have you had any dinner, kiddo?" Martha asked, turning off the TV.

"Not yet," Kate wiped at her still streaming eyes.

"Change clothes. You need a change of scenery away from fluffy baby animals."

Kate changed clothes and the two women went to a Greek restaurant down the street from the loft. "I'm sorry that I was such a wreck. I get like that and I can't stop it. I made the mistake of watching one of those Hallmark movies the other night and I cried for three hours. I think I'm losing my mind."

"When I was pregnant with Richard, there wasn't as much information available as there is now. And a woman simply didn't talk as openly with her doctor. I did think that I was losing my mind."

"I think a huge part of it is I miss Rick so badly. I just want him here in case . . . well, in case . . . "

"In case something goes wrong again? Sweetie, it's unlikely that something will happen twice in a row. Has your doctor said that there could be a problem?"

"No, on the contrary. She says that I'm perfectly healthy. But, that fear's always in the back of my mind. And, I found out that Meredith had a c-section."

"Don't even get me started on my ex-daughter-in-law," Martha scoffed. "I think that in the end she was happy that she had to have a c-section. I think that she considered it the easy way out."

"So that she could completely shut Rick out?"

"That, and I think the thought of giving birth terrified her. She was obsessed with how much it was going to hurt."

"I worry a little about that," Kate admitted.

"While it's not pain free, in the end it's all worth it. When they put that baby in your arms that first time, I promise that you will instantly forget all about the pain. And, you'll have Richard with you."

"Was it hard? Being alone?"

"At the time that I had Richard, it still wasn't socially acceptable to be a single woman raising a baby. But, when I held him that first time, I knew that I couldn't give him up. He was absolutely the most stunning baby that I'd ever seen. Or, he was until I saw my granddaughter for the first time. Alexis had the most beautiful skin."

"She still does."

"One of the things that she got from her mother."

"Six months seems like such a long time," Kate sighed, playing with her napkin.

"I know, but before you know it, you'll be having a baby," Martha grinned as Kate couldn't help but grin back.

***CCC***

Castle answered his ringing phone at three a.m. "Kate?"

"Bad dreams, Rick," she sobbed over the phone.

"Kate, take some deep breaths. Tell me what you were dreaming about."

"Running in the woods again. He was chasing me."

Rick closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he sat up. She hadn't had a nightmare about her ordeal with Josh in a few months. "You're safe, Kate. You're safe and I love you. I'll be home in a few days. Are you okay now?"

"I'm better. Thank you, Rick."

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too," she mumbled sleepily.

***CCC***

Kate couldn't believe how nervous she was. She was sitting at the precinct, constantly checking her watch. Castle was on his way home. Unless his flight was delayed, he should be in the air right now, flying in from the West Coast. His final stop on his book tour had been San Francisco. He'd called her from the airport that morning as she was getting ready for work.

"_My flight's on time, so I should be home by six o'clock New York time. Are you going to go to work?"_

"_Yeah, because I'll drive myself crazy if I stay home."_

"_Okay, I'll be in Atlanta later this morning to catch the flight to New York. I'll call you when I land in Atlanta."_

"_Okay. Be careful. I love you."_

"_I love you, too. I'm blowing the resident alien a huge kiss."_

_She couldn't help grinning when she hung up the phone. She couldn't believe how much she missed him._

"Bro, we need a body drop," Espo told his partner as they both glanced over at their boss. "How many times has she checked her watch?"

"Too many to count," Ryan said. "It's not like Castle hasn't been around here before."

"You guys do know that I can hear you, right?" She called out. "If you guys are bored, I'm sure that I can find something for you to do!"

"Don't even suggest re-organizing the supply room, Beckett! I did that last week!" Espo reminded her.

"Maybe the evidence room needs dusting." Kate was about to say something more when her cell phone rang. She smiled when she looked at the caller id. She got up and walked toward the break room. "Hi, Castle."

"Hi. I'm in Atlanta. My flight's been delayed by about half an hour."

"Oh, Castle," she groaned.

"Hey, I'll still be home this evening. It'll just be a little bit later."

"Are you sure that you don't want me to meet you at the airport?"

"No, I've already got a car arranged. How are things going?"

"Boring. The boys are driving me crazy."

"I'll kick their asses for you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Castle. I appreciate that."

"I'll see you this evening. I can't wait to see you and the resident alien."

"We can't wait to see you, either."

After saying goodbye, she hung up and walked back out to the bullpen. "So, is Castle on his way home?" Ryan asked.

"He's in Atlanta right now. He'll be home this evening. He said that he's going to kick both of your asses tomorrow."

"That so isn't going to happen," Espo shook his head in disbelief.

"We'll see," she smiled at them.

"I just hope that we don't get a body drop in the middle of your uh . . . homecoming," Ryan couldn't help throwing at her.

"Karpowski's team is already on call," she smirked.

Kate held her breath as the minutes ticked by leading up to five o'clock. She let out a huge sigh when the appointed hour came and went without a murder. She quickly grabbed her purse and made her way to the elevator. "You and Castle have fun!" Espo called out behind her.

"Thanks, Espo. We intend to."

***CCC***

Castle was dragging when his regular driver let him out at the curb and pulled his large rolling suitcase from the trunk. "Thanks, Jerry," Castle thanked him as he walked past the doorman, nodding at him as he pulled his suitcase toward the elevator. It was almost eight o'clock and he was exhausted, but the thought of what he had waiting for him upstairs brightened his spirits considerably. It had been a long three weeks. He'd already told his publisher that she'd better not be planning any more long trips until after the baby was born. He didn't want to be away from Kate any more than he had to.

Standing outside the door, he put his key in the lock and unlocked the door to the loft, almost immediately finding himself with an armful of Kate Beckett. He dropped the handle on his suitcase when she kissed him hungrily before once again wrapping her arms around his neck. He kicked the door closed before he lifted her up in his arms. She wrapped her legs around him as he walked over to the couch, where he sat down with her legs still wrapped around him. It was only then that he finally pulled himself away so that he could look at her. "Hi," he gave her a wide, happy smile. He brushed her hair behind her ears and pulled her closer for a long, slow kiss. "I missed you so damn much," he growled against her neck.

"I missed you more," she cuddled into him.

"I don't even think that's possible."

"It's possible and true," she kissed his neck. "How was your trip?"

"Awful. Rain in Texas, rain in Florida, snow in Wyoming. Paula wants me to go to Europe."

"Oh, Rick. No," Kate cried out in despair.

"It's okay. I told her that I'm not going anywhere until after the baby is born. Unless you can go with me."

"As much as I'd love to go to Europe with you, I really think that I should stay closer to home."

"Everything's okay, isn't it? How was your doctor's appointment?"

"Everything's fine. My last appointment was great. My weight is perfect, no thanks to your constant nagging. I'd just feel better staying closer to home. So, are you hungry?"

"Oh, I'm hungry, but not for food," he gave her a salacious grin as he stood up with her still wrapped around him and made his way toward their bedroom.

He put her down on the edge of the bed and lifted her t-shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. He then reached to the front clasp on her bra and unsnapped it, chuckling at her sigh of relief. "My boobs have been really tender," she complained.

"Then, I'll just have to be gentle, won't I?" He pushed her back until she was flat on her back and crawled up on the bed beside her. He kissed her, nibbling her lower lip until she opened her mouth and allowed his tongue entrance. She moaned as he kissed her, his tongue sweeping over the roof of her mouth before dueling with her tongue.

His hand moved down to gently caress her breasts, teasing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He moved down to her neck, kissing and nibbling on their favorite spot as she found herself writhing under him. She reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, slipping her hands inside to feel the broad expanse of him under her fingers. "Castle, get your fucking clothes off," she demanded.

He stood up and stripped down to his boxers before rejoining her on the bed. She reached her hand down to the inside of his boxers, wrapping her hand around his arousal as he groaned his approval. "Fuck," he groaned, lowering his head to capture a turgid nipple between his teeth, feeling Kate arch against him. "You taste so damn good," he reached down and gently removed her fingers from his hardness.

He moved to the space between her breasts, gently kissing the dimpled scar over her breast before taking her other nipple in his mouth, pulling on it with his lips, loving the sounds that were coming out of her throat as he loved her. Moving further down, his hands spanned her hips as he found himself stopped by her yoga pants. Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he pulled her pants and panties down her legs in one motion. She shivered when he kissed her stomach. Her fingers combed through his hair, loving the soft, familiar feel of it under her fingers.

"Castle," his name came out as a sigh when he moved even further down her body, his arms hooked under her thighs as he opened her to his loving gaze. "Yes," she cried out at the first contact of his tongue on her very wet folds. He was gentle, too gentle. As good as this was beginning to feel, she wanted more. "Castle, harder! I'm so close."

She fisted the sheets in her hands when his lips clamped down on her erect clit and he sucked down on it as she screamed out in ecstasy. She was coming completely undone and it hadn't felt this good in a long time. She let go of the sheets and grabbed his hair, pulling him into her as he used his fingers to prolong her pleasure. It felt so good that tears were rolling down her face. But, finally she started to feel too sensitive. "Castle, stop. I can't take any more," she was still trying to catch her breath when she felt him crawling back up her body. She could taste herself on him and it renewed her desire.

Pushing him onto his back, she quickly removed his boxers before she straddled his thighs. Moving down to capture his lips in a hungry kiss, she reached down and placed him at her entrance before slowing sinking down on top of him. "Good, Kate. So fucking good," he sighed against her mouth. "You feel unbelievable right now."

She sat up and began to move, guiding his hands up to her very sensitive breasts as she did. Setting the pace, she could feel that familiar tension coiling up deep inside of her. Castle continued caressing her breasts, listening to her cries as she continued sliding up and down him. He knew that he was close, but he wanted to feel her come around him, first. There was something about the feeling of her letting go that never failed to turn him on. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her down so that he could tease her nipples once again with his lips and tongue. "Castle," she growled out his name as she took his hand and moved it down to where their bodies were joined. He settled his fingers on that swollen bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs as she gave a shout of joy and he felt everything tighten around him. He cried out her name as he spilled himself into her.

He rolled them so that they were lying side to side. "Damn, that was hot," he peppered her neck with gentle kisses.

"Welcome home, Castle," she smiled as their lips came together once again.

"Don't be surprised if we don't get much sleep tonight," he told her as she cuddled sleepily against him.

"Look forward to not sleeping," were the last words she said before sleep claimed her.

**A/N: I love Castle/Beckett sexy times. My scenes might not be as good as some of those I've read on this site, but I have fun writing them. They might get better when those horny pregnancy hormones kick in. I have a friend who gave me way too much information about that.**


	15. Chapter 15--A Case too Close to Home

**Disclaimers: Nope, still not mine.**

**Summary: The baby bump makes it's debut. Plus, the possibility of a visit from Meredith and a difficult case create all kinds of situations for Rick and Kate.**

Chapter 15: A Case too Close to Home

_December_

Kate rolled over and stretched before reaching for her cell phone to shut off the alarm. She ran her hand down her abdomen, just as she had every morning for the past two months. Her eyes opened wide before she rolled over and nudged Castle awake. "Castle, wake up!" She kept shaking him. "You've got to feel this!"

"What's the matter?" He asked, his face still squashed into his pillow.

"Here," she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "The resident alien grew overnight!"

He rolled over and greeted her with a huge grin as he lightly caressed the small bump that had miraculously appeared overnight. "Wow," he breathed. "We're definitely having a baby now."

"Castle, we've been pregnant for almost four months," she reminded him. "You're coming to my appointment with me at the end of the week, aren't you? She said we should be able to hear the heartbeat this time."

"I'll be there," he kissed her.

Kate was about to say something else when her cell phone rang. "Beckett!" She answered. "Where? Okay, we'll be there in 20," she hung up and looked at her husband. "We've got a murder."

"I wanted to stay in bed and enjoy the baby bump," he pouted.

"Baby bump later, Castle. Right now, we have a dead body."

It was cold, in the 30's when they arrived at the crime scene. Lanie and the boys were already there when Kate and Castle stepped under the crime scene tape. "What've you got, Lanie?" Kate asked, walking to where the M.E. was kneeling over the body of a young woman.

"Victim is Barbara Hancock. She's 28 years old and she lives in Long Island City."

"Long Island City? What's she doing in Manhattan?" Castle asked.

"I don't know, Castle. I didn't have a chance to ask her," Lanie answered sarcastically.

"When you say stuff like that, you sound like Perlmutter," Castle groused.

"Then, you shouldn't ask stupid questions."

"What's CoD?" Kate asked, ignoring her husband's and best friend's bantering.

"Asphyxiation. She has ligature marks around her neck. She also has marks around her wrists, meaning that she was possibly restrained. I'll know more when I get her to the morgue."

"Do you have a time of death?"

"Based on lividity, I'd say she's been here three to five hours."

"So, that would put time of death at between three to five a.m.?"

"That sounds about right."

"Thanks, Lanie."

She approached Esposito and Ryan. "We talked to everybody in the surrounding buildings. Nobody heard or saw anything suspicious," Espo reported.

"Okay, keep canvassing. Castle and I will go to the station and see what we can find out on the victims."

At the precinct half an hour later, Kate was writing the information on the murder board when Castle walked up to her, holding out her cup of decaf. "Thought you might need the warmth," he smiled. "So, what do we know?"

"Barbara Hancock was 28 years old and taught Freshman English at Long Island City Middle School. She's not married. Her mother is dead, but her father lives in Long Island City. Let's go and talk to him," she said.

Making notifications was the part of her job that Kate hated the most. It never got any easier to look into the eyes of a devastated loved one when you had to deliver the news that someone was dead. It always took her back to the night of her mother's murder when they'd received the news from Det. Raglan. Something in both her and her dad died that night. Kate built a wall around herself while her father lost himself inside of a bottle.

Joe Hancock opened the door to his modest home in Long Island City, stepping aside to let both of his visitors inside. "Is it about Barbie?"

"Yes, sir," Kate answered as he showed them to his living room and they sat down. "We found a body earlier this morning. We believe it to be your daughter."

"But you're not sure?"

"We'll need for you to come to the morgue and make a positive id, but we're almost positive that the body that we found is your daughter, Barbara."

"How did she die?"

"We think that she was strangled."

"Young lady, you don't have to sugar coat things for my benefit. How did my daughter die?"

"She was strangled. Did Barbara have a boyfriend? Was there anybody that she was seeing?"

"She saw a lot of men. I didn't like it. I wanted her to settle down and marry. But, her generation is all about sleeping with as many men as they can."

"But, there wasn't anybody in particular?" Castle asked.

"I wouldn't know. She didn't bring her men friends around me. She knew that I didn't approve. Maybe the teachers at her school could tell you something."

"Mr. Hancock, where were you between the hours of three and five this morning?" Kate asked.

"Asleep right here."

"He didn't seem particular crushed that his daughter is dead," Castle commented as they walked to the car.

"Everybody reacts differently, Castle. I remember my dad just got this stunned look on his face. It was weeks before I even saw him cry. I just remember that look, like he couldn't process what he was hearing."

"He probably couldn't."

"I don't know. We don't talk much about that night," she said as she got into the car.

Esposito and Ryan were at the precinct when Kate and Castle got back. "Did you find next of kin?" Espo asked.

"Yeah, we just came back from talking to her father," Kate reported. "I need for you and Ryan to go the school where she taught and talk to her co-workers. See if you can find out anything about her social life. Joe Hancock reported that she had a lot of boyfriends, but he never met any of them."

Just then, Espo's cell rang. "Esposito! Okay, we'll be right down. What? Okay," he hung up. "That was Lanie. She said that she has something."

"So, why didn't she call me?" Kate asked as she saw a frown cross Espo's face. "Espo, what is it?"

"She just asked for me and Ryan to come down."

"Bullshit! I'm the lead on this!" Kate scoffed as the five of them headed for the elevator.

Lanie gave Espo a harsh look when she saw Castle and Kate tagging along behind them. "She's the lead," he whispered.

"Lanie, what've you got?" Kate asked.

"Your vic was pregnant," Lanie announced. "I'd say 18 to 20 weeks along. The baby was a boy."

Castle couldn't help notice that Kate's hand automatically went to the slight baby bump under her blouse. "Did you get anything else from the ligature marks?" She asked.

"The marks around her neck were made by something wide. My guess would be either a necktie or maybe a belt. I also found contact marks on her abdomen and inner thighs that could've been made by either a cattle prod or a stun gun."

"What about her wrists?"

"It looks like the marks on her wrists were made by zip ties. They were made within 12 to 16 hours of her death."

"A possible belt, a possible stun gun, and zip ties. Is it possible that our killer is in law enforcement?" Castle theorized as the others looked at him.

"Anything's possible," Lanie nodded.

"Was there any sign of sexual assault?"

"Yes, over a period of time. There was a lot of scarring," Lanie said. "I'm still waiting for the tox screen to come back to see if she was drugged."

"Okay. Espo, you and Ryan go out to her school," Kate ordered them once again. "Call _me _if you find out anything else."

Lanie gave Castle a sympathetic look as he followed Kate and the boys from the autopsy room. "Are you okay?" He asked Kate when they stepped off of the elevator.

"No, I'm not okay!" She shouted at him as heads turned. "I have a murder to investigate and I find out that I'm being stonewalled on my own investigation!"

"Kate . . . "

"No, Castle! I get it! I'm pregnant! The victim was pregnant! Just like I got it when a sniper was shooting people and I had been the victim of a sniper! I've been doing this for a long time! I wish that everybody would stop treating me like I'm six!"

"Det. Beckett!" Kate turned to find Capt. Gates standing in her office doorway. "A word please?"

Kate stormed into the captain's office and closed the door. "Sir, I'm sorry—"

"Stop!" The captain held out a hand. "First, take some deep breaths. Am I to understand that your victim was pregnant?"

"Yes, sir. About five months along."

"Do you want to step away?"

"No, sir. I'm okay."

"I'm going to be watching you, detective. If I feel that you're _not _okay, I'm pulling you off and handing the case over to Esposito and Ryan. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'd also appreciate you taking your arguments with Mr. Castle outside of my bullpen."

"Yes, sir."

***CCC***

"How long had Ms. Hancock been teaching here?" Ryan asked Mr. Reyes, the principal of the school where Barbara Hancock had taught Freshmen English Composition.

"Three years. She was one of our most popular teachers. She had a gift for taking raw, lackluster pupils and turning them into gifted writers."

"Do you happen to know who she associated with?"

"I'm sure that she was popular with the instructors in the English department. Some of her colleagues should be in the lounge."

The principal showed them to the lounge, where they were quick to discover a whole other side to the English teacher. "Did she have a boyfriend?" Espo asked Beth Carroll, one of the English teachers.

"For a long time, she was dating Matthew Glazer. He teaches sixth and seventh grade science. But they broke up and she said that she was going to one of those clubs around dungeon alley. I don't remember the name of the place. When I asked her why a nice girl like her was going into the clubs, she said that she didn't always like acting like a nice girl. She said that the guys in those clubs were more appreciative of her than Matt was."

They asked Mr. Reyes how they could find Matt Glazer's classroom, only to be told that he'd called in sick. "Can we have his address?" Ryan asked as Mr. Reyes complied. Ryan then called Beckett. "Beckett, we're on our way to talk to Barbara Hancock's former boyfriend. He didn't show up for work today. But, one of her co-workers said that Barbara had started frequenting some of the clubs around dungeon alley. She said that she didn't know the name of the place. Apparently, Barbara was trying to shed her goody two-shoes image."

"That's a good way to do it," Kate sighed. "Okay, Castle and I will check it out. Let me know what you get from the boyfriend. What's his name?"

"Matthew Glazer."

"Okay. Thanks, Ryan," she hung up. "Castle, I can't believe that I'm asking you this at 10 o'clock in the morning, but how do you feel about checking out sex clubs with me?"

"If I were a single man, I'd say that I'd be happy to, but now I just think that I'll answer that with a simple, 'If you insist,'" he managed to look suitably sheepish as Kate couldn't help but roll her eyes.

If anything, the weather had gotten colder. "We might have snow later," she observed as they made their way to the car.

"I have a question," he looked at her feet when they'd gotten into the car. "When are you going to give up your four-inch heels?"

"Castle, I hate flats," she started the car.

"Kate, you're going to be dealing with ice and snow soon, not to mention a body that's going to be thrown out of whack by extra baby weight. Your doctor will also soon be telling you this. You need to lose the heels."

"Are you going to nag me for the next five and a half months?"

"Yes, I am," he looked at her in complete seriousness. "You're my wife. You're carrying _my _child. You're damn right that I'm going to nag you. You can still be a bad-ass in heels that are a couple of inches shorter."

The first three clubs that they went to weren't yet opened, but when they tried the fourth one, the door pulled opened. They entered the gloomy interior and found the bartender behind the bar getting ready to open for business. "How may I help you folks?"

"I'm Det. Beckett, NYPD and this is Richard Castle. Have you ever seen this woman?"

"That looks like Barbie. What happened to her?" He asked. "Is she dead?"

"How do you know her, Mister . . . "

"Bradfield, Randy Bradfield. She's been coming in here for four or five months now. She's usually with Chris."

"Who's Chris?" Castle asked.

"Chris Mason. His father owns this place. What happened to her?"

"How can we find Chris?" Kate asked.

"Right now, he's probably at home. He has an apartment on West 123rd Street."

"When was the last time that you saw Barbie?" Kate asked.

"Last night. She was here from nine until closing."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, because she was arguing with Chris. His old man even went over and told them to knock it off or take it outside."

"Thank you," Kate said as her and Castle left the club. "Let's run this guy down and go talk to him."

***CCC***

"Mr. Glazer! Police!" Espo shouted after banging on the door of the home of the science teacher.

"Just a minute!" They heard scuffling from behind the door before it was opened by a man in his late 30's with thinning brown hair and glasses. He looked every bit the part of the science nerd.

"Mr. Glazer, I'm Det. Esposito and this is my partner, Det. Ryan. We have some questions for you about Barbara Hancock."

"Honey, who is it?" A woman came up behind him. She was a few years younger than the man at the door, with mousy brown hair and red-rimmed, watery eyes.

"It's the police. Go back to bed," he urged her. "We've all had the flu. I got hit with it this morning. You said that you have questions about Barbara. Has something happened to her?"

"She was found murdered earlier this morning. We understand that you had a relationship with her."

"Yeah, we went out a few times several months ago. I was separated from my wife at the time. Barb and I ended it when I reconciled with Claudia."

"Can you tell us your whereabouts this morning between three and five?"

"If I wasn't puking, I was sleeping."

"Thank you. We'll get back with you if we have anything further," Espo said as the two men stepped off of the porch. "Great! You know that we're probably going to get sick now."

***CCC***

"It's snowing!" Ryan announced when they stepped off of the elevator on the fourth floor of the precinct.

"Thanks for the weather update," Kate said as she hit the 'print' button on her computer. "It seems that our Mr. Mason is not a very nice guy," she pulled the pages off of the printer. "Assault, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder. He just got out of Sing-Sing a year ago after doing five years for aggravated assault. Let's go bring him in."

"Come on," Castle told the boys. "No way in hell is she bringing this jackass down alone."

On the way downstairs in the elevator, Kate filled them in on Barbara's bad boy and the argument that she'd had with him the night before.

When they arrived at the apartment on West 123rd street, Kate started to take the lead, but Espo pulled her back, much to her irritation. "We've got this," he gave her a stern look as he pounded on the door. "Christopher Mason! Police!"

They heard glass shattering, so Espo gave the door a firm, flying kick and they ran in, just as their suspect was making a run for his opened window. Espo gave a flying leap and grabbed Mason around the ankles, bringing him to the ground. "Christopher Mason, you're under arrest for the murder of Barbara Hancock. You have the right to remain silent . . . " Kate began reading him his rights as Espo jerked him to his feet.

At the precinct, Mason refused to say anything without his lawyer, so they threw him into a holding cell while Kate called a judge to get a warrant for his DNA to check against the fetus. After calling the judge, she went into the break room, where she stared at the espresso machine with a savage longing. But she knew that giving up caffeine was worth it as she reached down to stroke the small bump in her belly. She was still deep in her thoughts when she felt Castle's arms around her as his hands joined hers.

"Are you okay?" He asked against her neck.

"I will be. Give me a few minutes?"

"Okay."

"How is she?" Ryan asked when Castle came out of the break room and returned to his desk.

"She says that she's okay. Just give her a little time," he said as his cell phone rang. He grimaced when he looked at the caller id. "I'll be back. I probably need to take this." He opened the door to the stairwell before he answered the phone. "What do you want, Meredith?"

"Hi, kitten," her voice came over the phone. "I'm going to be in town and was wondering if we could get together."

"First off, _stop _calling me kitten! I stopped being your kitten a long time ago! And second, no, we can't get together. I can't stop you from seeing our daughter, but our relationship is over."

"I wanted to congratulate you and Kate in person on becoming parents."

"Fine, I'll pass your well wishes along."

"Come on, Ricky. I'm not trying to come between you and Kate. I tried that, remember? And, I failed. I want to see Alexis before Christmas, so I thought that I could see you and Kate, as well. Believe it or not, I like her, Ricky."

"When are you going to be in town?"

"Next week. I'll call and give you more details when I get in town."

Rick came out of the stairwell and found Kate at the fax machine, removing the warrant that she'd received from Judge Markway for Chris Mason's DNA. "Espo, get Mason and take him to interrogation. I'll be there in a second. Where were you?" She asked when she saw Castle.

"Taking a phone call. I'll explain when we get home. Are you going to go in there?"

"Relax, Castle. It's just a DNA swab. Besides, I've a special forces guy in there with me," she smiled.

Castle and Ryan went to the observation room. They watched Esposito lead their suspect into the interrogation room and take a seat across from him. "I don't have to talk to you."

"I know. We're not going to ask you any questions," Espo told him when the door opened and Kate walked in and took the seat next to Esposito.

"Mr. Mason, I'm Det. Kate Beckett. I have a warrant for your DNA."

"I don't have to give you shit," he spat at them.

"Mr. Mason, this is going to work one of two ways. You're either going to give us a swab voluntarily when our M.E. gets here in a few minutes, or Det. Esposito is going to hold you down and we'll get it by force. The choice is entirely yours."

"I'm telling you right now that I didn't kill Barbie."

"This has nothing to do with your girlfriend," Kate said, looking toward the door when Lanie walked in with the swabs for the DNA. "Did you know that she was pregnant?"

"Yeah, I knew. And it wasn't mine."

"Then, prove it," Kate told him.

"Fine," he snarled, barely opening his mouth as Lanie swabbed the inside of it. "Now, take me back to my cell until my lawyer gets here."

When she returned to her desk after obtaining the DNA swab, Kate found a wrapped sandwich waiting for her. She opened it to find a turkey and Swiss on whole wheat, with extra lettuce and pickles, just the way she liked it. She glanced over to find Castle observing her. "You need to eat something."

"Seriously, Castle?"

"Kate, if you don't eat, your blood sugar's going to tank and you're going to pass out. It's not just about you anymore, remember?"

She longed to say exactly what was on her mind, but she realized that he was right. "Can you get me some water?" She asked, picking up the sandwich and eating it.

He went to the vending machine, returning moments later with a bottle of cold water. "So, do you think Mason's telling the truth about not being the father?"

"I don't know. DNA doesn't lie, so we'll know soon enough. I was thinking that we should call Joe Hancock down here and question him."

"About what? He was at home asleep."

"Ask him if he knew that his daughter was pregnant."

"Finish eating. You can call him after you eat lunch."

But, after lunch, Mason's attorney showed up, so she went back into interrogation with Espo to question their suspect. The interview was frustrating because the lawyer stonewalled them at every turn. After losing an hour that she was never going to get back, Kate finally had Espo take Mason down to book him on suspicion of second degree murder.

Kate then went to her desk and called Joe Hancock, arranging for him to come down and talk to them the next morning. "Shit!" She remembered when she hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked.

"I have a doctor's appointment in the morning."

"Kate, it's okay. Interview the father and then we'll go to the appointment," he consoled her.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I'm so tired and I'm so frustrated," she ran her hands through her hair.

When they entered the loft later that afternoon, Kate walked over and collapsed on the sofa. Castle walked over and sat down beside her as she rested her head against his shoulder. "You rest. I'm going to make dinner," he kissed her forehead.

Kate rolled onto her back and lay against the arm of the sofa. Castle smiled across the counter at her when he saw her lift her blouse so that she could look at the tiny baby bump. "Do you think that she fought for her baby, Castle?"

"I'd like to think that she did," he said as he got things out of the refrigerator for dinner. "Maybe that's why her wrists were restrained."

"It's crazy," she continued stroking the bump. "Last night when we went to bed, I was still flat. And this morning, I had this."

"From here on out, you'll notice the changes every day. Meredith used to get pissed off because when she was about eight months pregnant, I'd sit beside her, raise her shirt up and watch Alexis perform the most amazing gymnastics," he smiled at the memory. "Speaking of my ex, she's going to be in town next week. She wanted to know if we could get together."

"When were you planning on telling me this?"

"I'm telling you now. She just called me this afternoon. Don't worry, she's not staying here."

"You've got that right."

Kate sighed, remembering her encounter with Rick's redheaded ex-wife, the mother of his oldest child. Her excuse had been seeing Alexis through a bout of mono, but Kate knew that she had an ulterior motive. But, upon her departure, she'd told Kate that she thought that she and Rick were great together. But, she'd also put serious doubts about their future into her head. Doubts that lingered to this day. "She's only going to be here a few days," Rick told her as he chopped vegetables for stir fry.

"Can I ask you something?" She stopped stroking the baby bump to look at him. "How did she really feel when she found out that she was pregnant?"

"Well, she didn't exactly turn cartwheels," he remembered as he threw the vegetables into a pan and began stirring them. "I'm not saying that a baby was _never _in her plans. I just think that she was thinking of maybe 10 years down the road. But, she calmed down once she realized that I wasn't going to bail on her. I don't pretend to understand her thinking, Kate. I never have."

"Okay, no more questions about your ex-wife," she smiled at him.

"Any more theories on your case?"

"Not a one. But, I really don't want to talk about that either. It's too depressing."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the fact that Barbara Hancock had been pregnant was affecting Kate greatly. Far more than she'd ever admit. She sat up on the sofa when he came out of the kitchen bringing her a plate. He sat down beside her as they began to eat. Castle had done a great job with dinner. He'd sautéed chicken with the stir fry vegetables. "I'm glad to see that you're hungry," he commented as she put her empty plate down on the coffee table.

"I was starving. That was wonderful," she kissed him.

***CCC***

The next morning, Joe Hancock came into the station bright and early. Kate and Castle showed him into a room and sat down across from him. "Do you know a man named Christopher Mason?" Kate asked him.

"No."

"How about Matthew Glazer?"

"I know Matthew. He's one of the teachers at her school."

"Were you aware that your daughter was having a relationship with him?"

"I just thought that they were good friends."

"I just have one more question. Did you know that Barbara was pregnant?"

At the mention of the baby, tears glistened in the older man's eyes. "Barbara always wanted a baby. Her mother died when she was young and Barbara was always upset because I never remarried. She started obsessing about having a baby when she was 11 or 12 years old. She was always looking for the right guy. How far along was she?"

"About four and a half or five months."

"I never even noticed. My own daughter and I didn't notice something as big as her being pregnant."

"It's possible that she didn't want you to know."

"Or, she thought that I'd be upset because of all the men that she was sleeping with. How do I go on, detective? It was hard when my wife died, but that was an accident. How do I move on after this?"

"Mr. Hancock, I've been where you are. It's not going to be easy, but one day you'll find yourself smiling again. Thank you for coming in and talking to me." They walked him to the elevator and then Kate looked at her watch. "I need to clock out. We have a doctor's appointment to get to."

After weighing her and taking her blood pressure and pulse, the doctor asked Kate the usual questions about how she was feeling. "How's work?"

"It's rough right now. I've got a case involving a dead pregnant woman."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. Kate, I know that your job is high-stress, but it's important for you to take care of yourself and this baby."

"I was telling her that she might want to lose the heels," Castle commented as Kate glared at him.

"I'm afraid that your husband has a point," the doctor looked at her pointedly. "When you get larger, high heels will throw your body off balance. This can be dangerous. So, lower the heels. Now that we've got that out of the way, how would you like to hear your baby's heart?"

Kate lay back on the table and raised her shirt. "Don't look so smug, Castle," she warned her husband. "You're not going to win every battle."

"I don't want to see you falling and getting hurt," he kissed her on the forehead.

The doctor got the ultrasound gel out and squirted some on Kate's belly before bringing out a Doppler wand and moving it around her stomach, searching for the heartbeat. "At this stage, they're small and love to hide." The doctor smiled at her patient when they heard something that sounded like a herd of thundering hooves. "There you go."

Kate couldn't breathe. Tears fell down the sides of her face as she grabbed Castle's hand. "So, everything's okay?"

"Everything sounds perfect, Kate," the doctor turned off the Doppler and wiped the gel from her stomach. "I'll schedule another ultrasound for next month to see how things are looking. If we're lucky and if you want to, we might be able to find out the sex."

"We're still discussing that," Kate looked up at Castle.

They went back to the precinct after that, but Kate found it hard to concentrate, remembering instead the sound of her baby's beating heart. Her reverie was interrupted by her cell phone. "Beckett!"

"Kate, this is Lanie. I've got something."

"Okay, we'll be right down," Kate hung up and looked at Castle. "Lanie's got something."

Moments later, they walked into the morgue and came face to face with Lanie. "So, is Mason the father?" Castle asked.

"Nope," Lanie shook her head. "But, the father's DNA is in the system. He's linked to three other murders, all with the same M.O. Victim was strangled, and shot with a stun gun."

"Were any of the other victims pregnant?" Kate asked.

"Nope, your victim was the first. Brace yourself, sweetie, because this case isn't going to be yours for much longer."

"Let me guess. Feds?"

"Yep. My guess is they're probably on the phone with Capt. Gates right now."

"Great," Kate sighed. "We've got a serial."

When they returned upstairs, they saw that Gates' door was closed, but there was somebody in the office with her. Just as they got to their desks, the door opened and Gates' visitor exited, followed by the captain. "Det. Beckett, I've learned that our murder victim has ties to three other victims. So, you'll be working in tandem with the FBI. This is Special Agent . . . "

"Jordan Shaw," Kate finished Gates' sentence.

"Det. Beckett, we meet again," the agent smiled.

**A/N**: **I free write, which can be good and bad. In this case, I got stuck. Until I decided to bring back one of my favorite 'Castle' guest stars. I love Dana Delaney and I thought that her character of Jordan Shaw was going to get a spin-off. I also brought her back because I thought that she had one of the greatest lines regarding Caskett ever. 'He cares about you, Kate. You may not see it, you may not be ready to, but he does.' So, I brought her back as kind of a 'I told you so' gesture.**


	16. Chapter 16--A Killer in Plain Sight

**Disclaimers: Do I own 'Castle?' I think that I just did a spit take reminiscent of Kate Beckett in 'Nikki Heat.'**

**Summary: The team works with the FBI to find a serial killer. Also, the pregnancy continues to surprise and delight Kate.**

Chapter 16: A Killer in Plain Sight

_December_

"I'm sorry that I couldn't make it to the wedding," Jordan Shaw apologized.

"That's okay. Thank you for the wedding gift," Kate smiled. "So, what can you tell us about the other victims?"

"Victim number one was Sharon MacKenzie. She was 27 years old and was found in a vacant lot in Elizabeth, New Jersey. Victim number two was Lila Morrow, also 27. She was found in a vacant lot in Queens. Victim number three was Paulette Richardson, 26 years old, found on a construction site in Long Island City. And that leaves your victim, Barbara Hancock. Cause of death was the same in all four cases. Strangulation, with burn marks made by some kind of electrical equipment. Ms. MacKenzie didn't show signs of being restrained, but all of the others were. Have you been able to further question Mr. Mason?"

"Not without his lawyer. But his DNA doesn't match the victims."

"No, but if he could tell us how he came to know Ms. Hancock, that could lead us to the killer. What has he been charged with, so far?"

"Felony evading. We hadn't charged him with Ms. Hancock's murder. Let me call the D.A. and see if he's willing to drop the charges if Mason will cooperate with us," Kate reached for her phone.

"I'm going to get some coffee," Jordan said, getting up and walking to the break room. She was fixing her coffee when Castle walked in. "I meant to congratulate you, as well, Mr. Castle. I couldn't help noticing that you and Det. Beckett have been busy. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Castle smiled. "I'm almost actually glad that this is a FBI case. I worry about Kate pushing herself right now."

"Don't let her hear you say that. She's liable to kick your ass," Jordan couldn't help smiling before turning around and going back to the bullpen.

Kate was just ending her call when Jordan came back. "The D.A. said depending on his cooperation, he's willing to drop the charges against him. I'm going to go and talk to him."

"I'll come with you," she volunteered. "Castle seems to think that you can't still kick ass with a baby on board," she smirked as the two women got on the elevator.

"I know," Kate sighed. "It's driving me crazy."

"Don't worry. My husband did the same thing. I think most of them do."

Christopher Mason glared at the two women who'd come to stand outside of his cell. "I already told you that I'm not talking," he grumbled.

"Mr. Mason, we know that you didn't kill Barbara Hancock. But, someone else did. And this person is also responsible for the deaths of three other women. The D.A. is willing to drop the evading arrest charge in exchange for your cooperation," Kate told him.

"Do I get that in writing?"

"He's on his way down here now. I'll have them bring you upstairs in an hour. Tell us everything that you know and you can walk out of here."

"You'll have my answer in an hour."

By the time the D.A. arrived just over an hour later, word had come up that Mason was willing to talk. A uniformed officer brought him up from the jail. Kate and Jordan entered the interrogation room along with the D.A. "Mr. Mason, this is Mr. Brooks from the District Attorney's office and Special Agent Jordan Shaw from the FBI. I understand that you've waived your right to counsel."

"He isn't doing me any good, anyway."

"Tell us when you first met Barbara Hancock," Kate began.

"It was late summer. Maybe August or September. She was given to me."

"Given to you?"

"Yeah, her old man gave her to me. He said that he couldn't keep her in line, anymore. He said that she wouldn't break."

"What did he expect you to do with her?"

"Break her, I guess."

"I'm confused," Kate shook her head. "Did you know her old man?"

"Sure, he used to work in one of my old man's clubs. My old man fired him because he was getting too many complaints from some of the customers."

"What is his name?"

"I always just called him Ice. Because he was the coldest mother I'd ever met in my life. The thing is, you wouldn't know it to look at him. He looks like a total science geek. Like that dude on _'The Big Bang Theory._'"

"So, he would beat Barbara?"

"Beat her, hang her up by her wrists, whatever it took. He said the others always caved. But, he said that Barbara refused to bend. He thought that I could teach her a thing or two. But, I felt sorry for her and then I . . . just fell for her."

"So, you were in love with her?" Jordan interjected.

"She saw something in me that I didn't see. I was trying to be a better person because of her."

"When did she tell you that she was pregnant?" Kate asked.

"Two months ago. I knew that the baby was Ice's. She wanted to tell him about the baby, but I told her that I'd take care of her and the baby. I didn't want her going back to him."

"But, she did, anyway?"

"No," he shook his head. "She told me that she was going to tell him about the baby. She thought that he had a right to know."

"Was that what you were arguing about the night before she died?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. I knew that Ice wasn't going to like the fact that she was pregnant. He said that he already had two kids and he didn't want more. His wife was so cowed that she'd do whatever he asked. She was planning on leaving the club and going to meet him."

"What time was that?"

"After the club closed. She was leaving and driving straight to Ice's house."

"Do you know where Ice lives?"

"No, just somewhere in Long Island City."

Kate and Jordan left the interrogation room and walked over to the white board. "So, Ice wanted Chris to 'break' Barbara. We know that Mason's father owns a bunch of S&M clubs in Dungeon Alley. Ice once worked for him in one of these clubs. We need to bring in Mason, Sr. to see if we can get a real name for Ice."

"Science geek on the outside, Sado-Masochist on the inside," Jordan sighed.

"Wait! What did you just say about a science geek?" Ryan looked up from his desk.

"Mason was telling us that Barbara's previous boyfriend was the one . . . Oh my god," Kate gasped. "Did you guys say that Matthew Glazer is a science teacher at the same school where she taught?"

"Yeah, and he totally looks the part," Espo confirmed. "But, he was home sick with the flu during our kill zone."

"Did you talk to his wife?" Jordan asked.

"No."

"We need to question Glazer again," Kate said.

"Call and see if he'll come to you. Tell him to bring his wife," Jordan instructed.

"On it," Ryan said as he picked up the phone and began dialing.

"Det. Beckett, how do you feel about taking a ride to dungeon alley?" Jordan looked at Kate. "You can bring along Mr. Castle. I hear that he needs to be kept in line."

"Hey, I've been down that road before," Castle interjected as Kate shot him a devious smile. "I so owe you."

"And I'm _so _looking forward to it," she cooed at him, smiling at the way his breath caught in his throat.

"Do you guys need a room?" Jordan looked at the two of them. "If not, let's go."

Just as he had the last time they'd worked with the feisty FBI agent, Castle once again found himself riding in the backseat of Shaw's SUV, Beckett using the excuse that she got car sick riding in the back. "So, what's our game plan?" Kate asked.

"We're going to go and talk to Mason's father. See what he can tell us about Ice."

"Hey, I was just thinking," Castle said as Kate turned to look at him. "Glazer's a school teacher. Shouldn't his prints be in the system? I know that all of the teachers at my daughter's schools were also fingerprinted and had background checks conducted on them."

"Same here, but sometimes people fall through the cracks," Jordan added. "We'll go back to the school after we talk to Mason, Sr." She turned to Kate with a wry smile. "So, I see that Castle still likes to touch things. When are you due?"

"May," Kate couldn't help blushing at Jordan's directness.

"You're going to be a great mom," Jordan told her.

"I hope so."

The bartender at the club where they'd learned of Chris Mason showed them to the back office, where Charlie Mason was working on the books. "Mr. Mason, I'm Det. Kate Beckett, NYPD. This is Special Agent Jordan Shaw of the FBI and this is Richard Castle. We need to ask you some questions about a former employee who goes by the name of Ice."

"I fired that scumbag five, maybe six, years ago. Why are the feds here? I'm not doing anything illegal in my clubs."

"Ice is a person of interest in the deaths of four women, including Barbara Hancock, a friend of your son's," Kate said. "I understand that you broke up an argument between your son and Ms. Hancock a couple of nights ago."

"Yeah. She was going to go and see Ice, but Chris didn't want her to."

"So, you knew that Ms. Hancock had been Ice's girlfriend before she met up with your son?" Jordan asked.

"I wouldn't exactly call her Ice's 'girlfriend,'" he made air quotes with his fingers. "I have men and women working in my clubs. Clients come to them because they aren't getting what they need at home. I fired Ice because I had clients coming to me saying that he was way over the line, even for S&M and bondage. He ignored safe words. He was a little too much into the experience. I didn't want to get sued, so I fired him."

"Does your son work in your club?"

"Yeah, he did. He was actually very popular. Until Barbara came around. Chris told me that Ice had fucked her up. Not just her body, but her mind, too. She thought that she didn't deserve to be treated good. I don't know what it was about her, but my son fell hard."

"Do you know Ice's real name?"

"Sure, Glazer. Matthew Glazer. Ice was kind of a play on his last name. Like a glacier. Only he really was cold as ice."

"Thank you, Mr. Mason," Kate told him as the three of them left the club.

"We need to go to that school and find out why that son of a bitch wasn't in the system," Jordan said as they walked back to her car.

The three of them were lost in their thoughts as they headed for the middle school in Long Island City. "I was thinking," Kate finally broke the silence, "that Barbara was probably his first victim, only he didn't kill her originally. Mason said that he wanted to 'break' her, whatever that means. Maybe in the process of 'breaking' the others, he killed them."

"I can see the first victim maybe being an accident, but not the others. He's a sado-masochist. I think that after he killed the first victim, he developed a taste for killing," Jordan said. "We have to get him off of the streets before he picks his next victim."

Kate's cell phone rang. "Beckett!"

"Beckett, we just called Glazer's home. His wife told us that Glazer isn't there and she refuses to come in without him. She said that, quote, 'he wouldn't like it,' end quote," Ryan's voice came over the line.

"Ryan, you and Esposito go and pick her up!" Kate ordered him. "Because if she's a submissive, she's probably already called him and told him that you called. Get to her before he does."

"Kate, we're probably closer than they are," Jordan reminded her.

"Yeah, you're right," Kate dialed Ryan's number. "Ryan, change of plans. You and Esposito go to the school and re-interview the principal. Get all of the information that you can on Matthew Glazer. If he gives you attitude, threaten him with a warrant. We're going to get Mrs. Glazer."

The woman who answered the door appeared to shrink before their very eyes. She was about five feet tall and about 100 pounds soaking wet. She had stringy brown hair that hung in her eyes and those eyes were red-rimmed and watery. "Mrs. Glazer? Det. Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need for you to come to our precinct and answer some questions."

"I already told that other detective that I can't leave the house until Matthew comes home. He won't like it."

"Mrs. Glazer, you can come with us voluntarily or I can charge you with obstruction of justice," Kate warned her.

"Then, charge me," she held her hands out in front of her in a meek manner as Kate snapped handcuffs to her thin wrists.

After reading her rights to her, they placed her in the backseat of the SUV. Castle kept shooting glances at her as they headed back to the precinct. "Does your husband have a cell phone?" Jordan asked.

"Everybody has a cell phone."

"Give Det. Beckett the number so that he knows where you are."

Mrs. Glazer reluctantly gave the number to Kate as she punched them into her phone. "Mr. Glazer, this is Det. Kate Beckett, NYPD. Badge number 41319. We have your wife at the 12th precinct. She's being charged with obstruction of justice," she said into the voice mail before hanging up.

***CCC***

It was after three o'clock by the time Ryan and Esposito arrived at the middle school to talk to the principal again. "I answered all of your questions regarding Ms. Hancock yesterday," Mr. Reyes told them.

"This isn't about Ms. Hancock. This is about Matthew Glazer. How long has he been a teacher here?" Espo asked.

"Five years."

"Was a background check conducted on him when he was hired?"

"Of course, it's required by law."

"So, that means that he would've been fingerprinted, as well?" Ryan added.

"Yes. Hold on and I'll bring up his information," he walked over and began tapping into his computer. "Wait! This can't be right."

"What's wrong?" Espo asked.

"It says that his fingerprints were never entered into the system. This can't be right. If the fingerprints don't come back within 60 days, the school district raises a red flag."

"Can we have his information?" Ryan asked. "We can do a check of our own."

"Do you think that he had something to do with Ms. Hancock's death?"

"We can't comment on an ongoing investigation," Espo said as the principal went and removed the information from the printer. "Is he here today?"

"No, he called in again. Apparently, his family all has the flu."

***CCC***

Rebecca Glazer refused to say anything without her husband or an attorney present, so they put her in a holding cell to await the arrival of her husband. "Are you sure that he'll show?" Castle asked.

"He's a dom," Jordan said. "Believe me, he'll show. That woman doesn't _breathe _without her husband's permission."

Kate was feeling a little light-headed, so she headed for her gummy bear stash. Castle noticed her quickly shoveling a handful into her mouth. "You need some food," he knelt down by her chair. "Let me order something in." He was glad when she nodded in agreement.

"He's attentive," Jordan observed, watching Castle on the phone, calling for a food delivery.

"Sometimes too much so," Kate sighed as she gobbled another handful of candy.

"After what you went through a few months ago, it's understandable. I saw him on TV," she said when Kate shot her a look.

"He's never wanted me to see just what it was that he said. He doesn't even talk about it."

"I think that he said something that he shouldn't have, because the piece abruptly cut off," Jordan told her. "So, it took you an additional three years to see what I told you about that day?"

"Two," Kate corrected her. "But, I spent one of those years fighting it. How are your husband and daughter?" Kate switched the topic off of her and Castle.

"Terrific. I'm still off slaying dragons and he continues holding the fort. I hate to say it, Kate, but I told you so," Jordan couldn't help but grin smugly as Kate rolled her eyes.

Castle returned a short time later with a bagful of sandwiches. He placed Kate's favorite in front of her as he offered the bag to Jordan, who removed a tuna salad on rye from the bag. "I'll get you some water," he offered Kate as she nodded and began to eat hungrily.

"So, were you shocked?" Jordan asked, referring to the baby.

"No. We planned it. I was pregnant a little over a year ago, but I miscarried. So, the day that we gave our victim impact statements and Davidson was sentenced to prison, we decided to make a baby. It happened that same day."

"You took the power back," Jordan said as Kate nodded.

They were just finishing up when Ryan and Espo came back from Long Island City. "The reason that Glazer wasn't in the system was because for whatever reason, his prints didn't go through," Ryan announced as they came over to Kate's desks. "Are there any sandwiches left?"

Castle held the bag out toward them. "We've got his old lady in holding. We're just waiting for him to show up and claim her."

Kate's cell phone rang. "Beckett! I see," she covered her phone and mouthed 'Glazer' to the group. "So, what do I tell your wife? Okay. No, I've got it. I understand completely." She hung up and faced her colleagues. "He said to tell his wife that since she disobeyed him, she can spend the night here. He'll be home taking care of the kids. If she's a very good girl, he'll see about getting her in the morning."

"Shouldn't we go and just pick him up?" Ryan asked.

"No," Jordan disagreed. "Let him think that he's in control for right now. Run his social security number and see what you can find on him."

"The plot thickens," Espo said from his computer a short time later. "It seems that Matthew Glazer died in 1984 when he was three years old."

"So, he stole Matthew Glazer's identity," Kate sighed. "We have no way of knowing who this guy really is."

"We'll figure it out," Jordan told her. "Once we get him in here, we'll get him fingerprinted again and see what pops."

Since there was nothing more to do until their main suspect came to them the next morning, everybody called it a day shortly after five. Kate and Castle were just entering the loft when his phone rang. "Hello?" He answered after he'd shut the door behind them. "Why do you insist on torturing me?"

"I'm going to go take a bath," Kate whispered in his ear, not caring to hear his end of the conversation. From the sound of it, it was probably Meredith.

Kate was enjoying a soak in hers' and Castle's fabulous bathtub when she heard his footsteps entering the bathroom. She looked up and grinned at the sight of him disrobing. She moved up as he stepped into the tub behind her, leaning back and pulling her against his chest. "Meredith's going to be in town next week. She wants for the four of us to have dinner."

"Fine, as long as she's booked at the Plaza or the Four Seasons," she sighed blissfully in Castle's arms. "How many times have we shared this tub, Castle?"

"Approximately 800 times," he nibbled her ear lobe.

"Castle, we've only been sleeping together for two and a half years. I think your math is off just a little."

"Well, it feels like 800 times," his hands caressed her breasts, smiling at how much larger they'd gotten in such a short time.

Kate was enjoying his touch on her still somewhat sensitive breasts when she felt a light ripple pass through her abdomen. "Whoa!" She grabbed his hand. "Castle, I think that the resident alien just kicked!"

She put her hand over his as they both waited for it to happen again. "Did you feel that?" He asked when they felt another ripple.

"Castle, this is so cool!" She was laughing and crying as they shared a kiss.

"I can't wait to tweet about this," he kissed her again and again.

Later that night, they were lying side by side in bed, Castle on his laptop and Kate reading a book about pregnancy. "Castle, do you want to know the baby's sex? I know we've been debating it back and forth. But, how do you feel about it?"

"It doesn't matter to me. Sometimes it's hard to tell, anyway. Either way, we're having a baby, so we're going to be surprised. Were you going to have an amnio done?"

"No," she stated emphatically. "I just don't feel comfortable about having a huge needle stuck into my pregnant belly."

"Okay."

"Well, if we do discover what we're having, at least we can pick out a name. Resident Alien Castle will get his or her ass kicked at school if we don't pick a decent name."

"No strange celebrity names," he looked at her.

"Agreed. I don't want our kid named for fruit or a compass direction."

"No junior."

"But, I happen to like Richard Alexander," she leaned down and kissed him.

"Do you know how many times I got called 'Dickie' growing up? No," he returned her kiss.

When she woke up the next morning, she smiled at the feel of Castle's arm wrapped around her waist, one hand resting on her stomach. She was happy until she remembered that they were expecting a visit from a possible serial killer that morning. "Castle, we have to get up," she whispered in his ear as he grumbled in his sleep. "Come on, Castle."

Ryan, Esposito and Jordan were already in the bullpen when Kate and Castle stepped off of the elevator. "Has Glazer shown up, yet?" Kate asked, walking over to her desk.

"He's on his way. He called 45 minutes ago and ordered us to have his wife ready when he gets here," Ryan told her.

"Ooh, but he doesn't get to give the orders in my house," Kate made a face. "I do."

"Kate, Matthew Glazer is a dominant," Jordan reminded her. "He doesn't play by the same rules that the rest of us do. And I can tell you right now, he's not going to say anything to a woman."

"Bullshit," Kate hissed. "If he thinks that he's going to get in my interrogation room and call the shots, he's sadly mistaken. Ryan, I want you and Esposito to talk to Rebecca Glazer. Jordan and I will handle her husband. Castle, I just want you observing."

"Kate—"

"I'm okay, Castle."

Forty-five minutes later, Kate and Jordan were sitting across from Matthew Glazer. The 30ish science teacher was dressed in a striped shirts and khaki slacks, his brown hair slicked back on his head. After advising him of his rights, Kate got down to business. "How do you know Christopher Mason?"

"I used to work in his father's club," he admitted. "It was a great way to earn money for college. At the time I was getting my master's degree."

"So you admit to being a dominant?" Jordan threw in.

"Do I run a tight ship? Sure. Am I a dominant? That's a matter of opinion."

"Mr. Glazer, first off, we know that isn't your real name," Kate told him. "The real Matthew Glazer died in 1984. Your DNA has been found in four murder victims. These four women," she shoved their pictures in front of him.

"Just because I fucked them doesn't mean that I killed them," he sounded bored.

"We've obtained a search warrant for your residence," Kate warned him.

"Knock yourself out," he said.

In the other interrogation room, Ryan and Esposito were interviewing Rebecca Glazer. "Where was your husband three nights ago between the hours of three and five?"

"We were all sick. He was in the bathroom throwing up."

"Are you sure that's where he was? Did you actually see him?"

"I'm not going to follow my husband into the bathroom every time he gets sick."

"So, it's possible that he could've slipped out and you weren't aware of it?" Espo asked her.

"The doorbell rang sometime that night. When I asked Matt about it the next morning, he said that I was imagining it. Because of the fever."

"Do you know what time it was when you heard the doorbell?"

"It was after midnight. But I was horribly sick, so I'm not sure. Is Matt going to know that I talked to you? He doesn't like me talking to anybody."

"We won't say anything," Ryan looked at his partner.

"Does your husband own a taser?" Espo asked.

"Yeah, he bought one for me and our daughter. For protection," she explained.

"What about wrist restraints? Like handcuffs or zip ties."

"Yes, we own all of that. We use them for—" she broke off in embarrassment.

In the first interrogation room, Glazer was becoming agitated. Jordan noticed how his hands kept clenching the table while they questioned him. "What's wrong, Matthew? It sucks when you learn that someone else is in control, doesn't it? How did it feel when you found out that Barbara Hancock was pregnant with your child?"

"I didn't care."

"I don't believe that," Jordan challenged him. "I think that Barbara threatened to tell your wife about the baby, and so you strangled her."

"Becky already knew about Barbara. She was the one who suggested that I take her to Chris. She couldn't be controlled."

"Your wife knew about your girlfriend?" Kate asked.

"She knew about _all _of them, detective. These four and the _others _that you'll never find. I had to show them who was in control. Becky understood. So did my first wife until she divorced me."

"Did your wife know what you did to the others?" Kate felt nauseous as she listened to this maniac.

"No. She knew that I slept with other women. She knew that I had sex with these four women. I didn't kill them right away. I kept them as pets for a little while. I tried to show them how wonderful their lives could be if they'd only submit."

"What is your real name?" Kate asked.

"You have my real name. I think that I'm done talking. I think that this is the part where you take me and book me for four counts of second degree murder. What's wrong, detective?" He looked at Kate. "You look a little green."

Kate bolted from the room and ran for the bathroom. "Kate!" Castle called after her. He ran into the bathroom and heard the sound of her being violently ill. "Kate, are you okay?"

"I'll be out in a minute, Castle," she called out. After another few minutes, she flushed the toilet and exited the stall. "Wow, that was a first."

"I can understand how he made you sick. I was getting sick just listening to him."

She walked over and rinsed out her mouth in the sink. "Before I go back in there, can you just hold me for a minute?"

He reached his arms out and drew her against his chest, as she nestled into him. "Better?"

"Much. I don't think the resident alien liked him much, either."

"That's understandable. After all, Glazer is sub-human."

When they came out of the bathroom, they saw Jordan talking with the boys. "He's in there writing out his full confession right now. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks again for everything."

"Hey, you did most of the heavy lifting. I was just along for the ride. You'll let me know what you have?"

"Absolutely," Kate smiled.

Later that evening, Rick was reading a book for review while Kate was lying with her head in his lap watching TV. He looked at the screen when he heard her chuckling. "What're you watching?"

"'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.' Don't make fun, Castle. The resident alien likes it. It moves like crazy every time I laugh."

"My mother once told me that I moved a lot, too," he smiled down at her.

She took his hand and placed it on the ever-growing baby bump. It seemed to get a little bigger with each passing day. "Did Alexis move a lot?"

"She seemed to move a lot when Meredith got really big. I didn't notice it as much earlier in the pregnancy."

She rolled onto her back, holding Castle's hand in place. "Are you sorry that it didn't work between the two of you?"

"At the time I was sorry when both of my marriages failed. But," he put down his book and reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, "if those marriages hadn't failed, I wouldn't have you now."

"When are you and Alexis going to pick out our Christmas tree?"

"I don't know. One day next week. I'll check with Alexis when we have dinner with her mother."

"Next Christmas, we'll have a baby to share the holiday with," she rested her head on his shoulder.

***CCC***

When Kate and Castle entered the restaurant that next Wednesday night, Meredith and Alexis were already waiting for them. "Hi, pumpkin," Castle greeted his daughter with a hug and a kiss before Kate did the same.

"Hi, dad. Hi, Kate," she greeted both of them.

"Hello, Richard," Meredith stood up and kissed her ex-husband on both cheeks before turning toward Kate. "Kate, you look wonderful! Pregnancy looks so much better on you than it ever did on me."

"Hey, product of said pregnancy is sitting right here!" Alexis reminded her mother.

"I know, darling," Meredith sat back down. "But, I was huge. And there was the most awful heat wave that summer."

"She's exaggerating on both counts," Rick whispered to Kate as he held her chair out for her.

At the moment, Kate wasn't feeling wonderful. It had taken her forever to get dressed for this dinner because all of a sudden nothing seemed to fit. "You're a truly lucky woman, Kate," Meredith told her. "Despite all of the problems that Rick and I had, I can't deny that he's a great father."

"Thanks, but I think that Alexis turned out great in spite of me and not because," Rick said humbly.

"Anyway, I got you something for the nursery," Meredith handed Kate a medium-sized wrapped gift.

"Meredith, you didn't have to do this," Kate was awestruck. She slowly peeled the paper away to reveal a print by John Singer Sergeant. "Meredith, this is . . . wonderful," she smiled. "My mother loved this painting."

"I know. Alexis told me. She said that she noticed you looking at it for a long time when you went to the Museum of Art. And that you told her how much your mother loved the painting Carnation Lilies. I think it would make a nice addition to the nursery."

"I'm beyond touched," Kate said as she wiped tears from her face. "Thank you. And, you too, Alexis."

Kate was exhausted when they walked into the loft later that night. "I'm going to jump in the shower. Would you care to join me?" Castle asked her.

"I'd love to," she smiled, walking over and placing the painting on the counter. "Castle, your ex-wife never ceases to amaze me."

"That makes two of us," he walked over and slipped his arms around her. "She's still self-absorbed and definitely a Deep-Fried Twinkie, but I have to admit that she has her moments. I'll go and get the shower started."

Lying in Castle's arms later, listening to his deep breathing, Kate had never felt so lucky or so loved. This pregnancy had been nothing short of magical, so far, and she hoped that it continued. But tears came to her eyes when she thought of the date for her next doctor's appointment. January 9th. The anniversary of her mother's murder. But she knew that Castle would tell her to think of it as a sign. Maybe he was right this time. If they could learn the baby's sex that would definitely bring joy to an otherwise awful day.

**A/N #1: I included the John Singer Sergeant painting because Rook gave Nikki Heat one of his paintings in **_**'Heat Rises.' **_

**A/N #2: I had to put the dig in about baby names. Really, Kim Kardashian? **


	17. Chapter 17--A Possibility of Joy

**Disclaimers: Yeah, I wish.**

**Summary: Kate and Rick receive joyous news on an otherwise somber day. Kate takes Rick to visit her mother's grave on her birthday and he gives her a very special Valentine's Day gift. And, the horny pregnancy hormones come into play. So, we have an M rated chapter.**

**A/N #1: This is going to be a longer chapter because I wanted to combine January and February.**

Chapter 17: A Possibility of Joy

_January 9_

Rick woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Kate crying out in her sleep. "No. Castle! Help! Help me!"

"Kate, wake up," he said in a gentle voice. "Come on, Kate. You're dreaming. Come back to me."

"Castle?" Her eyes fluttered opened and she looked up him, her eyes still sleepy and unfocused. "He was chasing me again, Castle. I couldn't get away from him."

Castle slipped his arm around her and drew her into his chest, rubbing slow circles on her back with his other hand. He smiled at the feel of the light taps of their baby against his ribs. "The resident alien's wide awake."

"I probably woke it up with my screaming. I hope that we do learn the baby's sex just so that we can stop calling the baby 'it.' That sounds so impersonal."

"Hey," he put his finger under her chin so that she could look at him. "I know that tomorrow's a rough day. I'll be anyway that you need me to be. If you need space, I'll give you as much space as you need."

"Thank you," she kissed him. "There is something that I need for you to do with me in February. Can you go with me to my mom's grave for her birthday? You've never gone and she should meet the father of her first grandchild."

"I'd be honored to," he kissed her again.

_Later that morning_

"Everything's looking really good, Kate," Dr. Caldwell told her as she made notes in Kate's file. "However, in light of your shooting, I'd like for you to schedule an appointment with your former cardiologist. It's just as a precaution," she added quickly when Kate's eyes widened in horror. "Let's make sure that there's not anything that either of us should be worried about before the big day arrives. So, do you have any questions for me before I have Kelly bring Richard back?"

"Yeah, there is," Kate felt herself blushing before looking at her doctor. "Is it normal for sex to start feeling this great? I mean, sex has always been really good between Castle and me, but lately . . . "

"It's been really good?" The doctor finished the sentence as Kate blushed darker and nodded. "You're one of the lucky ones. Some women don't desire sex, at all. As long as you're not uncomfortable, you can continue to have sex right up until you deliver. The reason that you're enjoying sex more has to do with increased blood flow. Orgasms are good for the baby, especially during the third trimester"

"Well, they're also good for mom," Kate giggled.

"Yes, they are. Kelly, I think we're ready for Mr. Castle."

Rick was smiling broadly when the nurse brought him into the room. Kate reached out her hand as he walked over and took it, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. "I asked her about all of the sex that we've been having," she whispered as he grinned. "She said to just enjoy it."

"Oh, we are," he kissed her, breaking apart when the doctor entered the room with the ultrasound machine.

After putting the gel on her belly, the doctor turned on the machine and placed the wand on her bare stomach, moving it around until an image came up on the screen. Kate watched in fascination, watching tiny fingers, legs, and hands move around the screen. "Castle, look. The resident alien's sucking it's thumb."

"Kate, do you think that you can do whatever you do to encourage the resident alien to move?" The doctor smiled at the nickname they'd given the baby. "I'd like to get a good picture of the sex organs, if we can."

Kate took Castle's hand and placed it over hers. They then put their joined hands on her lower abdomen and began gently moving in circles. As if feeling their hands, the baby began doing a lazy roll. Little legs kicked apart at just the right angle as both parents burst into tears. "The resident alien's a little girl?" Castle asked through his tears.

"Say hello to your daughter," the doctor confirmed.

"The 'it's' a she?" Kate continued crying. "Thank you, mom," she sobbed as Castle drew her close, sharing in her combined tears of grief and joy.

"I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes," the doctor said after wiping the gel off of her stomach and lowering Kate's blouse.

"Hello, baby girl," Castle bent down and kissed the baby bump.

"Castle, do you read Shakespeare?"

"Not in a very long time. Why?"

"My mom loved _The Tempest. _The spirit who guides the ships through the storms is named Ariel. I was reading one of those baby name books that Jenny loaned me. In Hebrew, the name Ariel means 'Lion of God.' How do you feel about the name Ariel?" She asked him hopefully.

"Ariel Johanna Castle," he smiled as she bit her lower lip. "I have to admit that Ariel and Castle together . . . " he made a face, "but, we can always call her Ari or even A.J. I like it," he kissed her, tasting the salt from her tears.

"I'm glad," she kissed him back. "I love you, Richard Castle. So, so much. Thank you for this beautiful gift."

"Thank you for sharing her with me. I'm going to have another little girl," he beamed as he rested his forehead against hers.

Knowing that today was a particularly rough day for her father, Kate had made arrangements to have lunch with him, just the two of them, before he went to the cemetery. He went on the anniversary of her death and their wedding anniversary while Kate went on her mom's birthday and Mother's Day. It was very rare that they ever went to her gravesite together.

He was already waiting for her in their usual booth when she entered the diner. He stood up and embraced her when she stepped up to him. "How are you feeling?" He asked, smiling down at her now noticeable baby bump.

"Wonderful," she slid into the booth across from him. "Dad, I know that this is such a hard day, but Castle and I got some news today that will make this day joyful now." She removed the sonogram pictures from her purse and slid them across the table to him. "Meet your granddaughter. Ariel Johanna Castle." She pulled her iPhone out and handed it to her dad. "Hit 'play.' Castle recorded her in all of her glory for you."

"I'm having a granddaughter? You're having a little girl? She's quite the showoff, isn't she?" He smiled at her through his tears, after viewing the cell phone video. "Oh Bug, I can't wait to be a grandpa."

"I can't wait for you to be one," she reached across and squeezed his hand.

"So, how does Rick feel about having another girl?"

"He's thrilled. We'll have a boy the next time around. I so wanted a little girl first. I wanted someone that I could dress up, and take shopping . . . "

"You hate shopping," he gently reminded him. "_Your _mother, on the other hand—"

"I know. I guess I'll find out if the curse actually works."

"What curse is that?" He asked, pausing when the waitress dropped menus off at their table.

"She used to tell me that she hoped that someday I'd have a child who acted just like me," she smiled at the memory.

"Oh, _that _curse. I think every parent tells their child that. You were a rebel, but you never failed to make your mom laugh."

"I miss her," she choked out as she wiped at her eyes.

"Me, too. But, she's with us all of the time, Katie."

"I know."

When she entered the loft, all was quiet, which meant that Rick was probably at his desk, writing. Sure enough, when she entered his office, he was typing away. She walked behind his chair and draped her arms around his neck, before kissing and nipping his neck. "Hi," he craned his neck around to kiss her. "So, what does your dad think of his granddaughter?"

"He loves her," she turned him around and straddled his lap. "The whole ride up in the elevator, I was thinking about how much I want to celebrate our daughter."

"You do, do you?" He teased, slipping his hands under her shirt and sliding them upwards. She leaned forward and nibbled his lower lip, forcing him to open his mouth to her tongue. She groaned into his mouth when his hands traveled up to caress her breasts through her bra.

Removing his hands, he lifted Kate to her feet and guided her backwards toward their bedroom, stopping when the backs of her knees touched the bed frame. He pushed her down so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed before he slowly began to undress her. After he'd undressed her, he removed his own clothes before kneeling down in front of her on the bed. Pulling her close for a long, tender kiss, he reached up and gently caressed her breasts with his hands, feeling her nipples harden under his palms as she moaned.

Kate continued moaning loudly as Castle continued touching her breasts. Lately there had been times when he'd been able to bring her to orgasm just by playing with her boobs. While she'd always enjoyed sex, there were times now that she felt like a nymphomaniac. "Castle," she growled against his mouth, taking one of his hands and guiding it lower. "Touch me, please."

He stood up and pushed her onto her back before he once again dropped to his knees on the floor in front of the bed. He draped her legs over his shoulders before lightly brushing against her with his tongue, feeling her instantly buck against him at the initial contact. "Like that?" He teased, lightly touching her again as she shuddered against him.

"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it'll work," she cried out breathlessly, clutching at the sheets.

She was already so wet and all he'd done was to kiss her and play with her breasts. He decided that he liked making love to perpetually horny Kate very much. He settled himself more comfortably between her legs and began to suck, lick and nibble at her in earnest. He flicked her clit rapidly with his tongue several times, groaning when he felt her grab him by the hair and pull him tighter into her wet center. "Hey, trying to breathe here," he reminded her.

"Fuck, Castle. Just please make me come already," she begged.

He pushed his thumb into her and slowly stroked as he went back to work on her swollen bundle of nerves. He removed his thumb and slowly moved his index finger into her as her cries became louder and louder. "Let go, Kate," he urged her. "Come for me."

She screamed loudly as she shattered around his stroking finger and his still sucking lips and tongue. He didn't give her time to recover as he stood up and lined himself up with her still pulsating warmth. She cried out again as she felt him sinking into her to the hilt. "So good, Castle," she breathed as she moved her hips in rhythm with his thrusts. "Fuck, Castle. I'm so close. I'm going to come again. More. Please. More."

He lifted her hips, changing the depth and angle of his penetration. She dug her nails into his forearms, crying out his name as she felt that familiar coiling tension beginning to build. He felt her beginning to clench and tighten around him as she screamed out his name like a mantra, coming completely undone around him. He thrust into her one last time and stilled, emptying himself into her with a loud cry.

Once their breathing had returned to normal, he sat down on the bed and pulled her sated, naked body onto his lap. "So, would you and Ariel like to have a bath?" He kissed her, saying their daughter's name for the first time, liking the way that it sounded on his tongue.

"Doesn't Ariel sound so much better than Resident Alien or 'it?'" She asked, kissing him back. "Ariel and I would love a bath. Is daddy going to join us?"

"Daddy would love to join you," he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

Kate was so relaxed lying in Castle's arms in the warm bath that she was surprised that she didn't fall asleep. "When do you want to tell your mother and Alexis? And the guys from the 12th?"

"I'll call mother and Alexis when we get up from our nap," he nibbled her ear lobe. "I'll invite them over for dinner tomorrow night. As for the guys at the precinct, let's invite them all to The Old Haunt Friday night."

"Sounds good," she murmured drowsily. "Did you say that we were taking a nap?"

"Kate, you're lying here falling asleep. I'm putting my girls down for a nap."

"'Your girls.' That sounds so sweet, Castle."

"Can I ask you a question?" He breathed into her neck. "When we found out the baby's sex, why did you thank your mom?"

"Castle, I would've been happy either way. I just wanted for us to have a healthy baby. But, my mother used to tell me that she always wanted a granddaughter that she could dress up and take shopping. I hate shopping. I even hated it when I was younger. She used to have to drag me to the mall. I was always into muscle cars and motorcycles. I think that I was an enigma to her."

"You do realize that our daughter will probably also like muscle cars and motorcycles. We'll have to get her leather jackets of her own so she can rock the baby Beckett look in style."

"She won't be a Beckett, Castle. She'll be a Castle."

"She's fifty percent Beckett," he reminded her. "Just because she doesn't have the name, doesn't mean that she can't have the look."

"Great, our kid will be the only one going to school in leather jackets and four inch heels," she grimaced. "What was it like when you found out that you were having a girl the first time?"

"It wasn't anything like this, that's for damn sure," he said in a tight voice.

"I'm sorry, Castle. That was insensitive of me."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago," he tightened his arms around her, placing his hands on her tummy and feeling the baby rolling under his hands. "She's active."

"I know. I'm on the receiving end of her activity," she grinned up at him.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better," he told her. "Come on, let's get out."

***CCC***

"Sir?" Kate knocked on Capt. Gates door the next afternoon.

"What is it, detective? How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling great, thank you. I was wondering . . . we're getting everybody together at The Old Haunt on Friday night. Castle and I would like it if you'd join us."

"What's the occasion?"

"It's a surprise," Kate smiled mysteriously.

"What time?"

"Eight o'clock."

"I'll be there. Thank you for including me."

"Yes, sir."

When they got home that night, Castle set about making dinner for his mother and Alexis, who were due in an hour. Kate went to take a shower and dress in more comfortable clothes. "Do you need any help?" She asked when she came out of the bathroom, dressed in a comfortable pullover shirt and a pair of jogging pants.

"No. I want you to sit and relax."

"Castle, none of my clothes fit," she complained as she walked over to the couch and sat down, folding her arms over her stomach.

"Then, you should call Lanie and Jenny to schedule a shopping trip. Have a girl's day out."

"Castle, I _hate_ going shopping," she grumbled.

"Well, it's either go shopping or start going to work naked. I don't think Gates would appreciate option number two, although I'm sure I'd enjoy it. I know that mother and Alexis would love to go shopping with you. Although I'd trust Alexis' tastes far more than my mother's, unless you're into animal prints."

As he looked over the counter at her, he couldn't help but notice that she was wearing her mother's ring around her neck. It was the first time that he'd seen her wear the familiar necklace in several months. Sensing her mood, he turned the burner down on the stove and walked over to the sofa. He opened up his arms as she burrowed into his embrace. "How'd you know that I needed this?" She breathed in the scent of him.

"You haven't worn her ring in a while."

"I haven't missed her like this in a long time. I think the last time that I felt like this was when Lanie and Dr. Murray told me about Coonan."

"Are you still okay with mother and Alexis joining us for dinner?"

"Yeah," she pulled away and smiled. "We have to show them a baby movie, remember?"

Dr. Caldwell had presented them with a DVD of the sonogram. Castle had wanted to post it to his Facebook account, but Kate had talked him out of it. She wanted family and close friends to know before he shared it with a few million people on social media. "Let me finish dinner," he kissed her before getting up and returning to the kitchen.

Martha and Alexis arrived half an hour later as Castle was setting the table. "Katherine, you look absolutely radiant!" Martha hugged her.

"Hi, Kate," Alexis hugged her. "How's the baby?"

"Active today," Kate smiled. "Let's have dinner and then we can watch a movie."

"A movie?" Martha looked askance toward her son.

"Yeah, we picked a movie especially for tonight," Castle glanced at his wife. "I'm sure that you're both going to like it."

"As long as it's not one of your monster or zombie movies," Martha told him as the four of them sat down to dinner.

After dinner, Castle sat Martha and Alexis down in particular spots on the sofa before he went over and popped the disc into the DVD player. He then sat down in his recliner and pulled Kate onto his lap as they watched their reactions. "I don't get it," Alexis made a face, turning toward her father and Kate.

"Just watch," Castle instructed her. "The plot will become clear in just one minute."

"It's the baby!" Alexis cried out. "Look at its hands and feet. Oh, this is so cute!"

It was at that moment that baby Ariel did her exhibitionist roll, revealing her sex for everybody to see. "Alexis, say hello to your little sister," Kate smiled, her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh kiddo!" Martha jumped up, running over to embrace her son and daughter-in-law. "She's perfect!"

"Have you picked out a name?" Alexis asked, coming up to stand beside her father's chair.

"Ariel," Castle told her, his voice thick with emotion. "Ariel Johanna Castle."

"This is so great!" Alexis hugged both of them as tightly as she could. "When can I do her room? I have so many ideas!"

"Soon," Kate squeezed her hand.

"Alexis and Ariel. They even sound great together."

"Yeah, they do," Kate smiled at Rick, who pulled her close to him.

Kate was asleep when she felt Rick come to bed later that evening. He'd wanted to write a couple of chapters, so she'd gone to bed without him. "Castle, have I ever told you that you have a terrific daughter?"

"_We _have a terrific daughter," he slipped his arms around her. "And, soon we're going to have _two _terrific daughters."

"Yes, we are," she agreed sleepily.

"Can I ask just what makes Alexis so terrific?"

"I asked her about going shopping. She said that she can't wait. I'll talk to Lanie and Jenny tomorrow," she yawned.

Friday night, the group all gathered around a huge table at The Old Haunt. Castle ordered several different appetizers for all of them to snack on. "So, what's the occasion?" Ryan asked as a waitress brought their drink orders over. "And for the record, we already know that Beckett's knocked up."

"Gee thanks, Ryan," Kate made a face as Jenny elbowed her husband in the ribs.

"Okay, I want to propose a toast," Castle announced, facing all of his friends. "I want to propose a toast to the newest member of our ranks. To Ariel Johanna Castle," he held up his beer as the group fell silent and turned as one to stare at Kate.

"You're having a girl?" Lanie squealed, hugging her tightly. "Oh girl, that's wonderful!"

"She's lucky that I can't arrest her for lewd behavior," Kate showed the sonogram pictures around the table.

"Kate, I have boxes of newborn baby girl stuff. Some of it is brand new. You shouldn't have to buy anything for a long time," Jenny told her friend.

"I'm glad the baby has clothes, because nothing fits her mother," Kate pouted.

"Shopping trip," Lanie and Jenny said in unison.

"Congratulations, detective," Capt. Gates smiled. "There's nothing more special than the bond between a mother and daughter. But, may I say something?"

"Yes, sir."

"I hope that she acquires more of your traits and less of Mr. Castle's."

"Oh, I don't know, sir. Sometimes I think it might be nice having two nine-year-olds on a sugar rush in the house," she smiled tenderly at her husband.

_February 4_

It was a cold, blustery day as Kate took Rick's hand and led him through the cemetery, stopping directly in front of the large headstone engraved with Johanna Beckett's name, her dates of birth and death along with the three words in Latin. Kate brushed the snow from the top of the gravestone before squatting down and placing the bouquet of lilies at the base of the headstone. She reached for Rick's hand as he helped her to her feet. Nearly six months pregnant, squatting wasn't something that she could do easily any longer. "Happy birthday, mom," she whispered. "I know that you probably already know this, but you're going to be a grandma in about 14 weeks. She's a little girl and we're going to name her Ariel. I brought Rick with me. He wrote all of your favorite books," she smiled before wiping at her face. "You'd love him so much, mom. Almost as much as I do," she smiled at him. "Dad's so excited about the baby. He's already bought her a whole toy store worth of stuffed animals. We miss you. I love you."

She turned toward Rick and felt his arms close around her and hold her close while she sobbed on his shoulder. "I'm not going to stand here and tell you that I understand your pain, because I don't. But, I love you and I love baby Ariel," he pulled her away so that he could caress the bulge under her coat. "Let's go home and run you a hot bath. Then I'll make you some hot cocoa and spend the afternoon amusing you."

"Okay," she smiled through her tears.

After they got home, Castle ran her a bath before going into the kitchen to make her some hot cocoa, making sure that he added lots of whipped cream. Walking by, he caught something on the wall calendar out of the corner of his eye. He stopped and looked at the entry for the tenth. '**Dr. Jahar. 1:45.' **Who in the hell was Dr. Jahar and why was Kate going to see him on the 10th of February? He looked toward the doorway when Kate walked out, wrapped in her robe with a towel wrapped around her head. "Who's Dr. Jahar? I thought Dr. Caldwell was your doctor."

"Uh, I meant to tell you at my last appointment," she sat on the edge of the sofa. "Dr. Caldwell wants me to be seen by Dr. Jahar. He was my cardiologist after I got shot."

"Kate, is something going on?" He asked, suddenly fearful.

"No. Rick, it's just a precaution. My heart is fine. Dr. Jahar completely cleared me. I even asked him about having a baby in the future. He told me that I was fine. Dr. Caldwell just wants to err on the side of caution."

"You're sure?" He asked, still not completely convinced.

"Rick, I told you a long time ago that I'm done running and hiding. If something was going on with me or Ariel, I'd tell you. I'd never keep something like that from you."

She could see that his eyes looked haunted . . . no, they looked terrified. Just like they had that awful day in the cemetery. She could still remember that look in his eyes as they stared down at her in horror, his voice cracking as he begged her to stay with him. _'I love you. I love you, Kate.' _She got up and walked over to him, embracing him as he had embraced her earlier at her mother's gravesite. "I love you, Kate," he whispered as she held him. "I wish that you'd told me."

"With the excitement of learning Ariel's sex, I forgot. I was going to tell you after I made the appointment, but it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."

After they made love that night, he lay with his arms tightly wrapped around Kate and their child, feeling the acrobatics of Ariel as she stayed awake. He scooted down in the bed until his face was even with the baby bulge. "Ariel, this is your daddy. It's way past your bedtime. Mommy and daddy's playtime is supposed to lull you to sleep, not do the opposite."

Amazingly, the kicks and stretching began to slow down. "She likes your voice," Kate murmured sleepily. "She always seems to calm down when you talk to her. She likes Uncle Javi's voice, too."

"You're kidding," he said as she rolled over.

"Ariel was having some kind of Olympics gymnastics competition in my uterus yesterday," she said as Castle grinned. "Javi came over and was reading financials on our vic, and she calmed down. I think if she does it again, I'll just have him read from the phone book."

"Did I wake you?" He kissed her softly, as she opened her mouth to him. "Uh-uh. Daddy's worn out and not ready for round two."

"Then, use your fingers, because I am," she moved his hand down between her legs.

After she fell asleep again, Castle found himself thinking about Valentine's Day. Thinking about it, he made a mental note to call Alexis, Lanie, and his mother the next day.

_February 10_

It was a busy day for doctor's appointments. Kate lay on her back as Dr. Caldwell listened to the baby's heartbeat and palpated her uterus to check the size of it. "Is everything okay?" Kate asked, watching the doctor's face.

"Yeah. I'm just guessing that this baby's not going to be all that large. I need for you to schedule a 1-hour Glucose test in the next few days."

"Why?"

"It's a normal test, Kate. It's how we test for Gestational Diabetes. You come in, drink a bottle of a sugary drink, wait an hour and then we check your blood glucose levels. I'm going to have Kelly take blood today so that I can check to make sure that you're not anemic."

"What happens if I'm diabetic or anemic?"

"Kate, if it's Gestational Diabetes, most of the time it goes away when you deliver the baby. For the record, your urine tests have all been normal, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. But it's a test that I like to perform just to be sure."

She nodded as the doctor helped her sit up. "I'll have Kelly take that blood now."

"Can Castle come back here? I hate having blood drawn."

Walking out of the doctor's office with an appointment to come back for the blood sugar test in two days, she tucked her arm into Castle's as they walked toward the town car that he'd hired for the day. Now they had to go uptown for her appointment with Dr. Jahar, an appointment that was still scaring the hell out of Castle. Trying to keep his mind off of it, he instead focused on Valentine's Day. He had a great day planned for Kate. He hoped that she'd be pleasantly surprised. He'd talked to Alexis that morning while Kate had been in the shower and his daughter told him that everything was in play.

Dr. Jahar was in his late 50's with dark hair and a thick accent. "Congratulations on your pregnancy," he told her, perusing her chart carefully. "Have you had any discomfort? Any chest pains? Shortness of breath? Anything that concerns you?"

"No, I've felt great."

"I will perform an echocardiogram to make sure that everything is well with your heart, but as I told you six months after your shooting, you recovered extremely well. Much better than I thought you would. Let me get you ready and we'll do this."

"Doctor, my husband is out in the waiting room and he's been very anxious about this. Could he come back here while you do the echo?"

"Of course," he nodded to his nurse. Moments later, the nurse brought Rick back and he shook hands with the doctor after he was introduced. "I'm going to do an echocardiogram of Mrs. Castle's heart. This is just an ultrasound. If anything looks out of place, I'll schedule further tests."

Kate lay back on the table as the doctor put the gel on her chest and began moving the transducer wand around. She held Castle's hand tightly as they watched her rapidly beating heart on the monitor. She pointed out to him the scarring from her shooting. "I got used to seeing it when I'd come here," she explained.

"Your heart rate is normal and I see no additional problems with your heart. I think that you can plan on having a normal delivery of your baby," the doctor turned off the wand and wiped the gel from Kate's chest.

Kate smiled at Castle, watching his facial features visibly relax. "I told you that we were going to be okay," she kissed him, smoothing her fingers over the worry lines around his eyes.

_Valentine's Day_

Kate was getting dressed for work while Castle was in the shower. She went into the kitchen to make Castle his coffee and tea for herself when she noticed a small wrapped package on the counter along with a card with Ariel's name on it. Unsure if she was supposed to open it or wait for her incredibly romantic husband, she opted to wait. She fixed Castle's coffee and carried it back to the bathroom, where he was shaving. "I'm going to stay home this morning and get some writing done," he told her after she'd put his coffee down on the counter beside him. "So, I should be at the precinct at lunchtime."

"Castle, there was a gift on the counter addressed to our daughter," she looked at him as he tried to look like he had no clue what she was talking about. "Do you know anything about that?"

"Did you open it?"

"Well, it wasn't addressed to me."

He turned from the mirror and gave her that disarming Castle grin. The one that these days made her want to drag him back to bed and fuck his brains out. "Go open it," he kissed her.

She went back into the kitchen and picked up the gift. Slowly unwrapping it, she pulled out the tell-tale box from Tiffany's. Snapping the box opened, she gasped when she saw the tiniest bracelet that she'd ever seen in her life. There was one charm dangling from the bracelet. A small locket that held a picture of her and Castle inside. "Castle, this is so sweet," she ran up to him and kissed him when he walked into the kitchen.

"I saw it and couldn't resist," he smiled. "Come on, I'll walk you downstairs."

They stood beside her car in the parking garage as she stared up at him. "Thank you for her gift," she kissed him again.

"Please be careful," he pleaded with her. "I'll see you at lunchtime."

When she got into the car and pulled her seatbelt over her increasing girth, she spotted another package on the passenger seat, this one addressed to her. She unwrapped it and found another Tiffany's box, larger than the one she'd received for the baby. She opened the card first, smiling when she read the words inside. _'To the still extraordinary KB. Thank you for sharing your life and your love with me. Thank you for giving me this most extraordinary of all gifts. I love you, Rick.' _

She opened the box and gasped. The bracelet inside was identical to the one he'd gotten for Ariel, except the charm held an emerald instead of a locket. She knew that emerald was the birthstone for May, when their daughter was due. She took a moment to collect her emotions before starting the car.

***CCC***

As soon as he returned to the loft, Castle pulled out his cell, making all of the necessary phone calls. First the furniture store, and then his daughter, who in turn summoned her recruits for the job at hand. "You're sure that you can keep Kate out of the loft until we're ready?" Alexis asked her father for the 50th time.

"I've got it covered, pumpkin. Are you sure that you can get everything done?"

"Dad, if I've learned anything from you regarding special ops, it's to plan everything," Alexis reminded her father. "You do your part and I'll take care of ours."

***CCC***

When she'd started her sixth month, Gates had curtailed Kate's activities in the field, keeping her at the precinct to run financials and backgrounds. It was boring, but at least it was safe. But she missed being on the streets with the boys. Sometimes she thought that safe sucked. "I understand how you feel," Capt. Gates said as if reading her mind. She sat down and placed a cup of tea in front of Kate. "But, you've got it better than I did when I was pregnant. Back then, as soon as they learned of your condition, they pulled you off of the streets. Sometimes I thought I would've been more effective just staying home."

The phone on Kate's desk rang. "Beckett!" She answered before frowning. "A delivery for me? Sure, send him up." She hung up and looked at the captain. "I have a delivery."

"Well, it is Valentine's Day," the captain reminded her.

A man stepped off of the elevator carrying a huge bouquet of red and pink roses. "Kate Castle?" He called out.

"Right here," Kate stood up, smiling at the roses.

"Sign here," he shoved a clipboard at her and she scrawled her name to it. "Thank you."

"These are beautiful," Gates admired the roses. "This has got to be two dozen roses."

"A dozen red and a dozen pink," Kate confirmed.

The aroma was intoxicating. Kate felt like she couldn't get enough of them. Neither could any of the other women working in the bullpen. They all found a reason to drop by Kate's desk to admire the roses, all commenting on how romantic her husband was.

Kate was busy running financials when she felt someone kiss her neck. "Espo, cut it out!" She teased.

"Hey," Castle tried to sound offended but didn't quite pull it off. "I see that you got the roses."

"Yes, and now I'm the envy of every woman here," she turned in her chair. "So, did you get your writing done?"

"Kind of," he smiled before pulling away. "I'll be right back." Kate watched him as he walked into Gates' office, returning moments later with a huge grin on his face. "Grab your coat."

"Castle, what're you doing? I have work to do!" She protested.

"Not anymore. Gates has given you the afternoon off," he grabbed the vase of roses and took her hand. "You're going to love what I have planned for us."

When they got into the elevator, he sent a quick text to Alexis: **'Phase two is underway. I'll text you again in a few hours.'**

Stepping out into the street, he led her over to the town car and helped her inside. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he smiled mysteriously when the car pulled into traffic.

"You know that I didn't get any lunch."

"We'll eat soon," he promised her.

The car soon left the city and headed toward the Hamptons. "You're not taking me to the Hamptons, are you?"

"Not exactly," he answered.

"Thank you for the bracelet and the roses," she kissed his neck.

"You're welcome," he kissed her back.

After driving for close to an hour, the car finally pulled into the drive of what looked like a huge mansion. "Castle, what is this?"

"I thought that you might enjoy a couple's massage for Valentine's Day. I've ordered the works. Full body massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, everything."

"Wow," she breathed. "This is great, Castle."

He took her hand before they walked into the spa. After telling the receptionist that he had reservations, they were led to a private dining area where they were served the most wonderful meal Kate had ever had in her life. Sighing in contentment once lunch was over; they were smiling and holding hands when they were interrupted by two women, who took them in separate directions.

What followed was by far the most wonderful afternoon of Kate's life. She'd never been so pampered in her life, not even by Castle. She'd been the recipient of many full body massages by her loving husband, but she decided that he could learn a thing or two from these masseuses. It was obvious that this particular masseuse specialized in pregnant women, because she definitely knew what she was doing. "How are along are you?" She asked as she massaged Kate's pregnant torso.

"Twenty-four weeks exactly," Kate sighed.

"Your baby is going to enjoy this. Mine always did," she smiled.

Kate's back had been starting to ache badly lately, but she forgot all of that as she was worked over by the expert hands of the masseuse. She sighed as the masseuse massaged her lower back and hips before moving to her legs.

The whole process took five hours. It was just starting to get dark outside when she met up with Castle in the lobby of the spa, feeling boneless and ridiculously relaxed by her experience. Castle was texting when he came to join her. "Who're you texting?" She asked when he quickly put his phone away.

"Nobody," he said quickly. "So, did you enjoy your spa day?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you, Castle," she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. "But, now I'm starving."

"I have reservations for later," he took her hand and led her outside to the town car.

When they got out of the car in front of the loft, they walked past the doorman and over to the elevator. She looked at him when he pulled a scarf from his pocket. "What're you doing?"

"I need for you to put this on," he smiled, placing the scarf around her eyes and tying it on the back of her head. "I want you to trust me."

"Castle, as horny as I always am these days, I don't feel like being tied up to our bed," she protested.

"Trust me," he breathed against her ear.

Tucking her hand around his arm, he pressed the button for the loft. When the elevator stopped, he guided her toward the loft, placed his key in the lock and led her inside. "Castle," she felt panic beginning to set in.

"Trust me, Kate," he kept urging her, walking her over to the staircase. "We're going upstairs, so hold onto the railing."

When they got to the top of the stairs, he guided her down the hallway before turning her and removing the blindfold. It took her a minute to readjust her eyes, but when she did, Kate was speechless. Standing in Martha's old room and now the baby's nursery, were Alexis, Lanie, and Martha. They had spent all day decorating the room. The crib, dressing table, and chest of drawers that she'd picked out were in the room now. The walls were decorated with Disney characters and Ariel's name was spelled out in huge letters on the wall by the crib. "Do you like it?" Alexis asked excitedly.

"It's . . . it's . . . oh Alexis, it's perfect," Kate couldn't stop the tears that ran down her cheeks. "This is so sweet! Thank all of you," she hugged Martha and then Lanie, who were also crying. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Surprisingly, not very long," Lanie told her. "Castle didn't want you doing it, so he called Little Castle, who called me."

"This has been the most perfect day," she sobbed as she turned into Castle's arms.

By the time they returned from dinner, Kate was exhausted. Standing in the shower with Castle, she practically leaned into him as he bathed every inch of her, before drying her, dressing her and leading her to bed. "I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I'm too tired for sex," she wrapped herself around him before drifting off to sleep.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Kate," he kissed her as she drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

**A/N #2: Three more chapters and this story will wrap up, for real this time. Please read and review. At last count I was up to 87 reviews. My goal is to get an even 100. **

**A/N #3: In the next chapter, I'll try to add more of the boys. I want to utilize my second favorite detective, Javier Esposito.**


	18. Chapter 18--Fear Revisited

**Disclaimers: Nope.**

**Summary: Kate receives a letter which upsets her and Castle a great deal. Javi, Ryan and Kate talk about what happened with Josh. Kate has a long conversation with her unborn daughter whilst in the middle of a panic attack.**

**A/N #1: This chapter isn't going to be angst-ridden, contrary to the summary. However, there is going to be some drama and long delayed conversations going back to what this story was originally about.**

**A/N #2: In answer to the review that I received from The Putz913 asking what Kate got Castle for Valentine's Day. I'm so sorry that I forgot to have her get him a gift. I'll add something in this chapter about his gift. I think everybody will like it.**

Chapter 18: Fear Revisited

_March_

It was a chilly mid-March afternoon. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Castle," Stan, the doorman, greeted her as she approached the front door. "How are you today?"

"Tired," Kate admitted, walking past him and into the building. She walked over to the mailboxes and unlocked the one for the loft, removing the pieces of mail before going over to the elevator.

Castle had texted her saying that his meeting with Black Pawn had gone on longer than he'd anticipated, but that he'd pick up something for dinner on his way home. She walked into the loft and began going through the mail, separating hers' from Castle's. One of the pieces for her had a return address of 'Department of Corrections.' She ripped it opened and took out the single sheet of paper inside, her eyes widening while she read.

_Warden Dale Wisener_

_New York Department of Corrections_

_Ossining, New York_

_Detective Katherine Beckett,_

_Joshua M. Davidson, Inmate Number N137890, has requested a visit from you at your earliest convenience . . . _

Kate felt panic setting in, the first attack that she'd had in months. The first attacks that she'd had since right after Castle had rescued her from Josh. The letter fluttered to the floor. She couldn't even read the rest of it. There was no way that she'd go to see Josh. Not now. And, even if she'd decided that she wanted to see him, she knew that Rick would never allow it.

He had nothing to say that she wanted to hear. Ariel was sensing her stress and reacting to it. She pulled out her phone and texted Rick. **'Castle, where are you? I need you. Having a panic attack. Please text me back ASAP.'**

She tried to take several deep breaths to calm herself, but it wasn't working. Ariel was delivering swift kicks to her ribs, which wasn't helping the situation. Settling back against the sofa cushions, she rubbed her hand up and down her belly, trying to get the baby to calm down. "Ari, please calm down. Daddy will be home soon. He'll make everything okay. He'll always take care of us, Ari. He went to Paris to bring your big sister home. He walked through fire for me when I almost blew up."

Castle walked out of Black Pawn and checked his phone. "Shit!" He exclaimed when he read Kate's message. Why was she having an attack? She hadn't had a serious attack since last summer. Not one so bad that she needed him. He jumped into the backseat of the town car. "Jerry, step on it. I have to get home fast!"

He sent Kate a text: **'On way home. Will be there ASAP. If things get bad, call Burke. ILY.'**

***CCC***

". . . He saved me from a tiger, Ari. Well, so did your Uncles Kevin and Javi," she continued going through the litany of the times that Ariel's daddy had saved her mother from certain death. "He saved the whole city of New York from a bomb. That was scary. He tried to save me from a sniper's bullet. That was the day that he told me he loved me for the first time, Ari. I so wanted to answer him back," she startled when she heard a key in the front door and Castle strode in. "Rick!" She cried out as he raced over to her and pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried against his chest.

"What's wrong? Is Ariel okay?"

"I got a letter," she struggled to bend down and retrieve the letter from the floor.

Castle grabbed it from her and quickly read it. "Kate, you can't even be considering this."

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want to see him, Rick. I don't understand what he wants with me."

"I thought that he wasn't allowed to contact us," he reminded her.

"I'll have to contact the prison and the D.A. about that. I'm so glad that you're home," she began to cry again as he pulled her close.

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Just when he thought that everything was over with Davidson, he always managed to pull Kate back in. He settled back against the sofa and placed his hand on his unborn daughter, who was squirming all over the place. "Are you hungry?" He asked her.

"Yeah, but can we just sit here for a little while?" She lay down and put her head in his lap while he continued rubbing her stomach. "Ari's finally calming down. I was stressing her out earlier."

"How did you manage to calm her and yourself down?"

"Well, to calm myself down, I did the usual. But, she didn't react to that, so I just started talking to her and telling her about how brave her daddy is."

"Yeah, he is a pretty brave guy, isn't he?" Castle boasted as he felt her slap at his leg.

"Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back, Castle."

She was amazed at how quickly their daughter relaxed when Castle would gently rub her stomach as he was doing right now or when she'd hear his voice. In the last month since she'd been restricted to the precinct, Kate had noticed how Ariel reacted to the different voices around the station. For some unknown reason, she seemed to particularly calm when she heard the voices of Javier Esposito and Capt. Gates.

She sat up and crawled into Castle's lap as her husband's arms came around her. She reached into his shirt and traced her fingers along the St. Michael medallion that she'd given him for Valentine's Day.

_Valentine's Day evening_

_After he'd surprised her with the decorating of the nursery, Kate wasn't sure that the gift that she'd gotten him could possibly compete with what he'd given her that day. First the bracelets for her and their unborn daughter, the wonderful spa day and now this. But, after everything that he'd said and done for her over the last six and a half years, she knew that her gift to him was perfect. She wanted to give it to him in a perfect setting._

_They had reservations at Drago for eight o'clock. Since she couldn't have wine, Castle had decided that he'd give up wine, too. "Castle, you don't have to forego wine just because I can't have it," she told him as she took a sip of her iced water._

"_When you bring Ari home, we'll crack open that last bottle of champagne and toast our daughter."_

"_Uh Castle, I'll be breastfeeding, remember?" She smiled at him in disappointment. "I promise that as soon as she's weaned, we'll celebrate with that last bottle."_

"_Okay," he leaned over and kissed her._

"_I got you something," she smiled shyly, pulling a gift-wrapped box from her purse and sliding it across the table toward him._

"_Kate, you didn't have to get me a gift. You're already about to give me the ultimate gift."_

"_There's a speech that goes with this gift, but I want you to open it first," she looked at him, her eyes green and intense._

_He unwrapped the box and looked at her. It came from Cartier's. Except for his watch and wedding ring, he didn't wear any other jewelry. He opened it and looked at her. "Kate, this is beautiful," he pulled out the pendant on a medium length sturdy gold chain._

"_My mom and dad were kind of lapsed Catholics," she explained. "They took me to church occasionally when I was growing up, but I remember my mother telling me stories about all of the saints when I was growing up. She knew all of them because my grandmother was a devout Catholic," she smiled. "When I entered the police academy, I remembered that St. Michael is the patron saint of police officers. But, he's also the main protector of practically everybody. You saved me, Castle. Roy Montgomery told me right before he died that before you came along, I wasn't having any fun. And I wasn't. I was always hovering right over that rabbit hole, about to tumble down it."_

"_Kate—"_

"_No, please let me finish," she bit her lip. "I've never known a time when you haven't gone above and beyond the call to keep me safe. Even before we got to this point. I know that you'll do whatever it takes to keep me and your daughters safe. But, now you'll get to wear a symbol of that protection," she smiled. _

"_Kate, this is . . . wow, I'm speechless. I will always keep you safe. Anybody who tries to hurt my girls is going to have to go through me first," tears sparkled in his eyes as she got up from the table and took the pendant before placing it around his neck before planting a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you."_

"_I love you, too."_

"I'm glad that you didn't think it was too girly," she kept playing with the chain around his neck.

"I love it," he kissed her. "How about some dinner?"

"Can we have chocolate chip pancakes?"

"Absolutely," he kissed her one last time before lifting her from his lap. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I'll know more after I talk to the D.A. tomorrow."

She watched her husband walk into the kitchen and get out the ingredients to make her favorite breakfast at six o'clock in the evening. She got up and began slowly walking around the loft, looking at the now familiar mix of items from her former apartment mixed in among his things. This was home now. It had been for over a year. She walked down the hallway by their bedroom, looking at the pictures of the two of them interspersed with pictures of Alexis growing up. Soon she knew that baby pictures would also be on that wall. She didn't want to think about those six awful days last summer. Had it really been 10 months since that day when she'd entered _his _house and her life had been changed? Some days it felt like it had been much longer.

She hadn't had flashbacks or nightmares about it in months. The panic attack that she'd had earlier had been the first one since shortly after learning that she was pregnant. She'd made sure that she took back all of the power that _he _had thought that he was wielding over her. But, with one letter, she felt like _he _was trying to take it back again. "Castle, do you think that I should call Burke?"

"That's not my call," he was mixing pancake batter when he heard her call out to him from the hallway. "Do you think that you should?"

"I don't know," she came back out and sat on one of the barstools at the counter. "I hate him, Castle. I hate what he did to me. I hate what he did to _us_."

He stopped mixing batter and came around to hold her once again. "If you want to talk, you know that I'm willing to listen."

"I think I might be in need of playground therapy," she breathed against him. 'Playground therapy' was her way of telling him that she wanted to go to the swings by the apartment.

"We'll go after dinner," he kissed her forehead before going back to the kitchen to finish up.

He flipped two pancakes expertly onto a plate for her before going to the refrigerator and getting out the milk and pouring her a glass. He watched her as he poured a glass of orange juice for himself. Since the ordeal with _him _had ended, she wouldn't touch the stuff. At first, she didn't even like Castle having it in the refrigerator. She told him one night that _he _had used orange juice to drug her.

Kate sighed blissfully as she took the first bite of her pancakes. The chocolate chips melted on her tongue. There was something sublime about the taste of chocolate, butter, and maple syrup that was almost better than sex. _Almost_. Sex with her husband was still better. "I think that this is Ari's favorite meal ever," she grinned at him.

"Our daughter has excellent taste," he returned her grin, digging into his own pancakes.

After dinner, they grabbed light jackets and walked up the street to the park. "Do you remember that day when you and Ryan found me in the woods?" She asked, after they'd settled side by side on their swings.

Remember? How could he ever forget? "Yeah, I remember," he toed the ground at his feet.

"I heard people running in the woods. I thought that maybe _he'd _called somebody to hunt me down. _He _kept telling me that you didn't care, Castle. He said it so many times that sometimes I believed it. At first I kept telling myself that _he _was wrong. I mean, you went all the way to Paris alone to rescue Alexis. I think I told him that. But, I'm not sure. I might've been hallucinating. I heard someone say that of course that you'd go to Paris to get Alexis. She's your daughter. I wasn't anything to you at the time."

"What do you mean; you weren't anything to me at the time?"

"Castle, I don't know if those voices were real or if I was imagining them. I still don't!"

"Kate, if that had been you that had been taken to Paris; I would've done the exact same thing that I did when I went after Alexis."

"When I heard Ryan calling my name, I thought that maybe _he _was right. That maybe you didn't care enough to come and get me yourself. Then when I heard you calling my name, I thought that it was a trick. When I came up behind you, I didn't see you. All I saw was _him_. But, when you held your hand out and I took it, I knew. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I still have huge blocks where I don't remember anything. How did I get away from him?"

"He didn't say much. From what Espo and Gates were able to put together, they think that he had you handcuffed to the bed—"

"He did," she confirmed.

"—anyway, they think that he uncuffed you to maybe take you to the bathroom and when he brought you back to bed, you somehow overpowered him. They think that he tried to chase you up the stairs and you kicked at him. He felt down the stairs. When they entered the basement, he was at the bottom of the stairs nursing a broken arm and a concussion." He could see her trembling as she fought tears. "Come on, you're getting cold. Let's go home."

When they returned to the loft, Kate went to take a shower while Castle went into his office, ostensibly to get some writing done. He pulled out his cell and sent messages to the three musketeers: Lanie, Espo and Ryan. **'Beckett might have a rough day tomorrow. Keep an eye on her. I have more meetings at BP, but will be in at around two o'clock.'**

The first return message he got was from Javi. **'Bro, what's up?'**

Glancing toward their bedroom where he could still hear the shower running, he quickly pulled Javi's number up. "She got a letter from the prison. Davidson wants a meet."

"Is he fucking crazy?" Esposito roared over the phone. "Bro, please tell me you're not going to let her go up there."

"No, she's not going. She's going to call the D.A. in the morning. That asshole isn't even supposed to be contacting her."

"We'll watch her, bro," he promised.

"Thanks, Javi," he heard the water cut off in the bathroom. "I've gotta go."

Kate came out of their bedroom, dressed in one of his dress shirts and a pair of boy shorts. Ever since the first morning that they'd ever slept together, Castle loved seeing her in his shirts. But now he just loved looking at her. In his mind there was nothing sexier than a pregnant woman, especially when said pregnant woman was his wife. She walked over and draped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer to him, sliding his hands under her shirt and up her sides. Unbuttoning the bottom few buttons, he opened the shirt up and planted a soft kiss on her very pregnant belly, grinning at Ariel's response. "She loves her daddy," Kate grinned at him. "I think she's starting to run out of room in there."

"Just think," he pressed her closer to him. "We only have another seven, maybe eight weeks to go. Then she'll have plenty of room to move around."

"Do you still think that I'm beautiful, Castle?"

"I think you're incredibly beautiful," he beamed at her.

"Do you think that you could show me?" She pulled back and took his hand, tugging him toward her.

After she fell asleep, he got up and grabbed his laptop before she had a chance to wrap herself around him like she usually did after they made love. Now she was sound asleep, her legs entwined with his, one hand resting on his stomach while he typed away. After writing for a little over an hour, he finally saved his document and closed the laptop, putting it on the floor by the bed before lying down and drawing Kate closer to him as he drifted off to sleep.

It was her harsh, frantic breathing that woke him up sometime later. When he sat up and turned on the lamp by his bed, Kate wasn't by his side. "Kate!" He called out, getting out of bed and following the sound. He found her huddled on the bathroom floor, hyperventilating. "Kate," he sat down on the floor in front of her, forcing her to look at him. "Kate, look at me. Come on, focus. Look at me," he kept repeating the same words calmly until she finally focused her haunted green eyes on him. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I thought that I had it under control. But it just . . . just kept getting worse," she winced as Castle noticed a tiny hand stretching out. "Then I started having Braxton-Hicks and Ariel was freaking out. She's not even here yet, Castle, and I'm messing her up," she burst into tears.

"Hey, don't," he reached out and pulled her close. "Let me help you up and I'll get Ariel to relax. Come on," he stood up and helped her to her feet.

She settled into bed on her left side while Castle spooned behind her and began softly stroking her belly and whispering nonsense words until Ariel finally stopped her stretching. Once she relaxed, he rubbed Kate's back, legs, and abdomen until she finally went back to sleep. But, his worry about his wife and unborn child kept him awake for the rest of the night.

***CCC***

When Ryan and Esposito got off of the elevator the next morning, Beckett was on the phone. "No, you don't understand! I thought that he wasn't allowed to contact us! I'm seven months pregnant! I don't need this shit!" She looked over as Gates stuck her head out of her office door. "He has nothing to say that I want to hear!"

"What in the hell is going on?" Gates strode over to the other two detectives while Kate kept up her tirade on the phone.

"Castle texted us last night," Esposito explained. "He said that Beckett got a letter from the prison saying that Davidson wanted to see her. I'm assuming that she's talking to the D.A. about it right now."

Kate got off of the phone and grabbed her desk, her knuckles clenched white. "Are you all right, detective?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "I can't do this."

"You two," Gates looked at the boys. "Take her home and stay with her until Castle gets there."

"Yes, sir," they answered together.

Espo walked over to Kate and put a hand on her arm. "Come on, Beckett. Let's get out of here. I'll text Castle and tell him that you're going home."

"Thanks, Javi," she said as she meekly followed her two friends to the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, Javi texted Castle: **'Taking Beckett home. I don't think things went well with the D.A. Kevin and I will stay with her until you get home.'**

Castle texted seconds later: **'Thanks, bro. Tell Kate I should be home at around 1. She had two panic attacks yesterday. If she has any while you're with her, call Burke.'**

When they walked into the loft, Kate walked over to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water. "Do you guys want anything?"

"No, we're good," Javi told her.

"I'm okay. Kate, please come and sit down."

She finally walked over and sat down in one corner of the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table, picking up a pillow and holding it in her lap. "I don't think Rick slept at all last night after I woke him up. _He _can't keep doing this to us."

"Beckett . . . Kate, what did the D.A. say?" Javi asked.

"He's going to contact the warden, but he said that the 'no contact' order only applied while _he _was out of jail. It doesn't apply to prison. He said that if I want to prevent _him _from sending me correspondence from prison that I've got to apply for another order. Can I ask a question?" She looked at the two detectives, who nodded. "What did Castle say when he went on TV? He steered me away from news reports after I was rescued and he never talks about it."

"They didn't air all of it," Kevin told her. "He made a plea for information and after that, he threatened Josh—"

"Kevin, _never _say _his _name in my presence," she warned him.

"I'm sorry. Castle threatened him. Gates made me and Javi pull him away from the cameras. She warned the news stations what would happen if what he said so much as appeared on YouTube."

"Castle told me that you think that I kicked him down the stairs," she looked at them as they nodded confirmation. "Too bad I didn't kill the motherfucker." She rubbed her wrists, remembering the handcuffs that had been around them. "Javi, where were you?" She looked at her close friend. "Kevin was with Castle when he found me. Where were you?" She repeated.

"I was in the basement, logging evidence. Gates and I found the stuff that he'd used to confine you to the bed. I . . . I found the cooler with the Ketamine in it."

"You saw the evidence of what he'd done to me on the sheets," she winced as tears trickled down her face.

"Chica, no," Javi walked over and sat beside her on the sofa. "Kate, you didn't do anything wrong. There were 27 vials of Ketamine in that cooler. He had enough shit to keep you drugged indefinitely. You never stood a chance. If you get any more letters from him, you _burn _them. You took the power back from him, Chica. Don't you _ever _give it back."

"Javi's right," Kevin agreed. "You're eight weeks away from giving birth. You have to think about her. Forget that sorry piece of shit. Believe me, karma's a bitch and he's going to get his."

"I hope so," she finally smiled.

"Kate, are you hungry?" Kevin asked, walking into the kitchen. "You should eat something. I'm not a great cook like Castle or his daughter, but I can whip up some eggs or something."

"Bro, get over here and sit," Javi rolled his eyes, getting up and going into the kitchen.

"I think there's some pita bread and stuff to make sandwiches," Kate suggested. "But, I'm not really hungry. I'm just really tired."

When Castle walked into the loft shortly after one, Kate was asleep on the sofa while the boys were playing gin rummy at the dining room table. "Is she okay?" He asked after he'd put his keys down.

"Yeah," Espo nodded. "She fell asleep about two hours ago. We had a good chat," he stood up as Ryan followed suit. "We have to get back. Are you two going to be in tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we should be there. Thanks, guys."

After he let them out, Castle walked over and sat on the end of the sofa. Kate's eyes opened and she smiled at him sleepily. "Hey, Castle," she fought to sit up as he took her hand and helped her. "Did you finish your meetings?"

"Yes," he kissed her. "So, things didn't go well with the D.A.?"

"I don't want to talk about that. From now on, if I get any letters, I'll just burn them. I won't even open them first. I think Ariel missed her daddy today," she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. They both laughed as they felt her kicking and squirming around.

"I can't wait until we can see her and hold her for real," he grinned, feeling the baby move under his palm.

"Me either. It'll be wonderful to be able to breathe again."

"It's going to be great, Mrs. Castle," he kissed her again.

**A/N #3: For some reason, it's easier for me to write Javi than it is for me to write Kevin. I didn't notice it until another fan fiction story that Kevin always seems to back Castle, while Javier always seems to back Beckett. I watched 'Always' today and it was particularly evident in that episode. **

**A/N #4: We're going to have a baby in the next chapter. Please read and review.**


	19. Chapter 19--Planning and a New Castle

**Disclaimers: If only.**

**Summary: We're entering the home stretch. Kate and Castle begin working on their birth plan while she makes plans to go on maternity leave. Baby Castle makes her debut.**

**A/N #1: I thought of a PM that I received from ThePutz913 when I started this chapter. You were asking what Meredith's angle was by being nice. Well, you're about to find out.**

Chapter 19: Planning and a New Castle

_April_

"You're progressing nicely, Kate," Dr. Caldwell told her from her spot between her patient's legs.

Kate didn't say anything as she continued fixating on the ceiling. She so loved these weekly exams. _Not! _They had started at 32 weeks. "So, I'm not dilating or anything, am I?" She asked anxiously.

"No, you're not close to having a baby, yet. I think you're still going to be delivering around the 15th of May, give or take a few days. So, are you and Mr. Castle still planning on going drug free?" The doctor asked, removing Kate's feet from the stirrups and helping her to sit up.

"That's the plan."

"Just remember that you can change your mind if it gets to be too much for you. So, who's going to be with you?"

"I was planning on just having Rick with me. Why?"

"Well, you can have anybody else with you that you want if you don't have a problem with them seeing more of you than you usually share with close family," the doctor smiled.

When they got home, they brought up the computer and researched more on birth plans. The decision had been made months before that they both wanted an unmediated birth. "Dr. Caldwell was asking me today if I wanted anybody else in there with us. Do you think Alexis would want to be there?" Kate asked him.

"There's only one way to find out. Ask her."

"Would you be okay with her being there? Or anybody else, for that matter? Your mother or my dad? Keep in mind that whoever's in there is going to be seeing _everything_."

"Alexis really wants to be included in all of this, so I think she'd want to be there. As for my mother, I'm not so sure."

"I know my dad told me that he was there when I was born, and that he nearly passed out," she smiled at the memory of his story. "I'm going to ask him, but I don't think he'll want to be that up close and personal with seeing that part of my anatomy."

"So, are we going to deliver at the hospital or the birthing center?"

"I really liked the birthing center, Castle. The nurses and the doulas seemed so much friendlier and real than they do at the hospital."

They had toured both the maternity ward at Lennox Hill as well as the birthing center when they'd taken their Lamaze class. The rooms at the birthing center were almost as nice, or nicer, than their bedroom at home. Baring any complications, she could be delivered by a nurse/midwife if Dr. Caldwell was unavailable.

"Okay, so we need to get registered with the birthing center," he told her.

"I just don't want to deliver in the front seat of my Crown Vic," she told him, remembering Jenny's delivery from a year and a half before.

***CCC***

Kate had discovered that sleeping with a huge, pregnant belly was far different than it had been when she'd been five or six months along. If she wasn't suffering from heartburn, she was having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Sex wasn't even fun, anymore. Four weeks had never felt so far away. "Castle, I feel like something that should be harpooned," she complained one night as she lay on her side with his arm draped over her. "You can't even get your arm around me, anymore."

"I don't care," he kissed her neck. "And for the record, I still find you incredibly sexy."

"Well, tell me that tomorrow morning when you have to tie my shoes because I can't even see my feet!"

Castle took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. When had his current wife started channeling his ex? "Roll over and look at me, please?"

"I can't roll over. You have to come over here. It takes me three days to move from one position to another. I really hate you, Castle."

"Me?"

"Yes, _you_. You're the reason that I'm in this condition. Newsflash, Writer-Boy. We're never having sex again."

"Hey, you're supposed to save that one for when you're in labor and pushing out our kid. And, it's Writer-_Man_, Kate. Remember?"

"I'm skipping a step, okay?"

***CCC***

"I thought that my ex was possessed before she had Alexis, but Beckett's giving a whole new meaning to the word," Castle was complaining to his two cohorts the next morning.

"Let me guess. She's blaming everything on you," Ryan guessed.

"Yes," Castle hissed, glancing over to where Kate was standing in front of the murder board. "She told me last night that we're never having sex again. That's the line that's _only _supposed to be used during labor, _not before_."

"One night about a week before Jenny had Colleen, I left one plate in the kitchen sink. _One _plate. The way that she carried on, one would've thought that I'd pissed in the sink. Bro, I love my daughter, but pregnancy's a bitch," Ryan shook his head at the memory.

"Feed the baby bird," Castle held his hand out as the two men nodded in shared misery.

"I'm making sure I keep a lifetime supply of condoms, bro," Espo muttered under his breath.

***CCC***

"Have you thought about having pictures taken?" Jenny asked as her, Lanie and Kate met for lunch one afternoon.

"Pictures?"

"Oh, Ryan and I had the most wonderful photographer," Jenny remembered. "He came to our apartment and took pictures of me, of the two of us, and then he came out again when Colleen was just a few days old."

Jenny took an album from her purse and handed it to Kate. The pictures were the most beautiful things Kate had ever seen. "These are wonderful," Kate smiled.

"My sister suggested it and at first I thought it sounded embarrassing, but he did beautiful work. If you're interested, I can give you his card."

"Yeah, I'd like that. Although I feel so fat right now."

"I remember those days," Jenny smiled.

When Kate got home that afternoon, she looked up the photographer's website to look at more of his work. The pictures that Jenny had showed her of her and Ryan and then baby Colleen were beautiful. She'd shared everything from this experience with Castle, so she wanted to share this, as well. She was still looking at the website when she heard a key in the lock. She looked up when Alexis came in. "Hi," she greeted Kate. "Where's dad?"

"Meetings at Black Pawn. I'm glad that you're here. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Sure," Alexis walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before coming over and sitting beside Kate on the sofa. "What're you looking at?"

"Maternity pictures. Jenny Ryan suggested that Castle and I should have some made."

"Kate, that would be so cool. Dad would so be on board for this."

"Alexis, I want you to be included, too. We're a family."

"Really?"

"Of course, really. You're the big sister. I want you included in these pictures, too. Which brings me to the other thing that I wanted to discuss with you. Your dad and I have been talking about this a lot. If you feel up to it, I'd like for you to be in there with us when I have Ariel."

"With you and daddy?"

"Yeah. Would that be a problem for you?"

"I should ask you the same thing. After all, I'm going to be seeing everything," Alexis made a face as Kate laughed.

"Your dad and I really want you to be there."

"Thanks, Kate. That means a lot to me."

"It means a lot to me, too," she hugged the young woman.

***CCC***

"So, are you looking forward to maternity leave?" Capt. Gates asked, standing beside Kate as she examined the murder board.

"I'm going to be bored out of my mind," Kate pouted.

"Yes, for the first few weeks," Gates agreed. "But, then you're going to have a newborn in the house. Life is _never _boring with a newborn."

"Can you do me a favor?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder toward Ryan and Espo. "Can you keep an eye on my gummy bear stash? If you see either of them near my desk, take them to the box and grill the hell out of them."

"Hey, you know that we can hear you, right?" Ryan called out.

"Don't worry, detective. Your stash is in good hands."

The boys walked over to her later that afternoon when she was clearing her desk out. "So, keep in touch," Espo told her.

"Javi, I'm sure that you'll be seeing me and Castle before I come back from leave. I know that you'll be there when I have this baby."

"Take care of yourself," he hugged her tightly.

"I will," she fought back tears before turning to Ryan.

"Take care of yourself," his voice was choked up as he embraced her. "We're going to miss you around here. But, we'll see you at The Old Haunt before the big day and we'll definitely be there as soon as baby Castle arrives."

"You guys be careful," she told them.

"We will," they both promised her before hugging her one last time.

Turning around when she got to the elevator, she felt like she was leaving forever instead of for 12 weeks of maternity leave. She smiled and waved as the elevator doors closed behind her. She took a deep breath before walking out of the precinct and to the car that Castle had hired to take her back and forth for the past several weeks.

Standing outside of the door to the loft, she could hear the shouting even before she inserted her key in the lock. Who was Castle shouting at? She walked into the loft and closed the door behind her. "Rick?"

"No, Meredith! The reason that I divorced you was because I walked in on you while you were fucking your producer in our bed! She's not a child, Meredith! She's a grown woman! She's able to make her own choices! Kate is my family now! Kate, Alexis, and soon, Ariel! You know what you can do, Meredith? Stop trying to manipulate me and stop trying to manipulate our daughter!"

He hit the 'end' button on his phone and tossed it onto his desk before he saw Kate standing in his office doorway. "Are you okay? I heard you out in the hallway."

"Alexis told her mother that she's going to be with you and me when you give birth. Meredith came completely unglued. She doesn't understand why you're trying to, quote, 'take over her daughter,' unquote."

"I'm not trying to take Alexis away from her mother, Rick," Kate's voice was thick with tears. "I just don't want her to feel left out."

"Hey, I know that," he walked over and pulled her as close as he was able with her big belly. "Kate, Meredith reacted the same way when I was married to Gina. Anything that Gina tried to do for Alexis, Meredith tried to one-up her. I was pretty bad, too. I didn't want to share Alexis with anybody."

"Well, you had her all to yourself for a long time."

"Well, I'm also kind of selfish. I didn't want to share you for a long time either," he kissed her softly.

"And now?"

"I can't wait to share you with our baby."

"I can't wait to share you, either," she returned his kiss.

_May 13__th_

"Good news, Kate," the doctor stood up. "You're two centimeters dilated and 70 percent effaced. So, it's going to be soon," she smiled.

"Thank God," Kate sighed. "I don't even remember what it's like to sleep, anymore."

"Kate, you're not going to sleep again for a very long time," the doctor chuckled. "Get dressed and I'll schedule your next appointment on the off chance that you don't deliver in the next few days."

"But you think that I will?"

"It's highly likely. I'll be right back."

That night, they were lying in bed as Castle massaged Kate's aching back. "Lower, Castle," she instructed him, sighing when he landed on the right spot. "You have wonderful, magical fingers."

"I'll keep that in mind when you're in labor, telling me that we're never going to have sex again."

"Ooh, I miss sex," she groaned.

"Kate, we can still make love," he kissed her neck. "We just have to get . . . inventive."

"Inventive, huh?" She struggled to roll over to face him.

Listening to his breathing a little later, Kate decided that 'inventive' could be very nice. Her husband definitely had many magical qualities in his hands and mouth. She hadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. She cuddled closer to Castle and drifted off to sleep. She didn't know how long she was asleep before she was awakened by a sharp pain. She woke up and took a deep breath while she waited to see if there were any more pains. After several minutes, another pain hit her. She suddenly became excited and terrified at the same time. "Castle," she shook his shoulder. "Castle, wake up. I think I'm in labor."

"It's probably Braxton-Hicks," he mumbled into his pillow.

"No, it's not Braxton-Hicks this time, Castle. Come on, wake up," she shook him again. "I need for you to time the contractions."

"Kate, it's . . . four o'clock in the morning," he complained.

"Castle, we're having a baby," she reminded him. "I'm going to call my doctor. Get dressed and call Alexis. Tell her to meet us at the birthing center."

_Two hours later_

"I can't believe I'm not in labor," Kate grumbled when they re-entered the loft.

"Sweetie, it was a false alarm. Meredith sent us to the hospital three times before it was actually the real thing. Let's go back to bed."

"I can't sleep," she was totally dejected as she waddled over and sat down on the sofa.

Castle put his keys on the counter before walking over and sitting down beside her, pulling her head onto his shoulder. "I know that you're anxious. It's going to be soon. How about some cocoa?"

"She doesn't even have room to move in here anymore, Castle. I feel like a whale."

Castle moved down so that he was kneeling on the floor. He lifted her shirt before planting soft kisses on her swollen belly. "Ari, this is your daddy. Mommy's really anxious for you to make your debut. So, stop with the false alarms."

He helped her to her feet and back to bed, spooning himself into her and wrapping his arms protectively around her. When he woke up a few hours later, he found her in the nursery, rearranging drawers again. She smiled at him before he came in and gave her a kiss. "I couldn't sleep," she explained.

"I know. How about some breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry right now. Maybe in a little while. I really want to finish this."

_May 17_

Three mornings later, Rick once again found Kate in the nursery, this time sitting in the rocking chair that her father had brought over. She was softly strumming her guitar and singing to the baby. Castle stood in the doorway, smiling, until she looked up and saw him. She stopped playing, embarrassed to have been caught. "My back was hurting, so I got up."

"Do you need a back massage?"

"No, I just need quiet."

"Well, I'll be in my office if you need me," he turned to leave, his shoulders slumping.

She immediately felt guilty. "Rick? I'm sorry."

"I'll be downstairs."

She got up and went to put her guitar in the corner. It toppled over and when she tried to bend down to pick it up, she heard a very audible 'pop' and warm fluid immediately gushed down her legs. This wasn't a false alarm. This was the real thing. "Castle!" She called out.

She heard thundering footsteps. "What's wrong?"

"My water just broke," she smiled at him.

"Okay," he smiled, walking over to her. "Are you okay?"

"Castle, you're the expert here, remember? I think that maybe we should call Dr. Caldwell."

Dr. Caldwell was completely nonplussed when Kate called her. "Kate, you're probably in labor, although your water breaking isn't always a surefire indication. Take a shower, put on some clean clothes and head for the birthing center. You don't have to break any speed limits getting there. Since this is your first baby, you should have plenty of time."

Kate was about to argue that point. After all, she'd delivered Jenny and Ryan's first child after Jenny's water had broken in her unmarked. That baby had come in record time once the water had broken. "Is there anything that should warn me that the baby is coming in record time?"

"Kate, you're not having a child in a Danielle Steel novel," the doctor told her. "Go take a shower and I'll meet you at the birthing center in an hour."

The shower felt wonderful, but the first real pain seized Kate as it was ending. This pain was much stronger than the ones that had awakened her a few nights before. She squatted and breathed through the pain. The squatting relieved the pain in her lower back and abdomen. She'd also been told in birthing class that squatting could also assist gravity in helping the baby make its descent through the birth canal. She got up and dressed in a light sundress and tied her long hair back in a loose pony tail. When she came out of the bathroom, Castle was sitting on the edge of their bed. "Just think, when we return to this loft, there'll be three of us," he smiled with tears in his eyes.

"Castle, I'm a little scared," she admitted, reaching her hand out toward him.

"Kate Beckett, I've never seen you back down from anything. Please tell me that you're not about to start now."

"It's a little late now. Come on, Castle. Let's go have a baby."

When they were seated in the backseat of the town car, she noticed that Castle was texting everybody. "Alexis and mother will meet us at the center. I'm waiting to hear from your dad." He watched as she held her breath. "Kate, come on. You have to breathe," he urged her.

"Why do I keep thinking of that movie 'Look Who's Talking?'" She asked as he laughed. "If she comes out saying, 'Put me back in, put me back in,' I'm calling a priest."

He began laughing as she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He stared at her when he felt it tighten up. "Breathe, Kate," he started the stopwatch app on his phone. "Wow, that's wild."

"You wouldn't think so if you were feeling it from my end."

_9:00 a.m._

When they arrived at the birthing center, they were pleased to see Martha and Alexis already waiting for them. They embraced both of them before Castle walked over to the information desk to let them know that they were registered and that he had a wife who was in labor. "Dr. Caldwell has already called and she'll be here within the hour," the receptionist told him. "In the meantime, I need for you to fill out the paperwork while Marcy takes Mrs. Castle back to be examined."

Marcy was short and blonde. She had a bright smile that Kate loved instantly. "Come on, and let's get you checked." She led Kate to a room with a huge bed. "Get comfortable. Once I get you checked to see what your progress is, I'll let your family come back. Has your water broken?"

"Yeah, at home a little while ago."

"Are you having contractions?"

"Yeah, they're ranging from five to seven minutes apart."

"Well, since I'm going to be spending a lot of time down at this end of you today, I think that we should be on a first name basis. I'm Marcy."

"Kate," she replied as Marcy did a quick pelvic exam.

"Kate, you're three centimeters dilated and about 90 percent effaced. If you have a textbook progression, you'll deliver sometime this evening. But, with a first baby, nothing's ever textbook. So, we'll see how things go."

Marcy left, returning moments later with Castle, his family, and her dad. "Hi, Katie Bug," he greeted her with a kiss and a hug.

"Hi, dad," she kissed him back. "Castle, I really want to change clothes."

He opened her bag and removed the gown that she'd picked to wear while she was giving birth. She'd already been warned that she'd have to probably get rid of it once she had the baby, so she picked an older gown that she hardly ever wore anymore. But, it was comfortable and covered everything that she didn't want the world to see. Castle helped her off of the bed and she waddled into the bathroom, returning moments later. She waved off Castle's hand when he attempted to help her back to bed. Instead, she went over and squatted down on a birthing ball that was in one corner of the room. She just couldn't seem to get comfortable any longer. "Contraction, Castle," she began to breathe as he began to time the contraction. "Okay," she took a long breath.

***CCC***

"People!" Capt. Gates called everybody's attention from her office doorway. "I just received a text from Richard Castle. Det. Beckett is in labor. He'll keep us posted."

"Just think, bro," Espo told his partner. "In a few hours, there'll be a new little person that's half Beckett and half Castle."

"I don't know if that idea scares me or impresses me," Ryan commented.

***CCC***

_1 p.m._

They had been at the center for four hours and the only thing that Kate knew for certain was she wanted this baby out of her. Dr. Caldwell had checked on her patient when she'd arrived, but had left everything to the nurse/midwife Marcy unless she was needed, which she knew that she wouldn't be until the delivery which was still hours away.

The contractions were getting stronger and lasting longer, so Kate assumed that it would soon be time to push. "How will I know when it's time to push?" She breathed through a contraction.

"Believe me, sweetie, you'll know," Martha and Marcy told her at the same time.

"Castle, my back is killing me," she complained.

"Rick, on her next contraction, you and Alexis can press on her back," Marcy suggested. "That'll ease some of that pressure that Kate's feeling."

Alexis finally felt like she was doing something besides feeling helpless. The midwife guided hers' and her dad's hand on the next contraction; showing them exactly how to exert pressure on Kate's aching back. "Is that better?" Castle asked as she nodded.

"Castle, remind me again of why we're doing this," she looked at him.

Jim Beckett had gone to get some coffee. When he came back into the room, he winced as he watched Kate in the middle of a particularly strong contraction. Martha saw him and quickly excused herself, pulling him out of the room with her. "I know this is hard. But, she's hanging in there like a champ."

"Katie was stubborn," he remembered fondly. "Jo was in labor for more than 24 hours. They wanted to go in and take her, but Jo told them no. She told me that she knew that she'd come in her own good time. Sure enough, she was born a couple of hours later. I figured that they'd tell me that she was a big baby, but she was your average sized newborn. The doctor said that her head was lying crossways in the birth canal, so it took her longer to come out. That stubbornness has always followed her."

"I know," Martha agreed. "Richard's stubborn, too. So, I strongly suspect that baby Ariel will inherit that stubborn streak."

"It's just hard to see your child in pain, even for a good cause. I just feel helpless sitting there watching her."

"Nothing worth having is ever easy," she smiled. "Let's go back in there, shall we?"

When they walked back in, Kate was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Katie?"

"In the bathroom. Are you okay?" Castle asked.

"Yeah," he forced a smile as the bathroom door opened and Kate came out, holding her back as she waddled toward the bar at the end of the bed. "Is there anything that I can do, Katie?"

"Do you think Ari's going to give me as rough a time as I gave mom?" She asked. "My head was lying wrong," she explained to Castle.

"You fought too hard for this baby, Katie. I think she's going to come through just fine," Jim assured her.

"I swear that I feel her right here," she put her hand at the top of her pelvic bone.

"Do you want me to send Marcy in here?" Castle asked her as she nodded.

"What's going on?" Marcy asked when she came into the room with Castle.

"I can feel her head right here. At least I think that's what I'm feeling."

"Get on the bed and let me have a feel," she said as the rest of them stepped out of the room. Marcy placed her hands on Kate's lower abdomen and pressed gently. "Yeah, that's definitely a head. She's moving down nicely, Kate. Let's have a look to see how far you've progressed." The midwife snapped on a pair of gloves before inserting her fingers inside of Kate, as her patient gritted her teeth. "Kate, you're almost there."

"How 'almost' is almost?"

"Eight centimeters and 100 percent effaced. You'll be delivering by early this evening at this rate. I'll come and check on you in an hour or so."

Kate was struggling to sit up when everybody came back into the room. "She just told me that you're at eight," Castle smiled at her. "I knew that you could kick labor's ass."

"Martha, I've heard about my birth and about Alexis' birth. Tell me about Rick," she breathed through another contraction.

"Well, the truth is I don't remember a great deal about Richard's birth," the actress admitted. "I remember being in labor, but they came in at some point and gave me something. After that I don't remember anything until I heard someone shouting at me that I had a son."

"That's the way it was before women jumped on the natural childbirth bandwagon," Jim told his daughter. "I remember your grandmother telling me that she just felt like everything was done to her. You'd go to the hospital and wake up with a baby by your side."

"Massage my back," she groaned.

Alexis sat on the bed beside her and pressed her hands into Kate's back. She grabbed the young woman's hand and placed it on her stomach as Alexis' eyes widened in wonder. "This is so amazing," Alexis breathed.

Kate didn't say anything. She reached her other hand out to Castle, pulling him down to the bed beside her. "You're doing so great, Kate," he wiped her face with a damp cloth. "I'm so proud of you."

She still didn't answer; she just squeezed his hand tighter. The contractions seemed to be taking every ounce of her concentration. She'd never imagined that it would hurt this bad. At this point, she'd almost welcome another bullet or a night freezing to death.

_4:45 p.m._

Kate was once again on her ball when she felt everything change. "Castle!" She screamed out. "I need to push!"

"I'll get Marcy or Dr. Caldwell," Alexis volunteered as she ran from the room.

"This gown is strangling me," she tugged at the gown as Castle helped her pull it over her head.

"Do you want me to get you something else to wear?" He asked, concerned for her modesty.

"Don't you dare leave me!" She screamed as Alexis returned with the midwife. At first the sight of seeing Kate without a stitch on unnerved Alexis, but she soon recovered.

Kate was beyond caring who saw her any longer. She just wanted to rid herself of this burning, stretching that she was feeling in her vagina. "Kate, let's see what's going on. I understand that you want to push," Marcy said as she helped Kate onto the bed. Once again, she put on some gloves and had a feel. "Kate, let's have a baby," she smiled at her.

"Really?"

"Now, with the next contraction, your coaches here are each going to take a leg and hold it back. Take a really big, deep breath and push. Try not to scream or anything like that. Just give me some good pushes. Dr. Caldwell is on her way, but we might be able to have this baby before she even gets here. She's really close, Kate. I mean, really close. You've done amazingly well for a first-timer."

"Okay, here we go," Kate took a breath while Castle grabbed one leg and Alexis the other.

"Push, Kate!" Marcy shouted at her as Kate bore down and pushed as hard as she could.

Kate didn't care that her mother-in-law and father were seeing her like this. She could feel Ariel's head descend and then retreat a bit after each contraction ended. But she barely had time to think before the next contraction was on top of her. "Come on, Kate. You're doing this, sweetie," Castle crooned in her ear.

"Kate, your baby's almost here. What're you going to call her?"

"Ariel," Kate screamed out as she pushed down again.

"Kate, give me your hand," Marcy instructed her just as the doctor came in. "Ariel's right here, Kate. That's the top of her head."

"It hurts," she groaned as another contraction ripped through her.

"She's coming, Kate," tears begin running down Castle's face as he watched their daughter making her debut into the world.

"Kate, stop pushing," the doctor ordered her. "Pant through the contractions. Otherwise, you're going to tear."

"God, get her out," she cried.

"She's almost out," the doctor took her place between Kate's legs. Just then, Ariel's head completely emerged as a loud wail of protest filled the room. "Okay, another couple of pushes and her shoulders will be free. You're almost done."

In two more pushes, the rest of Ariel's body slipped from Kate as the infant cries grew in intensity. Kate reached for her as the doctor placed her on her chest. "Oh, my sweet, pissed off baby girl," Kate said between her tears. "Look Castle, we created a person," tears were running down both of their faces as they kissed.

Kate placed Ariel to her breast as she delivered the placenta. "Daddy, do you want to cut the cord?" The doctor asked, handing the scissors out toward Castle.

After cutting and clamping the cord, the doctor assisted her while she delivered the placenta before placing a blanket over Kate and the baby, who was at her breast. "God, she's gorgeous," she continued crying as she stroked the baby's soft skin.

"Why don't we get you cleaned up and in some clean clothes," the midwife suggested. "Baby Ariel needs her first check-up, anyway. We'll bring her back to you in no time."

For the first time, Kate was aware of her state of undress. Blushing furiously, she took Castle's hand as he carefully helped her from the bed and into the bathroom.

"Wow, that was amazing," Alexis walked over and embraced her grandmother and Jim. "She made it look so easy."

"That was a great first delivery," the doctor agreed. "Tell mama and daddy that we'll bring Ariel back in just a little while."

Castle waited outside the small shower while Kate cleaned up. "Castle, did I seriously just let our entire family see me naked? Why didn't you get me some clothes?"

"You wouldn't let me leave you," he pointed out as she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. To himself, he added, 'Again, just doing what you _asked _me to do.'

After he helped her back to the bed, Dr. Caldwell returned. She quickly ushered everyone out so that she could give Kate a post natal exam. "You've got a couple of small tears, but nothing that'll require stitches. You could give seminars on how to give birth for the first time. That was very well done."

"I feel like I've run a marathon," she said as the door opened and Castle came back in, holding a pink-wrapped bundle in his arms. She began crying again at the sight of their tiny baby in those huge arms.

"I ran into Marcy and commandeered our daughter from her."

Marcy walked in seconds later, smiling as she watched the new parents bonding with their baby. "Kate, she's perfect. She's six pounds, one ounce and 19 inches long. She was born at 5:37 p.m. on May 17."

"She's so tiny. I thought that she was going to be huge," Kate whispered as they cuddled on the bed, admiring her tiny fingers and toes as well as her silky dark hair.

"I told you that I didn't think she was going to be very big," the doctor reminded her. "Would you like for your family to come back in."

"They might as well since they've all seen me naked as a jaybird," Kate rolled her eyes as the doctor laughed.

"She looks like Alexis did," Castle smiled at her. "Minus the red hair, of course."

"Does she really?"

"Yeah."

"Castle, she's perfect," Kate placed her on her legs while they continued marveling over her. "She's so . . . tranquil."

"And alert," Castle observed as they watched the baby's unfocused eyes trying to take in her surroundings. "She's a born homicide cop."

"Or a crime novelist," she grinned at him.

The door opened and Jim, Martha, and Alexis came back in. Castle scooped up the baby and presented her first to Jim. While everybody took turns holding the baby, hundreds of pictures were snapped, which made Kate grateful that she at least had clothes on now. The boys, Lanie, and even Capt. Gates texted Castle and told him they'd come to visit the next day before they went home.

***CCC***

Kate had awakened several times during the night to nurse and change the baby. But, it was so nice to be able to completely crash and sleep soundly between feedings. Although she now felt like she'd been beaten repeatedly with a very large stick. She hadn't been this sore after being thrown off of the roof by Maddox. She was glad that they'd chosen the birthing center, since it gave all three of them a chance to bond as a family. She gingerly rolled over and smiled at the sight of her husband cradling their tiny daughter against his chest. Her size was completely dwarfed by his huge hands softly rubbing her back. "Good morning," she murmured as he grinned down at her. "So, how's she doing this morning?"

"Oh, she's great. How's her mom?"

"Very sore, but very happy. What time is it?"

"Almost eight."

"I need to feed her soon. I want to get her on a schedule because it'll be easier when I go back to work."

"The guys from the 12th said that they'll drop by around 10. What time are you and Ari going to be released?"

"I don't know. Dr. Caldwell will probably come and do her final check on us later this morning, so probably early this afternoon."

"I'm going to take the town car to the loft, and pick up the Mercedes, since the car seat's already in it. So, you take her and I'm going to go do that," she sat up as he handed Ariel over to her. "I'll be back in about an hour."

"Okay. We'll miss you," she smiled.

"I'll miss you, too. I'll be back soon."

The baby started to fuss shortly after Castle left, so Kate lowered the top of her gown and placed her to her breast. After a couple of failed attempts, she finally managed to latch on and begin to suckle. Kate had just switched breasts when she heard a light tap on her door. She looked up as Lanie stuck her head in. "Girl, do you want me to come back in a minute?"

"No. You can come in, unless seeing me with my boob hanging out bothers you," Kate teased. "Believe me, the rest of the family saw a _lot _more than that yesterday."

"Where's Writer-Daddy?" Lanie teased.

"He went home to get the car. He should be back soon."

"So, how was it?"

"It was . . . great," Kate smiled. "Let me get her changed and you can hold her. Can you hand me a diaper?"

Lanie walked over and got a tiny diaper from a changing table in the corner and brought it over to Kate. She watched while Kate spread a towel on the bed, laid the baby on it and managed to change her without too much fuss. Each change had gotten a little easier. The first diaper change had been terrifying. Even with Castle helping her through it, it had taken three diapers to get it right. After changing her, Kate lifted her up and held her out toward her best friend. "Kate, she's gorgeous. You did good, girl."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Kate gave her a smug smile.

Castle walked in a short time later, followed closely by the boys and Jenny, who'd also brought along 17-month-old Colleen Beckett Ryan. "Gates will be here in a little while," Ryan told Kate as they gave her kisses and hugs before having the baby passed to them.

"She's so tiny," Jenny breathed, showing the baby to Colleen, who seemed fascinated by her, before deciding that the room was even more fascinating. "Kevin, please keep an eye on her before she destroys the place."

"Kate, pay attention. This is what you and Castle have to look forward to in about a year," Kevin warned his friends.

"So, when is Ari joining the 12th?" Javi asked, holding the baby in his arms.

"Never, if I have anything to say about it," Castle told him as Kate smiled.

***CCC***

Dr. Caldwell came in to check on mother and patient after her guests had all left. "I want you to listen to me carefully. If you start bleeding more than you already are or if you or the baby starts running a fever, contact me immediately. Other than that, how do you feel about going home and starting the next 18 years of your life?"

"Hopefully I'm ready."

"Kate, you have to be ready whether you're ready or not. Baring any problems, I'll see you in about six weeks. Do _not _have intercourse until I check you out."

"Okay," Kate smiled.

"Go home and enjoy being a mom. You've earned it."

Kate couldn't wait to go home and do exactly that.

**A/N #2: So now we have a baby Castle. One more chapter after this before I wrap up. Please continue reading and reviewing.**

**A/N #3: If anybody has a problem with Kate's, uh, state of undress during the birth; I apologize. I have a friend whose daughter did that when she had her first child. She was totally unaware of her state until after she gave birth and then she was mortified.**


	20. Chapter 20--Coming Full Circle

**Disclaimer: Just the story, not the show.**

**Summary: Post-baby life begins for the writer and his muse. Kate gets the final say with Josh. Finally we have post-baby sex in this chapter, so it's rated M.**

**A/N #1: With Chapter 19, I reached my goal of 100 reviews! Thank you, people!**

Chapter 20: Coming Full Circle

Kate was sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery holding her newborn daughter to her breast, trying to remember what her life had been like before Miss Ariel Johanna Castle had come along. It had been almost a year since that day when Castle and Ryan had found her in those woods, terrified and drugged out of her mind. Now, she was sitting in this beautiful room, smiling down at Ariel, who was nursing like the milk supply was going to be cut off tomorrow.

Had it really been a week already? Had it already been a week since this small person had slithered from her body and into hers' and her father's hearts? Kate inserted her finger into the baby's mouth, breaking the suction and moving her to her other breast without a protest. She stroked her silky dark hair. At birth she had resembled baby pictures of Alexis, but now Kate could see that she looked so much like Rick that it was almost frightening. Martha had agreed with her. She'd even found baby pictures of him and they'd compared them. She had his mouth and his eyes. She could never get tired of looking at her.

The day before, the photographer who'd taken maternity pictures had come to the loft and he'd taken pictures of Ariel. Kate couldn't wait to see them. They'd already taken hundreds of pictures, but her father had told her that they'd take thousands more. She smiled as she thought of her dad. He loved being a grandpa. So far, he'd been over every day to spend time with the baby.

"_You're a natural," Kate had told him, watching him holding the baby. "Were you that comfortable holding me when I was a newborn?"_

"_Hell, no," his eyes widened in horror. "I was always afraid that I was going to drop you on your head or something."_

"_I felt the same way, at first. The first time I picked her up right after I had her, my hands were shaking. Rick finally told me that I wasn't going to break her."_

She looked down and saw that Ariel had gone to sleep at her breast, milk leaking out of one corner of her tiny rosebud mouth. Kate gently wiped the milk away with the burp cloth before easing out of the chair and taking her over to the changing table. Managing to get through a diaper change without a peep from her daughter was something new. Her and Rick had discovered that the two things Ariel didn't like was being changed or bathed. Their normally docile daughter howled like she was being murdered on both counts. The first time Kate had tried bathing her, the howls of protest had brought her to tears. She was so sure that she'd done something wrong to hurt her. Rick had quickly assured her that she hadn't done anything wrong. Ariel just didn't like baths.

"_Strange considering how much time her mother spends in the tub," he'd grinned as Kate had just rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. Eventually she'll grow to love baths. Alexis was the same way."_

"_I just can't stand hearing her cry like that," she sniffled. "I thought that I was hurting her."_

"_Kate, you're going to have to get used to hearing her cry. You don't have to like it, but crying is something that all babies do extremely well. Our daughter is going to be no exception."_

Sensing that she was being watched, she turned from the changing table and smiled as she saw Castle leaning in the doorway. "She actually slept through a diaper change," she smiled at him.

She lifted her sleeping form off of the changing table and took her over to the crib, placing her in carefully and covering her with the blanket that Alexis had given her. "Is she gorgeous or what?" Castle slipped his arm around Kate's waist, drawing her close.

"I know. I can look at her all day," she smiled up at him. "Come on, take me downstairs and fix me some lunch."

***CCC***

"So, when are you coming back to work?" Lanie asked as the two friends met for lunch a week later.

"Not until the end of July," Kate said as she ate her salad. She'd reluctantly left the baby with Castle, so she felt as if she was missing something.

"Girl, would you relax? You left Ariel with a man who knows a thing or two about taking care of a kid. He raised Alexis, for crying out loud. He probably knows more about taking care of a baby than you do."

"I know," Kate sighed, her eyes filling with tears. "Sometimes I feel like such a failure. She hates it when I change her or bathe her. But, when Castle does it, you don't hear a peep out of her. I think she hates me. I stressed her out so much while I was pregnant. She'll probably need therapy before her second birthday. I wonder if Burke gives family discounts."

"Girl, I'm gonna reach across this table and smack you," Lanie warned her. "Has it occurred to you that maybe you're stressed when you're bathing her or changing her? She probably senses it, which is why she gets so fussy. Believe me, Ariel doesn't hate you. Kate, you can't hurt her. You'd never hurt her. For heaven's sake, relax and enjoy her."

"I do enjoy her," Kate smiled. "More than you'll ever know. Lanie, I never thought that I'd ever do this. I never thought that I'd marry my best friend and I never thought that I'd ever have a baby. I never thought that I could feel this way about something so tiny," she smiled. "I look at her and my heart just—"

"Girl, you've got it bad," Lanie shook her head.

"It almost makes me want to do it again," she admitted, biting her lower lip as Lanie rolled her eyes.

"Girl, don't even start turning into that family on TV with all of the kids."

***CCC***

Castle was in his office working on a chapter in the newest _Nikki Heat _novel while Ariel napped in her bassinet in the corner. He'd moved the bassinet from their bedroom to the office so that he wouldn't have to walk back and forth when he heard her fuss. He hoped that Kate was having a nice lunch with Lanie. He remembered how reluctant she'd been to leave the baby.

"_Castle, maybe I should take her with me. What if she needs to be nursed while I'm gone?"_

"_Kate, you've expressed milk into two bottles. I think that I can handle things. You deserve to get out for a few hours."_

"_But, I don't mind being with her."_

"_I know that. Kate, I want you to go and have a nice lunch. If I run into something that I can't handle, I'll call you."_

He remembered being that first time parent with Alexis. That fear of leaving her with someone else the first time. But it had been nice getting out of the house without a baby in tow for a few hours. He was sure that Kate would feel the same way after her lunch with Lanie. He glanced over as he saw a tiny mitten-covered fist rising into the air. He knew that the now familiar squalling was just seconds away. He went into the kitchen and brought back one of the bottles that Kate had left for him. After expertly changing her diaper, he scooped her up and brought her over to his office chair. But as soon as he tried to introduce the unfamiliar rubber nipple to his daughter, she gave him a look that said, 'You're kidding, right?' "Come on, sweet pea," he crooned to her. "I know it's not mommy's boob, but the contents came from mommy." Ariel scrunched up her tiny face and began to howl, long and loud.

Castle was at a loss. Alexis had been bottle fed, so feeding her had never been an issue. He knew if he called Kate, she'd rush home. He didn't want her feeling guilty for leaving her daughter for a few hours. His face lit up as he pulled out his cell and quickly brought up the number. "Ryan, can I talk to Jenny for a second?"

"You want to talk to my wife?"

"Uh, kind of an emergency here, Ryan!" Castle said as Ariel began to scream louder.

"Castle, is Ari okay?"

"Ryan!"

"Okay, hold on."

"Rick, what's wrong?" Jenny's familiar voice came over the line.

"I'm trying to feed Ari from a bottle for the first time. She's not having any of it."

"Rick, it might be the nipple. I gave Kate some Nuk brand nipples. They're more like the breast. Try switching nipples and see if that helps. If it does, throw out those other nipples, because she'll never accept them."

"Thanks, Jenny."

"Anytime, Rick. I hope that helped."

When Kate walked into the loft, her first stop was up the stairs to the nursery. Finding it empty, she went back downstairs to Rick's office, where she found him writing and Ariel sound asleep in her bassinet. "Did you have any problems?"

"Did I-?" Castle made a face and scoffed. "Piece of cake. How was your lunch with Lanie?"

"I missed my baby," she pouted.

"Just your baby?" He made another face as she smiled and walked over to his chair, kissing him softly.

"Well, maybe I missed my baby daddy just a little, too," she teased, kissing him again. "So, you didn't have any problems getting her to take a bottle?"

"Nah," he scoffed again. "It's all in the nipple brand."

"Really?" She gave him a funny look. "I'm going to change clothes before she wakes up."

As soon as Kate left the room, Castle sent a quick text to Ryan: **'If you tell Kate that I called Jenny, you're a dead man.'**

Return text from Ryan: **'Loan me the Ferrari for two weeks and my lips are sealed.'**

'**Fine.' **

***CCC***

"So, has she been nursing all right?" Dr. Fleming, Ariel's pediatrician was asking on their first visit.

"Like a champ right from the beginning. Is she okay?"

"She's perfect," the doctor smiled. "She's gaining weight and growing just fine. While you're here, I want to schedule her first round of vaccines which she will receive at two months old."

"Is there anything else that I should know?"

"Nope," the doctor shook his head. "Just take her home and continue lavishing her with love."

"I think her father and I can handle that," Kate smiled.

On her way home, Kate decided to drop by the precinct. Most of the squad hadn't seen the new arrival. "Hey, it's Beckett and Baby Beckett!" Karpowki called out when Kate exited the elevator.

"Actually, she's Baby Castle," Kate corrected her as everybody gathered around the baby carrier that Kate had draped over her arm.

"Yeah, she looks like him," Karpowki made a face as Kate laughed.

"People, what's going on?" Capt. Gates came out of her office in an uproar, which ceased when she saw Kate with the baby. "Good afternoon, detective. Do you think it's wise to bring your newborn into such a germ-filled environment?"

Kate immediately felt guilty. Ryan noticed her eyes filling with tears and stepped in. "Uh, she's here to have lunch with me and Esposito, sir. Come on, Kate. Let's go to the break room."

"Ryan, what if she gets sick? I'll never forgive myself," she sighed as Ryan led her to a chair in the break room.

"Kate, Ariel's not made of china. Besides, it doesn't hurt for babies to be exposed to germs once in a while. It's not like you brought her into a building full of hazardous materials," he smiled. "So, what brings you out here?"

"Ari had her first doctor's appointment, and Castle had meetings so I thought that I'd drop by to see you guys."

"So, how does it feel to be a mom?" Espo asked.

"I'm still getting used to it. There's still things that Castle does better than me, but as he points out to me all of the time, I have the boobs, so she likes me better."

"I used to tell Jenny that, too," Ryan remembered as he smiled. "Jenny and I have news, as a matter of fact."

"You're having another one?" Kate looked at him as Ryan nodded. "Kevin, that's great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you," he said as she hugged him.

"He says that now," Espo said. "Have you seen the destructive force that's his daughter? I think she's training to work on a demo crew when she gets grown."

"She's an active toddler, Javier," Kevin reminded him.

"She's a one-woman demolition crew."

"I think that I'm going to go down and see Lanie," Kate got up and picked up the baby carrier.

***CCC***

"She looks like Writer-Boy," Lanie observed, holding the small bundle in her arms.

"_Writer-Man_, Lanie. I know," she smiled. "I might be slightly prejudiced when I say this, but she's still the most beautiful baby that I've ever seen."

"Oh, I agree. So, have you gotten your freak back on with Writer-Man?" Lanie raised her eyebrow.

"Lanie! I go to the doctor tomorrow."

"Girl, you're actually waiting for an okay from your doctor?"

"She told me not to do anything until she clears me."

"Since when do you do anything that you're told?"

"I've been so tired and wrapped up with taking care of Ariel that sex has been the last thing on my mind. Although I know Castle will be happy when he gets the green light from me."

"You'd better take her," Lanie handed the baby over when she started to fuss. "You're the milk factory." She watched as Kate unbuttoned the top few buttons of her blouse and put Ariel to nurse. "So, how's that feel, if you don't mind me asking?"

"At first, really strange," Kate gave her friend a funny smile. "Since I was 16 years old, I've been used to having guys on my breasts. Having a baby there is different. But, Castle gets his time with her, too. I've eliminated one nursing in the middle of the night and he gets that one. That way, I get to sleep a little more."

"I never thought that I'd ever see you doing that," Lanie nodded at her best friend.

"I know. Isn't it great?"

***CCC***

"You have healed up completely," the doctor informed Kate the next morning while her patient lay on the table staring at the ceiling. "I want to once again commend you on a job well done."

"Thank you," Kate said as the doctor removed her feet from the stirrups and she was able to sit up. "I don't even remember what it felt like."

"That's the way nature planned it. If we remembered the pain of childbirth, none of us would ever have sex again," the doctor said as Kate laughed. "Speaking of which, have you resumed relations with your husband?"

"No. I thought you wanted me to wait."

"Kate, one thing that I've learned over the years is that none of my patients ever listen to me. You would be the first. I would suggest that if you don't already own it, that you go and buy a tube of KY Jelly."

"Uh, that part has _never _been a problem," Kate flushed red with embarrassment.

"Kate, your hormones are still out of whack. Sex post-baby is very different than sex pre-baby. Do you remember losing your virginity?"

"Yeah, I remember that milestone in my life," Kate smiled.

"Imagine that pain times 10," the doctor warned her. "Here are my pamphlets that talk about post-baby sex. One more thing. Make sure that you nurse Ariel immediately before you plan on being intimate."

"Because of let-down?" Kate asked.

"Exactly. The most important thing is to be patient and have fun."

Castle was in his office writing when Kate got home. "Ariel's been fed, bathed and changed. She's now sleeping like the proverbial baby," he came out and kissed her. "What's wrong? Did everything go okay at the doctor?"

"Yeah," she walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water. "She said that I'm completely healed. We're cleared for sex."

"That's great," he gave her a huge, excited grin that she didn't return. Instead she glared at him. "Kate, I can understand if you're not ready. I know that you're still trying to get your energy back. We can wait."

"I don't think waiting is going to make any difference. Was it painful when you and . . . Meredith had sex after Alexis?"

"Yeah, but that was because Meredith had a c-section. Her scar was painful. Why? Did the doctor say that sex was going to hurt?"

"She told me to remember the pain of losing my virginity times 10."

"Ouch," Castle grimaced.

"I have three words for you, Castle," she walked over and trailed her fingers down his chest. "Lots of foreplay."

"Lots," he swallowed.

Kate nursed the baby and put her down shortly after 10 o'clock that night. She knew that Castle would give her a bottle at two and then she'd be up with her at six. She went into their bathroom and took a long soaking bubble bath, the first time she'd been able to blissfully soak in the huge bathtub in weeks. She shaved her legs and under her arms and then just luxuriated in the warm water, thinking about what was about to happen. She hadn't been this nervous the first time they'd made love. But, that first night had been like a freight train barreling down on them. There hadn't been time to be nervous.

She thought about what Dr. Caldwell had told her about the first time post-baby. Was it really going to be that awful? Losing her virginity at 16 had been painful, but not nearly as bad as her mother and girlfriends had led her to believe. If there was one thing that she had learned about her husband in two years of intimacy was that he was an extremely tender, considerate lover. She knew that tonight wouldn't be any different.

It would be wonderful to make love without the huge baby belly getting in the way. The last time they'd made love had been 10 days before Ari's birth to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. While it had been some of the best sex she'd had while pregnant, the baby belly had made her feel like a whale. And while Castle had been 'inventive' four days before her birth, they hadn't done much more than kiss since her birth.

She got out of the tub and dried off before slipping on the dark blue nightgown and robe Lanie had given her in the 'baby making' package. It wasn't utilized the night that Ari was conceived, so Kate decided to make good use of it now.

When she entered their bedroom from the bath, she smiled at the sight of the candles that Castle had placed around their bedroom, illuminating the room in a soft glow. He looked at her and grinned, his smile lighting up his whole face. "Wow. You look –"

"Skinny?"

"Beautiful," he breathed, watching as she climbed into bed and settled next to him. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you, Castle," she moved closer to him, biting her lip.

He pulled her to him and kissed her, his tongue sweeping over her bottom lip. She opened her mouth as he tasted her, groaning at how good she tasted. He untied the robe and slipped it off of her shoulders as he continued kissing her. The gown she was wearing underneath came down to the tops of her thighs. He reached under the hem and ran his hands up her sides, as she moaned low in his mouth. The moan grew louder when he reached up and cupped her breasts in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing her nipples. "Gown off, Castle," she groaned, sitting up so that he could lift the satiny garment over her head, leaving her clad in just the midnight blue panties that had come with the outfit.

He moved back up, once again capturing her lips with his own while he trailed his fingers lightly down her torso to the elastic waistband of the panties before slowing gliding back up to her breasts once again. He teased her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, loving the texture of them as they hardened and lengthened. He loved the sounds that were pouring from Kate's throat as he played with her breasts. It had been weeks since he'd heard those sounds, which never failed to send blood rushing to his groin.

Kate longed to reach into Castle's boxers and touch him, to feel the hard length of him pulsing in her hand. But the position that he had them in was preventing her from doing anything. "Castle, I want to touch you," she moaned into his mouth.

"Uh-uh," he moved her back down onto the bed, before slowly moving down her body. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip when she felt him encase one hard nipple into his mouth, gently flicking it with his tongue before moving to the other nipple and repeating the process. He pulled away as she felt cool air caressing her heated flesh. "You said that you needed lots of foreplay."

"I know what I said," she wrapped her fingers in his hair when he once again took her nipple into his mouth. "Please let me touch you."

"Soon," he promised, moving his hand down to the top of her panties once again. Keeping her hand where it was, he lightly traced the puckered round scar by her left breast with his lips and tongue before moving down to the longer scar along her rib cage. The two scars that proved that she could survive anything. Planting soft kisses down her stomach, he stopped when he reached the panties, before easing them down her legs with her assistance. The scent of her arousal mixed with the scent of cherries was an intoxicating combination, one that he could never get enough of. He ran his fingers up and down her wet slit, brushing his thumb over the bundle of nerves at the top as she writhed underneath him. "Kate, you are so wet," he breathed as he continued stroking her.

'So much for needing KY,' she thought, feeling Castle bringing her closer and closer to the brink. She couldn't believe how close she already was. She could feel him kissing and gently nipping the skin of her inner thighs, coming closer and closer to where she wanted him. The anticipation was killing her. She was about to grab his head and shove him into place when she finally felt him close in on her wet folds. "Yes!" She arched, feeling him caressing every inch of her with his tongue. "More! Rick, harder! I need to come!"

Rick loved listening to her when they made love. The one thing that he'd learned very early on about Kate Beckett was she wasn't shy about telling him what she wanted in the bedroom. He slowly entered her with one finger, hearing her sharp intake of breath. "Kate, are you okay?"

She couldn't believe that just one of his fingers could hurt like this. If one finger felt like this, what was it going to feel like when he actually fucked her? "Just . . . just give me a minute," she panted against the pain. "Rick, use your tongue on my clit before you add another finger." God, why did she sound like an instructional video for sex? He complied with her request, slowly moving the one finger in and out of her as he brushed over her swollen clit with his tongue. Finally, the awful tightness and pain began to ease up and it began to feel like it always had when they made love. "Okay," she breathed, feeling him add a second finger. Once again, it was painful, but not as badly as it had the first time.

God, he hated hurting her. But, at least she'd talked him through it instead of pulling away from him. But while before she'd been on the edge of orgasm, he now could feel that she was fighting it. He angled his two fingers up inside of her, reaching for her g-spot. He felt her react when he found it. Using his mouth and his fingers, he once again brought her to the brink. "Kate, are you close?" He mumbled against her mound.

"Uh-huh," she moaned. "A little harder, Rick. Please. I'm almost there." She could feel that wonderful, familiar tension beginning to build. That tension that told her that an orgasm was imminent. It felt like forever since she'd last felt that explosion in her body. She felt her whole body shaking as she came undone under Castle's expert tongue and fingers. She felt completely boneless as she felt her wonderful husband moving back up her body, before gathering her into his arms. "Did we wake Ariel?"

"Babies sleep through anything," he kissed her neck as she felt her body tingle. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfect now," she smiled, kissing him. "Now can I touch you?"

He grinned at her before rolling onto his back. She slowly pulled his boxers down his hips and legs, smiling as his erection sprang free. She wrapped her hand around him and stroked up and down, listening to his harsh breathing as she varied her strokes. She gave him a 'cat eating the canary' grin before moving down and closing her lips around his head. "Kate, no," he growled, but he knew that he was powerless to stop her once she took him into her mouth. "Kate, you seriously need to stop," he warned her.

Releasing him from her mouth with a soft 'pop,' she straddled his thighs as she continued to give him that same grin. While the thought of the expected pain made her a little nervous, she wanted him inside of her badly. She rubbed her groin up and down his length, listening to his low growls of pleasure. After exquisitely torturing both of them for several minutes, she finally took his hand in hers, guiding it to his straining cock as he moved to her entrance. Taking a deep breath, she eased herself down on him, feeling him stretch her painfully as she slid down his length. Taking another deep breath, she slowly adjusted to the feeling of him inside of her once again. Feeling Castle grasp her hips, she began to move, slowly at first, but gradually faster as the pain finally dissipated, leaving in its wake nothing but pleasure and want.

Castle let his hands wander over her body, as he thrust up inside of her, feeling his own climax bearing down on him. But he longed to have the feeling of her coming with him, the clamping down of her muscles around him as she let go. Wrapping his arms around her, he rolled them over, not losing the connection between their bodies as he continued to thrust into her. "Castle! Fuck!" She cried out, coming hard around him as she heard him shout out her name before feeling the warmth of him spilling into her.

After several minutes, he eased out of her and moved them so that they were lying face to face. "So, was post-baby sex everything that you dreamed it would be?" He teased, brushing long curls from her face.

"Do you mean, was it as painful as I thought it was going to be? Yeah. Was it as painful as Dr. Caldwell had warned me that it might be? No. But, I think that's because I'm married to someone who definitely knows how to make his wife feel good," she grinned at him.

"Is that just a polite way of saying that I know how to put my writer's hands and mouth to good use?"

"Something like that," she kissed him tenderly, stroking a hand through his mussed up hair. "So, did I feel . . . different?"

"No, you felt perfect, just like you always do," he kissed her, cuddling her closer as they drifted off into a contented, sated sleep.

***CCC***

Kate woke up to an empty bed. Picking up her cell and glancing at the time, she figured that Rick had gotten up to feed Ariel. But he usually brought her into their bed for her two a.m. feeding. She reached for the baby monitor that was usually on her night stand, but it wasn't there. She got up and pulled on her robe before going in search of her husband. When she walked out of the bedroom, she could hear a voice that sounded as if it was coming from upstairs. Walking up the stairs toward the nursery, she heard the unmistakable sound of her husband. But, who was he talking to?

As she got closer to the nursery, she smiled as she paused to listen to what he was saying. ". . . Let me tell you about mommy, Ariel. Now, when you get older, she'll probably tell you that she didn't like me when we first met. That is so untrue," he said in a loud whisper. "She couldn't keep her hands off of me. I thought that she was extraordinary, Ari, right from the start. She fought so hard to get to where she is now. It took her a long time to learn how to be happy again after your grandma died. When you get older, Ari, she'll tell you all about your other grandma. She'll tell you the story of how we had to slay dragons so that your grandma could get justice. Hopefully by the time you're old enough to hear those stories, all of the dragons will be gone. When you get older, she'll tell you about the night that we made you. After mommy slew a dragon of a different kind. One day I know that you're going to be as extraordinary as your mommy is."

As she listened to his low rumbling voice talking to their daughter, Kate thought about how far they'd come in the last year. They'd gone from a wonderful honeymoon, to a nightmare of epic proportions, to fighting their way back to each other, to putting that 'dragon of a different kind' behind bars, to making a baby, to giving birth, to now being a family. They had indeed come full circle. She slowly made her way back downstairs, knowing that Castle would be back in bed soon, wrapping her in his arms and his love, letting her know that he'd always take care of her and his family. Because that was the kind of man that he was. He'd do anything for the people that he loved.

_July_

Kate found herself on the open road on this hot July morning. She had one destination in mind and she couldn't wait until she could finally tell _him _everything that had been bottled up inside of her for more than a year. She'd had several long sessions with Dr. Burke since Ariel's birth where they'd discussed her ordeal in depth. She'd finally agreed with him when he told her that this was the only way that she was ever going to regain complete control of her life.

Glancing at the highway from behind the wheel of the Ferrari, she knew that she wasn't just doing this for herself. She was doing this for Ariel, as well. She found herself smiling thinking of her daughter, who at this moment was happily ensconced in the Hamptons with her grandmother, big sister and especially her daddy. Ariel's eyes lately would light up at the very sight of Rick. She'd recently started smiling and she smiled all of the time. For everybody. Kate lived and breathed for those smiles. They were so much like Rick's. This was why she was making the long trip to Sing-Sing today. She had to put this away, once and for all.

When she arrived at the prison, she went through the usual rigmarole in order to get to visit a prisoner. She was finally led to a room full of tables and instructed to wait. As she sat nervously drumming the tabletop with her fingertips, her eyes fell on the ring that she wore on her right hand. It had been a belated Mother's Day gift from Rick. A ring with four birthstones in the setting. On the outside were a diamond for Rick, and a topaz for herself. In the middle were the two birthstones for their girls; a ruby for Alexis and an emerald for Ariel.

Needless to say when Meredith had learned that Rick had placed _her _daughter's birthstone on Kate's ring, she'd been livid.

"_Meredith, Kate has been in Alexis' life in some capacity since she was 15 years old! She's probably been more of a mother to our daughter than you ever have," Rick's voice had roared over the phone. "Besides, this was Alexis' idea, not mine!"_

"_Oh, but I'm sure that you and Kate put her up to it."_

"_Yeah, I twisted her arm and Kate held her gun to her head," Rick had rolled his eyes. _

Kate jumped when she heard the door open and a guard walked through, ushering Josh ahead of him. Gone was the good looking man who'd once been so funny and charming. The prisoner who sat across from her had the pallor of a man who spent most of his day inside. His hair had been cut in a short buzz cut that wasn't particularly attractive on him. "Let me know if you need anything, detective," the guard said as he went and took up a position by the door, per her request.

"What're you doing here, Kate? The warden told me months ago that you weren't going to visit. Why now?"

"I came to tell you that you didn't win. I remember telling you everything that I had gone through with my mother. I thought that you were compassionate. I had no idea that you were going to take everything that I told you to try to destroy me."

"I never—"

"Shut up," she hissed at him. "It's my turn to talk now. You held me in that basement for five and a half days, tormenting me every single second! You told me that my husband didn't love me enough to come and look for me. You underestimated Castle. _As usual. _You fed me so much bullshit that I didn't know which way was up. You fucked with my mind and my body. Castle, Ryan, Espo, and Capt. Gates rescued me on May 28. On August 12, the day that I read my statement to you, Castle got me pregnant." She could see shock register in his eyes. "That's right, asshole. After everything that you did to me, you didn't take anything away from me and Castle. If anything, you made us _stronger. _Someday you might walk out of here. But when you do, be warned. If you come _anywhere _near me, my husband, my children, or my friends, you'll be sorry."

"Is that a threat?"

"Take it any way you want," she said as she stood up.

"Kate? Boy or girl?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She held her head up high as she turned and left.

***CCC***

Alexis was on the couch with Ariel in her lap when Kate walked in later that afternoon. "Oh, she's awake!" Kate smiled as she walked over and sat beside the two girls. "I've been needing some baby love so badly."

"She's all yours," Alexis handed the baby over to her mother.

"Hi, chunky monkey," Kate kissed the baby's neck as Ariel gave her a huge grin in return. "Where's daddy?"

"I think he's upstairs."

"Let's go see daddy," Kate got up with the baby in her arms and headed up the stairs to the master bedroom where she found her husband searching for something under the bed. "Did you lose something, Writer-Man?"

"Yeah, my flash drive," he got up and walked over to her, giving her a huge kiss. "So, are you okay?"

"I am now," she cuddled into him, laughing when she felt Ariel grab a fistful of hair. "Ouch! Mommy needs to remember to pull her hair back. I did all of the talking. I was such a dominatrix." She grinned at him.

"I told you that you're good at bossing men around. Remember? I told you that a long time ago."

"I remember," she smiled. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"I believe that you're telling me right now," he kissed her again.

"Yes, I am. I'm going to go downstairs and nurse our daughter before my boobs burst. I love you."

He smiled watching them leave the room. Although at first he'd had misgivings about her going to see him, eventually he realized that this was something that she needed to do. Now if they could only get Bracken, Kate would finally have the peace that she so deserved. He didn't want their daughter having to go through what her mother went through. It was time that they all deserved to be happy. As he went downstairs, he figured that life right now just didn't get much better than this.

**A/N #2: I want to thank everybody who sent reviews; good, bad, or otherwise. I also want to thank the people who marked me as a favorite and who are now following me. I have another story planned, which I promise will be fluffier than this one, but not as long. This is the longest story that I've ever written. Please read and review. Thank you again for the 100+ reviews. I'm so pumped!**

**A/N #3: I added the last part of this story in answer to a couple of reviewers who asked if we'd seen the last of Josh.**


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